I’d like to think I know how to get myself and others off, but sometimes I’m seized with fucker’s remorse, and I want to brush up on my skills. Thankfully, Zero Tolerance Entertainment‘s instructional video, Dr. Ava’s Guide To Oral Sex For Couples* is here for those of us who feel a little rusty in the deep dive department.
I loved this video, although not for its intended purposes. This inoffensive, rough gem is filmed with soft focus lenses, and stars India Summer and Marco Banderasas they cavort on a fuzzy blanket amongst lit candles. Dr. Ava’s purring, seductive voice guides us through each scene and oral sex technique, but I couldn’t stop laughing at her voice overs. I don’t know what a “better” alternative is, but the delivery is so very clinical and romantic. I’m more into the seedy Stuntgirl aesthetic.
I’m sure Dr. Ava wants her viewers to relax and enjoy oral pleasure, but I just could not imagine watching this video and then mimicking some of the techniques. Specifically, I cannot yet comprehend the pleasure I’d get from a technique called Banana Nibblers. India Summer is supposed to be enjoying a sexy snack with her lover, but all I can see is her giving that nanner a mouthy, wet beej warmup. It’s just so wet with spit. Then he puts the other half in his mouth and he gently face fucks her with the banana. Who is taking this seriously? This is odd looking and, frankly, as the “no food while fucking” type, gross. And if the banana isn’t bad enough, Dr. Ava suggests using a hot dog as well. Cold? Hot? Didn’t every high school have a hot dog girl? Why would you ever sign up for that role now???
Seriously, I laughed myself to tears during the banana scene and my coworkers had to ask what was wrong. You tell me if I’m the one who’s nuts here:
Then there’s a technique called Ate Ball. It does not involve a scrotum, but does feature a cherry tomato. The goal is to maneuver the cherry tomato around your mate’s body with your mouth and tongue to drive them wild before the main event. However, if you watch Marco’s face, you’d swear he was a patient of The Hand Biting And Arm Biting Nurse.
Condoms are encouraged, as part of The Condom Fashion Show, and the blow & roll is clearly explained by Dr. Ava and illustrated by India. Personally, a condom fashion show sounds like a lot of work and not much fun. But Janie Germaphobe is here to remind you that condoms are not your enemy. They’re just not most people’s favorite part of the love act.
Another technique called Hide the Honey involves a blindfold and a bottle of the good old fashioned sticky Pooh Bear treat. Honey goes where you want your lover’s tongue to go, after they sniff their way to the sweet spot. So, of course, India dabs the honey right on her perineum. Good choice! According to Dr. Ava, the perineum orgasm is such a thing. Additionally, because she could tell I was having a freakout when India dabbed the honey between her legs, Dr. Ava does mention that foods cannot go inside the vagina lest the pH balance of your cooch get out of whack, leaving you with a yeast infection.
The last technique I’ll mention is the Boobie Blow, “clinically called cleavage fornication.” Clearly Dr. Ava is not even about to call this act by its most common alias, the Tit Fuck. And my, what a graceful tit fuck India and Marco share. India doesn’t even smash her boobs together during this demonstration. I had no idea you could get away with a tit fuck without smashing your boobs like flesh marshmallows around your mate’s dick.
All in all, Dr. Ava doesn’t have bad advice. I’m probably not the audience this guide was made for. It’s very polite. It’s gentle. If I weren’t as comfortable with putting my friend’s junk in my mouth, I could see how this video might be helpful. However, I’m probably a prime candidate for an evening with Belladonna’s How To: Fuck! (Disc 1).
*A more accurate title would be Dr. Ava’s Guide To Oral Sex For Cisgender Hetero Couples (With Fine Interior Decorating).
Watch “Dr. Ava’s Guide To Oral Sex For Couples (Disc 1)” Now!