There’s nothing like tainting your fondness for lighthearted movies with a comic book character porn parody. It was, afterall, my choice to watch The Justice League of Pornstar Heroes XXX: An Extreme Comixxx Parody, so how can I really complain?
I’ll admit, scene 1 gave me the Batman, Robin and Catwoman threesome that I always wanted. I didn’t get to watch Bruce Wayne and Boy Wonder make-out, but I got to watch them DP Selina Kyle (Catwoman). Yep, it gets hardcore up in this porno. Not that I don’t love a little a lot of skin, but I wish Catwoman would have been wearing more of a cat suit. The boys wore fairly authentic looking costumes, but my girl got stuck wearing a pair of workout pants with claw marks. What the hell? Did she scratch her own pants? It may be all the same to some, but dammit, wardrobe is important to me! Anywho, Catwoman handles the dynamic duo and gets exactly what she wants out of them… jizz! When the scene is over we get a cameo from Ron Jeremy as the Penguin. I love how Ron pops up everywhere, even if his wang doesn’t.
As the story moves along we get eyefuls (of splooge) from Super Man, Poison Ivy, and Flash, to name a few. With performers like Kristina Rose and Andy San Dimas, you can rest assured the sex will be decent. Both ladies love what they do and are never afraid to show it. The acting, on the other hand, left a little something to be desired. I have learned to not expect too much from parodies (sorry, porn) so I’m not terribly let down. At this point I don’t even remember what the storyline was or is. Just keeping it real. I must say, the final scene did perk me right on up.
The Pornstar Heroes manage to save the day from whatever was threatening it, which meant it was blowbang time! Wonder Woman got down on her knees while five dudes in unitards surrounded her while jerking their cocks and waiting for her mouth. While something didn’t seem quite right about Wonder Woman being on her knees on her knees, I couldn’t help but find it incredibly hot. You could sense her pervy enjoyment and I love that! She managed to give each cock equal attention. Things got a little rough and there was lots of choking and spit involved. You’ve been warned in case you’re not into it. had no ill feelings whatsoever.
In short, what this porno lacked in acting and storyline, it made up for in blowbang.
Sure, it’s the first day of spring, but I’m more interested in celebrating Extraterrestrial Abductions Day. I’m actually terrified of aliens. I guess my way of dealing with it is to make jokes about it and watch alien pornos. In honor of this frightening and obscure holiday i decided to review Porn Stars From Mars!
Our good pal Essin’ Em reviewed this alien flick a few years back, but it seemed totally worth taking another look at.
Super sexy green ladies with humongous boobs have come to earth in search of superior human cock to satisfy their need for really great sex. This movie is definitely porn-o-riffic, but it just might be easing my fear of alien abduction. If extraterrestrial beings are that hot, I think I might be okay with getting beamed up. If hot alien sex is the worst that can happen, I’m good! Not to mention, their sparkly platform go-go boots are hot! I want a pair. Judge me if you must, but I need them.
This movie is awesome not only because it features hot green alien porn stars, but also because Ron Jeremy plays the president of the Unites States! His acting is superb per usual. Naturally, one of the sexually insatiable alien ladies hits Ron up for some presidential banging. The hedgehog works his magic like only a man of his expertise could. I have to say, the only thing I didn’t like about the sex was that the green paint rubs of their rockin’ alien bodies as they get it on. I totally get that they are probably (hopefully) using some sort of body friendly paint and that is just the nature of the beast. It is just a little strange looking when it comes to the sexin’. Oh and Ron’s wig? No bueno. I love me some Ron Jeremy, but I think even as president he would do just fine with his natural flowing locks.
Is this going to be my go to movie to get off to? Nope, but I’ll definitely go back to it for entertainment purposes.
That we want to wish Ron Jeremy a very happy birthday! We love this guy. I mean really, how could you not? Just look at that face! He is super cool dude with a great sense of humor that knows how to bang. He also knows how to play the harmonica. Ron is full of awesome and we hope he is having the best birthday ever.
I don’t talk about it too much, but in fact, I am a fan of Ron Jeremy. That’s right, the most famous male porn star of all time. While he’s becoming more known for his mainstream cameos (he just won Crossover Star of the Year at the 2012 AVNs), he was once a prolific porno god with dick for days. And I would even venture to say that back in the ‘70s, he was a handsome guy. Chubby, mustachioed and pervy, with just the right about of sweetness mixed in. Since we have nearly a thousand of his movies here at HM4Her, I figured I’d take one from the masses and give it a little review love.
Today I picked “A Night at the Bijou,” a silent quickie from HotOldMovies featuring Ron with an unnamed sexy blond. They are having a night cap in a living room when they start making sexy eyes at each other and soon Ron’s giant schlong is making an appearance. Seriously, sometimes that dick of his looks fake to me, but I know it’s the real deal.
They jerk themselves off for a few minutes before our hot blond can’t stand another second without his meat in her mouth and dives in for a blowjob. After the quickest cunnilingus clip I’ve ever seen in porn, the pair get down and dirty with some deep dicking. They go at it in a variety of positions, which affords us some pretty awesome angles to watch the penetration happening. I do also want to mention the hot ‘70s bush action going on as well – full pubes for both and a thicket of chest hair for Mr. Jeremy. Sometimes I miss seeing pubic hair if I’ve gone too long without watching an older flick.
I do wish there was sound in this old time flick, but alas, all we get is a little funky music as a soundtrack. It seems like they are saying pretty interesting things to each other, but unless you can read lips, it’s totally lost. I will say that I like this background music way better than some of the tunes on other HotOldMovies. Funk music trumps techno for me any day.
Another HotOldMovies title to add to the must-watch list.
This year, the AVN Awards are all about the parodies – even going as far as to have parody porns get their own category. And because we are reviewing a few of this year’s nominees (the actual awards are this coming weekend), what better to review than one of the many parodies nominated. Then, of course, it took a while to figure out which one to review, because there are way more than a few – and we’ve already reviewed a bunch as well. Finally I decided on This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX. I mean, honestly, how could I not? In fact, I was pretty blown away that we hadn’t actually reviewed it yet.
Snapping up six 2012 AVN nominations (Best Parody – Comedy, Best Screenplay – Parody, Best Actor – Evan Stone, Best Special Effects, Best Art Direction, and Best Cinematography), this ‘80s movie pornofied features a bevy of household names like Evan Stone, James Deen, Ron Jeremy, Alexis Texas and more. When you pair that with direction by renowned parody maker Axel Braun, you know you are going to get something good.
Now, it’s been a minute since I watched the original Ghostbusters, but from what I can tell, this dirty version does an excellent job of mixing the authentic awesomeness with lots of naughty action. And Evan Stone really is fucking hilarious as Bill Murray’s Dr. Peter Venkman. I guess since Ghostbusters is a pretty famous flick, they really didn’t need to bother with too much back story before starting in on the sexin’. Within 5 minutes Stone has his giant cock all the way down Lily LaBeau’s creamy throat. And about 5 minutes after that scene is finished, Alec Knight has his pants around his ankles and is screwing the very dead Alexis Texas, who is a ghostly maiden inhabiting the public library. I guess that’s one way to catch a ghost, right?
Soon after, we meet Dana Barrett (Raven Alexis) who’s having some trouble with her apartment being haunted. Oh, you know, the same old ghostly activity of slinging hot dogs all willy-nilly at Dana and inhabiting a refrigerator and turning it into a tear in space/time/universe. So, who does Dana call? That’s right, the Ghostbusters! *Cue theme music here* And while that’s awesome and all, the one I’ve really been excited to meet shows himself in scene 3 – Slimer! That’s right, the green guy appears and slimes all over Evan Stone, and then jerks his slimy cock as they zap him into their little ghostly vault. Very impressive special effects as well (definitely deserving of the nomination).
Ok, back to Dana, who is now Zuul. “There is no Dana, only Zuul.” (Man, I forgot how much I love that line – hilarious.) Peter Venkman is super into Dana and finds himself fucking Zuul now. Yum. Alright, It seems that I’ve veered off into nostalgia and am going all over the place with this review. You basically need to know three things about this flick to really sum it up:
It’s pretty fucking hilarious and if you like the original Ghostbusters and you like porn, you’ll like this.
The sex is really seriously hot. Everyone who fucks is really hot too.
This movie basically deserves all the nominations it got.
That’s it. Now go watch, because it’s amazing and you should definitely see for yourself.
Happy Humpday! Welcome back to the midweek stretch. Yep, the new year is finally here. People – it’s 2012! Can you believe that?!? While we are still recovering from our own shock, we channelled all that disbelief into digger through the internet to find the dirtiest news out there and bring it back to you guys in a little Link Love! So let’s get to it!
- Dennis Rodman is getting back into basketball – this time as coach to a topless women’s basketball team. Yeah, you read that right – a bunch of topless women playing basketball. I don’t know whether to be excited or to shake my head…
- Scientists have made major breakthroughs recently, creating ways to grow sperm in labratory dishes. Pretty soon they won’t need people at all to make a baby. Science is so interesting/weird, huh?
Sometimes you need some weird shit to liven up your porno watching experience. While Sex Aliens doesn’t top the list of odd things I’ve seen in porn (i.e. omelets), it has just enough silliness to yank me right out of my smutty blahs. Plus, old school Ron Jeremy always makes me happy. He is a pal of ours and a super nice guy. I actually enjoy his acting and, while it is never academy award winning material, he never makes me want to stab my eye out and he makes me laugh.
Really, how could one not enjoy 1980’s Ron Jeremy and sexy feather haired retro porn alien babes? It’s pretty much impossible.
The Sex Aliens are looking for the last breeder for their race (Ron Jeremy), but the SEXtraterrestrials… ha… must fuck a barrage of men before actually locating their man. There is a lot of bush and tons of super long fingernails – oh how I love the 80s! I was especially excited to see a young Peter North in two scenes. He was (and still is) such a hunk. I just want to know what exactly he does to keep his hair so perfect and never out of place. Not one single hair seems to move. He definitely proves worthy of his title “The Cumshot Legend,” with his copious loads of man goo.
Finally, one of the hottie Sex Alien gets her hands on Ron and fucks him until he blows his load. This is where we find out that he is a sex alien too! Oh man, this is fun. The Hedgehog splooges thick blue/grey jissm and ends up with green spots and crazy green hair! It really is quite awful in the most brilliant of ways. I love it! In the end, the sexy sex aliens are relieved to have found their one last breeder so they can continue their race. Everyone lives happily ever after.
Happy Hanukkah – night four! You’ll be happy to know that I finally dug out my menorah last night, but it was too late to light it by that point, so tonight, four nights into the holiday, I will finally be lighting my Hanukkah candles. It’s pretty exciting because after eight years of Hebrew school, the prayer over the Hanukkah candles is the only Hebrew I know. What can I say, I’m not a language person. Anyway, why are we talking about me? Let’s get to the lighting and the porno! Tonight we are lighting the fabulously kinky Whartenberg Pinwheel, a delicious sensation toy.
And our fourth night Jewish porn star is… Ron Jeremy.
While I’m sure you all know who Ron Jeremy is (the Hedgehog is pretty much a household name these days), here are a few fun facts about this fantastic Jewish star that you may not know:
- Ron Jeremy is listed as starring in 2,102 porno movies – as well as listed as director for 282 flicks (and is in the Guinness Book of World Records for “Most Appearances in Adult Films”).
- Ron plays a mean harmonica.
- The first time Ron ever appeared on screen, it was as an extra in the first Ghostbusters movie.
- Ron Jeremy has a Masters of Education, focusing on special education.
Definitely take the time to check out his legendary catalog (and no, I don’t mean his schlong… or do I?!)!
Oh, and here is a special Hanukkah message from Ron:
It’s sometimes to remember that Ron Jeremy was once a young stud in a world where reality television didn’t exist. While he’s still working in the biz, he’s really more of a pop culture icon than a porn star. I thought it would be fun to highlight some of his best movies from the golden age of porn.
A Little Bit Of…Hanky Panky: One of my favorite things to do in the summer is throw a tent in the back of the car, pack a cooler and go camping. One of my favorite things about camping is outdoor sex! This classic movie will convince even the biggest city slicker to give a night under the stars a chance. This whole movie is great, but you don’t want to Jeremy (in a speedo) fuck Ginger Lynn on a beach. It’s no wonder both are still so popular today!
Makin’ Hay: One of the joys of these classic film clips from HotOldMovies is finding a scene from a superstar you’ve never seen before! This one may only be six minutes long, but it’s a great sample from Jeremy’s long career. Plus there’s just something this country girl loves about watching a lady get bent over a hay bail!
Sweet Summer: Ron Jeremy could definitely throw down with the best cock slinger back in the day but what set him apart for me was his comedic timing. In Sweet Summer, you’ll see him show off his acting chops and fuck girls silly – it’s awesome! Plus, you can see a young Nina Hartley in action. She gets better with age, but it’s nice to see her older work too!
The Very Best Of Ron Jeremy: Finally, the movie I have suggested to numerous people who only know Jeremy from reality television. Video X Pix has compiled a bunch of really great stuff from early in his career and it’s really great. A nice collection of short film loops that’ll show you just what you’re missing if you’ve never seen seventies Ron Jeremy fuck!
Collection #135: Hot Flashes: I know this is supposed to be about Jeremy, and he’s good in this scene, but I just have to say that this is the clip that made me fall in love with Cara Lott. She is absolutely perfect in this film loop as she gets drilled by the Hedgehog. Definitely check it out!
Parodies are nothing new in this industry. I swear by now I’ve seen pretty much every show I ever watched, now with tons of XXX action included. But what I’ve never experienced is a porno version of real life… until now. Ok, so there’s a whole genre based on the real life action of ordering pizzas or calling plumbers, but I guess I just mean an inanimate object, like a lunch truck… And yes, you read correctly, a lunch truck – L.A.’s Flying Pink Pig, to be exact!
Taking on a porno angle, the Flying Pink Pig (henceforth to be known as FPP) belongs to entrepreneur Sunny Lane and her band of hot and horny employees, which of course are all super sexy ladies. Not only does the food come with a secret aphrodisiac sauce, it comes with a smokin’ lady to make sure you aren’t going to need all of those extra napkins they’ve added to your order!
Turning this from mere fuckfest into a plot-driven porno, Ron Jeremy is on Lane’s tail and wants to take the FPP as his own. Jeremy’s girl on the side, Nikki Hunter infiltrates the FPP and becomes one of Sunny’s girls to get the inside scoop before (spoiler alert) she gets fucked into a conscience and joins the FPP ladies for real.
At the same time, Lane gets to meet with a couple of investors and have a wicked threeway to get her own way with the future of the truck. This scene (the 4th one) ended up being my super favorite, if nothing else than Nick Manning’s super raw and totally hot sex face. That man is not one to hold back! While gritting teeth and snarling aren’t everyone’s bag, I think that they are awesome and make the scene all that better for me. Though it didn’t take much more than just watching Sunny Lane, Shayla LaVeaux and Nick Manning to make it so very awesome. Hot sex face is just icing on an already delicious cake. So much win!
Oh and I can’t forget to mention the law suit that happened over the truck. Apparently the truck’s owner didn’t get that this movie was a porno and just expected that his beloved piggy was being used in a romantic movie, and was pissed when he found out. Dude, you are either a moron for not knowing what your truck was being used for, or a total liar because I can’t imagine that no one mentioned the whole fucking in your truck thing. Though honestly, I can’t figure out why anyone would want to fuck in a food cart. Those things are as dirty and disgusting as they come. Still, the movie is super hot and I recommend a watch to anyone that doesn’t plan to get lunch at a cart after watching.
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