Tag Archives: porn parody

The Authentic Lesbian Review: Alice In Wonderland

alice-in-wonderland-coverLike many of society’s latest and greatest, there were multiple things about myself that I did not come to discover until late into my twenties. For example, I had no clue I too was susceptible to becoming star struck until Charlie Day was walking by the office, preparing to film a scene for It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. My best friend Elizabeth and I proceeded to stalk Danny DeVito’s trailer waiting for him (she’s obsessed). It was a no go, but we had a very interesting conversation with one of the security ladies and I got this cool ass picture!

charlie-day-proof

Anyway, I also discovered my extreme love for musicals and all things singing fairly late in life. I’m one of those people who walks around the house sing-talking out loud to myself (I answer I won’t lie) and it is glorious! Now, to add to my list of discoveries is porn parody musicals. Bill Osco’s 1976 sexual rendition of Alice In Wonderland for Arrow Productions is an instant classic and a must see! I can’t guarantee that you’ll bust a nut, but like most of the movies I review, this one will certainly entertain and I really can’t foresee a situation where anyone walks away disappointed.

Scene 1 – Kristine De Bell

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Kristine De Bell is almost too damn cute in that blue dress with her blue eyes and her hair flowing out like that! She’s already the perfect Alice and everything from the opening credits to the opening sequence makes me feel all happy and tingly inside. When we open, Alice, working as a librarian, is in a bad mood. Some dude named William, played by Ron Nelson, is all up in her space trying to push up, but Alice isn’t ready. He tells her she’s a girl trapped in a woman’s body and this gets Alice thinking. Here we get our first magical song, themed around Alice embracing her womanhood and growing up. There’s something about a singing woman that will always turn me on, just as there’s something about a person sized bunny popping up behind her that will turn me right the fuck off.

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Naturally Alice can’t help but follow the giant bunz through a magical portal. To be fair, I would have done the same considering his declaration that she can decide to grow up all over again. The special effects were pretty cool even if outdated and the whimsical accompanying music kept everything in perspective.

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Scene 2 – Kristine De Bell & Alan Novak

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As we all know Alice falls behind the rabbit and ends up lost in his woods. This time around though she falls into a lake or something and meets a gang of in-tune furry friends who make her feel at ease with the idea of being comfortable in her skin. They sing song #2, a really cute tune about living life to the fullest without fear of judgement or failure. Everything is okay as long as you want it to be. This is a good place for a splif if you’re into that kind of thing, just saying. After the song and dance, a still-dripping-wet Alice realizes she’s at risk of getting sick and needs to dry off. Of course there are no towels laying around the woods but the furry friends have an even better idea. They lick her dry from head to toe with Alice getting hornier and hornier. She controls her urges, but lets them know how she’s feeling, and after their approval she lays back and enjoys the licking.

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A now-dry Alice gets dressed in a newly gifted white skimp dress and top and heads on her way through the woods in search of the rabbit, but not before a stern warning from her cat friends to stay clear of the Queen. As you can see from the image above, our little Alice is no longer shy with her own body, and apparently a creepy guy voice looking in doesn’t bother her either. She came a long way in no time! At first I thought it to be her conscious but after he revealed he was in fact the rock she was sitting on, I was out. I will do and try a lot of things, my mind is never closed, but masturbating in front of a talking rock is not one of those things. I can draw my lines where I want dammit! Alice nonetheless continues to enjoy herself before getting dressed and being walked up on by that damn rabbit again.

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Mr. Pop-Up Bunny is still rude as hell but this time he invites her to a tea party. They’re already late because he’s always the fuck late (I have issues with the rabbit if you couldn’t tell by now) so he rushes her through the woods until they reach that little pleasant arrangement up there. They’re there for all of 2 minutes before The Mad Hatter, played by Alan Novak, whips out his dick causing Alice to cover her eyes in childish embarrassment. Of course the ignorant ass rabbit peaces the hell out, leaving Alice alone with a pretty out-there dude and his dick. Keeping up with her curiosity, Alice touches the Hatter’s dick and watches in wonder as it bounces up and down in response. Before you can get your hands back in your pants, her mouth is all over that thing and I’m no longer convinced Alice is a virgin, at least when it comes to giving head. She has the Hatter’s cum all over her lips before long and he looks more than pleased with the experience. Since this is her first time, Alice thought she broke his penis after he came and went soft, but couldn’t have been happier upon learning that wasn’t the case. Don’t you love it when things work out!?

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Scene 3 – Nancy Dare & Terri Hall

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After Alice sucks the Hatter off, there’s a ground-shaking moment, but not the type ladies hope for. Alice asks what’s going on and Hatter responds “He’s done it again…Humpty.” That leads me to believe shit it about go down. The pair run through the woods to find Humpty and another gentleman near a wall. After a spectacular rhyming sequence, we learn that Humpty fell off a wall, hurt his balls, and can’t get it up anymore. His last hope is a pair of dancing nurses, Nancy Dare and Terri Hall, who strut their stuff like there’s no tomorrow. They dance and strip in front of Humpty and the gang, touching and rubbing all over each other.

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Unfortunately Humpty still can’t seem to get his dick hard, but The Mad Hatter, never one to give in to a problem, suggests Alice try to help the broken egg. Humpty agrees to give it a shot and begins telling Alice how important and famous he once was throughout the forest. Between stroking and sucking his cock, Alice assures Humpty that just because he’s broken doesn’t mean he can’t still be great. Just as the words leave her mouth, he gets hard and she yells for everyone to come take a look. I got a kick out of how proud and happy everyone was as they danced in a circle singing “his ding-a-lings up” while holding hands. I wish people got that excited for me!

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Scene 4 – Bree Anthony & Tony Richards

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Lost in the woods again, Alice, The Mad Hatter, and Mr. Rabbit run into Tweedledee and Tweedledum, played by Bree Anthony and Tony Richards. This ain’t the story from your childhood though. Tweedledum and Tweedledee are love buddies who can’t get enough of making each other cum and cum and cum. They even sing a song about it! After introductions the team sits Alice in a chair for front row treatment and we finally have our first full blown sex scene!

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This entire scene is really fun and whimsical from the music to the character’s interactions. The feel is light and playful, which fits perfectly with the overall theme of the movie and I like how the main objective of getting Alice in touch with her sexuality is never lost. The sex between Tweedledee and Tweedledum serves as a tutorial and by the end Alice certainly gets the point. She watches as the pair gently touch and caress before giving each other head in the 69 position. Bree rides Tony cowgirl until he cums and the energy and passion between the two is undeniable. I wish there were better shots incorporating the action and the actor’s faces, but that’s more of a complaint about classic films in general. Overall, for our first live boy/girl action, this scene gets the job done.

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After the deed is done we get more singing and I couldn’t be happier! Alice is now in search of her own special someone to love/fuck and watching the development of her character is really fun. She’s fully invested at this point and what’s coming next promises to be good.

Scene 5 – EVERYBODY!

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Our 5th scene opens with our favorite trio sitting in the woods when Alice hears a scream in the distance. All three run up to offer help and stumble upon Gila Havana riding a knight, Bruce Finklesteen. You’d think that Alice understands by now, after watching the tweedles get their freak on for her viewing pleasure, but she doesn’t and instead breaks out into song about a nice girl like Gila fucking a knight like Bruce. Since she doesn’t know either of them, I didn’t really understand this point except for Alice coming to terms with fucking in public where anyone can see you, but it was still entertaining, especially the song. The whole gang joins in and before you know it everyone is dancing around. All of a sudden, a knight on a horse rides up, pulls Gila off her Knight yelling “I knew you were cheating on me you bitch!” and takes the knight away to the palace.

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Now, we get our first glimpse into palace life and it looks interesting to say the least. There appears to be a play or some type of performance piece going on. It isn’t until you see the king walking around and the common folk hanging out that you realize this is a just a normal day in the royal court. It’s time for another song, this time from the infamous cards and the choreography is amazing! I can’t believe the amount of time and effort that actually went into just this performance. I was completely glued to the screen and loved every minute of it. Alice and the rabbit find their way to the palace where she’s introduced to and carried off by the King. Of course they start talking about Alice’s virginity and her wish to save it until she’s married, but the King does bring out a valid point that most men learn by high school. There’s no guarantee that any of us will live long enough to get married. Hell, we might decide not to get married at all by the time common sense kicks in! Plus, sex isn’t a spot or blemish you carry around with you, so you aren’t ruining anything for your future spouse by engaging in a little coitus anyway. I like this King…dude is smooth in a Curtis Mayfield type of way and that’s always a good thing. Anyway, he helps Alice come to see that sex is all about trusting yourself, not other people, and right then in walks the Queen. Alice was in the middle of getting some royal head from the King when she notices her and quickly answers the Queen’s questions about who she is. Instead of cutting off her head, the Queen wants some head, but Alice won’t make it easy. She demands a fair trial and the Hatter has a book saying it is indeed true that she be given a fair trial. Personally I would have just given the Queen a good licking. She’s going to have to suck somebody off either way so why not get it out of the way now?

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The court scene is as entertaining as they come! Alice is charged with not having love and ignorance is no excuse. She hasn’t been living life to the fullest, so they’re going to make her start. She’s found guilty and the next thing you know there’s fruit and genitals everywhere! Women are sexily slurping down juices while getting their backs banged out and one of the card ladies eats a huge turkey leg while riding the King’s dick. Tweedledee and Dum make another appearance, this time a little more creepy than before, and a French speaking woman asks “who do I have to fuck to get out of this movie?” which I found pretty hilarious. There’s plenty of p-in-v to go around in this scene, although it does go rather quickly.

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Scene 6 – Nancy Dare, Terri Hall, Ron Nelson & Kristine De Bell

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Nancy and Terri bathe and powder Alice, getting her ready for the big event – her first time with another person! They even go as far as fondling her pussy a little to get her relaxed and ready. There’s lots of light kissing and pretty music but when the Queen walks in on the trio, the tone completely refocuses. The music now sounds like something Queen Elizabeth brushes her teeth to, and the mean Queen is giving out directions left and right. She likes her nipples toyed with as she’s getting head and Alice diligently obliges until she sees an opening to escape. Helped by her loyal pals, Alice, Hatter, and the rabbit make a run for it with the naked queen and her royal court chasing after them through the woods. The cartoon animation used in this sequence made it even more enjoyable. The only way out is the way Alice arrived: in the lake, and since she can’t swim that could be a huge problem.

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We’re back in the library now and William walks in just as Alice is coming to. Still in a daze, she tells William not to apologize for their argument earlier as she begins taking his clothes off. Way to go Alice! Out little virgin takes control of the scene like a seasoned vet and even tells William what she likes and how she likes it. This scene is deliberately slow and gentle, filled with lots of “you’re so beautiful,” and “I can’t believe this is happening,” but everything feels in place. Alice has been working up to this moment the entire movie so it makes sense for her to take her time through it, not to mention it is her first time with another person. When she says she wants to feel him inside of her William is so taken back he looks at her with a smile on his face asking if she’s the real Alice. Watching Kristine finally have sex was great, especially when she thanked the Hatter and rabbit out loud before cumming.

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I was truly sad to see this one end. It was a blast to watch, even if it didn’t get my lady parts throbbing as I’d hoped. The acting was terrific and the story was creative and fun. Seriously, you have to watch Alice In Wonderland just to say you’ve seen it.

That’s all I have for now folks, but make sure you follow me on Twitter @authenticlezz1 for pictures, info and reviews.

Judy Hologram’s XXX Bachelorette Porno Fantasy

Nothing gets me wetter than watching beautiful people express their most hideous delusions in a highly constructed, high pressure environment on national television. This is why I fucking love The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. This season in particular, with bachelorette JoJo Fletcher’s appalling taste in men and the emergence of one of reality TV’s greatest villains, Chad Johnson, has cemented my love for this shitshow. Now I want a porno version of it. With fantasy suite dates coming up faster than Evan’s erectile dysfunction clinic, I am very graciously throwing the industry a freebie and have cast and written The Bachelorette 2016 XXX.

JoJo

JoJo Fletcher Tori Black

JoJo Fletcher is a spunky, girl-next-door from Texas with great hair. She keeps on giving roses to unlikeable grifters with identical haircuts. She says, “I have to trust my gut.” I say, “Your gut is untrustworthy.” I wanted to cast someone with big boobies to play her, but I’m just going to bring Tori Black out of retirement and call it a day.

Chris Harrison

Chris Harrison Evan Stone

Chris Harrison has been hosting this show for fucking forever, and will probably continue hosting it until they lower his cold, dead corpse in his grave. He will be played by Evan Stone with a haircut.

Ben Higgins

Ben Higgins The Bachelor Porn Tyler Nixon

Last season, Bachelor Ben broke JoJo’s heart by not realizing that polyamory is a thing. After telling both Lauren B and JoJo that he loved them, he got all weepy and confused and ultimately proposed to Lauren. To be honest, their aggressive blandness made them perfect for each other. Tyler Nixon, the sweetest looking Homecoming King of this generation of male porn stars, gets the part of Ben.

Lauren B.

Lauren B The Bachelor Elsa Jean Porn Star

When asked what she looks for in a man, Lauren responded with, “I’m looking for someone who’s like my dad. My dad likes lawns!” Angelic Lauren B will be played by Elsa Jean in what will surely be the most challenging, in-depth role of her career.

Chad

Chad Johnson The bachelorette Chad White porn star

There’s something about the name Chad that spreads like a virus through the host’s body and infects them with a certain je nais se quoi. It’s a bit of bad fashion, douche-baggery, and over-confidence mashed together into a mess of a human that I can’t help but find endearing. Some people will tell you that a Chad is always a bro, but this is not true. My personal Chad went to art school with me and has excellent taste in mid-century furniture. I once suggested that he drink a glass of water instead of another can of Coke. “Water!?” he sneered. “Not in this body!” I once had to stay an extra twenty minutes at his apartment watching him play saxophone when I’d only come over to borrow some allen wrenches. He rubs garlic powder on his online-purchases to try and get them for free. There is a ridiculous quality that runs through the veins of all Chads. God bless them.

Chad Johnson, the villain of this season of The Bachelorette was perfect in that he was simultaneously insane yet reasonable. We nodded our heads in agreement when he sneered at his competition, “You’ve only known her for two days, how can you be in love with her?” And then we shit ourselves in horrified delight when he threatened to rip off everyone’s arms and legs and throw their torsos in the pool. I loved every inch of his ‘roided out soul.

HOWEVER, it was reported by several news outlets that Chad’s real first name is not in fact Chad, but BRIAN. Chad is Chad’s middle name, and he’s been going by Chad all his life. This means that Chad CHOSE to be a Chad, and this was hugely important to my casting decision. Only a Chad can truly understand another Chad, especially a Chad who also chosen to become a Chad. Therefore, porn star Chad White will be playing bachelor Chad, so that he may plumb the depths of what it means to be a Chad.

Evan

Evan The Bachelorette Marcelo Slave Porn star

Evan is the wimpy, weepy owner of his very own chain of erectile dysfunction clinics (or, as Chad once called it, a “boner business.”) His downfall in the game (sorry, “journey”) of The Bachelorette came in his thinking that he was somehow smart, witty, and charismatic enough to take down The Chad Bear. By pettily wining about how Chad ripped his v-neck, and failing to deliver Jojo an ultimatum about Chad, Evan came off as the pettiest little man we’d ever seen. My casting choice is Marcelo with a wig and a glued on goatee to play a cuckolded Evan.

Aaron Rodgers’ Little Brother

Jordan Rodgers porn parody

To help fill the fame shaped hole in his heart, Aaron Rodgers’ Little Brother will be played by Jordan Rodgers.

Luke

Nick The Bachelorette Prince Yahshua porn star

It’s no secret that The Bachelor Nation has a wee bit of a problem when it comes to race and diversity. There’s never been a lead of color, and non-white contestants never make it very far. We had a hard time casting lily-white Texas cowboy Luke (Andi and Dee suggested a Frenchman and a Pole, respectively) so I decided to take a trip off the beaten path and give my Bachelorette porno the diversity that the original never had. Luke will be played by Prince Yahshua. This is also a cry to help to Prince, who blocked me on Twitter a few weeks ago for mysterious reasons.

Please, Prince… give me another chance. Let me make it right between us. I don’t know what I did wrong, but we can fix it, together.

Robby

Robby The Bachelorette Logan Pierce pornstar

Soulless, dead-eyed, possibly gay Robby was another one that we had a tough time with. There’s no one currently in XXX that can pull off his swimmer’s bod or his seemingly perfect, computer animated hair. Logan Pierce plays creepy pretty well, so we’ll throw the role his way.

Chase

Chase The Bachelorette Fucking Machine Roomba

Chase does not experience emotion, so he will be played by a fucking-machine mounted on a Roomba.

SCENE 1

The Bachelorette porn parody JoJo Ben Lauren cuckqueening

Scene one is a flashback to the end of Ben Higgins’ season. I am of the opinion that there isn’t enough cuckqueening scenes in porn. After getting dumped by Ben in favor of Lauren, JoJo stands in the rain outside of Ben and Lauren’s hotel room and watches them make aggressively vanilla love. She vows revenge. She won’t get any actual revenge because this is porn and plot holes are acceptable.

SCENE 2

The Bachelorette Porn Parody JoJo Tori Black Chad Evan

We flash-forward to the middle of this season, immediately after the Chad bear is dismissed from his two-on-one date with Alex. You might think that when I say “two-on-one” I mean a threesome, but you’d be wrong. After Chad stalks back to the mansion through the underbrush with all the grace of a serial killer who’s been caught, he arrives and drags his fingers across the window. Evan demands restitution for his ripped shirt yet again, so Chad hangs him up on a wall-sconce by the neck of his current shirt. JoJo arrives back from the rest of her date with Alex, and is driven mad with lust by Chad’s bulging vascularity, Evan’s prostrateness, and the platters of cold cuts that Chad has kindly set out for her nourishment. Thus begins a cuckolding scene between JoJo and Chad, with Evan as the cuck. A raw yam is used as a dildo. After the cumshot, Evan’s shirt rips and he falls to the floor, and Chad pops a blood vessel and passes out. When he reawakens, the rest of the house has left for Uruguay.

SCENE 3

The Bachelorette Porn JoJo Tori Black gangbang

We flash forward yet again to the most important episode, FANTASY SUITE DATES. We all know that the fantasy suite is the night that JoJo finally gets to fuck everyone, but due to budget cuts at ABC, the episode can only take place over one night instead of three. Also, I fucked up my math so there will be four guys in the Fantasy Suit instead of three. Get ready for the gaaangbaaang!! JoJo gets fucked in all kinds of fun ways by Aaron Rodgers’ Little Brother, Luke, Robby, and RoombaChase while Chris Harrison watches through a one-way mirror. Usually we look for teamwork in our gangbangs, but this one is a bit of a mess as the guys all vie for supremacy.

At the end of the gangbang, Chris Harrison appears from a revolving bookcase and informs JoJo that she must give a rose to one of the guys. She ponders for half a second before announcing, “I’ve decided to give this rose to someone who I really admire and want to give some validation to as I continue this journey: myself.” She flashes the peace sign and exits the hotel room, never to be seen again.

Obviously she’s actually going to choose Aaron Rodgers’ Little Brother but porno is the place where all of my fantasies can come true.

By the way, there are a bunch of actual parodies of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette that you can watch while you wait for mine to be filmed.

Judy Hologram does not accept this rose. You can following her on Twitter @JudyHologram and the rest of us @HotMoviesForHer.

Between the Headlines Review

Between the Headlines box coverWith the upcoming election season dominating the US news lately, it’s only appropriate that we discuss Between the Headlines: A Lesbian Porn Parody from Filly Films. Directed by Lily Cade, and starring Lotus Lain, Nina Hartley, Aiden Starr, Ela Darling, Aaliyah Love, Vanessa Veracruz, and Zoey Monroe, as well as Cade herself, Between the Headlines is a corker of a political satire. If you’re like us, you’re going to love seeing Hillary, Michelle, Megyn Kelly, and Rachel Maddow get the XXX spoof treatment from some of porn’s top female performers. Released in 2014, this lesbian movie came out during a rather quiet political season, but with Hillary Clinton currently angling for the Democratic nomination, it’s all too fitting that we revisit this lusty, comedic gem of a film.

 

 

Scene 1-Lotus Lain and Nina Hartley

 

Lotus Lain and Nina Hartley

The first scene opens in what I’m assuming is the White House, with our beloved First Lady, played by Lotus Lain, and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, played by the legendary Nina Hartley, sneaking off to discuss their strategy meeting amongst themselves. It doesn’t take long before the two women switch the conversation from business to pleasure, and Michelle reveals that her husband has been so busy and stressed lately running the country that he hasn’t had much time to pay attention to their marriage. Michelle Obama is a beautiful, independent woman of course, but there are some jobs even the First Lady can’t do all by herself. Hillary, who is no stranger to marital issues herself, informs Michelle that Washington DC isn’t just a boys’ club of infidelity – women can have their extramarital needs met too! In a stunning display by one of the lesser-sexualized women in politics, Hillary Clinton grabs Michelle Obama by her stunning arms and begins to kiss her on the lips. When Michelle recoils in shock, Hillary reassures her that she’s good at “covering things up,” and the First Lady’s worries go out the window.

Nina Hartley and Lotus Lain as Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama Nina Hartley and Lotus Lain in Between the Headlines

Nina Hartley and Lotus Lain are two forces to be reckoned with when it comes to lesbian sex, so to have them in a scene together is a real treat. Not only is Lotus Lain a dead-ringer for Michelle Obama, but she’s a delightfully nasty performer who relishes in getting her partners off. Nina, on the other hand, is a sultry seductress, taking her time – while remaining completely in character – to show “Hillary” the ropes of girl-girl lovemaking. The witty dialogue and political puns continue throughout the scene without ruining the atmosphere of the sex. Nina’s 100% real, body-spasming orgasm that wraps the scene up perfectly and is not to be missed.

-Judy Hologram

Scene 2 – Vanessa Veracruz and Ela Darling

 

Vanessa Veracruz and Ela Darling in Between The Headlines

White House staffer Elena Rodriguez leaves work and heads to Bad Girlfriend Ela Darling’s apartment. Ela, all decked out in magenta lingerie, expects a late night booty call, and is instead disappointed to find Elena a bit shaken. After a bit of prying on Ela’s part, Elena spills the beans and reveals that she walked in on Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton’s Sapphic affair. The dynamics of Ela and Elena’s relationship are made perfectly clear, and it’s a great bit of casting. Doe-eyed Venessa Veracruz is lovely as shy, loyal Elena , and the impish, sexually aggressive Ela Darling drives the action. She makes a great speech about the oppression of the American people and how the powers-that-be wouldn’t hesitate to throw Elena under the bus. It seems that she’s convinced Elena to sell her story to the press, but not until they fuck each other. Ela is definitely the star of the scene, taking charge and aggressively fucking Vanessa with clit rubbing, finger fucking, pussy eating, and face sitting.

Ela Darling and Vanessa Veracruz in Between the Headlines Ela Darling eats Vanessa Veracruz Vanessa Veracruz and Ela Darling Ela Darling and Vanessa Veracruz in Between the Headlines

Ela gets plenty of chances get pleasured by Vanessa as well, and it’s a lot of fun to watch her cum. She does this thing where she shuts her eyes tight, clenches her teeth, and grabs her hair that I love seeing. As they cuddle on the couch afterwards, Ela has a glint of mischief in her eyes as she asks Vanessa if she would prefer a cab or an Uber.

Vanessa Veracruz fingers Ela Darling Vanessa Veracruz and Ela Darling in Between the Headlines Vanessa Veracruz sits on Ela Darling's face Ela Darling and Vanessa Veracruz Ela Darling and Vanessa Veracruz in Between the Headlines

-BridgetXXXXXXX

Scene 3 – Aaliyah Love and Zoey Monroe

 

Aaliyah Love and Zoey Monroe in lesbian porn parody

I really wanted to write about Scene 3 in Between the Headlines because I’m all about kitchen sex. This cute and bright kitchen also makes an appearance Kink School: A Guide to Anal Play, which I discussed here. I also really loved Zoey Monroe (she’s since left the porn industry) and Aaliyah Love together, as both women are ultra sexy dynamos who seem to actually have a good time on camera.

Before I even get to the sex in Scene 3, I have to share my favorite moment in the entire movie, which takes place before the Megyn K (Aaliyah Love) and Intern Zoey encounter. The scene opens with Hillary explaining her predicament to her fixer, Aiden Starr:

However, we soon find out the Megyn K already has the dirt and broadcasts it on her Foxxx News show The Megyn File. Bad girlfriend Ela leaked the story and now Elena is pissed.

The Megyn File is additionally funny as Aaliyah Love does a great job as uptight Megyn, and the news ticker at the bottom of the screen packs a bunch of goofy faux news jokes in on top of her icy comedic role. However, once the icy Megyn struts off the set, she needs her personal intern Zoey for refreshment. Megyn coaxes Zoey into a kitchen tryst, and the eager-to-please gal is happy to comply in order to keep her internship.

“Do I get a paid job out of this?” Zoey asks, and shrewd Megyn dodges the question. Megyn also stresses the value of sororities in a successful woman’s life, and Zoey replies that she’s Kappa Alpha Theta. Actually, Kappa Alpha Theta, according to their own website, “was founded in 1870 as the first Greek-letter fraternity for women. We value our history and our long tradition of leading the way for women’s groups and women in higher education.” In other words, KAT invented lesbian networking. Welcome to the perils of climbing the corporate ladder, Zoey!

Once Megyn gets her intern on her knees and between her legs, the sorority sisters do some networking. Megyn’s chirps of pleasure are a huge turn-on, as are Zoey’s dreamy eyes are she eats Megyn’s cunt. Also, Aaliyah Love’s ass and legs are gym time tight, and I’m jealous. There is not a jiggle in her toned butt!

Zoey Monroe and Aaliyah Love in Between the Headlines Lesbian Porn ParodyAaliyah Love fingers Zoey Monroe in Between the HeadlinesThese uptight, good girls are on the path the success, and Zoey butters her boss up as she gets on the counter to have Megyn’s experienced mouth and fingers work her pussy over. “I love Kappa Alpha Theta,” sighs Zoey as her boss begins to tease her twat. It’s not easy to be funny and keep your audience aroused, but we’ve already established that Between the Headlines manages to do that. The sex seems to flow naturally between these two, with Megyn asserting her power over Zoey throughout.

I don’t know if Zoey got a paying job out of anything, but she did get an ass teasing that made her knees buckle!

Aaliyah Love and Zoey Monroe lesbian sex
Aaliyah Love and Zoey Monroe in lesbian porn parody Between the Headlines

I also really enjoy the wide angle shots that show the room. Seeing an “ordinary” room turned into a fuck location flicks my imagination switch on more than a pretty, stark, modern loft does. Show me a (tidy) space that looks like my reality, and I’m in.

-Dee Viant

Scene 4-Vanessa Veracruz, Lily Cade, and Aiden Starr

 

Aiden Starr and Vanessa Veracruz in Between the Headlines lesbian porn parody

Elena Rodriguez is in a difficult spot. She realizes she can’t trust her girlfriend after watching the Megyn File show, so she leaves her girlfriend’s apartment to think things over. Of course Hillary knows that it was Elena’s big mouth that leaked the story, but how will she prove that it wasn’t her who sold the information to the Megyn show? Just as she is thinking things over, a shadow appears from out of the darkness, and a stranger approaches her. The stranger (Aiden Starr) tells Elena that she is in deep shit because of her big mouth. Does Elena like spreading rumors and trying to ruin the best chance for a female president of the United States? The stranger thinks she might be able to bully Elena into submission but, Elena is a bit too cocky to take a stranger trying to strong arm her into silence, so she leaves Hillary’s henchwoman in the dark to think of plan B.

Vaness Veracruz, Aiden Starr, and Lily Cade in Between the HEadlines

Knowing that she has to do something, Elena goes to the Rachel M. show to tell her about the affair between the First Lady and the Secretary of State. She also knows that if talks to the press she may have a chance of staying safe. As Rachel and Elena prepare for broadcast, someone enters the room, and that someone looks dangerously familiar. Never stating her full name, Hillary’s henchwoman tells both Elena and Rachel that this story cannot go to air. A compromise must be made, and tits must be a part of the deal.

Vanessa Veracruz, Aiden Starr, and Lily Cade Lily Cade, Aiden Starr, Vanessa Veracruz in Between the Headlines Lily Cade, Vanessa Veracruz, and Aiden Starr in Between the Headlines

The henchwoman bares her breasts for Rachel and tells her that if she postpones this show she can give Rachel a much better deal for two Republican scandals, and throw a State Rep under the bus. If the site of those fantastic boobs wasn’t enough to convince Rachel, Elena decides that she would rather work in the White House than be unemployed and scared for her life. Elena undresses and lets Rachel know that she too is part of the deal, and if Rachel acquiesces she can have both pairs of tits caressing her face within seconds. It’s a hard decision, but Rachel may have to decide which is the better deal.

-Andi G.

Watch Between the Headlines: A Lesbian Porn Parody now on HotMoviesforHer!

Follow Judy Hologram, BridgetXXXXXXX, Dee Viant, and Andi G., in addition to HotMoviesforHer, on Twitter and tell us what you think.

ZOLA XXX – Lost In The Game

If you’ve been anywhere near the internet in the past 24 hours, you’ve surely heard the tale of how Zola and Jess’s blossoming friendship hit the skids. This absolutely insane story of hoeism, trapping, murder, love, and loss was told entirely on Twitter and spread around HotMovies HQ like wildfire. Zola captured our porno hearts with her gripping adventure saga, beautiful turns of phrase, and entrepreneurial spirit. We want the porno adaptation A$AP, so to make that happen I’m just going to cast it and give y’all an outline of the screenplay right here.

*Editor’s Note: We at HotMoviesforHer did not change nor censor Zola’s tweets although we she uses language that we do not use on our blog. We do not mean to offend, but rather to leave the tweets as they were originally written.

CAST

Daisy Ducati

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zola – Daisy Ducati

Madelyn Monroe

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jess – MadeLyn Monroe

Deviant Kade

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jarrett – Deviant Kade

Shane Diesel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Z – Shane Diesel

Misty Stone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Z’s Fiance – Misty Stone

Nathan Threat

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dreads – Nathan Threat

Wolf Hudson

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zola’s Man – Wolf Hudson

Film Treatment

Scene 1

zola 1

 

 

 

Zola meets fellow ho Jess at a Hooters and they bond over their shared hoeism. We’re excising Jess’s sugar daddy because this is porn and we’re being as cheap as possible. Zola is invited on a hoe trip to Florida with Jess. Zola’s boyfriend/sugardaddy/??? is super butthurt and panicking that Zola is leaving him alone all weekend, so she refills his water bowl and fucks him calm, romantically, with a strap on.

Zola 2

 

 

 

END SCENE.

Scene 2

Zola 3

 

 

 

Zola is picked up for the hoe trip by Jess, Jarrett, and Z. Things get awkward when Zola texts Jess, only to find that Z has the phone, and even more so when the ladies are brought a shitty hotel, but that’s ok, because only Jarrett’s lame ass is going to be staying there. The action moves to the strip club, where Zola has to wear pasties and boyshorts despite being a full nude kind of bitch. Zola and Jess aren’t making much money, so to get things moving, they get gay and have lesbian sex on stage through their bootyshorts because this club has all kinds of rules and shit. END SCENE.

Scene 3

Zola 4

 

 

Z picks up the girls from the club and Jess spills the beans about not making any money, so Z decides that it’s time to trap. But when he turns out to be a terrible pimp, Zola takes the reigns. Fade to an artsy slow mo montage directed by Courtney Trouble of Jess banging like twenty different guys while Zola dances in a snow storm of $$$.

Zola 5

 

 

 

END SCENE.

Scene 4

Zola 6

 

 

 

Zola, Jess, and Z return to the motel to find Jarrett crying to Dreads. Now that the cat’s out of the bag, the squad moves to a nicer hotel and Z tells Zola to keep an eye on Jarrett and leaves. Jarrett acts like a total scrote about Jess trapping and starts punching himself. Zola and Jess tie him up, put a chastity cage on him, and tag team him with strap ons until he quits whining.

Zola 7

 

 

Zola 8

 

 

 

 

 

END SCENE.

Scene 5

Zola 9

 

 

This is where shit gets weird so maybe Dana Vespoli or B. Skow should direct this scene. Z and his fiancé enter just as Jarrett breaks loose and shares Jess’s trap ad on Facebook. OH SHIT. Instead of murdering Jarrett, Z is all benevolent and instead just cuckolds him. Jarrett and everyone else watch Jess suck Z’s dick and get banged from behind. Once that’s over, it’s time for everyone to get cleaned up and get to trapping. END SCENE.

Scene 6

Zola 10

 

 

 

 

 

Z hands a gun and the trap phone off to Zola and tells her to use it if shit goes south. Zola, Jess, and a bewildered, sobbing Jarrett leave to go trap, and Z and his fiancé have a great fuck on the hotel bed on top of piles of money. END SCENE

Scene 7

Zola 11

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We rejoin Zola, Jess, and Jarrett in their car after a night of trapping all over town. One last call comes into the trap phone, and a familiar voice requests two girls for four guys in exchange for $5k. After some negotiation, it’s decided that Jess will join them solo for  $2k. They get to the place and OH SHIT IT’S THE GUY WITH THE DREADS AND HE JUST SNATCHED JESS!!!! While Zola and Jarrett and Z running around to trying to do a rescue mission or something, Jess and Dreads have 100% consensual sex because this is porn and this is how things work. Z comes back to save Jess and OH SHIT HE SHOT DREADS IN THE FACE. END FUCKING SCENE!!!

Scene 8

Zola 12

 

 

 

 

 

The squad returns to Z’s condo where the fiancé is counting stacks. Jarrett cries and tries to jump out the window before Z gets Jarrett and Zola on a plane and they get pick up by Zola’s boo. Weeks later, Jess calls Zola from jail. There’s no more sex because we ran out of production money.

THE END

There you go, Porn World, I just did like half the pre-production for you. Axel Braun, please contact HotMovies for info on how to pay me, because like Zola, I’m in this for the $$$.

Judy Hologram would like to thank the Academy when she wins her Oscar for best casting. You can follow her on Twitter @JudyHologram and the rest of us @HotMoviesForHer.

Kaitlyn Gender: Based On A Not So True Story

2015-10-12_16-05-26When I found out there was porn parody of Caitlyn Jenner’s widely publicized transition in the works, my immediate reaction was to recoil in disgust. I figured it would be tacky, distasteful, and-most of all-offensive. What I didn’t take into consideration was that the studio producing the parody was Trans500: a studio renowned for celebrating the beauty of trans women and their sexualities. When I got a chance to actually sit down and watch the film, I was met with a funny, self-aware, and sexy rendition of the Caitlyn Jenner story told through the eyes of “Kaitlyn Gender,” “Diana Sword,” and Kaitlyn’s step-daughter “Kimmy.” Sound familiar?

While not entirely as touching and intimate as the esteemed Diane Sawyer interview, Kaitlyn Gender: Based On A Not So True Story surprisingly managed to muster up some sentimental moments that paralleled Caitlyn Jenner’s lifelong internal struggle as an Olympic athlete with gender dysphoria. Rounded out with impeccable casting, acting, and (obviously) super hot sex scenes, I found myself delightfully won over by Trans500 and director Josh Stone’s pornified manner of tackling this tricky subject matter.2015-10-12_16-03-50

Scene One: Ramon & Kylie Maria

 

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The film opens with one of Trans500’s favorite male talents, Ramon, having a good, quick fuck with trans hottie Kylie Maria. Ramon is pounding away with Kylie riding in cowgirl, and after finishing on her face, he’s ready to bail. Ramon is outfitted in a ridiculous wig and a coach uniform as he up and runs for Kylie’s door. After Kylie screams after him “Fuck you, Ramon! Call me,” Ramon heads to a racetrack to meet his trainee, the young “Juice Jenner” (a little heavy-handed, but hilarious nonetheless), played by Duncan Black.

2015-10-12_16-02-13

After some stretches, Ramon informs Juice that he was late for their practice because he’s been busy fucking a hot trans woman. Juice seems especially interested in this concept and inquires more about what a trans woman looks like. The camera then pans to Juice at home holding women’s clothes up to his body and trying on some lipstick in the mirror.

2015-10-12_16-08-15

Scene Two: Jonelle Brooks

Fast-forward years later, and Juice Jenner is mid-transition and being interviewed by “69/69” host “Diana Sword.” Diana asks him many questions that parallel the noteworthy 20/20 interview. For the first time, Olympic athlete Juice Jenner is coming out as a trans woman, and is revealing all her kinks to the world! Not only is Juice bisexual, but she is finally ready to live her life as the woman she’s always felt she’s been.

2015-10-12_16-10-37

Kaitlyn is played by the impeccably gorgeous Jonelle Brooks, whose Bruce Jenner impression is second-to-none. She’s perfected his speech affects and facial expressions like a well-studied actress. If you’ve seen the Diane Sawyer interview, this scene is not to be missed.

After undergoing facial feminization surgery, Kaitlyn returns home and looks in the mirror if seeing herself for the first time. She caresses her feminine features and is so pleased by what she sees that she can’t help but kinda get turned on…

2015-10-12_16-12-36

Kaitlyn peels off her long evening gown and gets acquainted with her female figure. With her long, strong cock and big, bouncy breasts, Kaitlyn is everyone’s fantasy and she’s reveling in her new found sex appeal. She lies back on her king-sized bed and starts stroking her dick. With subtle moaning and a few positional changes, Kaitlyn Gender gives you a full view to how a trans woman likes to pleasure herself.

2015-10-12_16-13-32

Scene Three: Jonelle Brooks & Angelina Castro

After Kaitlyn’s happy transition, she invites her step-daughter Kimmy over to chat. Kimmy is played by curvaceous Latina starlet Angelina Castro. With her long, dark locks and a thick, juicy booty, Kimmy is a one-off Kardashian. Kaitlyn recently divorced Kimmy’s mom and hasn’t seen much of her step-daughter lately, but she’s about to see a whole lot more of her now. The girls talk and Kaitlyn decides to show off her new breasts, and begins comparing them to Kimmy’s. Things get a little heated between the two ladies, and it’s clear their relationship is about to go to another level.

2015-10-12_16-01-40

For those of you familiar with the Kardashian empire, it’s a little hard to imagine Caitlyn and Kim getting sexual with one another. Regardless, there’s no doubt someone’s fantasized about seeing them fuck, and Trans500 has just granted this wish. Kaitlyn begins by going down on Kimmy, ecstatically eating her pussy and fingering her a little. Kimmy returns the favor by taking Kaitlyn’s generously sized cock into her mouth, taking it as deep into her throat as it will go. After some sizzling foreplay, the two step-relatives fuck in what is an extremely confusing, kinda hot, and definitely taboo scene.

Scene Four: Wendy Williams

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As soon as images of Kaitlyn’s transition flood the web, Diana Sword (played by trans star Wendy Williams) can’t wait to see what Juice Jenner’s hot new body looks like. Once she gets a glimpse of Kaitlyn’s gorgeous figure, Wendy strips down to reveal a fishnet body stocking and a hard cock. She begins stroking herself while perusing Kaitlyn’s pics and, before we know it, she cums all over her hands.

Scene Five: Jonelle Brooks & Toby Springs

 

2015-10-12_16-02-55What would a Caitlyn Jenner parody be without a Vanity Fair photoshoot scene? Kaitlyn is on the set of her spread for “Tranity Fair” magazine, and she can’t help but notice that her photographer, Toby Springs, is super cute. After posing for a while, Kaitlyn decides that a couple nude shots couldn’t hurt. She undoes the iconic white corset she’s wearing and takes off her panties, and Toby just has to get some close-up shots of her amazing cock. He’s so fascinated by it that he doesn’t even seem to realize he’s sucking it until Kaitlyn is moaning in ecstasy. She immediately takes charge of the situation, disregarding the camera and flipping Toby ass-up so that she can rim him. I like a take-charge kind of girl, and Kaitlyn is certainly of that practice. After warming Toby up with some anal play, Kaitlyn fucks him in doggy, missionary, and my personal favorite-piledriver! After taking turns receiving each other’s cum, this scene easily trumped the rest in my mind as the hottest of the film.

There’s a fun interview/blooper reel scene at the end that gives you a behind-the-scenes feel of this film, and I actually recommend checking it out. All the performers involved looked like they had a really good time shooting this movie and that’s a really cool thing to see.

2015-10-12_15-59-54

If you love trans ladies, the Kardashians, porn parodies, or just pop culture references in general, check out Kaitlyn Gender: Based On A Not So True Story now on HotMoviesForHer! And make sure to follow me on Twitter @BridgetXXXXXXX and all of us @hotmoviesforher!

This Isn’t Christmas Vacation for Featured Fuck of the Day

We know it’s a mind fuck — there are only nine days until Christmas. But believe it, because the halls are decked and there’s a fucking Christmas Vacation Porn Parody out there. It was released in 2010 and doesn’t really star anyone I quite know (also Melanie Rios totally does a double-take likeness to Farrah Abraham), but it’s a parody of one of the best holiday movies ever made so it’s worth a watch. HOWEVER, as one of our previous editors mentioned, don’t ever associate this is National Lampoon and their snot-out-your-nose comedy. This is fuck-to-suck scenes with no real plot other than the one going on in your head based off memory. But it is the featured movie of the day, and here is your promised free Dirty Thirty clip and a link to the full-length feature.   Watch in its entirety here: 

Morning Quickie – GRRM Iron Throne, Remy Declines ET XXX, Should Men Stop Wanking to Online Porn

An exquisitely beautiful song about fish sex and a “Hot Dog in My Buns”

Remy LaCroix straight up declined the offer to star in the “ET XXX” parody, claiming “I just don’t think children’s movies should be made into porn parodies,” and also because she “has taste.”

read

Because a man watched so much porn that couldn’t get off with regular sex, he decided to take the no-fap challenge to see if it would help the plumbing issue.

read

Lohan * Deen + July 29th = lucky bitchz in nyc

read

Prepare yourself. This is what the Iron Throne looks like in the HBO series.

wait for iiiiiiiit…

All these apps are out that can help you “get closer to your lover” via technology, so they claim. Screw that, let’s use it to cheat and be baddies, instead!

read

 –

Yo, Kanye’s new video for “Black Skinhead” (wtf x infinity) was leaked, and obvs he’s pissed, but we’re just scared shitless.

watch

The worst way to wake someone up is to put them through this. Jerk. (But mad props)

Are you now prepared for the throne that George RR Martin envisions?

HBO plays with toys

Logan Pierce is an Adorable Sex Conqueror

At just under 1,500 Twitter followers and only a year in the industry, this cutie pie who knows how to work some holes is by far a brand spankin’ new addition to smut central. But has he ever been noticed, and not just by me. Logan has already picked up two 2013 awards by top award-givers XRCO and AVN, winning Best New Stud and Best Male Newcomer respectively. But that’s not why he’s on this Featured Star profile.

It’s — and just roll with me here — his acting.

Logan is sincere, believable, and really helps the scene flow to where it’s supposed to go next. Not just a “hi, how are ya, *bang* *kiss* *bangbangbangbangsplooge*,” he actually words, and works, the dialogue.

 

 

My favorite three scenes highlighting his acting/convo skills

The Stepmother 8

 

 

Hairy Twatter – A Dream Zone Parody

 

 

Broken Hearts (I totally get the OMG swoon at “Alex-ahn-drah”)

 

 

Google Glass is Getting Porny

In what could possibly be the best thing ever to happen to the uber-wtf device, MiKandi will unleash two apps for Google Glass, hopefully this week. We have absolutely no idea what they are, but considering that MiKandi is the number one company for porn-related apps, this should be…interesting.

Pretty Picture of the Day: Because I like things that look pretty, and trash isn’t supposed to be pretty, this photo set that Barry Rosenthal did for whatever reason is really intricate and beautiful. And I want to share it with you. Maybe it will open your eyes to a dumpster that you park next to, or something…

Now this I’m surprised by. Have the Kardashians honestly never been porn parodied before? Adult star Kiara Mia is debuting her directing skills in a movie that’s based on Keeping Up With the Kardashians. And it’s called Keeping Up With Kiara Mia. Seriously though, has this never been done before?

As if I don’t post enough about Game of Thrones, Buzzfeed put up a wonderful “33 Things You Never Knew About the Women of Game of Thrones”. Yes. Now to go to Vine to immediately start following Arya and Sansa.

NSFW time: Samantha Bentley has a vine, and sometimes it’s innocent, sometimes it’s not. Like this one, where she shows you what she has in her bed. Spoiler Alert it’s BOOBS.

Xander Corvus is My Hot Hot Sex

This man is the definition of sextastic. Though I frequently digress over soft/big/perky/natural/fake/bra-less/bouncy breasts, I’m still a straight girl who drools over sharp, soul-and-panty-stealing eyes and melts over a naked body accentuated with an adorable smirk and husky voice. I’m actually slightly jealous of the girls he gets to fuck. And he’s a porn star.

Xander is a master at his porn parody roles, starring in everything from OMG…It’s the Spice Girls XXX to Men in Black: A Hardcore Parody to American Dad! XXX. One of his latest films, Down the Throat, stars his massive penis in all its humongous glory, and it really, really, goes down the throat. Beyond the bump-n-grind world however, Xander is also a bit of a metal head, a video game nerd, and is Twitter-connected. Clearly we’re perfect for each other, but I’m willing to share him with the world anyway.

If you need more, this tumblr and this tumblr are the best pages dedicated to him around (I think this borders on semi-stalking, but whatever, they aren’t mine), because sadly he doesn’t have a blog or website.