Tag Archives: fake boobs

Men With Plastic Surgery Make Me Want To Fuck: A Guest Post By A Dude

Meet my friend, Chico Dusty. Mr. Dusty if you’re nasty. Now this is an individual who I’ve been following for quite some time, as his writing and thought process is just as wicked, intelligent, and shake-my-head-funny as I strive to be.

Chico writes miles and miles of sextastic content for Sex.com, a close and adored friend to the Hot Movies Network. Below, he wants to tell you a little story about the damage (or motivation?) men with plastic surgery can have on your arousal senses. Rrrawwrrrrr.

 

 

 

For the most part, I’m not a believer in this whole “porn is bad for you” rhetoric.

Porn can be bad for you. Like watching porn on an airplane is bad for you because you get arrested by an Air Marshall for being a pervert. But in the privacy of your own home or public library, there’s nothing wrong with watching porn. It’s not going to ruin your life.

However, watching too much porn might change you. Allow me to explain…

For the last month, I’ve only been watching Steven Seagal movies. I just can’t get enough of his karate moves and surly attitude! The last Seagal I watched was his theatrical debut, Above the Law.

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Above the Law is great on DVD, but I bet it’s EVEN better on Blu-ray disc

To be perfectly honest with you, I have no idea what this movie is about. I watched all 99 minutes and didn’t retain a goddamn thing.

The only thing I’m sure about is that this movie made me feel very aroused.

Action movies, particularly Steven Seagal action movies, never fail to excite me…but not sexually. So this is the question I’ve been struggling with: “Why did Steven Seagal’s debut film arouse me?”

At first I thought that maybe it was Steven Seagal. You may know Seagal as the out of shape and exhausted washed-up martial arts master he is today, but the fact is Steven Seagal in Above the Law is a fucking stud.

Let’s compare the two Seagals:

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But Seagal couldn’t be what aroused me because I would have felt aroused in his later, better movies.

Maybe it was the babes in Above the Law, Pam Grier and Sharon Stone?

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Sharon Stone
Pam Grier
Pam Grier

It couldn’t have been Sharon Stone because she’s barely in the movie. She has like three lines and then holds a baby in the background for the rest of the movie.

Now, I’d like to think that Pam Grier was the reason for my strange and prolonged arousal because she’s a total babe. However, I’m pretty sure that the reason was Henry Silva.

Henry Silva Above the Law
Henry Silva

Henry Silva plays the bad guy in Above the Law and I can’t help but get aroused whenever I see him because his leathery, possibly face-lifted face reminds me of Peter North:

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Henry Silva’s collagen-wrought face is so similar to Peter North’s collagen-wrought face that looking at it forces the porn database in brain to kick in and arouse me.

So what is the point of all this?

Watching porn isn’t bad for you, but it does change you. I’ve watched a lot of porn and now I can’t help but get aroused whenever I see a man with lots of plastic surgery. It’s neither a good thing nor a bad thing. It’s just a thing.

Also, watch Above the Law. It’s pretty good.

“Fifty Shades of Grey” Closer to Production, Sovereign Syre in Playboy and more Morning Quickie

So Courtney Stodden got a boob job. My first question: Who the fff is Courtney Stodden? After doing a little research, I still don’t know. But I do know she’s 18 and looks older than me. Anyway, my second question: Why would anybody do this to their own body?

I’m a bit behind when it comes to this magnificent interview of Sovereign Syre by Playboy, but I honestly just got around to reading the Friday piece. If all you’ve seen is her work and you haven’t really had a chance to “meet” her, soak all of this right up. She explains everything from her intro into porn, “My first step into it wasn’t because I was interested in doing lesbian erotica; it was just the first step you take when you start doing porn,” to stepping around to the other side of the camera.

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This map is COOL. And whether you admit it or not, you know that all maps are cool. But this one, this one, is just on another level. It shows you, in an antique-y spread, the literal meanings of the United States. I just can’t help but spoil this one, Chicago means Stink Onions. Tee hee!

magnetize and explore here

AHA! And we have movement toward the Fifty Shades of Grey movie! The director has been announced, and the award goes to Nowhere Boy alum, Sam Taylor-Johnson. This will be only her second full-length film, which could be good thing. 

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I just can’t get enough of this Courtney Doll today, so here are nine ladies that were so totally rejected from Playboy. And I mean rejected, not just not considered. Courtney Stodden takes the first place, of course.

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Link Love

Naked-Star-TrekkiesPhoto Courtesy of Dinner in the Darkroom

Holy second Holiday Humday Batman! It’s the end of the year, one of the rarest of rare blue moons ever and my very first link love – ah awesomeness! I don’t know about you but its supper hard to concentrate on all this porn while I’m still stuffed from holiday feasts and looking forward to additional holiday drinking just – one – day – away, so it seems like the perfect time for a little linky distraction to make the minutes zip by till it’s time for that ol’ ball drop.

I hear that people who don’t work with porn on a daily bases have trouble telling whether or not their potential bedmate has had any boob enhancements. Thanks to the ladies of Jezebel now you too can have a fool proof method of telling real from not so real with just a flashlight and some uncomfortable touching!

Tired of lusting after the new chaste Hollywood hotties and never seeing a scrap of skin below the waist? Now there’s hope! Create your own Nude Hottie Paper Dolls thanks to Cosmo’s ingénue and spiced up a bit thanks by the babes at Jezebel.

Continue reading Link Love

A Call For Safety!

Dear Ladies of Porn:

While STIs are still a risk in the porno field, there is a new epidemic running rampant and could hit one of you at any moment.

Implant Unbalance.

Not just a bad boob job – it’ s so much more.

Women all over the world (ok, well, one that we’ve heard of) are toppling over due to the newly stacked weight on their chests. Breast implants are literally felling women left and right.

… or just that one woman in the Miss Plastic pageant, who tore a ligament when she fell of of the runway during the show. Apparently, “She had not got used to the extra weight on top and her new hair extensions got in her eyes – she just lost her balance and tore a ligament in her foot badly,” according to her friend.

While porn doesn’t usually require lengthy catwalks or a ton of walking at all really, that may be worse, as the affliction may not even be realized until it’s too late! Be warned Ladies of Porn, that extra cup size may cost you your career.

Also, I know this doesn’t apply to all porno performin’ ladies, but you do have to agree that there are plenty of implant endowments in this industry.

Save yourself; save your boobies.

Just a friendly public service announcement from your local smut peddlers.

Always here to save a breast friend.

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery