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classic porn
Holy mutton chops, Batman! Man I love 70’s porn – the only thing better than crazy seventies bush is crazy seventies facial hair. Welcome to The Apartment, where a young singles couple has to pretend to be brother and sister in order to cohabitate together. However, they don’t let the man stop them from getting it on. The first scene is pretty awesome because it’s all about the woman’s pleasure. Mutton chops starts warming her up by tonguing her clit and fingering her a little. Before long they’re rocking the 69 position, but she ends up disregarding her end of that deal and riding his face. Eventually, she sits on his sizeable cock and rides away until they’re both spent and craving a Marlboro red. Although I like the first scene best, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I failed to highlight the acoustic guitar serenade that kicks off the lesbian action in scene four. It’s classic.
The Porn Librarian
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This compilation is a great example of why I love Seka! Back in the day there was no bigger star than the Platinum Princess, whose beauty and appetite for sex are legendary. Swedish Erotica 78 has compiled scenes from classic films that are really hard to find like Summer Heat and Seka’s Tale, which makes this girl very happy because I’ll watch any Seka scene I can find.
The clip from Piece of Cake (scene five) is great as Seka teaches a young stewardess how to pick up men – talk about learning from the master! I don’t want to divulge her secrets, but one of them does include roller skates. After the quick educational session, we get to see just how the scene played out as Seka strips and sucks off one very lucky guy. It may be only eight minutes long, but they managed to pack plenty of action in, including standing sex and anal.
The final scene is really what did it for me as Seka gets double teamed by John Holmes and some dude named Jamie. First, she looks absolutely gorgeous! Secondly, I love the banter between the group – Holmes sits back and watches and talks dirty while she sits on Jamie’s dick. When you’ve got two of the biggest stars ever, you know the sex is going to be good, but I really loved how laid back and fun this scene was.
If you’re a fan of Seka or classic porno, you should take a look at this rad comp video.
The Porn Librarian
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I’m kind of embarrassed to admit this, but one of my friends once dated a dude that drove in the demolition derby in upstate NY. This would have been ok, but he went so far as to spray paint her name on the side of his car. It was a low point for both of us… When I saw this Demolition Derby movie, I had to check it out to try to have a positive association with the state fair sport. Because I love 70’s porn, I imagined that this would be pretty awesome and I was totally right. They totally capture the spirit of racecar driving while maintaining the high standards of porn dialogue I’ve come to expect over the years.
My favorite scene is the last, although it does confirm my suspicion that every nurse is trying to get my gf’s pants. After his mechanic gets roughed up over car parts, our hero is in the hospital in short shorts and nothing else. After one nurse goes down on him, he is thoughtful enough to ask about the state of his friend before he buries his head between the other nurse’s legs. Oh, I should also mention that the hospital room has wood paneling on the walls. My favorite part is that during the entire scene, they talk about murdering the dude who beat up the mechanic. I never considered discussing killing someone as a form of dirty talk – good suggestion 70s porno!
Another highlight is the short bj scene shot in the back of a moving car in scene three. I think racing fans will appreciate the fact that the director incorporated milk into it, which you’ll see race winners drink on the track for some reason. It’s the little details that make porn so great, my friends.
Overall, this movie has plenty of hot sex, but the highlight for me is the attempt at plot. Sure they could have just thrown together a bunch of fucking, but they know we, as the consumer, want more.
-The Porn Librarian
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I just had to highlight this short scene featuring one of the most notorious porn stars of all time, John Holmes. There’s just something about it that demanded my attention – and no it wasn’t his enormous member! Although it’s only six minutes long, it seems to tell the tale of seduction far better than a majority of movies released today. First, it opens on Holmes and a beautiful brunette and they’re both wearing clothes. And I’m not talking about her in lingerie and him in tube socks – they’re both dressed for work! As he kisses her, he reveals her gorgeous tits, which he is soon bathing in his tongue. She gets up and undresses for him, revealing the kind of lingerie I’d like to think all secretaries wear under their tweed skirts, and before long he’s inside her. There’s seriously a ton of action packed into this classic clip, but it never seems rushed. If you’re a fan of vintage porno, this quickie is definitely worth seeing.
The Porn Librarian
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One of our favorite ladies, Candida Royalle, compiled a list of history’s most artistic pornos in honor of the Tribeca Film Festival for Time Out New York. Anything Royalle recommends is worth taking a look at, in my opinion.
Here’s her top five with links if you want to check them out, but be sure to head over to the original piece to see what she has to say about each.
1. The Opening of Misty Beethoven
2. Blonde Ambition
3. Dinner Party
4. The Dog Walker
5. The Search
I’m definitely going to take a look at some of these for review. I can speak for Misty Beethoven and say it is fantastic. If you’re curious, J.D. reviewed it a while ago and if that’s not enough to persuade you, it’s Jamye Waxman’s favorite porno!
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 Compilation films often piss me off. I mean, how many ways can a company market the same 10 scenes? Fortunately, Nina Hartley Screws the Stars, is fantastic! Now here’s a woman that deserves a special edition gold collection dvd. It’s hard to pick a favorite because Ms. Hartley is always amazing, but I really loved the fourth scene because it was a little out of the ordinary. Peter North (who happens to be Canadian and you know how I feel about our neighbors to the north) receives the most amazing wake-up fuck ever. Nina starts by revealing his gift, which is, of course, a sexy brunette. She offers her to him and before long she’s attempting to swallow his legendary cock while Hartley eats her out. It’s pretty sweet. The scene finished with North pounding the mystery brunette until he explodes (and if you’re familiar with his work, you’ll know I’m not exaggerating) in Hartley’s mouth and is instructed to go back to sleep. Even though Hartley never gets fucked, she still owns this scene and I think that’s why I love it so. My only regret is that I think it’s been edited down to ten minutes, and I was definitely hoping for more! Now I won’t be able to rest until I find the original scene and compare
The Porn Librarian
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Why isn’t the gym ever like this when I go? If my workout sessions involved fucking girls in short shorts – or even watching – I’d be a total gym bunny! And like some of those five minute workout videos, this movie is short, to the point and definitely gets your heart pumping. My favorite part is when she takes his dick out of his short shorts from the bottom, which makes me laugh because whenever I see guys in tiny shorts, I’m always curious how they don’t have their cocks peeking out the bottom. But lucky for us (and him), this one did! And let’s not forget the sign of a true athlete – keeping your sneakers on while you get naked and get busy. We’ve definitely got a couple of fitness fanatics on our hands!
-J.D. Bauchery
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Hands down, Seka is one of my all-time favorite stars. Also known as the aptly named “Platinum Princess”, she has a natural beauty and looks like she’s having a great time when she performs. My personal favorite were the scarves she and other women wore around their necks in the classic Swedish Erotica series - and then I heard in an interview that she hated the scarves. (But I still love them!)
Seka began performing in 1978 at the time when adult movies were beginning to be shot on video instead of 35mm film. The timing of easier distribution with VHS, mixed with her gorgeous looks and sexual appetite, caused Seka’s popularity to rise to the top and live on today. Although she stopped performing in 1982 for a variety of reasons including divorce, drugs, and money, she began performing again in the late 80s, one movie being Careful He May Be Watching, which she also co-directed. Despite her past troubles, Seka is still known for professionalism and business savviness; since the early 80s she’s worked on her growing fanclub and launched her own website in the early 2000s which she runs herself, Seka.com. In 2002, a documentary film was produced about her, “Desperately Seeking Seka”.
I thought that I couldn’t be more in love with the platinum blonde classic star, but I was wrong… after this interview I just fell a little deeper.
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Ok, let me get this out of the way. This movie would definitely be on my “Skeeved Out” list if the chick didn’t seem really excited about the guy creeping through her window. If she showed even the least bit of hesitation, my consent sensors would have freaked. But no, not only is she super hot for her visitor, she jumps on him, squirming as he runs his tongue along her body. Clocking in at only 10 and a half minutes, this quickie flick goes straight to the good stuff, somehow fitting in pussy licking, dick sucking and multi-position fucking! Impressive use of time. My favorite part was watching this chick rub her clit as she gets fucked by her peeping tom. I love that even though this movie is an oldie, she is all about helping get herself off! That alone makes this old time shortie an A+ in my book!
-J.D. Bauchery
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What diving underground to find alligators has to do with fucking beats the hell out of me, I’ve decided to just accept it. Maybe it’s so they could use the line “I’ve been checking pipes all day, it’s only fair I get mine checked, right?” I’d say that’s as good an excuse as any. Sure the plot is totally random – divers checking the NYC sewers for alligators, and then needing to be quarantined by a group of naughty nurses, but it does lend nicely to some hot orgy action, especially with a young, fresh-faced Annie Sprinkle as the title’s Sue Prentiss, R.N. As her charge says “Oooh Marone!” Also, be sure to check out 54 minutes in, when one of the nurses goes above and beyond the Hippocratic Oath with a double dick sucking! Truly impressive.
-J.D. Bauchery
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