Sitting on the edge of the Love Tub pulling on a pair of light pink long johns, I am beset by two fairly sad thoughts: 1. Seven a.m. is decidedly too early to be awake and ambulatory, especially when I went to bed at 4 a.m.; and 2. Leaving Las Vegas is sadder now than maybe it has ever been before. Why? Looking back at the sleeping faces of my cohort in debauchery these last 72 hours, I realize that the two sleeping lovelies curled up in our king-sized bed are my family and that they helped to make this moment in time a particularly special one.
Porn appears glamorous. And in many ways it is. Getting paid to have sex, especially if you are really into sex, is a dream for many people. The money is good, the hours can be short and sometimes the life feels and looks like living large. But porn can be harsh and seriously unglamorous in the best of times. As with any other work place, there are in-fights and hard words. There is backstabbing and underhandedness not to mention the constant effect of the burn-out and fade away.
As I sneak out of the hotel room loaded down with far too much luggage, it dawns on me that it is in the unglam part of porn that the true beauty of the Queer Porn Mafia lies for me. These kids are my family and I had such a great time because I got a chance to spend quality time not only hustling and promoting my career but doing it with people that I care deeply for, people who have supported me for years.
I am familiar with the stories of young actresses that hit the business only to quit mere months later, stories of talent that experience hardships and realize tragic ends. Sitting at the AVNs this year, I was struck by the difference in big names. Awards were being given to people whose names I had never heard and last year’s stars weren’t even on this year’s marquee.
I think a huge part of making it in porn, and by making it I mean lasting in a way that is not degrading and consumptive, is in surrounding yourself with people that know you. That care about you and that will look out for you through all the good and bad times. I am especially proud of the Queer Porn Mafia because we were honored and because of what we represent in the world of authentic queer sexuality. Moreover, however, I am proud of the people we are and the humanity we have.
These awards provided me a chance to meet more people that fit in that category, wonderful people doing the same; working hard, showing hot sex and acting in an honorable way. This year’s awards felt different because for me, they really were, not about trying or pretending, but about being and being lucky enough to do that with people that are amazing.
I hope you have enjoyed reading my blog as much as I have enjoyed writing it for you. My fondest wish moving forward is that Courtney, Jiz and myself keep getting chances to keep doing what we are doing and opportunities to do more. Do I hope we win awards next year? Hell yes I do because frankly, I love awards as much as the next guy and being honored feels great. Just as being nominated felt amazing this year.
In the interim, I am looking forward to The Feminist Porn Awards which are sponsored by HotMoviesForHer where I get to present the award to this year’s Heartthrob and pass the torch. For more about Jiz Lee and Courtney Trouble, you can keep up with them on:
As for me in the current moment, I’m putting these long-johned legs on a plane back to the big white north… oh, that’s another thing I’ll miss about Vegas…so much warmer weather.
Until next time…. With love and porn,
Dylan Ryan is the femme fatale of your dreams. Dealing in high heels and high IQs, this brainy beauty gets you hot and bothered as soon as she hits the screen, then grabs the reigns as a social work student fighting for sex workers’ rights. How freakin’ sexy is that?! Part of the San Francisco porn posse, Dylan makes some of the most exciting and engaging queer porn out there!