by Ashley Rosemont
No, seriously, this article from the Guardian explores the notion that women are totally able to get it on any freaking time they want.
The article posits two nearly identical scenarios: a guy walks into a bar (see, this is how we know this is all kind of a joke) and offers sex to anyone who wants it. No takers. Because he’s a pervert. But a woman does the same, and is inundated with “horny suitors” as the article says, not mincing words.
Is this a reflection of what it’s really like out there? I have to say, I think this is a really strange thing to be debating.
First off, we all must agree that dating sucks (especially online dating) and if any of you are “out there” you truly have my deepest heartfelt sympathy and commiseration. It’s a jungle out there, except worse, because at least in the jungle the chance a guy might bring you flowers is actually pretty good because there are so many flowers around, whereas from what I have seen, romance is dead. Which may be why we’re even talking about this idea that women can get laid any time they want while men, poor men, are standing around, lonely and aching to be touched, with their testicles all glowing a charming shade of cobalt.
I don’t think so. I think we’re working with some very faulty assumptions here.
For one thing, one prevailing assumption seems to be that men are so horny that they will do it with literally anyone, while women are really choosy and more selective (or maybe just not as horny). But if you look at some of the couples out there, you find yourself wondering, as Joe Jackson might ask, Is She Really Going Out with Him? In other words, plenty of women choose real losers to date. Guys with bad manners, nonexistent grooming, no social skills, stupid hobbies, and presumably not much bedroom etiquette, either.
I have always believed that it’s much more important to learn to enjoy your own company and become self-sufficient as opposed to putting endless hours of energy and anxiety into attracting a man. Women, be choosy! You deserve to be. If that guy you’re dating is addicted to checking his Twitter feed while he’s sitting across from you in a restaurant, or wonders aloud if you’ve ever considered getting a boob job, or he can’t be bothered to trim his toenails or toss back a bit of mouthwash before he enters your boudoir, DTMFA. Plenty of fish in the sea.
As for any woman being able to snap their fingers and force any man in hearing range to drop to their knees ready to worship her knees, shoes or black lace Spanx, well, no it doesn’t really happen that way. It seems to me, men can be very choosy and snobby when it comes to rejecting or accepting women who are on the hunt. I remember a friend from NYC telling me a few years ago, “every geeky accountant thinks he deserves no less than Kate Moss.” (This was back when Kate Moss was the It Girl; I guess now you’d say Gisele Bundchen or Megan Fox.)
There does seem to be some truth to this idea that men can get away with being more picky these days: blame the cult of Photoshop that makes even gorgeous women into impossibly symmetrical, blemish-free dolls. In the “real world,” the media-driven expectation of perfection is a compelling one, and the pressure is on for women to be thin, successful, and sexually adventurous if they even want to be considered for a date.
So: What if you’re buxom, stuck in a mid-level job and not sure precisely what anal beads are for?
Answer: Keep being your fabulous self. Look people in the eye, and smile. Cultivate your friendships, old and new. Eventually the right guy will come along, and if he doesn’t, so what? You will still be gorgeous and fabulous, enjoying your own company, and be surrounded by your family and friends.