Category Archives: Guest Blogs

After the Armory: Lotus Lain on the New Era of Kink.com

If you’ve ever been lucky enough to have found yourself at the corner of Mission and 14th Streets in San Francisco’s Mission District, you know the presence in the air that was felt when looking up at the menacing, historical monument that is The Kink Armory building. San Francisco air is cold, crisp, and cutting, yet within those darkened, concrete walls, adult performers were warmly welcomed as instant family, as community. We found friendship, lovers, and ourselves in each other. We found freedom of expression for our fluid sexualities and genders. We had a safe space to reveal parts of ourselves locked away, both physically and psychologically. We discovered new kinks and new ways to come.

Kink.com Armory in San Francisco

The Armory served as a meeting place for many performers of marginalized communities that were able to consider it home. It was the unholy intersection of mainstream porn stars, queer and gay porn stars, trans performers, one-time performers, BDSM-only riggers and performers, niche performers: everybody was truly welcome. It certainly gave people like myself, that often felt like misfits in the mainstream, a place to feel like we finally belonged in a place within the porn world that truly mattered. I likened my first impressions of being inside the Kink Armory to what the young recruits to the X-Men Academy must have felt like walking through the fictional hallways of that comic book sanctuary. To be surrounded by history, talent, and powerful sexuality is quite an intoxicating feeling. The marble floors and large, wide staircases led you to walls adorned with breathtaking original paintings of Kink.com’s most notable directors, producers, and production crew. They were simply exquisite.

Kink.com Armory artwork
Kink.com Armory artwork

Kink.com Armory artwork

There were so many rich opportunities to connect to kindred spirits by simply walking down the halls, sitting in the green room, going to the gender-neutral bathroom and shower, and, of course, post-shoot hangs at the Armory Club Bar across the street. You could bump into a favorite performer you may have never had the chance to otherwise meet in person. The opportunity to have chance encounters with performers that rarely made it to America was all around you. You could make friends with performers that you may never work with because of our various niche categories, but you got to meet them there in the green room and share breakfast and a chat. There were organic moments of human connection that simply do not exist anymore in any aspect or area of porn.

Seeing a recent Twitter thread about that demise from a once long-time director on one of Kink.com’s sites shed new light to my freshman understanding of what was going on behind the Kink.com scenes. He detailed how many directors had their pay cut in half multiple times as Peter Acworth repeatedly replaced Kink’s Head of Production. The cuts affected sales and morale.

Performer/director Matt Williams said,

“Orlando quit first, then me, then Donna…Then Tomcat, then Marty all within a year. As I remember now, the mass quitting of directors took about 2 1/2 years after I quit. Not one, but the point is the same. That’s the short version on the downfall of a porn superpower.”

What did Kink.com create for adult performers by hosting its production in this beautifully dark, old San Francisco monument? I asked some performers, some production crew, and behind-the-scenes Kink.com staff what the Armory has meant to them over time and what it means now that it’s gone.

Lotus Lain and Lea Lexis at the Kink.com Armory
Lotus Lain at the Kink.com Armory

What did the Armory represent or mean to you?

“The Armory was definitely a unique building to work in. It had an iconic allure to it and walking into the building up the marble steps was always something that I truly enjoyed. I loved the experience being one of many employees that got to spend their work day in a castle in the middle of San Francisco. From the sets, to the architecture, there is no denying that working in the Armory was a one-of-a-kind experience.”

— Anonymous Kink Production Crew Person

“Yeah, the Armory was community to me. It was the space where I was able to have my first queer community and learn more about my gender as well as my kinks. Kink was home in a lot of ways.”

— Anonymous Regularly Booked Kink Performer

Kink.com Armory artwork

What is your porn experience like without that?

“Even though we are no longer shooting content at the Armory, my porn experience without it is totally fine. While I do sometimes miss being able to be in the building, the fantastic Kink community that has been established and built from years of hard work and [the production of] top-of-the-line, authentic BDSM porn has not died down. We don’t need a fancy building to continue to strive in shooting the most diverse and ethical porn out there.”

— Anonymous Kink Production Crew Person

“I still get to shoot with different Kink directors since Kink restructured because I was lucky to have gotten to shoot with them when the Armory was a thing. It’s not the same because we just don’t have the same vibe as when we had a lot of us performers in the same space together. I miss having a shared green room.”

— Anonymous Regularly Booked Kink Performer

fucking machine at Kink.com's Armory

Have you worked a Kink.com shoot since the closing of the Armory? If so, how is it different?

“I have worked on a Kink shoot post-Armory and the only change is the location. The camaraderie, professionalism, and stellar performances from the variety of performers we continue to shoot has not changed.”

— Anonymous Kink Production Crew Person

“It’s different and the same in a lot of ways. Like the awesome directors are still awesome, but we don’t get to see as much of the Kink team anymore — like the makeup and wardrobe people and talent-office people. Now on set it’s just the site-specific crew, which is still lovely, but I think we all kinda miss having a big awesome building.”

— Anonymous Regularly Booked Kink Performer

The contrast in how the Armory experience for Kink performers and Kink crew is something worth noting. For the crewperson, they seemed not as deeply saddened by the fact that Kink scenes are no longer shot inside the Armory. They acknowledged the community loss, but for the most part, was reconciled with the fact that Kink production quality and standards remain in tact.

For the Kink performers, myself included, we feel like we lost something so damn important for us — our oasis, our sanctuary, our escape from unethical or less-organized porn sets. Perhaps because, for some of us on the queer side, the existence of that building and the community within it represented the potential of our dreams. Being inside Kink Armory was an absolute dream. It was surreal. And it was honestly too good to be true.

Lotus Lain at the Kink.com Armory

I started performing at Kink.com inside the Armory in 2014. I remember having been a fan of the site for so long that I was thrilled to finally be invited to shoot there. I was aware that there were internal struggles within Kink management and ownership, rumors I had heard here and there in passing. Little did I know that those struggles would soon after my first shoot escalate into the demise of the facility I was barely becoming familiar with.

I remember in 2016 when the whole wardrobe department was wiped out and there were notably less staff walking the halls. It just felt so different, so bleak. No longer was it a bustling chamber filled with kinksters and supporting staff. There were few people and in much less places. There was an emptiness, there was a draft. From that moment on is when I recognized that my Kink.com experiences would never be the same… or so I thought.

Fast-forward to this past month, I was asked to return for Whipped Ass, one of my favorite Kink.com sites. One thing’s for certain, even though the Armory building is gone from us, the spirit of Kink.com remains. I played the Domme role to Violet Monroe’s sub role. Our director was Fivestar, who I’ve had the pleasure of working with previously in the Armory. Much like our work days in the Armory, everything was up to Kink.com standards, just minus the building. She and everyone else on staff were pleasant, efficient, and sensitive to our needs as performers. Every item of use was carefully labeled and laid out in full view, from the snacks, to the arnica rub, to the bandages, or douche bottles. Everything was as it always had been, just minus the building.

Kink.com BDSM Implements at the Armory

So despite the fact that yes, we lost this incredibly ominous, looming, beautiful, haunted, historical building in the Armory, we still haven’t lost all of what we know and love about Kink.com. It exists within us performers, directors, productions crew, and makeup artists that carry on the Kink.com standards of the highest level of care by being the shining example of how to treat performers on a hardcore set. Just wish we still had the green room!

Follow @itsLotusLain and @HotMovies on Twitter

Wet Dreams: What Your Favorite XXX Stars Fantasize About

Performers are tasked with the glorious (and sticky) job of fulfilling the viewers’ fantasies. Sadly, most people that aren’t in the adult entertainment industry will ever come across the chance to live out their sexual desires. Luckily, XXX stars have the opportunity to flex those creative muscles (besides just their sphincters) and breathe life into your wildest dreams. Although porn performers often act out YOUR perfect sexual encounters, what about THEIRS? I called upon some of my amazing and sexy friends to help shed light on what WE would truly want to perform if given the opportunity. I challenged my fellow stars to come up with their fantasy scenario with any performers, actors, sports figures, even cartoon characters! Some of the answers are short and sweet, ranging from working with active porn performers, to historical figures, and even some vampires thrown in. Some of the fantasies are so in-depth and aching with sexual tension that I would want to personally fund them financially to make them happen! One thing they all have it common though: the responses will have you reaching for a box of Kleenex (or your preferred brand of tissue) in no time!

Missy Martinez

Of course I have a “dream-scene scenario.” It would be called “ET TU, BOOTAY” and obviously be set in Ancient Rome, and would recreate the assassination of Julius Caesar (played by me). Instead of the senators, it would be clones of dreamy actor Jake Gyllenhaal. Instead of knives, I would be “stabbed” with their dicks in my ass until I collapse on the marble senate floor in a pile of sweat, cum, and ecstasy. What can I say, I’m a sucker for history.

Here’s what my fellow smut purveyors had to share:

Sarah Vandella

Sarah Vandella

“My dream XXX scene would be a gangbang fuck-fest with the entire current team of the New York Yankees with a bukkake finish entitled ‘Yankakke.’ I have been a lover of the Yankees since I was a little girl growing up in Long island, NY. Now as a grown, proud, cock-sucking slut, nothing would satisfy me more than being passed around by the world’s greatest baseball team and having them fill my bases to my ultimate satisfaction. I would be dressed just like a Yankee in this scene from Brazzers as my wardrobe inspiration. However, Yankee colors only. Oh, and Alex Rodriguez will definitely be there. Fittingly, this epic event will take place at the world-famous Yankee Stadium, and we will start in the dugout with a lined-up blowjob and ass-eating fest. Shortly thereafter, I will crawl through the iconic diamond on my proud whore knees as I search and beg for Yankee cock. Followed by a finish of at least 27 cumshots to my face in honor of the number of World Series championships that the incredible NY Yankees hold. Sorry, ‘Jenny From the Block,’ but I’mma suck yo’ mans cock! GO YANKEES!”

Edyn Blair

Edyn Blair

“For me, it’s not so much a scene as it would be a feature role in a film. I’d love the opportunity to do something different, there is a book series from a female writer that I enjoy that has sex, intrigue, drama, and twists at the end. To play a lead in something like that where my character hides this secret and takes the viewer for a ride would be so fun. I’d love to do something like that with Kay Brandt or Bree Mills directing and act with Angela White, Ryan Driller, Jessica Drake, Karla Lane, and Jill Kassidy. Characters that seem wholesome, but hide wicked secrets and have steamy, romantic, peak-of-the-moment sex and slowly come to the realizations of who the other truly are, and weigh that emotionally. That’s what I would like to do. At the end of the day though, I probably wouldn’t get cast in something like this, most likely they’d have some other redhead, but perhaps I would get the opportunity to direct it instead…”

Jenna Foxx

Jenna Foxx

“If I could film my dream scene it would be a Rock of Ages musical porn! Like who wouldn’t want 80s hair, leather, and sex lol. I’m not sure who my cast would be, but I would definitely bring back Blondage for one more hot scene together. All the girls would be wearing cool 80s clothes, leather jackets, skirts, jeans falling off their booties, big, big hair, and makeup. Boys would have long wild hair, wearing leather jackets, ripped jeans, and crazy tattoos. If I could have one fave scene, that would probably be it. Just like the movie Rock of Ages.”

Brock Doom

Brock Doom

“It might be hard to imagine, but my dream XXX scene would be pretty damned wild. I would want to somehow do a boy/girl/girl scene with Paris Hilton, Lady Gaga, and Hayleau in an hour-long epic budget-film, noir-themed music video, where I play a private eye who uncovers a triple-cross blackmail scheme, and I find a resolution to the mystery by getting the three sexy suspects together for a special meeting. It will be a mix of a psychological thriller and musical, with lots of positions to explore! The Maltese Falcon meets Repo The Genetic Opera.”

Minnie Scarlet

Minnie Scarlet

“First of all, incredible question. I think about this shit every single day. I would love to have a fake wedding with Rihanna, followed by a romantic honeymoon scene where we spit in each other’s mouths and make each other cum. I roll her blunts and she rests her feet on me… but that’s boring because WE ALL WANT THAT! My real fantasy? HEAR ME OUT: A gangbang with all my favorite exes, and I’m in the middle of it all, crying. The initial thought might make you ask yourself, and possibly me, ‘is Minnie okay?’ Honestly, I’ve never been better! The crying would definitely be happy tears, and like I said, there would be only my FAVORITE exes that I was with for over a year or so. I would need my exes to be slapping me (with their dicks, hands, dildos, whatever), meanwhile telling me they still have feelings for me. The general premise might seem like it would be degrading at first, but it’s actually the opposite of. I’d want to hear all about the times they tried to move on – but failed – because they missed my pussy, my mouth, and my unmatched sense of humor. I feel like my exes would be slapping and spitting on me to punish me for not being in their lives. So there’s a layer to the humiliation and domination, but it kind of goes both ways. I want to be all their wives. They want me to have all of their babies. They don’t care that they have to share me. They just love me and wish things could be the way they used to be. I would try to do all their old favorite positions, but they’d have to be understanding because there are more players in the picture now. So if one ex liked doggy (I still love you, Jim), they would get that, but they would also get an extra person sitting on my face, or me blowing somebody simultaneously. If they only got off by me deep-throating them (I still love you too, Matt), they would get that too, but again, with some extra action. So now that I’ve elaborated on the basics of my fantasy, I can throw in Jhene Aiko to aid me in choking and to cry on a dick with. Something tells me it is her specialty. I would also fake-marry her if she let me.”

Miss Vexx

Miss Vexx

“I always did dream of this. Give me a load of people (preferably between 20-30) all dressed in pompous, red, French Victorian ball dresses and suits. Pale makeup, huuuuuge hair, and you guessed it: vampire teeth. The location would most likely be Neuschwansteins Ballroom because… look at it, it’s perfect for any porn shoot to be honest. It’s not hard to guess that it’s going to be an orgy, and as for the costars, I’d love an array of goth or generally ‘extra’ performers: Chelsea Marie, Nadia White, Nina Demonic, Lauren Phillips, Rococo Royalle, Shiri Allwood, and Korra Del Rio come to my mind first for this one. It would all start as a harmless social gathering until someone got too much red wine into them (totally not me, I swear), and would escalate into a night of debauchery. I wanna see some spitroasts, double-anal, and more than one deep-throat scene in there. Give me your worst behavior, it is, after all, a high-society gathering, and those need some excess. I would want this to end covered in spunk, bite marks, smeared makeup, and a giant love pile. The messier the better. That’s pretty much it. I need a cold shower.”

Skylar Snow

Skylar Snow

“My dream XXX scene would be a giant gangbang and bukkake. Like, as many dudes as humanly possible fucking me and then cumming all over my face. DP and double anal is all on the table. I’d have my favorite XXX guys there, like Prince Yashua, Tommy Pistol, Small Hands, plus all my childhood celebrity crushes, such as T.I, the dudes from ‘All Time Low,’ that guy from the Britney Spears ‘Toxic’ video, and the actors who played Doctors #9-11 in the show Doctor Who would all be invited. I’ll add some of my current celeb crushes too, like A$AP Rocky and ScHoolboy Q. If he was still alive, I’d invite Mac Miller. He was definitely a freak. I’d probably have Angela White there to help me out with some of these loads and so I could play with those gorgeous titties. Oh, and this would all take place in the gardens at Versailles on a nice, warm, sunny day.”

See? You thought I was kidding about how insanely hot their fantasy scenes were! Make sure you follow these amazing performers on social media and watch their scenes made just for YOU!


Follow @MissyXMartinez and @hotmoviesforher on Twitter

Inside Kay Brandt: Writing Erotic Romance

Step inside the world of Kay Brandt in her new vlog series featuring the award-winning director and best-selling author as she gives you a closer look into her life behind the camera. This series will focus on her transition from best-selling erotica author to one of the biggest directors in adult entertainment. Take a look Inside Kay Brandt:

If this is the first time you’re learning about me, I’m an award-winning writer/director of erotica and a bestselling author of erotic books, and erotic romance books. What’s the difference between erotica, and erotic romance?

And be sure not to miss Unfolding and Safe Landings from director Kay Brandt. Unfolding is based on an erotic novel by Selena Kitt and adapted for screen by Kay, telling the story of a married coupled broadening their sexual boundaries and it’s one of Kay’s most successful titles on HotMoviesForHer to date, shooting to the #1 most-popular title on the site. Safe Landings is based on one of Kay’s most popular erotic novels and tells the story of two plane crash survivors who begin a steamy love affair that is as intense as it is inescapable!

Follow @hotmoviesforher on Twitter

AnyWHERE! With ANYONE!

(Well, maybe not that last bit)

 

by Ashley Rosemont

 

No, seriously, this article from the Guardian explores the notion that women are totally able to get it on any freaking time they want.

 

The article posits two nearly identical scenarios: a guy walks into a bar (see, this is how we know this is all kind of a joke) and offers sex to anyone who wants it. No takers. Because he’s a pervert. But a woman does the same, and is inundated with “horny suitors” as the article says, not mincing words.

 

Is this a reflection of what it’s really like out there? I have to say, I think this is a really strange thing to be debating.

 

First off, we all must agree that dating sucks (especially online dating) and if any of you are “out there” you truly have my deepest heartfelt sympathy and commiseration. It’s a jungle out there, except worse, because at least in the jungle the chance a guy might bring you flowers is actually pretty good because there are so many flowers around, whereas from what I have seen, romance is dead. Which may be why we’re even talking about this idea that women can get laid any time they want while men, poor men, are standing around, lonely and aching to be touched, with their testicles all glowing a charming shade of cobalt.

 

I don’t think so. I think we’re working with some very faulty assumptions here.

 

For one thing, one prevailing assumption seems to be that men are so horny that they will do it with literally anyone, while women are really choosy and more selective (or maybe just not as horny). But if you look at some of the couples out there, you find yourself wondering, as Joe Jackson might ask, Is She Really Going Out with Him? In other words, plenty of women choose real losers to date. Guys with bad manners, nonexistent grooming, no social skills, stupid hobbies, and presumably not much bedroom etiquette, either.

 

I have always believed that it’s much more important to learn to enjoy your own company and become self-sufficient as opposed to putting endless hours of energy and anxiety into attracting a man. Women, be choosy! You deserve to be. If that guy you’re dating is addicted to checking his Twitter feed while he’s sitting across from you in a restaurant, or wonders aloud if you’ve ever considered getting a boob job, or he can’t be bothered to trim his toenails or toss back a bit of mouthwash before he enters your boudoir, DTMFA. Plenty of fish in the sea.

 

As for any woman being able to snap their fingers and force any man in hearing range to drop to their knees ready to worship her knees, shoes or black lace Spanx, well, no it doesn’t really happen that way. It seems to me, men can be very choosy and snobby when it comes to rejecting or accepting women who are on the hunt. I remember a friend from NYC telling me a few years ago, “every geeky accountant thinks he deserves no less than Kate Moss.” (This was back when Kate Moss was the It Girl; I guess now you’d say Gisele Bundchen or Megan Fox.)

 

There does seem to be some truth to this idea that men can get away with being more picky these days: blame the cult of Photoshop that makes even gorgeous women into impossibly symmetrical, blemish-free dolls. In the “real world,” the media-driven expectation of perfection is a compelling one, and the pressure is on for women to be thin, successful, and sexually adventurous if they even want to be considered for a date.

 

So: What if you’re buxom, stuck in a mid-level job and not sure precisely what anal beads are for?

 

Answer: Keep being your fabulous self. Look people in the eye, and smile. Cultivate your friendships, old and new. Eventually the right guy will come along, and if he doesn’t, so what? You will still be gorgeous and fabulous, enjoying your own company, and be surrounded by your family and friends.

 

Ashley Rosemont is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women. She is a Renaissance woman of many talents, but tries to remain humble in the face of all the curveballs life throws her way. She has been a professional writer for over two decades, and specializes in writing on media, culture, health and sexuality.

Bigfoot Porn, Really?

by Ashley Rosemont

 

Bigfoot Porn

 

Bigfoot porn? Yes. It’s part of a niche market in erotic literature known as cryptozoological erotica, or “monster porn.” The “monsters” range from figures in classic literature–like Frankenstein–to mythical beasts like gryphons, hydras, even unicorns. But the Bigfoot conceit, perhaps appropriately given the creature’s size, seems to be the biggest seller.  Author Virginia Wade (not her real name) claims she is making thirty thousand dollars a MONTH writing sexy stories about the world’s favorite elusive bear-ape-man. During a “slow” month, she makes $6K. The novels have been translated into multiple languages (I am pretty sure every continent has its own version of Bigfoot–but the prevailing mythology of the creature maintains that it lives somewhere between the Northeast United States and central Canada.

That’s a really insane amount of money for a stay-at-home mom to be making writing niche porn. How is this even possible? Well, the author’s first foray into hairy beast smut was barely a novella, only twelve thousand words, and sold for under a dollar on Amazon, self-published via their Kindle Direct Publishing. But it sold over 100,000 copies, so she got thinking: ““I started cranking them out,” she says. “If there was a market there for monster sex, I was gonna give it to them.” Now she’s on her way to becoming a millionaire.

Royalty rates for self-published books on Amazon are 70%, whereas typical rates via publishers are between 8% and 15%, according to Business Insider. Authors can do their own promotion via Facebook, Twitter and other online sources, and if enough positive reviews appear on Amazon this helps drive up sales, too. Wade’s experience is testament to the power of social media and online marketing and the potential for making real money as a writer, even via self-publishing.

It’s been happening with dinosaur erotica (another form of monster porn) for a while now! This hilarious niche market is all the rage and most of it is written by women. Actually, since the runaway success of that-book-about-a-certain-number-of-tones-of-a-certain-dull-color, many women are trying their hand at erotica, because women are also the top consumers of this form.

Yes, I know you’re thinking right about now, how can I quit my day job and start writing cryptozoological erotica for big money?

Well, it’s not as easy as you may think; internet sales of monster porn are becoming problematic. The Daily Beast article above describes the backlash against monster porn after The Kernel published an article on “the ubiquity of ‘rape fantasies, incest porn and graphic descriptions of bestiality and child abuse’ in smut sold on Amazon.com’ which meant that the mega online retailer had to start vetting its content more. Half of Wade’s content for sale on Amazon disappeared practically overnight with these newly vigorous guidelines. She had to clean up her titles to get her books listed again. Although Cum for Bigfoot, the original title, is still available on Amazon if you know where to look…although you may have to be satisfied with the title change to Moan for Bigfoot.

Unicorn porn might sound like a fun niche market; though if you Google it, you might just come up with a site full of interesting unicorn images. Now, you’ll find that most of them are not even remotely sexual, but some of them are downright subversive. Just goes to show, I guess. But there are some hilarious-sounding examples of erotic literature about unicorns out there and I urge you to at least search for them, even if you don’t plan on reading any of them. Just knowing this stuff is out there gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling.

For example:  My Unicorn Lover is nowhere near the best seller that Virginia Wade’s books are; in fact it only has one review on Amazon; but with a main character named Stronghorn it might fulfill some of those schoolgirls-with-horses fantasies that seem to be so common.

Oddly, the unicorn theme is found in some even more specific niche categories, like The Unicorn’s Horn which is classified as “rough monster breeding erotica.” Then there is Bred by the Unicorn, which is described as a “shapeshifter erotica romance.” It seems there are as many brands of unicorn erotica as there are color variations for My Little Pony.

If you want to try your hand at writing some of this monster erotica, you could always look for how-to advice from some of the writers themselves. This writer offers step-by-step tips for writing a sex scene between a unicorn and a rainbow.

My friends, if you are up to that challenge, I do believe there is a future in this industry for you.

 

 

 

Ashley Rosemont is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women. She is a Renaissance woman of many talents, but tries to remain humble in the face of all the curveballs life throws her way. She has been a professional writer for over two decades, and specializes in writing on media, culture, health and sexuality.

‘Scuse Me, Do You Have Change for a Dildo?

by Ashley Rosemont

 

 

Let’s just say right now, vending machines are a wonderful invention. I recall a recent episode of Mad Men (the AMC hit TV series that takes place in the 1960s) where the office manager Joan complains that the new vending machines will make the secretaries fat because they can get a snack any time they want. Hey, lighten up, Joan, that’s the point!

 

It’s true, they’re a convenience we are often happy to see, and not just because they can satiate our cravings for sugar and peanuts. Vending machines that dispense condoms, aspirin, mouthwash, lipstick and other sundries can make a night out on the town a bit more pleasant, if we find ourselves lacking something we need for a spur of the moment sleepover.

 

But if you live in a more sophisticated city than the one you probably live in, you’d be surprised by what you can obtain with a handful of change. Take the Europeans, who carry a little basket to go food shopping because they just grab what they’re having for dinner on the way home from work, along with a nice bottle of wine. So civilized! I’d love to be able to just tuck a baguette and a pork chop and a bottle of Cabernet in my woven bag as I walk down the cobbled streets in my high heels, tossing my shiny hair which smells of Chanel No. 5. Then again, you can also buy a fresh baguette from a vending machine. Vive la France!

 

But what if you’re not going straight home for dinner, but have a long boring train commute? Maybe you need some refreshment of the adult variety that doesn’t come in a bottle. This town in Italy has decided it’s not happy about the sex toys being sold in train station vending machines.

 

Come again? Yes, that seems to be the idea, as you can purchase a wide range of freaky playthings in one convenient coin-operated box. To be fair, the company who owns the vending machines says that Casarsa us the first town where there have been any complaints about the public display of sex toins available to anyone who can pop some coins or a bill in a slot.

 

Here’s the thing about vending machines; they confer a certain sense of anonymity. You’re not in a store with room for lots of other people, like your girlfriend, your mother, your high school English teacher or your rabbi. You may look around surreptitiously, but as long as you have your money handy, you can get your goods and disappear into the crowd. It feels just a little bit naughty, doesn’t it? Well, given what you can buy in vending machines these days, feeling guilty about a candy bar is the least of your worries. Imagine getting caught with a big black dildo? (or you know, blue or purple, whatever color you like)

 

The author of this blog post makes a good point, when he wonders what those offended by vending machines dispensing vibrators would make of the Japanese vending machines that sell used schoolgirls’ panties. No, really.  It’s true, even snopes.com says so!

 

You can actually buy a whole bunch of wonderful and unusual items in Japanese vending machines, as this article explains. Like toilet paper, eggs, beer, porn, sex toys, live lobsters, neckties, and ramen noodles. Really, this are exactly the sorts of things one should be able to buy in a vending machine; I mean, buying a live lobster at a grocery store is just kind of embarrassing if you think about it. I don’t want a bunch of people in line behind me at checkout line watching me buy a lobster, ya know?

 

Italy is not the only city to sell pocket rockets and ball gags to people with bulging pockets (hey! I meant bulging with COINS!); Holland has been selling sex toys from vending machines for years; and they’re called Vibrato-maats! The machines cater to both men and women, and sell an assortment of lubricants and lingerie, too.

 

But what about the United States, you’re wondering. Do I have to go all the way to Vegas to find a dildo in a vending machine? Well, maybe. Though most of our great states at least have a shop or two (or a hundred if you’re in New York City or San Francisco) to purchase such items freely. But you might have trouble buying sex toys in Alabama, where they’re illegal for purchase even for medical use, unless you use the drive-thru. And, until the law was recently overturned, sex toys were also banned for sale in Texas. This excellent article discusses the finer points of the legislation and precedent-setting court cases surrounding the banning of sex toys in America. Hard to believe you can buy guns and ammo at Walmart, but a sex toy has to be bought on the downlow…

 

Ashley Rosemont is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women. She is a Renaissance woman of many talents, but tries to remain humble in the face of all the curveballs life throws her way. She has been a professional writer for over two decades, and specializes in writing on media, culture, health and sexuality.

How to Start a Sex Strike

woman holding stop sign to man in bed

Ashley Rosemont is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women. She is a Renaissance woman of many talents, but tries to remain humble in the face of all the curveballs life throws her way. She has been a professional writer for over two decades, and specializes in writing on media, culture, health and sexuality.

 

Remember Lysistrata? That Greek comedy where the women, advised by the outspoken firebrand Lysistrata, decided to withhold sex from the menfolk until they settled their political differences and stopped acting like war-mongering idiots? Well, ladies, it turns out that this is still a pretty good tactic for getting men to do what you want.

 

This news story tells of a community in Columbia where the women are so disgusted with the lack of work done on the crumbling roads that they have decided to “close their legs” to get the men to act. They reason that it makes no sense to bring more babies into the world if the infrastructure is so bad. But there is also an element of female cunning and manipulation here. Ever hear the myth that men’s minds can grow more sharply focused in the absence of regular sex? Well, it just may be true. This blog called The Thinking Asexual explores the idea that celibacy can enhance creativity for starters. And while you may disagree that “Celibacy can be awesome!” it may be worthwhile to consider how much time and energy is expended, if not wasted, in the pursuit of sexual gratification.

 

So these women in Columbia are hoping that keeping their legs together will inspire their men to get done what needs getting done. Certainly, the old adage “desperate times call for desperate measures,” can be applied here.

 

Women in other nations have tried similar measures, according to the article. Prostitutes in Kenya refused to have sex with customers to try and force some resolution of political infighting. In Belgium, women refused sex to their political husbands to force them to form a needed political coalition to end fighting in the Phillippines.

 

But does this tactic actually work? The Guardian ponders this question and concludes that sex strikes do not attain their stated goals: “…if this story shows anything it is that sex strikes rarely achieve their objective, unless that objective is to garner international media attention.”

But even if the efforts fail, the media attention seems destined to live on: “Probably the best known example of a sex strike in recent years – the Women of Liberia Mass Action for Peace – has been more or less publicly disowned by its leader, and subsequent Nobel Peace prize-winner, Leymah Gbowee. Or rather, as pointed out in Slate last year (in a story on the sex strike in Togo), Gbowee questioned the efficacy of the sex strike compared with other direct action such as mass demonstrations and sit-ins.

In her memoir, Mighty Be Our Powers, the laureate writes: “The strike lasted, on and off, for a few months. It had little or no practical effect, but it was extremely valuable in getting us media attention. Until today, nearly 10 years later, whenever I talk about the Mass Action, ‘What about the sex strike?’ is the first question everyone asks.”

The irony is, that in the 2000 year old Greek play, we see an expression of a wished-for outcome that points out the comparative lack of political power that women possess. The essence of successful satire, or comedy in general, is to emphasize human folly and offer idealized solutions even if those solutions seem crazy. But in a world where women have supposedly made all sorts of inroads to equality, this tactic points out that women still do not possess the influence of power they ought to.

But now that the Columbian story is all over the news, will this idea become more popular? Maybe so; but to what ends?

In Texas this past summer, one weird twist on the sex strike tactic occurred when a HuffPo writer suggested that women in Texas withhold sex from their male partners unless they voted for reproductive rights for women to be upheld. Of course, depending on what website you read, the spin on this story varies: NewsBusters thinks it is the rallying cry of a “misanthropic feminist.” (Even though that feminist made a good point when she said it was easier to buy a gun in Texas than it was to get a pregnancy terminated.) In this case, the methods were really closely related to the desired outcome; if you consider abstinence a form of birth control, that is.

Of course, we all know how the Texas situation ended up. Go, Wendy!

What? What? In the Butt? Be Careful Out There!

by Ashley Rosemont

 

 

Sometimes the headlines are not to be believed. And when I read about freak accidents involving peoples’ genitals and butts, well, it reminds me to be extra careful when I am out and about in the world.

 

Of course, sometimes we are asking for trouble when we choose our daily activities. And “accidents” are often actually, well, poorly-made decisions. A 70 year old man in Australia, for example, decided to insert a fork into his urethra, apparently because he thought it would feel good; to be exact, he believed it would enhance his orgasms. Easy mistake, I guess, I mean, don’t we all stick metal utensils into ourselves in our quest for a happier ending? The five inch long fork had to be surgically removed. Another article about this man also mentions a Chinese man who inserted a live eel into his rectum, again, apparently hoping for pleasure, and again, ending in surgery.

 

Guys: stop putting weird stuff inside yourselves! It might hurt, may injure you seriously, and it will almost certainly end with you in a hospital and possibly the subject of a humiliating news article!

 

Now, lest you think I am picking on the men, here is a woman who hid $5000 in cash in her anus. Gosh, I hope it was large bills. As above, this same article referenced another “foreign object” incident, this time with a man who had a five inch chunk of cucumber lodged in his rectum. The man claimed it was an ACCIDENT, which occurred when he was making a salad, and sat in a chair where the cucumber was, I guess, standing at attention waiting for him to tell it when to jump into the salad bowl. Or something. Sir, this is not what we meant by adding more vegetables to your daily regimen.

 

The obvious question is why? Ass play is fine, I mean, every part of the body is part of the playground, right? Some people enjoy anal intercourse or anal-oral contact, and as long as you use appropriate practices, preparation and precautions (get your partner’s okay, be clean, go slow, choose a safe word, and use lube, basically), then feel free to enjoy. But people need to use common sense, and using anything other than your finger or other body part (still attached, obviously) or a sex toy intended specifically for the purpose, may not be a good idea. When people start experimenting with other objects, that’s where the trouble starts.

 

The vast majority of these “accidents” do in fact involve males; hard to say why, except to say that men have an appendage where women have an orifice, and, Freudian theory to the contrary, maybe orifice envy is actually a stronger compulsion than penis envy. To put it another way, boys will be boys.

 

Unfortunately, this behavior is also sometimes used to cause the opposite of pleasure: namely, pain or humiliation. Apparently, the propensity for inserting foreign objects into asses is an impulse that starts in youth. Years ago, we saw a spate of articles about fraternity hazing incidents that involved inserting foreign objects in pledge’s rectums, among other horrific pranks; in some cases, the resultant publicity caused the Greek systems on some campuses to be shut down. (No jokes about “greek style,” please.) Such problems are not confined to male-on-male behavior. Abusive sexual behavior on college campuses is a growing problem, and the corrupt fraternity system may be at the root of it. Even Ivy League schools like Yale have had their reputations damaged by such incidents.

 

Now, anal hazing activity is starting to spread to high schools. This article mentions the dramatic increase in such incidents, and the perpetrators are charged with assault in most cases, and even rape. Clearly, these cases do not involve consent and are not intended to be pleasurable, and it is a disturbing trend that obviously needs to be addressed. This strongly-worded article is of the opinion that high school kids who participate in such activities are idiots.

 

It’s one thing for adults old enough to know better do stupid things to themselves; they’ll learn a lesson eventually, or not. But kids abusing other kids is unacceptable, and does not bode well for their success or happiness as adults. I hope you all agree, readers. Maybe if we start teaching kids to respect their own and each others’ bodies from a young age, we can lessen the occurrence of abusive or self-harming behaviors in adults. It’s a thought. Meanwhile: be careful out there!

 

Ashley Rosemont is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women. She is a Renaissance woman of many talents, but tries to remain humble in the face of all the curveballs life throws her way. She has been a professional writer for over two decades, and specializes in writing on media, culture, health and sexuality.

 

Men With Plastic Surgery Make Me Want To Fuck: A Guest Post By A Dude

Meet my friend, Chico Dusty. Mr. Dusty if you’re nasty. Now this is an individual who I’ve been following for quite some time, as his writing and thought process is just as wicked, intelligent, and shake-my-head-funny as I strive to be.

Chico writes miles and miles of sextastic content for Sex.com, a close and adored friend to the Hot Movies Network. Below, he wants to tell you a little story about the damage (or motivation?) men with plastic surgery can have on your arousal senses. Rrrawwrrrrr.

 

 

 

For the most part, I’m not a believer in this whole “porn is bad for you” rhetoric.

Porn can be bad for you. Like watching porn on an airplane is bad for you because you get arrested by an Air Marshall for being a pervert. But in the privacy of your own home or public library, there’s nothing wrong with watching porn. It’s not going to ruin your life.

However, watching too much porn might change you. Allow me to explain…

For the last month, I’ve only been watching Steven Seagal movies. I just can’t get enough of his karate moves and surly attitude! The last Seagal I watched was his theatrical debut, Above the Law.

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Above the Law is great on DVD, but I bet it’s EVEN better on Blu-ray disc

To be perfectly honest with you, I have no idea what this movie is about. I watched all 99 minutes and didn’t retain a goddamn thing.

The only thing I’m sure about is that this movie made me feel very aroused.

Action movies, particularly Steven Seagal action movies, never fail to excite me…but not sexually. So this is the question I’ve been struggling with: “Why did Steven Seagal’s debut film arouse me?”

At first I thought that maybe it was Steven Seagal. You may know Seagal as the out of shape and exhausted washed-up martial arts master he is today, but the fact is Steven Seagal in Above the Law is a fucking stud.

Let’s compare the two Seagals:

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But Seagal couldn’t be what aroused me because I would have felt aroused in his later, better movies.

Maybe it was the babes in Above the Law, Pam Grier and Sharon Stone?

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Sharon Stone
Pam Grier
Pam Grier

It couldn’t have been Sharon Stone because she’s barely in the movie. She has like three lines and then holds a baby in the background for the rest of the movie.

Now, I’d like to think that Pam Grier was the reason for my strange and prolonged arousal because she’s a total babe. However, I’m pretty sure that the reason was Henry Silva.

Henry Silva Above the Law
Henry Silva

Henry Silva plays the bad guy in Above the Law and I can’t help but get aroused whenever I see him because his leathery, possibly face-lifted face reminds me of Peter North:

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Henry Silva’s collagen-wrought face is so similar to Peter North’s collagen-wrought face that looking at it forces the porn database in brain to kick in and arouse me.

So what is the point of all this?

Watching porn isn’t bad for you, but it does change you. I’ve watched a lot of porn and now I can’t help but get aroused whenever I see a man with lots of plastic surgery. It’s neither a good thing nor a bad thing. It’s just a thing.

Also, watch Above the Law. It’s pretty good.

Orgies, Orgies Everywhere!

by Ashley Rosemont

 

so…this is an orgy…ahem.

 

Well, it’s not every day you read about an orgy in the news. I mean, don’t people try to keep these secret? But this week, several headlines containing the word “orgy” caught this writer’s attention.

A “drug-fueled sex party” (is there any other kind?) taking place at a Masonic lodge caught the attention of the media: the Daily Mail, no less, Britain’s most reliably trashy tabloid, whose stunning headline reads “Police break up ‘drug-fueled orgy’ at Masonic Lodge after finding women dancing naked on stage and men filming sex acts.” In this story, we learn that this Masonic lodge was not itself the sponsor of the party (which might imply the event was somehow part of an actual Masonic meeting or ritual). No, no, the Freemasons of Battle Creek, Michigan wish to explicitly state that their temple was rented by a “party promoter” for this event, and it was not sponsored by their organization. Still, doesn’t look good for the Masons, does it? They’re already kinda weird.

Here’s the thing about the word “orgy.” People like to say “orgy.” I mean, its sounds like some cute traditional dessert your Scottish grandmother makes, right? So, because it’s such an adorable little word, sometimes the news media likes to use it in a headline when in actuality the “event” is not an orgy but more along the lines of a party…or, um, a ball. A “Sex Maniacs Ball” to be held in Kent, UK was called off at the last minute, owing to the prudish attitudes of local council members. This, according to the Daily Star, whose headline “Prudish council calls off orgy for the disabled” is just all kinds of fascinating and disturbing. The ball is intended to help disabled patrons experience a wide range of naughty pleasures, including messy cake fights, a dominatrix dungeon, and, for the truly adventurous, a “Grope Box Sensuality Chamber with Minstrels and Peeping.” Sounds like good clean fun to me! What’s with those uptight council members?

Now, you knew a piece about orgies in the news had to include at least one washed-up child movie star, right? RIGHT? Okay, so Corey Feldman (of Stand By Me, Gremlins, The Goonies, etc. etc.) is the winner. HuffPo reports that Corey’s “drug-fueled orgy sounds worse than his birthday party.” But these celebrity-obsessed tabloids (HuffPo quotes Vice and Defamer) were at the affair in question, and, guess what? It turns out it’s just another “drug-fuelled sex party” and not an orgy at all! (Please don’t embarrass yourself by asking me to explain the difference…I mean, really. Don’t.) It’s kind of annoying that none of these stories purporting to be about “orgies” are actually, you know, about orgies.

Now, here’s a nice variation on that tired old “drug-fuelled orgy” tagline. Olivia Newton-John’s daughter apparently got all physical with some pals and had herself a “cocaine and booze orgy” according to the National Enquirer. At least this misuse of the term “orgy” was more specific, referring to the particular intoxicants of note. But then it turns out, the story was not even about one specific wild party! No, it was about the singer’s daughter’s downward spiral into drug and alcohol abuse. Oh well, at least this abuse of our beloved cute word is something of a public service announcement for the occupational hazards of being an international pop star’s daughter.

Are there any actual orgies happening out there? And if so, would they actually wind up in the news? Maybe we have to move away from the tabloids. The Irish Times, a respectable European newspaper, has this story from a few weeks ago that really does seem to be about orgies….LOTS of orgies. Like, glamorous, globe-trotting orgies of the rich and famous. Not only that, but this story involves a recent international political scandal of vast proportions. Dominique Strauss-Kahn is a former candidate for the French presidency whose character has been under intense scrutiny as more and more of his, ahem, moral slippage is showing. Most shocking to his constituents is apparently his love of hosting “sex parties” with hired prostitutes in his residence: an offense that has provoked accusations of pimping. Mr. Strauss-Kahn has admitted to being a “participant” in “libertine acts.” Best quote: Strauss-Kahn said he was unaware that the women attending these parties were prostitutes because their occupation was not immediately apparent “because they had their clothes off.”

They say the Europeans are less prudish than we Americans are. I guess this clinches it. But at least one of these orgies is alleged to have taken place in Washington, DC. Just saying.

 

 

Ashley Rosemont is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women. She is a Renaissance woman of many talents, but tries to remain humble in the face of all the curveballs life throws her way. She has been a professional writer for over two decades, and specializes in writing on media, culture, health and sexuality.