It doesn’t happen all that often, but sometimes I just don’t “get” the porno I am watching. Usually it’s because the movie is super artsy and full of random, interspersed images, or it’s a classic that evokes the sensibilities of a different time period, but sometimes it is just because the movie is from a different country. Now, I am definitely not trying to be ethnocentric or anything like that, I just… don’t get it. Maybe it’s over my head, or maybe I just don’t exactly understand what’s supposed to be going on, but this movie Japanese 80’s porno totally baffled me.
First, I thought this movie was about a ‘schoolgirl’ with a pussy that crushes things, because that’s what happened, but then it turns into some weird rivalry between the girl and the school bully, which culminates in sharp pens being thrown like darts at each other. Oh, and we also get an evil headmaster and a father that’s trying to keep that killer crushing pussy locked up. Yeah, makes so much sense, right?
Apparently this is a parody of a classic Japanese TV show (Yo-Yo Girl Cop), so might have made more sense to me if I knew anything about the real show. Without that context, I was totally lost. Usually that’s fine in porn, because there is hot sexin’ to keep me interested, but not this time. Softcore at its hardest points, I think I’ve seen more risqué stuff on prime time TV. I really want to understand what the fuck is going on (even the subtitles don’t help), but unfortunately, I think I just need to enjoy the weird “special effects” and take it as it is.
If you are braver than I, definitely give this weirdo a go.
As much as I love watching folks fucking on film (which is a lot a lot, of course), some days I like to look for something a little more off-the-wall to review and bring to your attention. Ginger suggested Hentai porn when I was deciding what to pick and while I really wasn’t into watching Hentai (I could never do it the justice our old blogger Frzkey could), I figured I would check out the animated category anyway, just to see what I could find. And clearly I found some stuff I was interested in taking a gander at.
I’m not really too sure how to categorize this stuff, to be honest… Yes, it’s an animated movie, but DEFINITELY not like Hentia or anything in the Japanimation family. I suppose I would go with vintage-ish, if I had to make a case for it, though it’s not as old as others I’ve watched. If super early Disney (read: Steamboat Mickey) was full to the hilt with nekkid people, this would probably be the result. Yes, that’s my diagnosis and I’m stickin’ to it!
Out of the nine short cartoons (with a few different varieties of cartoons in there), some are really fun and some are kind of meh. None of them are actually anything I’d want to jerk off to, honestly, but I didn’t really expect that when I turned it on. I will say that some of them were a little too racist for me to watch the whole scene. Just awful stereotypes and stuff that were par for the course back when these cartoons were originally drawn. I get that, but it still made me uncomfortable to watch, so I hit fast forward.
As for the ones I liked, scene 4 and 5’s Star Trek spoof was definitely my favorite. Or maybe I just like the idea of Queen Clitoria, or the line “I’m a doctor, damn it, not a dildo repair man!” (I bet this makes you want to watch even more!). Hilarious. Oh cartoons, every once in a while you are such fun to watch.
Watch “Dirty Little Adult Cartoons v.1″ Now!
Look, I’m not one to “yuck your yum,” as J.D. would say, but when something makes me say “what the fuck” there just isn’t any way for me to bamboozle myself into thinking otherwise.
CPR Assists 3. Well, it is what it is: people pretending to save lives via Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation. I recently became CPR certified, so I thought I’d go ahead and review it. Um, what the fuck just happened in my life? I’m all for saving lives, but this “porno” just made me feel a little like someone gave me mild crotch wedgie – it doesn’t hurt, but it damn sure is uncomfortable. We aren’t talking about a quick resuscitation into some sort of hot sex scene, we’re talking about the act of (fake) CPR. I guess I should give them props for committing, but it just rubbed me the wrong way. I’d never stop you from watching it, nor would I cast judgment upon you, but watching the movie made me, well, uneasy.
In summing up most of the scenes in this movie: a lady pulls a face down lady out of the pool and gently presses on her stomach to encourage the water out of her mouth. Eventually she coughs up the water and comes to. It’s a fairly slow process, but everyone lives and everyone is topless. The end.
I must add that they’re just not doing it right! I get it. They’re pretending and don’t want to crush any ribs, but come on people. If the entire movie is about CPR, do it right!
Roll this around in your noggin: this the third title in the CPR Assists series.
What a disappointment that we only just found these totally bare-all bathing suits, just as bathing suit season comes to an end. I guess we will just have to get them for our man friends when the weather turns warm next year. Holy cock shot!
What any man needs for those classy days at the beach…
Earthquake shakes the East Coast; HotMovies.com Corporate Headquarters Survives
Philadelphia, PA – A rare 5.9 earthquake shook the HotMovies.com and HotMoviesForHer.com corporate headquarters Tuesday afternoon, resulting in nobody hurt and nothing damaged, but terrifying everyone inside.
The building was briefly evacuated, and the east-coasters, un-used to geological events of any kind, were both literally and figuratively shaken. “I won’t be able to sleep tonight. I’ll be up just waiting. I have to call my cats,” said a marketing operative who wisely refused to identify himself. Visibly jumpy, he then added, “What was that?”
“I was worried about my collection of mint condition Buffy the Vampire Slayer figures which are still in the package,” said James Cybert, director of Business Development. As of press time, only an old Brianna Banks action figure had fallen down. Cybert has launched an investigation to find out if that incident was related to Tuesday’s earthquake.
Authorities dispute whether or not the sexual immorality, prolific at Philadelphia’s HotMovies.com headquarters, may have played a role in the rare quake. So far, divine retribution cannot be ruled out as a factor.
According to the United States Geological Survey, the earthquake Tuesday afternoon was the worst earthquake in the entire world- that day. Still, streaming video service at HotMovies.com went uninterrupted, and the corporate headquarters remains the world’s largest internet archive of adult video on demand.
Any porn that automatically makes me think of Tom Jones is A-OK in my book. Sure, the title of this flick is the only thing it has in common with Mr. Jones, but even without that connection, Sex Bomb (the porno) holds its own as awesomely bizarre classic.
Before I even get to the movie, let me warn you that this is a softcore movie, so don’t go expecting any explicit action. This is definitely more Skinemax than hardcore XXX, but honestly, the sex isn’t the point here – it’s the serious weirdness of this flick that makes it so amazing.
Basic premise: a big shot producer is making a bunch of low-budget softcore horror movies (one which is called “I Rip Your Flesh With Pliers,” which I would TOTALLY see if it was real) and the screenwriter starts banging the big shot’s wife. And then they kill the husband. There is so much more than that, but honestly, I don’t even know how to explain it other than saying it is super strange ‘80s softcore. And you need to watch it. Seriously, the ‘80s totally vomited on this movie, which also endears it to me even more.
I was in the mood for some XXX action when I started thinking about a movie to review today, but even though I missed out on some fucking, I definitely did not get the raw end of the deal. Check this weird one out!
Oh, weird porn, sometimes I love you so. Sure, the majority of folks that come to HotMovies and HotMoviesForHer are looking for hot action and sexy bodies. Nothing wrong with that! But there are a select few that seek out the deeply buried, super weird shit – and I don’t mean German shit porn or anything particularly fetishy (and really, would I be calling that stuff weird? Cause I don’t think it is.). What I’m talking about is dudes in cartoon masks with bulging eyes and fake giant wangs fucking women… like straight out of a dirty comic book strip – because that is exactly what it is! That’s right, today I have forayed into Sex In The Comics. And yes, it’s weird. And yes, I love it because it’s so damn weird.
Basically this reporter lady comes to interview a cartoonist about his cartoon cat, and he goes on a nice, long rant telling her about the 8-Pagers of the old days, where commercial comic characters were depicted doing totally dirty, devious things on the page. Like Blondie and Dagwood – two characters I never thought of boning (well, maybe Blondie, with those tits, but never Dagwood!). And bone they do… though not each other.
I will admit that I really have no idea if the other comic characters (other than Dick Tracy) were actual comic characters from back in the day, but really who cares. Real or not, the porno versions of these characters fuck and suck and sometimes wear scary rubber masks and fake cocks – so what’s the difference if they are actual comic material? I am grateful that the female performers stick with clothing and makeup to get into character. I would hate to see them rocking those weirdo masks and bug eyes.
The editing is a little odd – with random stops and pauses, but honestly, I think it adds to the ‘70s charm of the flick. As does the dated video quality and all. Sex-wise, the movie is somewhat diverse; flipping back and forth between dudes boning ladies and ladies doing ladies. Oh, and puppet person boning ladies. Can’t forget about them!
I don’t know if I’d go to this movie strictly to get off, but if I was looking for something totally different, this is where I’d turn!
It doesn’t happen very often, but every once in a while I am totally speechless. I new this was coming - hell, I even posted the trailer a while back, but now that it’s here, that’s a whole different story. Oh porno industry, sometimes I can’t believe you went there…
So yeah, I have no words for this, other than – really??
While we couldn’t give two shits about Charlie Sheen (though he does throw down some hilarious one-liners), we should probably mention that one of the ‘Goddesses’ in his relationship is porn star Bree Olson.
Here is a quick video interview we found with Bree (referred to in the video by her real name, Rachel Oberlin) talking about her relationship with Charlie “the warlock” Sheen.
Here are a few of our favorite Bree Olson movies that have nothing to do with her recently living the Sheen Dream.
Over here atHM4Her we are huge fans of sex educator/author/porn director (2011 AVN Award-winning) Tristan Taormino, so we were extra shocked and frustrated when we received word today that she was uninvited as keynote speaker for Oregon State University’s Modern Sex conference in February. Apparently the university cited Taormino’s resume and website as the reason for their change of heart. And this is after they gave her the go to book travel arrangements, which are now not covered by OSU.
Something smells a little fishy to me. Wouldn’t you know who you were booking before you asked them to be keynote speaker?? It’s not like Tristan hides anything she does, and if there was to be a veto on having such a “risque” speaker, wouldn’t they think to get approval before ever asking her? I don’t get it, and frankly I guess that the OSU officials don’t deserve someone as awesome as Tristan Taormino, though I do feel badly towards all the folks that are forced to miss her speech. Awesomely, Tristan has extended that if OSU students and others still want to hear her speak, she will be teaching two workshops at She Bop in Portland on February 13 and 14. Read the rest of this entry »
Porn for women! We hand pick through the largest online adult library to find the best movies just for women - on demand and ready to watch, along with a FREE blog full of movie reviews, sex tips, erotic stories, interviews, our own fun ramblings, and more! No monthly or recurring charges; you just pay for what you watch, without the hassles.
Main Theater
Hetero TheaterLesbian Theater Queer Theater Gay Male Theater
