A confessional is definitely in order!

In this video confessional, five couples enter into therapy to discuss their innermost secrets, divulging troubled relationships, twisted fantasies and sensual dreams, transporting the viewer into their personal and private lives.

Honest, candid, and without hesitation, the couples confront each other’s hidden fears, marital problems, and sexual frustration.

Studio: VCX Category: XRCO Hall Of Fame

It’s been a long while since I’ve dipped into our store of classic awesome and checked out some of the older titles. One look at the description of “Little Girls Blue” and I knew I’d have to check out the film that promised witty banter as well as hardcore sex scenes, even if the title kind of made me want to vomit in my mouth a little.

The whole thing starts out with a close-up on an unnamed cock sprouting like some illicit mushroom randomly moist and dancing. A woman with too much makeup comes on screen and stares at it curiously for several minutes before giving head (imagining she’s giving head) with all the awkward movements of a 3D animated model. She wears a little red ribbon and has dark curls and I’m sure that her resemblance to Snow White is intentional; meanwhile mushroom cock is all we ever see of her partner. As I watch I wonder if I’m seeing the first Gonzo scene and liking it about as much as I usually like Gonzo but as the film goes on we get the sense the Snow White aka Misty is a particularly horny girl who fantasizes constantly about sucking cock especially the cock of her teacher in particular.

Misty has a bunch of horny friends one named Cathy and the other and the youngest looking named Buffy. While Misty and Cathy are scheming to get out of school and get laid and Buffy is getting ‘private lessons’ from Misty’s dream teacher. It’s an interesting scene, mostly because it’s from the time of period belts and Buffy happens to be menstruating, I’ve never seen a period belt before, of course I still have very little idea of how it works though she keeps it on throughout. It’s also a scene that I’m guessing a million porn directors have seen before, as Buffy reclines on the desk promising blow jobs to come and her teacher corrects his previous mistake with her grade, on her chest.

The next scene features a gym coach leering while the young women play with a ball is seriously creepy. As he starts to fantasize about a particular girl who is literally begging to be fucked I’m forced to wonder where this awesome dialogue is I was promised. I suppose I should have known something was up when I noticed no one was wearing high heels to begin with. Things just get creepier when Misty’s friend Cathy goes off with a boy for a ‘moonlit walk’ and ends up in a barn with a mysterious second man – the premise for this second scene of creepiness? If a girl likes sucking dick – she’d love a surprise opportunity to suck two at once! Uhm, let me think about that as a lover of all things oral, nope, nuh uh, no.

Except with the teachers or in fantasy land, the female performers don’t seem to be having a great time. I think I get it, that this film is supposed to be an exploration of young women’s sexual awaking and desire (gods know I was a horny little thing and crass as only a little shit talking biotch in training could be) but it still comes across as a male fantasy of a feminine awakening, lust and fantasy. That is also probably what makes it creepy, instead of revolutionary and satisfying, at least for me anyway.

-FrzKey

Watch “Little Girls Blue Uncut Volume 1″ Now!

Studio: VCX Category: Futuristic / Sci-Fi

So I’ve been dying to see this incredibly cheesy, hopefully ultra-good movie since I saw a preview for it at the end of another classic film. Now I’m finally ready for the love that only a super sexed alien from outer space can bring to the otherwise doomed human race! It’s time for “Ultra Flesh!”

Hehe, you can always tell how old a classic is by the dates they set as the distant ‘future’ this one is set in the early 1990′s. There’s a horrible crisis striking the world, all the men everywhere are impotent and the world is starting to feel the effects. I have to say I love the thought of a planet wide limp streak. At first they think the problem is sugar and cut off all sugar imports, but the president of that country swears his men aren’t impotent so the President of the US (who’s got a fake southern accent that reminds me oh so much of George W.) flies off to check on their virility himself – no, this isn’t a gay title.

This is the first movie from the swinging 70′s that I’ve seen where the men look nearly as emaciated as the women. Seriously, hip bones should not be the prominent anatomical feature on anyone, let alone men. I absolutely adored the dance sequences in the movie and the second one caps by bringing an interesting new twist to the term “flying fuck.” Other than that the sex scenes are your usual 70′s fair, highly stylized, deeply erotic and lacking today’s hard pounding gonzo action, pure fantasy at its best. Sensual enough at points that they make this hardened porn reviewer blush.

Classics lines like, “Mr. Sugarman is an alien from the planet Freon” totally make this movie. And I nearly died laughing at the little green man on the council of elders whose overlarge head was constantly massaged by a luscious pair of natural tits. Ultra Flesh’s power lies within her pussy, she has lasers that emit an erection power but is that enough to save the women of the world from a sexless existence? I’m not sure, but she sure did try.

To be honest there are just too many awesome moments in this movie for me to easily quantify. It’s a sexy scifi tale with more than enough kink thrown in to keep anyone satisfied. My only regret – that the men in it weren’t hotter, they were pretty uniformly yuck in my opinion. Even the acting on this one was pretty good, I’m seriously impressed!

-FrzKey

Watch “Ultra Flesh” Now!

Studio: VCX Category: Classics

It was a bright beautiful kind of sensuous day when I picked “Bad Girls” out for review. The words ‘masterpiece of tease’ jumped out at me from its description and I just felt that a masterful tease fit the day somehow.

Ok, call me crazy but women who wander around completely naked as they go about their daily chores isn’t so much a tease as it is a misbegotten fantasy of the 70′s. Still the fact that no one immediately reaches for a crotch, a dick, or even a dildo is somewhat refreshing and intriguing after tons of modern gonzo wham and bam. Of course that kind of ‘innocent’ nudity only lasts a few minutes before someone’s getting pulled into a sex scene.

Old movies almost always have at least one very, uncomfortable, scene. At least one. For me that scene came relatively early on in this movie, I really don’t think that the Boy Scouts offer a badge for that kind of thing. Thankfully the girls had their fun and left him along the way. In the end I suppose it’s another reason why this film got the label “masterpiece of tease.”

Don’t get me wrong there’s plenty of hardcore fucking action in the film but there’s also a lot of voyeurism and a dash of teasing touch. The lesbian ‘experimentation’ scene was particularly sensual and unique. Unfortunately it was ruined when Ron Jeremy (a fine man and multi-talented performer but personally not my go to porn star) materializes out of the dark woods at the moment of climax and says “I’d like some of that pussy if you don’t mind.” That was creepy, Boy Scout Master gone all pussy crazed and stalkerific kind of creepy – I seriously think I have a new nightmare. Needless to say that seriously squelched my lady boner.

After the girls tell him off and flee into their trailer, Ron starts stalking them on their photo shoots throughout the woods – the very definition of anti-hot. Actually at this point this would almost work as a “Jason” type porno parody because I’m seriously more terrified than I ever was while watching a “Jason” movie. After that I’m a little too off put to enjoy the fantasy domination and submission that follows in the ‘harem.’ Thankfully Ron’s scene, when it finally does come, turns out to be nearly innocent, kind of sweet even.

After that I’m free to enjoy the plethora of natural breasts and lithe bodies in outfits that flutter and flirt but conceal nothing. I could get used to that. The “Bad Girls” theme song illustrated the point that this movie had no bases in reality. Hedonistic and totally unrealistic – thank goodness! Yup it scared the crap out of me for a moment and me being a diehard horror fan that’s not easy to do – which is also probably why I loved it so much. Totally fantastic, sometimes scary but mostly just really good humored fun, definitely something to share with a partner or enjoy on a lazy Sunday afternoon when you’ve got plenty of time to yourself.

-FrzKey

Watch “Bad Girls” Now!

Watch the Video

Studio: VCX Category: Classics

I’m still bitter enough about W to get excited when I see a movie called “Fuck Bush.” I probably need to move on or whatever, but at least I have a deserving target for my rage! This VCX collection doesn’t have anything to do with government, but does capture some of the biggest stars of the golden age of porn, including Kay Parker and Dorothy LeMay, in all of their hairy glory!

I have to talk about scene eight, from the classic flick Sex World, because it starts off with the best porno music I’ve ever heard in my entire life. And that’s before Kay Parker enters and announces her need for a “huge, gorgeous cock.” Of course, her wish is some lucky dude’s command and he’d better have big balls if he hopes to satisfy Parker! Joey Silvera and his mustache are up to the task as she sucks him off while people watch behind two-way glass. Sex World is apparently a pretty cool place to be if you’re a voyeur.

There are also two scenes featuring John Holmes, including the first scene that features a threeway with Desiree Cousteau and Seka from the movie Sweet Alice. I totally heart Seka and this is pretty freaking hot.

While classic compilations are sometimes thrown together without much thought, I have to admit I’m pretty impressed with this one. Big stars, good scenes and natural ladies getting down and dirty! Really a must-see for fans of classic porn.

Ps. After getting this little taste, I am totally adding Sex World and Sweet Alice to my list of movies to watch.

-The Porn Librarian

Watch the Video

Studio: VCX Category: Classics

Trying to “get past” the datedness of classic porn is like trying to “deal with” Casablanca being black & white. You just don’t do it. Sure, the hair, make-up and décor are a little cheesy, but the seventies styling of this renowned film, as well as the actual acting, are what really make it such a pop culture icon. Two sentence synopsis: after committing suicide, Miss Jones ends up in limbo and finds out the she can’t get into heaven because she took her own life, but can’t go to hell because she was just too good. She makes a deal to come back and go to hell after she’s sufficiently “lusted” enough and is granted a limited second chance for sex – and she takes it!

This film goes from morbid and dark, to sensual and erotic, to double penetration and cock worship, all in about an hour. I love the idea that Miss Jones is given a “teacher” to rid her of her inhibitions, though he’s not exactly kind or much of a listener. And there’s a random scene with a snake — she puts it in her mouth and I just don’t get it. Maybe some sort of metaphor for evil? (maybe Eve and the snake?) Anyway, this movie is a classic for a reason. Heck, even my mom has seen it. You should too.
-J.D. Bauchery