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Vampires
I’m a big fan of vampires, so I’ve seen a lot of the blood-sucker smut on the site and had to spend some time seeking out something actually worth reviewing! After looking around, I found this short clip that is both sexy and stupid – two things I tend to love in my XXX.
First, let me talk about Darian Caine and Misty Mundae. I’m going to admit that I didn’t really look at their faces, but these girls have some tight little bodies! The scene is shot really well – it’s slow, seductive and the natural lighting is great.
Now, some of you may have noticed I said “natural lighting.” I told you that this one was both sexy AND stupid. I am assuming these girls are vampires. They have blood around their mouths and it’s a movie about Dracula. So, how is it then that these girls are screwing in the sunlight?? I blame the Twilight series for totally distorting vampire mythology to the point where this is acceptable. Those girls should have burst into flames – I’ve seen every buffy episode like three times and I know how these things work.
If you enjoy a good laugh in the middle of a sex scene, you have to see, or rather hear, the best part. For some reason, the background track sounds like an ocean, and while one of the girls is getting fingered, she totally sounds like a seagull. I’m all for making lots of noise, but it’s one of the most hilarious unintentional things I’ve seen in a porno in a while.
I admit that I spent most of this review pointing out the ridiculous aspects of this one, but if this were playing at a bar with no sound, I would think it was super hot!
-The Porn Librarian
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Written by: FrzKey on October 20th, 2009
So I got a request the other day to review “From Dusk Till Porn.” And since it is October, and I do love vampires, Halloween and this whole happy month of leaves and pumpkins and dead things, I decided to go ahead and give it a gander.
Oh gods, bad vampire fangs. It’s a personal vampy peeve of mine but if the fangs look like someone shoved a pair of white tooth picks up their gums them I’m instantly turned off more than a little. Hmm the plot doesn’t seem to hold much similarity to the Quentin Tarantino horror tale, “From Dusk Till Dawn.” Which is a good thing on one hand and bad one on the other, it seems that there’s some kind of mystery going on but they’re not all that interested in laying that out before they skip to the sex and with the accents (usually a major turn on for me but I spent a little too much time trying to determine if they were really bad fake ones, or just really bad acting with real accents, to enjoy it all that much) it was rather hard to understand just what they were talking about at first.
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Written by: J.D. on October 6th, 2009
Vampires are all over the place these days. From Tru Blood to all the Twilight uproar, these creatures of the night have totally taken center stage in the realm of the undead and, in my opinion, are kicking zombies to the curb. Sure, I could be bias. Right now I am in the middle of editing this gay teen vampire love story (gotta love random freelance projects), so I’ve been pretty much inundated with these bloodsuckers day in and out. And to back my vamp lovin’ up even farther, I found a list of vampire porns on the internet. See – everybody loves a Nosferatu.
Inspired by all that, plus the fact that it is the haunting month, I’ve decided to bring you my top five vampire porns! Get ready to get your suck on! Read the rest of this entry »
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Written by: FrzKey on September 15th, 2009
Apparently there’s quite the vampire craze going around nowadays, so much so that for todays review I picked “Dark Angels 2.” The plot looked interesting for a vamp flick and I’ve a thing for guys with pale skin, which I’m hoping “Dark Angels 2″ will be sure to pack in spades though I’ll take fair skinned brunettes with delicate hints of pink in all the right places, like their pulse points.
The opening credits are pretty awesome, gritty and well done they could be setting the scene for a blockbuster or a b-level horror flick but they definitely don’t scream ‘porn,’ instead I get the feeling that I should be settling in with a big bowl of popcorn. Of course the credits open right up on nameless sexy times in a questionably dirty environment. It might just be me, but when I see a trash filled crack house and moldy mattress, the last thing I want to do is get naked and roll my ladybits around on it – color me not horny. The scene with Tommy Gunn in the diner kitchen – much hotter – still makes part of me go ‘ew gross’ industrial kitchen, but hey at least they kind of cleaned it first.
Sketchy sex scene aside, the movie was actually shot better than the worst mainstream vampire movie I saw. That one’s budget was so low they actually had to use the ‘hold the stake under the arm and pretend it pierced something vital’ trick. “Dark Angels 2″ was more limited by the performers acting than either the script or the cinematography. There is one thing not going in its favor, there was a huge discrepancy in volume, I found myself turning the sound all the way up for plot points and all the way down during sex scenes to keep from blasting my eardrums with the music, I could barely hear the girls over all that noise at all, especially after I lowered the volume.
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Written by: J.D. on August 26th, 2009
Happy Humpday! Welcome back to the mid-week stretch. It’s the last Wednesday in August – can you believe it? Summer is rapidly coming to an end and we will be knee deep in brightly colored leaves before we know it. Crazy, huh?
Anyway, we are kinda bummed about the whole move from bikinis, tube tops and flip flops to jeans and jackets and I’m guessing you are too (though I will never miss the sweltering heat and constant sweating), so here is a little extra link lovin’ to soften the blow.
Let’s get to it!
- Superb silicone supplier Tantus is hopping on the “vampire characters appearing in recent popular vampire literature and films” bandwagon and offering up a brand new sparkly Vamp dildo. I know nothing about this Twilight phenomenon, other than apparently their vampires sparkle in the sunlight. While I don’t really get that (they are supposed to burn up, aren’t they), I do love a good sex toy/book cross promotion. I’m still waiting for the Hitachi/Harry Potter wand promo…
- Contraception and interpretive dance - words escape me. But I love it.
- After their lesbian lovin’ story line was cancelled due to Guiding Light ending, soap opera actresses Crystal Chappell and Jessica Leccia are picking up and moving to “Venice” – a new web series featuring the two again as a couple. And while they aren’t Oliva and Natalia (the GL characters) on the new show, they will be sharing a little lip locking action – something that they weren’t allowed to before. Lesbians 1 – Soap Operas – 0. (via The Frisky)
- Hugh Hefner + The Simpsons + Twitter = Cannot wait ’til November! (via Jezebel)
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I just saw what I think is a hilarious post over at the Daily Bedpost offering advice for those of you who who are looking to take home a vampire this weekend.
Number eight is my favorite, because I love adult references to juice boxes.
Make sure you pack a snack (like a juice box and cookies) to eat immediately afterward to help with any wooziness.
Head over to the original post for nine other super good tips!
I also suggest wearing your slayer shirt, because that way you’re likely to attract super hot vamps who happen to have hearts of gold!
Happy Halloween. Here’s what I’m watching tonight, because apparently I don’t watch enough porn during work hours.
P.S. I’m still not dressing up.
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We’ve raved over a number of movies from Maria Beatty’s Bleu Productions in the past and today’s review will be no different. Ladies of the Night – Les Vampyres, is another well-shot fetish flick that truly captures the beauty of women. Beatty’s films are not your traditional smut, I wouldn’t be surprised to catch one in my local art house. This one is shot in black and white without any dialogue to distract from the beauty of the seduction. Bleu, who is absolutely stunning, plays a young girl who is abducted and taken to a dark mansion. Over the next 30 minutes, Mistress Dakota and Mistress Tchera, both decked out in really hot corsets, play with their new toy. She’s teased, tied up and lightly flogged, as the Vamps take in every inch of her. As dawn approaches, the dark ladies finally give in to their desires and drink Bleu’s virgin blood.
I really love that this movie is never rushed and no detail is overlooked. The set is perfect and all of the fetish gear is high end. So many movies are in a rush to get to the dirty stuff, and I really appreciate the eroticism of seeing a leather clad fingertip dragged across the stomach of a woman who has surrendered to her wants.
This incredibly erotic film will hold your attention throughout. It’s the perfect Halloween date movie – all you need is a bottle of red wine and a blanket to cuddle under. Hot sex to follow.
The Porn Librarian
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When it comes to Halloween, I don’t spend hours coming up with the perfect costume every year or look forward to an evening of mischief. I’m much happier pouring a couple of pumpkin ales and reading scary stories aloud. This year we spiced things up a bit by sharing Pam Keesey’s Dark Angels, because nothing says Halloween to a couple of dykes like lesbian vampire erotica!
Keesey has collected a great variety of tales that lack neither substance nor sex. Whether addressing the vampire as a symbol or as a dark seductress, each draws the reader into a world where the rules no longer apply. Whether the main character is hanging out in a modern day goth club, or a Russian countess in the late 1800’s, she’s sure to capture your imagination as she inevitably gets exactly what she wants.
One of my favorite stories is Melanie Tem’s Presence, a compelling journey through one woman’s life as she experiments with sex, blood and spirituality. It’s brief, but a really good read.
I also, oddly enough, have to recommend you read the introduction. Keesey goes far beyond what I’ve come to expect, delving into each story and vampire lore. She discusses the origin of the vampire, it’s connection with the goddess, and blood as a symbol. By reading it, I had a better understanding of the mythology of the vampire and am inspired to learn more.
For me, these tales do more than tell the tale of the seductive vampire. They present women at the height of their sexuality – confident, strong, aggressive and, of course, beautiful. The result is a collection that will please both vampire enthusiasts and my Sapphic sisters.
Add this excellent book to your collection!
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Written by: J.D. on August 12th, 2008
 If Blade Runner had hardcore fucking, I might have liked it better. Flip that around and you’ve got my feelings on Kiss Attack. Yes, I definitely enjoyed the sex, especially when it involved the amazing April Flores, but no, I have no fucking clue what was happening plotwise. Part vampire fuck fest, part action movie, part comic book, this movie was a whole lot of plot, but very little cohesive story. Well, at least not to me. I will admit that the acting was pretty decent and some of these costumes were awesome – think Jean Paul Gaultier meets Anne Rice. Understanding the plot or not, I had no confusion as to which scene totally blew me away as my favorite of the six. Scene two features the red hot red headed Flores, along with vixen Claire Adams and a whole bunch of lubed up sex toys ready to go! The minute the clothes start flying, it’s near impossible to take your eyes off the screen. Whether they were kissing and caressing each other’s breasts or pounding into one another with strapped-on cocks, watching Flores and Adams roll around together made this movie a winner in my book!
-J.D. Bauchery
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Happy Halloween Ladies! In celebration, I’m reviewing one last fiendish flick and wearing a slutty costume! This monstrous movie features Ava Rose as Evan Stone’s girlfriend, who just happens to be a vampire. He’s a bit concerned when he discovers her dark secret, but it turns out nobody sucks cock like a vamp vixen, so he’s trying to deal. Besides, to quote Cordellia for my fellow Buffy fans, she’s “the cuddly kind. Like a care bear, with fangs.” This one is chock full of notable performances but one worth noting, for all you squirting fans, is scene four where you’ll see Britney Stevens squirt three times all over an unsuspecting Van Damage. This feature is both hot and humorous, just as any good porn spoof should be.
The Porn Librarian
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