I am a bookworm (hence the new tattoo - yes that’s my arm and my desk, and my new Sex & Candy book in the background). I love to read pretty much anything and everything that comes in front of my face. And while our friendly neighborhood Porn Librarian does all the erotica reviewing in these parts, in honor of my new tattoo (yeah, I’m nerdy like that), I thought I’d write about my favorite sex books.
Check out my top five sex books after the jump.
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I’m not sure if you noticed this, but everything Tristan Taormino touches basically turns to gold. Whether she’s tackling open relationships in her latest book or teaching the masses the joys of anal sex in her educational video series - she consistently produces amazing sex ed materials. And if you’ve checked out any movies in her Chemistry series, you know she can shoot a pretty hot porno too! Like so many sexperts, she’s put in her time at Babeland and they recently posted a new interview with this amazing woman!
Here’s a taste, but head over to babeland for the rest!
What did you learn at Babeland that helped you in the wide world of sex education after you left? I think one of the most important lessons for me was to leave my own sex life out of it, and approach everyone without any judgment. I needed to meet each person where they were at. When someone said, ‘I am looking for something big,’ I asked them to show me what they meant, rather than assuming. You need to listen to people, empower them to ask for what they need and want.
You’ve long been seen as the “Anal Sex Guru” - did you have any idea starting out that you would become so associated with that particular sexual activity? Well, I did write the book on the subject! Really, I don’t feel pigeon-holed or anything. If I am forever known as the anal sex expert, I am okay with that.
Be sure to check out the fourth volume of Chemistry. It’s the orgy edition, so i’m thinking you’ll be glad you did!
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Porn is all about getting hot and get off, right? Well, yes, but that’s not all it’s good for. You can learn something as well! Sure there are plenty of movies that I watch and see a position I’ve never seen before, or find out a new way to lick pussy, but we also actually have a category that is just for those of you who strive to be rock stars in bed! Welcome to the Instructionals! Learning has never been this hot! I love instructional videos because they not only give me ideas for being the best lover I can be, they are usually insanely hot as well. Actually, this may be because so many feature How-To sex goddess Nina Hartley (my girl boner for her will be totally obvious when you read my list), but even the ones without the fabulous Ms. Hartley are amazing. So, without further adieu, these five flicks are why I’ve got it bad, got it bad, got it bad… I’m hot for teacher.
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I recently reviewed Tristan Taormino’s latest book Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships and was a little blown away. I’m still talking about it with anyone who’s willing to listen. Because it is super rad, I thought that I’d highlight an interesting interview I read on the Cleis Press site.
Here’s just one question, but I’m sure you’ll go looking for more once you get a taste!
Q: You take on a cherished cultural value—monogamy—in Opening Up. Why did you decide to write this book?
A: It’s clear to me that for a lot of people, monogamy is neither functional nor satisfying. We know that marriage rates are down and divorce statistics are pretty staggering. I look around and see magazine articles, books, talk show episodes, and workshops all about how to improve your relationship, how to spice up your sex life, or how to fix your marriage. Heck, my sex advice career is part of the “Love and Sex Self-Help Industrial Complex.” It just seems like there are a lot of unhappy people. In my own life, the people I know who have emotionally, sexually, and spiritually fulfilling relationships are mostly those who are in non-traditional partnerships. Some are polyamorous, some are nonmonogamous, some are “monogamous with benefits.” People who have open relationships develop specific skills that can help others in any kind of relationship, and yet their strategies and their success stories are usually not part of a widespread dialogue. While there have been several popular books about polyamory specifically, I wanted to explore lots of different options outside of monogamy. My goal is to provide practical advice about how to design the relationship that works for you. I also wanted to combine my own experience and advice with that of a diverse group of people, which is why I did original research for Opening Up.
Seriously, imagine a whole book this awesome. I love learning!
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To be honest, I wasn’t sure what I would take from Tristan Taormino’s new book Opening Up – A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. That’s not to say that I wasn’t excited about reading it - I’m fascinated by how people navigate different relationships and don’t think monogamy is always the best choice. However, I am in a monogamous relationship, because that’s what works for us. I assumed that I would learn more about different kinds of open relationships, but didn’t think Taormino’s wisdom would be applicable to my life.
The good news is, I was wrong. Taormino has really outdone herself and created a resource that will be many things to many different people. Within this one book, the author offers the reader a brief history of non-monogamy, details the numerous types of open relationships, and offers advice for dealing with everything from coming out to raising children to legal problems. Whether you’re trying to work the kinks out of your own open relationship, contemplating non-monogamy, or simply trying to better understand how other people live, you’re sure to find help in this exhaustive guide.
Besides being packed full of information, Taormino’s accessible style of writing makes this an enjoyable read. She also interviewed over 100 people who are non-monogamous. Their personal stories give an inside view into the ups and downs of open relationships, which sound often similar to those I’ve experienced in monogamy. By offering a glimpse into the lives of people who choose to have multiple partners, it’s easy to see the similarities and relate.
I was also surprised to find our choice of monogamy completely validated in a book that is about healthy open relationships. It makes sense that core principles like trust, communication, and respect would be the foundation of any relationship and in her discussion of these things I found that sense of validation. In fact, about a quarter of the way through this book I had a sneaking suspicion that I was not only reading, but enjoying, a self-help book.
While non-monogamy isn’t for everyone, as Taormino point out throughout, the author has written a guide that offers honest advice on sustaining fulfilling relationships. I highly recommend it to anyone who’s the least bit curious!
Add this excellent book to your collection!
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This movie was really fun. I mean, I grew up watching MTV’s The Real World so when I heard about the premise of Tristan Taormino’s Chemistry series, I was pretty excited. In case you’re unaware, it works like this: six porn stars, picked to live together for 36 hours, and have their sexy lives taped.
Everyone in the cast seems to genuinely like each other and they’re all having a lot of fun. At one time, Evan Stone even dons a tiger suit and everyone has a good laugh. They also can’t seem to keep their hands off of each other (and themselves) - which seems to be even more fun. Tristan Taormino arranges for a couple who are experts in tantra to visit the house and the stars seem to really enjoy and learn a lot from what they were saying.
I also thoroughly enjoyed the confessional-style interviews that occur throughout the movie. You begin to see a side of the stars that you don’t get from watching your average porn movie and it makes them a little more human. Tyler Knight (who’s fucking sexy as hell) talks about connecting with Penny Flame while they had sex and Penny Flame breaks down at one point and sheds a few tears.
This movie has two discs to it and I watched both. Taormino has a knack for making sexy movies with a heart that are enjoyable to watch.
And who knows, maybe next time they’ll try Wife Swap.
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Monogamy can be a tricky thing. I’m in a monogamous relationship and for me it’s really easy. I feel pretty lucky about that because for my girlfriend, it’s not an option. I bugged her about it for years, not because I had an overwhelming desire to sleep with other people, but because I wanted her to admit that maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean, I think about sex more than a teenage boy thanks to my job. I suppose because of that, I just don’t take it that seriously.
For those of you who are considering an open relationship, you may want to pick up Tristan Taormino’s latest book, “Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships.” Although I haven’t had a chance to read it yet, I trust it will be fantastic based on the author’s merits. Violet Blue recently interviewed Taormino her new book:
Violet Blue: What’s the biggest myth about open relationships?
Tristan Taormino: There are so many myths about open relationships. I think one of the most popular is that people in open relationships have intimacy issues and trouble with commitment. The assumption underlying this myth is that true intimacy can only be achieved between two people in a monogamous relationship. In other words, if you are emotionally and physically intimate with more than one person, it somehow dilutes the intimacy of each relationship. This is based on the notion that love is a quantifiable thing, like, if you have 100 pounds of love, you can give 100 pounds to your partner. But if you have multiple partners, you have to split the 100 pounds between them. Intimacy is about being willing to be open, honest and vulnerable with your partner and bonding on a deep level. Monogamy does not automatically equal intimacy and non-monogamy does not automatically equal lack of intimacy.
I’m no expert, but I’m guessing navigating an open relationship successfully depends on the same magic element that drives great sex - communication. P.S. I love the whole 100 pounds thing. I’ve been trying to express that thought for a while. Great analogy.
Read the rest of the interview here.
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I told you chicks like gay porn!
Tristan Taormino wrote a quick editorial about one of my favorite porno topics in the Village Voice last week. Of course, there is no one reason why women like gay porn, but she does discuss a few theories, all of which make sense.
1. Plenty of women identify with different degrees of masculinity.
2. Naked dudes that are typically amazingly hot. I an only imagine what straight women feel when the see Johnny Hazzard if this dyke goes all weak in the knees.
3. No women = no misogynistic undertones = guilt free wanking!
And finally, her own personal reason:
I like gay porn for the hot dudes, the overflow of testosterone, and the unapologetic sexual desire.
I pretty much just like to watch hot people screwing. I used to be a little more picky before I was exposed to an obscene amount of porn and claim to like “real lesbian porn” exclusively. I’ve since learned that I can get off to just about any two people who are really into a scene.
Good chemistry = good porn.
As long as I’m talking about good gay porn, you should all be aware we now have Chi Chi LaRue’s Rascal Video!!! Check it out. You can thank me later.
The Porn Librarian
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It seems like everyone is enjoying oral sex - except me. Every time I watch a porn flick, the girls are loving it and when I talk about sex with my girlfriends, it seems like their boyfriends are into giving it too - and they’re good at it. Maybe I’ve never had a partner do it right. What are some tips I can give him so I can really begin to enjoy oral sex? I’m scared of embarrassing him.
-Longing for Licking
Miami, FL
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