For me, horror movies and porn go together like peanut butter and jelly. They just work so well as a team. And with Halloween coming up just around the corner, I get plenty of excuses to watch and write about as many scary sex flicks as I want! Sure, some of those ’80s porns with big hair and lots of rouge are pretty scary themselves, but when it comes to fright night, these Top 5 Halloween pornos are what I want to see. Blood, guts and boning! Happy Halloween!
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I’m going to have to fuck… the hell out of you!
In this Burning Angel spoof of William Peter Blatty’s classic, The Exorcist, Tommy Pistol plays a priest who has tried every exorcism spell approved by the church, and resorts to a non-sanctioned ritual to save the soul of Joanna Angel – The Sexcorcism!
To begin, let me just say for the record, the last thing I would ever to is still my theoretical dick down the devil’s throat, even if he was possessing Joanna Angel. Pistol is a man on a mission though, and that’s exactly what he does. After a bit, he determines that this isn’t going to be enough to expel the devil, and after crossing her across the face with his cock, begins to pound away in hopes of saving the poor girl. Pistol and Angel, who have been dating forever, are always hot together and this scene is no different. In the end, Pistol is left lying in a puddle of demon ejaculate on the floor after a spectacular squirting finale!
I could go on and on about this original fuck flick, but I don’t want to ruin all of the good stuff. Let me just say you have plenty to look forward to as a man risks his life to save a soul.
Fans of horror flicks and Joanna Angel will love this spoof, but I will warn you that this is a pretty rough flick. If you don’t want to see demon vomit (because it wouldn’t do justice to the original without it) and their version of the cross masturbation scene, I’d suggest checking out this review of My Girlfriend’s A Vampire. It’s a great holiday flick without the rough stuff.
Also make sure you check out their spoof H.P. Lovecraft’s 80’s horror flick Re-Animator this Halloween, the award-winning Re-Penetrator.
-The Porn Librarian
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I’ve reviewed a lot of spoofs over the past year and thought it would be appropriate to highlight my favorites. I found out last weekend at a family wedding that porno spoofs are totally appropriate conversation for mixed company. By “mixed company” I mean my grandmother, my Republican uncle and a number of other people I try not to ever talk about sex with. My brother-in-law was complaining about not seeing the new Batman because of the wedding, so I immediately brought up Batdude and Throbbin’ – a total classic. My grandmother, who hears a lot when she wants to, overheard and before I knew it the entire family was discussing the many merits of Sex Trek and The Sperminator.
So, in no particular order, here are some of my favorites!
Not Another Porn Movie
I love this one because it’s making fun of porn! When you combine every ridiculous stereotype and fuck-up you’ve seen in porno over the years with totally hot sex, you can’t really go wrong. After all of the boom mics and bad plots you’ve ignored in the past, you owe it to yourself to finally see the pizza guy really give it to a cash-strapped college girl!
Not The Bradys XXX
This was one of the biggest movies of last year for obvious reasons. I mean, who hasn’t thought about Marcia down on her knees in a deep shag rug? This one has a stellar cast, great sex, and all of the campiness of the original television show.
Goosed For 3! - A Bisexual Love Affair
This is a really clever movie that brings some of your favorite childhood Mother Goose characters to live – hardcore! The best thing is that Nina Hartley plays a super dirty Mother Goose. Plus it’s a totally queer flick that has hot straight, gay and lesbian scenes!
Re-Penetrator
I love this one just for the sheer entertainment factor. Fans of cheesy horror flicks will love this spoof as Joanna Angel and Tommy Pistol recreate Re-Animator. Lots of sex, blood, and rock and roll.
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We had so much fun reviewing Erika Lust’s latest film scene by scene that we’re doing the same for Joanna Angel’s Not Another Porn Movie. The queen of alt-porn has taken it upon herself to spoof every ridiculous porno you’ve ever had the misfortune to watch. The first scene features Tommy Pistol as a pizza guy (of course) who’s ready to deliver. The opening is brilliant as Angel loses her shit over the protesters set up outside the shoot. The entire scene is hilarious, but you shouldn’t overlook this little gem in the dialogue: “It’s just porn. How can something so stupid be targeted for having such serious effects on the world?” Amen, sister! There are also a number of little things I really appreciated, like the boom mic being in the shot (I’ve seen that a million times) and I laughed out loud when the sex begins and the camera pans to a three piece band playing a typical porno beat. Of course, I should talk about the sex. It’s a great scene that features Pistol serving up the sausage to Pinky Lee. The sex is pretty straight forward, but definitely hot as Lee pays for her pizza the only way she can. Just for the record, I delivered pizza for two summers and got nothing but religious tracts and grief about how long it took.
-The Porn Librarian
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I’d totally be an evil villain if that meant that Joanna’s Angels would come after me. Sure, it’d be to kick my ass, but really, does that matter? I’ve got a total weakness for inked chicks, so watching a girl with tattooed knuckles finger an asshole might be the hottest thing I’ve seen in a while. Not to say that Joanna’s double penetration with Tommy Pistol and James Deen in scene 8 is anything but impressive, but I’d expect nothing less from someone as awesomely tough as Miss Angel herself. So, whether she’s kicking my ass or bustin’ out the “magic handjob,” count me in.
-J.D. Bauchery
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