I’m not one to follow reality TV shows or get into celebrity gossip. I don’t really have the need to watch other people’s boring/drama filled lives, famous or not. I don’t go out of my way to watch celebrity sex tapes or things of that nature. But, I have to admit, the idea of getting to watch Audrey Hepburn get it on with Elvis is pretty enticing. I can’t tell you why. I just know that I would rather watch Cleopatra enjoy a little cunnilingus over Paris Hilton doing um, well, anything.

Of course we don’t actually get to watch Marilyn Monroe get it on in Hollywood Icons Come To Life, instead we get the rather attractive porn star version. I was both amused and a little disappointed in this porno. Here’s why:

Each scene starts out with a little character reenactment… a character study, if you will. I was impressed by the effort out forth in most of them. The disappointment came in when the characters were lost as soon as the sex began. I sort of felt like they took the easy way out. I wanted Elvis to be Elvis the entire time he was fucking! I wanted some dirty reference to peanut butter and nanner sandwiches or something. The sex was decent, but it was on par with what you would expect from any main stream gonzo movie. Certainly masturbatable, but not different.

I have to say, above all else, I enjoyed the Tarzan and Jane scene. You could tell they had fun with it. Watching Tommy Gunn bang on the ground with rocks was hilarious. Nika Noir, although not a Jane lookalike, looked great in her fur-kini. She was playful and totally smitten by Tarzan. I definitely had fun watching her get busy – she rode Tommy Gunn like a champ!

All in all, I’d recommend this flick, just don’t expect to see any screwing in character.

Thank you, Joanna Angel, for bringing us a vast collection of pornos featuring dirty tattooed freaks. Thank you for making porn that doesn’t take itself too seriously.

From the recently added list on HotMovies and HotMoviesForHer, Alt Nation is yet another tattooed fuck-tastic Burning Angel creation.  Today I’m focusing on scenes 2 and 3, just because I can.

Scene 2 definitely cracked me up.  Joanna Angel sends fradey-cat Tommy Pistol to the attic to retrieve a blanket.  Low and behold a ghost, Cadence St. John, creeps up from behind.  They fuck because that’s what people and ghosts do in Joanna Angel porn.  Tommy has what it takes to make Cadence squirm, and twitch with this fingers and tongue and he knows it.  I know this because he says “that’s fuckin’ nice” and “hey-O” more times than I can count.  It’s not the sexiest dirty talk I’ve ever heard, that’s for sure.  The fucking is super hot, but this scene is chock full of lolz.  Tommy kept saying things like, “I’m gonna fuck that ghost” and “don’t go into the light”.  Tommy’s one liners are punctuated when he lets out a big “BOOOO” as he pops his load on Cadence’s throat and chest.  The sexy sexin’ definitely outweighs the goofy antics, but know that there are lots of jokes just in case you find that distracting.

Mr. Marcus, the big burly hunk of man that he is, shacks up with 2 hardcore hotties, Sparky Sin Claire and Kylee Cross in scene 3.  This dirty pervy threesome is made better by the fact that Mr. M never takes his beret off throughout the entire scene.  Yep, he is a painter and we all know painters wear berets even when they screw.  He is sensitive, he is serious and he gets to do it with 2 alt porno babes.  In all of its silliness, there are some super sexy picturesque moments, like when Sparky straddles Kylee’s face while Mr. Marcus fucks her.  Hot!  These three freaks get down and dirty with the cock sucking, pussy licking and fucking, but the standout moment comes (heh) when Mr. Marcus’s jiz shoots up and over Sparky’s face and lands right on top of her head.  You have to love those uncontrollable splooge doozies!

Alt Nation does not disappoint when it comes to satisfying marriage of comedy and hot fucking that we’ve come to expect from Burning Angel.  I definitely recommend it to anyone who enjoys watching hot chicks covered in tattoos fuck like there is no tomorrow.

Happy 4th of July!

In case you’re wondering where the Independence Day themed porno is, I’ll start by saying, too F’ing bad.  Look, I dug through piles (metaphorically speaking) of dirty movies and there just wasn’t one out there.  Well, at least there wasn’t one of any interest.  I still decided to go with something as American as the day we use as an excuse to make things explode in the sky, This Ain’t Happy Days XXX.  If that doesn’t scream wholesome patriotic fun, I don’t know what does.

This Hustler porn parody does a great job of capturing the feel of the original show, complete with canned laughter.  The cast looks great in their 1950’s attire and hair.  Even when they’re fucking, they keep a piece of clothing on to remind us that they are indeed portraying characters.  Anyone out there who fantasized about doing the Fonz, Joanie or any other loveable Happy Days character, this is your chance to indulge.

Beyond the quality of production value, the sex is fantastic in this flick.  The first and last scenes really stood out for me.  In the opening scene the guys are discussing their dating issues and ask Fonzie (appropriately played by Tommy Gunn) for a little guidance.  They go into the boys’ bathroom and The Fonz beckons two smoking hot babes, Riley Evans and Tori Black.  As the threesome unfolds, the guys are still watching and learning in the background and the ladies team up for a quality double blow job to get the party started.  From there, they get fucked from the professional that is Mr. Gunn, most notably in an uncomfortable yet impressive pile driver position.  The girls tend to each other as they enjoy the deep dicking and all involved are happy campers.  Fonze wraps it up by coming on their open mouths, which is followed by a teensy bit of come swapping, which may or may not be your thing.  The scene is punctuated with an “AYYY”.

The last scene in This Ain’t Happy Days XXX also stars Fonzie.  This time he gets to fuck one MILF-tastic Marion Cunningham, played by Racquel Devine.  The sex is hot and Raquel’s big tits look amazing billowing out of her white mom bra as she bounces up and down on Tommy Gunn’s cock.  After getting fucked like never before (sorry, Howard) Marion drops to her knees and takes Fonzie’s jizz in her mouth and on her chin.  Shortly thereafter, everyone walks in on them.  Another “AYYY” and cut.

I can honestly say that I enjoyed this XXX parody for both the production value and the sex.  I often find myself board with these types of pornos, so it was nice to get a few laughs as well as save this one for later viewing.

Kayden And Rocco Make A Porno is a XXX spoof of a popular Kevin Smith movie that spoofed making a porno. Yeah, my head hurts a little too but I’m a fan of Adam & Eve and loved the Hollywood movie, so I figured I’d give it a shot!

Of course, the fact that it is one of the 2011 AVN Award Nominee for Best Comedy didn’t hurt either.

Sadly, things did not start off well when I realized that the “Rocco” of this film is not the amazing Rocco Siffredi. That guy is like the suavest dude ever and I had no clue who Rocco Reed even was. Reed did eventually redeem himself by servicing Codi Carmichael admirably, but I would have absolutely loved to see Mr. Siffredi in action.

The best scene hands down is the last between two working legends, Evan Stone and Tiffany Mynx. Mynx’s career started back in 1992 and between then and now she’s performed in almost 500 scenes and matured into one hell of a MILF! Of course, Stone needs no further explanation since he’s been in almost every movie made in the last decade.

All of the ladies should like how this once kicks off – with Mynx on her back and Stone down on his knees eating her out. We establish right away that they’re super into each other and that Mynx is very flexible. She returns the favor before getting on all fours in a diner booth. What follows is a marathon of pussy and ass fucking that is a good example to all of the younger performers who are looking for career longevity. The passion these two show as they fuck their brains out is totally inspiring and pretty damn hot!

I also loved watching Barrett Blade and Tommy Gunn tag team Kayden Kross. You should all know how I feel about Gunn at this point and Blade is a great Robin to his Batman. Kross didn’t really blow my mind, but if you like to watch guys fuck, you’ll like it too.

To be honest, I didn’t really love Kross in this film, but think it’s worth a watch despite it. Tommy Gunn is great (as always) and the Mynx/Stone scene was amazing. On top of that, the movie is pretty damn funny, which is worth something to me.

I talk about Tommy Gunn non-stop, so I figured it was about time we featured him on the site! He’s one of the few straight dudes I will search for on site when I’m looking for movies to review because he always fucks like a champ.

I’m not the only one who thinks this guy is the bee’s knees – he was named the 2005 AVN Best Male Newcomer award and went on to win 2006 AVN Best Supporting Actor for his role in Pirates and a second AVN Male Performer of the Year for 2007.

It’s not very easy to find pictures of male performers all by their lonesome, so you’ll have to forgive the watermark in this first shot. This one is from Chi Chi Larue’s Str8 Shots 2 and if you want to see Tommy solo, this is the only movie I’m aware of where you can do so!

Next up we’ve got Mr. Gunn in action, cause that’s why we love him! With over 600 movies available on our site featuring his work, you’ve got plenty to pick from, but I thought I’d highlight his Penthouse work because I always love their stuff. This image is from Slick where he services the amazing Aurora Snow.

Besides having a perfect body and relentless cock, my gut tells me that this guy would be awesome to drink beer with. Plus I love that all of his tweets end with “Nice!” I suspect this guy loves life.

Inspired by today’s Star Roundp on the GayHotMovies Blog, I thought I’d do a hot guy round up of my very own.  Enjoy.

Everyone needs a little eye candy on a humid Thursday afternoon.

You’re welcome.

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery

Studio: SunLust Pictures Category: By Women

I am a big fan of Sunny Leone, so when I saw that she had finally branched out and started directing I was pretty excited. Pussy Eating Club is the first movie she directed and surprisingly has a mix of girl/girl and boy/girl action. I had assumed this would be all girl from the cover, but was wrong. It actually has two scenes with my boy Tommy Gunn – the 2007 AVN Male Performer of the Year and muscular Marcus London makes an appearance as well.

While I wanted to love, love, love this movie, I have to say that most of the scenes are pretty average. Even the first with Gunn was disappointing due to the fact that Angelina Armani didn’t seem to have a ton of interest in what was happening. The lack of chemistry was a really big turn off for me.

Now for the good stuff! Fortunately, scene six was a gem and stars Prinzzess Sahara and India Summer. There was actually a lot of pussy eating, which was a relief after wondering who the hell named this porno for the first five scenes! The girls get down with a strap on for a while and definitely make use of their fingers and hands throughout.

If you’re looking for b/g, I’d recommend the fifth scene featuring Gunn and Nikki Anne. Anne is pretty hot (love the fish net top!) and really gets her pussy worked over well by one of the industry’s best. Watching her ride his big cock definitely made up for the first four scenes. Definitely a wank worthy scene that really takes advantage of its back alley setting.

Overall, this is a good start for SunLust Pictures, but nothing to sing from the rooftops about. I would actually recommend Sunny’s Slumber Party if you’re interested in checking out the studio for the first time. It’s definitely a better film start to finish.

-The Porn Librarian

Watch Pussy Eating Club Now!

Studio: Vivid Premium Category: 2010 AVN Award Nominees

So it’s time for the very last 2010 nominee before the big awards ceremony tomorrow. When I saw the title for this one I just thought it was fitting plus, “Heaven,” has almost as many nominations as “Cry Wolf” did and that was totally one of the most awesome adult movies of the year.

Ok, so the beginning isn’t as nice as “Cry Wolf” with its nearly instant fade to strip club followed by mutual masturbation in a large SUV. But its par for the course for “Heaven” since it’s set around a strip club with dancers making up several of the key performers. This allows the performers to play to their usual strengths and minimum work to be done establishing a plot, throw in a hard up old club owner who’s girlfriend doesn’t want to fuck him add an bouncer with ambitions and a gambling problem, insta-plot in porn terms anyway.

I have to give it to Tommy Gunn here as far as his performance as an actor; it is definitely top notch in this film. Tommy managed to deliver his lines with great believability, even when playing a socially/sexually awkward young man. It’s endearing and adorable, which the movie could definitely have used a little bit more of from my standpoint.

All that hesitation and ineptitude disappears once he returns to Heaven’s house and the two get down to the lengthy business of getting it on. Their chemistry is probably the best in the film which is a good thing as it’s also one of the longer scenes. Definitely makes for one of the hotter spots in the film.

Well, “Cry Wolf” it definitely wasn’t but “Heaven” does have a trick or two up its sleeve to keep you watching, you just have to wait till the middle to really find them. I’d say it’s as good a movie as any for a wank off session, especially if you’re into mainstream porn titles that feature lots of anal.

-FrzKey

Watch “Heaven” Now!

Studio: Hustler Category: 2010 AVN Award Nominees

2010 AVN Award Nominee for Best BDSM Release.

This Hustler flick, directed by the fantastic Anastasia and Liam Pierce, is pretty different from your typical hardcore fetish film. That’s not a bad thing, but you’ll see a wide variety of kinks represented here where a lot of fetish movies only cover one specific niche. Because of that, I think this is a good one for those of you who are curious about the kinkier aspects of life, but who are not quite sure where to start!

I’m going to be honest and say that I skipped the first scene to get right to Anastasia Pierce and Satine Phoenix. Mostly because I love those ladies, but also because the first scene just didn’t look that great to me. I love a good fucking machine, but drill-dos are a bit boring in my professional opinion.

So, on to scene number two! Both women look exquisite, which is no surprise, but worth noting. The scene opens with Phoenix on her back being drilled by a real fucking machine. It’s pretty impressive and completely justifies my decision to skip the weak ass drill-do action in the opening minutes. If that wasn’t enough, Pierce brings a Hitachi and a lot of lube with her and goes to town on her sub. Once she broke out the clover clips for Satine’s perky nipples, I was hooked. There’s really a ton of stuff going on and I don’t want to write a blow by blow review. Just know that Pierce is slow, methodical and it’s fantastic to watch!

If you’re looking for a little more fucking, Tommy Gunn is your guy in scene three. There are some heavy fetish elements as he restrains Bobbi Star, works her over with a crop and makes good use of some clothespins. After all of this, he bends her over and fucks her doggy style until he pops in her pretty face. It’s a good mix of bdsm and hardcore sex and there’s nothing wrong with that in my book.

In the end, these two scenes really stood out for me. If you’re looking for some intense bdsm action with some of the biggest stars in adult, I definitely recommend this one.
-The Porn Librarian

Watch Taboo Decadence Now!

Photo via AVN

And the votes are in! The 2010 AVN Award nominees have been announced, and this year the picks are better than ever. Basically the Oscars of porn, the AVN Awards honor the best and brightest of porno movie royalty. So, yeah, they are a big freaking deal. This year we are extra excited because so many of our favorite performers are on the list! We are super happy for them and know they all completely deserve the nominations.  Check out the full nomination list.

While many of the folks nominated have had the pleasure of making the list in previous years, I want to make sure to give a special shout out to some HM4Her crushes that are celebrating their first AVN Award nominations this year. Especially the San Francisco queers that are breaking through the mainstream barriers of porn and bringing their insanely sexy gender/sexuality bending action to the masses. This year is the first that AVN is recognizing the work they do as being on par with some of the most well known names in mainstream porn.

So, who am I talking about? Jiz Lee, Dylan Ryan and Pink and White Productions (dir. Shine Louise Houston)!  I remember that last year we were excited when queer performer Syd Blakovich walked the AVN red carpet as Madison Young’s date, and now look at us – cheering on these awesome queers for their own nominations!  And surprisingly, it’s not for a queer category either.  Jiz is up for Best New Web Starlet, Dylan for Best Solo Sex Scene, and Pink and White for their Best Video Feature, “Champion,” which was shot with a mostly queer/trans/gender non-conforming/people of color cast and crew and with a way smaller budget than any other movie in the nomination category.  Hot, right?  So, congrats to these rad pervs!  Who cares who wins… the nod is freaking awesome.

Some of our other favorite porno gods/goddesses that made the list this year are:

Nica Noelle – Director of the Year
Kimberly Kane – Best Actress
James Deen – Best Actor/ Male Performer of the Year
Carlos Batts – Best Director (Non-Feature)
Roulette – Best Music Soundtrack  (I told you!)
Sweet Sinner – Best New Line
Good Releasing – Best New Video Production Company
Sasha Grey – Best New Web Starlet/ The Jenna Jameson Crossover Star of the Year
Belladonna – pretty much every award
Tommy Gunn – Best Actor/ Best Supporting Actor
Penny Flame – Best Supporting Actress
Joanna Angel – Director of the Year
Dana DeArmond – Female Performer of the Year
Buck Angel – Transsexual Performer of the Year

Seriously, there are so many awesome movies and performers nominated, I could spend the whole day making a list. Why don’t you just check out the whole list here.

Congrats to one and all!

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery