Stream of Consciousness Review

Welcome to our “Inside the Brain of a Porn Reviewer” Thursday post! These are stream of consciousness movie reviews that include all the weird comments I usually write down when I review, but drop by the time the post is ready to publish for all to see.

While I don’t usually go for fantasy movies, once I saw this in our “recently added” section, I was way too intrigued not to check it out. I mean really, look at the box – can you blame me? It’s 3D XXX animation, porno style! I think this will be the perfect antidote to a slow Thursday afternoon.

This week’s movie:

PornoMation 3 – DreamSpells

The Scene:

Scene 1

Basic Idea (so you know what’s going on):

I’m not quite sure what’s going on here, other than it’s pornomation! Well, that and there seems to be daemons. Not very helpful, I know.

From the description:

It’s finally here; the long awaited volume 3 of the AVN award winning movie Pornomation has arrived. Experience virtual hardcore erotic fantasy with Dream Spells: the Daimons Within, XXX 3D animated science fiction by Sagemonn and Karynna. Pornotopian style with an animated twist!

- My first pornimation… not sure what to expect

- woah. That sure is CG sex!

- It reminds me of Grand Theft Auto, which is probably not surprising, since the last thing I saw that looked like this was that game… I’m obviously not very up to date on my video games.

- Wow, humping in a car never looks that comfortable. I know it’s animation, but really, it looks way to roomy in that backseat to be realistic.
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Welcome to our “Inside the Brain of a Porn Reviewer” Thursday post! These are stream of consciousness movie reviews that include all the weird comments I usually write down when I review, but drop by the time the post is ready to publish for all to see.

I usually get my “ItBoaPR” movies to review from our “Recently Added” category and when I saw this one, I knew this was the flick for this week. Something about the amazing box cover art and the tiny bit un-inspired title made it a sure bet. Of course I love me a classic as well, so I am super excited to check this out.

This week’s movie:

The Erotic Dr. Jekyll

The Scene:

Scene 1

Basic Idea (so you know what’s going on):
Seems to me that it’s an erotic telling of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, or at least that’s what I get from the title.

Here’s the description:
An amazing classic from Victor Milt. Some of the most famous stars of yesteryear grace us with their performances. Bree Anthony plays a virgin girl, Bobby Astyr is Igor, Zebedy Colt is the Count, Terri Hall plays a groupie, and of course the star, Harry Reems plays Dr. Jekyll. The original version, re-transfered from 35MM negative.

- Even the music is kinda creepy, but the drawings are amazing. Naked rockers.

- Long openings on porn movies kinda confuse me. Just get to the fucking already!

- Ah, the poor sound of classic movies.
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Welcome to our “Inside the Brain of a Porn Reviewer” Thursday post! These are stream of consciousness movie reviews that include all the weird comments I usually write down when I review, but drop by the time the post is ready to publish for all to see.

This week I figured I’d go for something a little different and do a foreign language film. Since I don’t speak Japanese and there are no subtitles (why bother really), I have no idea what it’s about, other than the sex. One the plus side, the sex is what I’m here for, so I’m totally fine with it.

This week’s movie:

Girl Fucking Girl 2

The Scene:

Scene 1

Basic Idea (so you know what’s going on):

I have no idea – the movie is in Japanese. But the description says: “[The Movie] delves deep into the secret fantasies of a few particular women. They simply cannot resist another beautiful woman who may be peacefully resting in a room nearby. So they proceed to fulfill their given desires, and there is no turning back from there…..”

That works for me.

- Oooh, the movie starts with a shot spanning nice bookshelves. Fancy. Looks a little like an IKEA display that has a whole bunch of the same books in a row to show how books look on a shelf.

- Ok, so the movie is called “Woman to Woman” on the screen, but the box says Girl Fucking Girl… I guess they had to make it more appealing to dudes? But it sounds so classy the other way…

- Nice cleavage shot. Before we even see her face.
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Welcome to our “Inside the Brain of a Porn Reviewer” Thursday post! These are stream of consciousness movie reviews that include all the weird comments I usually write down when I review, but drop by the time the post is ready to publish for all to see.

This week I thought it would be extra fun to review a movie that we were able to watch being filmed as it fed live to our site.  Back on July 24th, Wildlife Live streamed the second global live broadcast of the Screw My Wife Please!! series, with HM4Her crush Nina Hartley hanging out on set for commentary.  Little did we know she’d be pairing up with famed porno actress Kelly Nichols for their very first scene together, but lo and behold, they did.  And we couldn’t be happier about it. 

This week’s movie:

Screw My Wife Please!! 69 – Nina Kelly Girl On Girl

The Scenes:


Scene 1& 2

Basic Idea (so you know what’s going on):
From the description:
Kelly Nichols handles make-up for all of our performers. While doing Nina’s make-up, they were discussing some of their early experiences in the industry and Kelly comes to realize that the two of them have never been in a scene together. This, of course, piques Nina’s interest and the two of them just can’t help themselves after that.

- We start with Kelly doing Nina’s make up. They both have such cute dresses on!

- I love that everyone is so relaxed and just chillin’ out.
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Welcome to our “Inside the Brain of a Porn Reviewer” Thursday post! These are stream of consciousness movie reviews that include all the weird comments I usually write down when I review, but drop by the time the post is ready to publish for all to see.

I know I can’t be the only one that’s excited that someone finally turned “Friends” into a porno spoof. I mean come on, the show was basically set up to be a porno without the sexin’! So many hook ups! Plus a window with a view of naked people in their apartments! Ok, fine, it was one ugly naked guy, but still, that beats the view that most New Yorkers get – the side of the building next door. Anyway, I’m excited so let’s get to it!

This week’s movie:

Friends – A XXX Parody Disc 1

The Scene:


Scene 4

Basic Idea (so you know what’s going on):
Remember that that show from the ’90s?  The one with all the friends sitting around a coffee shop?  Now add a bunch of raunchy sex and you’ve got it.

Or as the boxcover reads:
“Hilarity and deep penetration ensues when Freebie accidentally spills the beans about Monica’s bachelorette party, leading the boys to decide to throw a bigger and raunchier bachelor party. Finally, the show you always wanted to see naked… FRIENDS: A XXX PARODY is here!”

- The opening is AMAZING. I love the song! Gotta love the fountain dancing!

- Ok, I’m moving to Scene 4… I just really wanted to see the opening.
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Welcome to our “Inside the Brain of a Porn Reviewer” Thursday post! These are stream of consciousness movie reviews that include all the weird comments I usually write down when I review, but drop by the time the post is ready to publish for all to see. This week is all about over-the-knee spanking with my favorite kink queen, Madison Young.  While I might not know all the spanking lingo, I do know a hot scene when I see it, so let the fun begin!

This week’s movie:

Spanking Girl’s Backdoor Man

The Scene:


Scene 1

Basic Idea (so you know what’s going on):
When Karen becomes uncontrollably restless, her new female sponsor from the Sex Addictions clinic volunteers to spank these urges out of the wanton redhead. Instead, every smack of Snow’s firm hand on Karen’s silky bottom transmits an indescribable thrill. Especially when Snow decides that Karen must take the rest of her over the knee spanking in the nude. (From the description)

- The credits start with piano music… not something you see in porn every day.

- Credit for Snow Mercy just popped up. What a cool name! Read the rest of this entry »

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Welcome to our “Inside the Brain of a Porn Reviewer” Thursday post! These are stream of consciousness movie reviews that include all the weird comments I usually write down when I review, but drop by the time the post is ready to publish for all to see. This week I decided to go with a recently added lesbo mechanics movie.  While I was hoping for some hardcore butch/femme action when I saw the title, there is none to be found.  Oh well, it’s hot girls fucking… who can complain about that?

Let the fun begin!

This week’s movie:

Lesbian Mechanics

The Scene:


Scene 2

Basic Idea (so you know what’s going on):
Emilee Parker and Isabella Star get busy in a mechanic shop.

- I love when porns have the performers name at the beginning of each scene.

- So I think Emilee Parker is the one in the Jersey and Isabella Star is the one in the thong.

- Um, who works on a car in high motorcycle boots? Especially paired with a football jersey.

- Those under the car roller things are totally perfect for sexing! I can’t believe I never saw it done before.

- Wow, Star took that dress off fast!

- Oooh, matching your dress and thong is a total fail. Read the rest of this entry »

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Welcome to our “Inside the Brain of a Porn Reviewer” Thursday post! These are stream of consciousness movie reviews that include all the weird comments I usually write down when I review, but drop by the time the post is ready to publish for all to see.  This week I decided to go with a solo girl masturbation movie, which may or may not leave me with much to write.  But it looks super hot and it is AbbyWinters.com, so I know I’ll enjoy it regardless.  Let the fun begin!

This week’s movie:

Lustful Temptations

The Scene:


Scene 2

Basic Idea (so you know what’s going on):
Helen J is masturbating alone on a couch. No plot, no fancy camera work, no nothin’ – a couch, a pillow and a gal jerkin’ off.

- I love how the girls in AbbyWinters masturbation scenes usually start out with clothes on. Watching them take it off makes the scene even hotter. Read the rest of this entry »

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For the last few weeks I’ve been doing stream of consciousness movie reviews that include all the weird comments I usually write down when I review and drop by the time the post is ready to publish for all to see.  Last Thursday I asked you guys if it was something you thought should be a weekly addition to the site, and while I only got a few answers back, they were positive and excited about the quirky review style.  So welcome to our new “Inside the Brain of a Porn Reviewer” Thursday post!

Let the fun begin!

This week’s movie:

Marilyn Chambers’ Naughty Fairy Tales

The Scene:


Scene 4

Basic Idea (so you know what’s going on):
Naughty fairy tales!  This scene is Cinderella, which is awesome because it’s a great story – plus I don’t have to go into all the details of the plot, because you porobably already know it! Woohoo!

- Marilyn Chambers hosts – sigh, it’s sad she’s dead. Love that fancy night gown though. Read the rest of this entry »

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Last week I decided to switch things up a bit and review a porn scene a little differently - in a total stream of consciousness way.  So much of the notes I write when I review movies gets dopped to the cutting room floor… or repurposed into full sentences for the review you see.  So I figured it was those thoughts’ turn to shine. I ended up really liking the results of my experiment and I’m thinking of making it a weekly post. 

Comment and let me know what you think. 

Ok, let’s get to it!

This week’s movie:

The Scene:

Scene 2 with Nikki Rhodes and Louisa Lanewood

Basic Idea (so you know what’s going on):
No Plot.  Just two girls fucking out of the blue.

The Review:

- This looks like it’s gonna be a hot scene!

- Whoa green eye shadow! Nikki Rhodes thinks she’s trying to be sexy making that pouty face, but really it looks like something is wrong with her eye.
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