Tag Archives: sports

The Authentic Lesbian Review: Porn Stars Are Athletes Too

In the early 2000s, or what I like to refer to as the Bring It On era, I found myself engaged in a debate over whether cheerleaders were athletes or not. Before then I had never given much thought to questioning if they were or weren’t, I thought it was obvious they were, and now I’m faced with the same question in regards to porn stars. With all the madness that comes along with March and our annual PornTourn competition, we decided to attack the question head on.

What Is an Athlete?

Webster defines the word athlete as “a person who is trained or skilled in exercises, sports, or games requiring physical strength, agility, or stamina.” The key words in that definition are “trained” and “skilled.” Anyone can go out and shoot hoops, but the training and skill levels are what separate athletes from everybody else.  This is where I think we forget about porn stars. On any given night, you can see a video clip of Stephen Curry or James Harden working on their handles in a gym for hours. Turn on NFL Network and you’ll get a glimpse of the next big college prospect bench pressing two times their body weight and talking about the off-field work that we viewers rarely get to see. What we aren’t privy to is all the work porn stars put in behind the scene. Think about it, we never get to see Prince Yahshua’s push up routine before flipping chicks over with his dick still inside, or watch the beautifully buff women of Iron Belles during a regular gym workout that doesn’t involve face smothering some skinny chump (I say that with all the love in my heart). Some might argue that with porn stars nobody wants to witness the unsexy hard work that they put into their bodies, but I live for behind the scenes footage so that reasoning doesn’t work. Others might admit to a similarity here or there but deny that porn stars are on the same athletic level as semi-pro and pro athletes. I’d argue they’re wrong.

High Level Consistency

Nobody wants to be the guy that only wins the championship once. That’s like only serving one term as President. I mean, yay, accomplishment, but winning and being great is about consistency and what goes into maintaining it. You can’t mention the word consistent in porn circles without then mentioning Nina Hartley. Look at that figure! You don’t get a body like that just having great sex, although I’m sure it helps. But diet and routine (along with genetics) get the credit per Nina, and that alone is more than some of us can handle. Trying not to eat bacon three times a day is struggle enough for me. But believe it or not, Nina Hartley isn’t the type to hit the gym regularly for vigorous cardio and she isn’t the only one. In a recent interview with Misty Stone I learned she doesn’t go out of her way to maintain her beautiful figure either. A balanced diet, amazing hygiene before and after shoots, and a little luck gets the credit per Misty.

Just like in sports, the same routine, or lack of one, can’t be applied across the board to obtain success. Because something works for one doesn’t mean it will work for others, and what comes easy for some won’t come easy for others. Tasha Reign gave OC Weekly the inside scoop on her pre-porn rituals and after letting the guys know it’s not as sexy as the fantasy she ultimately produces, she goes straight into how she cares for her body. It’s no secret that sex is one of the best (and usually free) workouts around, but some of the positions porn stars put themselves into goes way above what us amateurs try nightly. To keep up with the demand, Tasha keeps a group Pilates or yoga class on her schedule, maintains a vegetarian diet, and makes sure to get at least eight hours of sleep at night (sounds like the Tom Brady way of life). In 2010 Asa Akira admitted to Cosmopolitan that if she could, she’d work out every day of the week, but since scheduling would never allow that, she settles for a few days a week of boot camp training (which is insanely intense!) supplemented with yoga, and lots of dressing-free salads. Similarly, Jesse Andrews participates in boot camp training and hiking while throwing in fun physical activities like bowling and dodgeball and keeping a healthy diet free of bread, milk, and my personal favorite, McDonald’s. She juices a lot, and tries to eat kale at least once a day all in the name of adult entertainment. I thought I was doing something by making everything in my Starbucks order “skinny,” but these stars blow me out of the water.

I noticed that almost every performer I came across participated in some form of a physical stretching exercise like Pilates, yoga, or tai chi. When I was little my father put me in ballet classes, which was torture because I was not a girly girl and hated everything pink. When I begged and cried for him to take me out he explained his reasoning. Ballet would provide a foundation of footwork that I could take and build from to further better my overall basketball game. Once I heard and understood that, you couldn’t get me to skip a ballet class. I wanted to be the greatest basketball player to ever play for Pat Summit down in Tennessee and if ballet was going to help get me there I’d sleep in my tutu (ballet, you totally dropped the ball here). Because of the rigorous activity porn stars’ bodies must go through daily I think the boot camp, yoga, and Pilates become extremely important and necessary for some. Think about the positions they put themselves into and it’ll all make sense.

While Dana DeArmond doesn’t have to do much to keep herself looking fit, she did admit that foot worship scenes are very close to a core workout for her because while giving a footjob you must keep your middle balanced while stroking with your legs. Chanel Preston, who stays away from too much cardio for fear of being too skinny, talks about how much of a workout wearing a strap-on is, and I for one appreciate the hell out of that. Pelvic thrusting is one of my absolute favorite things to do, but squatting is one of my least favorite things to do, and fucking a chick with a strap is nothing if not squat class 101 (102 for us overachievers). And just about every female porn star ever asked about working out talked about posing, modeling, and lugging around a lot of shit, which got my wheels spinning…

Porn stars, like cheerleaders and gymnasts fall into the category of having to look good while putting their athleticism on display. The most I worried about when it came to appearance was if my sneakers and head band matched, and I bet Sam Cassell and Tyrone Hill can say the same thing. Appearing attractive while performing isn’t something many athletes have to think about. Adult performers, however, have it at the top of their morning list and are responsible for bringing their own wardrobe to set, which can consist of everything from 3 different outfits and 2 pair of heels to match, to that plus a suitcase filled with whips, chains, and a strap-on, which are heavier than they look. In pro sports, you don’t have to bring your own equipment and in college sports a lot of that is taken away, especially for stars. You’ll never see coach K showing up to a tourney game with a bag of balls for shoot around just like you’ll never see Usain Bolt cleaning up the track after a hard rain. Porn stars are expected to travel with most of their own shit though (if you’ve ever traveled with a woman you know the horror this could be), twist and conform their bodies into positions we’re too scared to do more than fantasize about, appear attractive to a wide audience, and look like they’re enjoying it. Imagine that was in the work contract you signed! I would be screwed. Sure Tina Thompson, the 1st overall pick in WNBA history, took it upon herself to wear red MAC Diva lipstick during every game, but that was more about luck and later in her career making a statement about women who play professional sports. For porn stars, something as simple as red lipstick, and looking good wearing it while sucking dick, is often a job requirement, and after viewing a million photos of yourself naked, keeping a positive body image and attitude can’t be the easiest thing in the world.

Siouxsie Q, who performs in a lot of hardcore BDSM titles, wrote an article for SF Weekly this year in which she talks about getting back into the adult industry and preparing for a shoot with everyone’s favorite queer, Andre Shakti. “Although I’ve missed getting paid to have sex with hot people, the epic hair and makeup, and the silly costumes and dialogue, the main thing I’ve missed about the adult film is the athletic lifestyle. When I was performing full time, I devoted much of my week to yoga, weight training, cardio, and a strict diet, but now that my life is more about policy papers and political action committees, there’s not much time for crafting my porn star bod. To get ready to be naked in front of the camera again, I’ve had to convince myself that I’m living in a training sequence from an inspirational sports movie from the 80s. This involves a great deal of hard-boiled eggs and running around my neighborhood at 7 a.m. in a waist-training corset. It’s not easy or glamorous, but neither is being a porn star.” Can you imagine that shit!? Siouxsie was only out of the game for about a year, and even though she’s heavy into BDSM, 7am runs in a waist corset!? That’s serious dedication right there, but I think my favorite part is that she actually missed the athletic lifestyle. The game is won in practice and conditioning, and athletes expected to perform with high consistency know this. Porn stars are no exception and Siouxsie Q’s example of commitment to preparation illustrates this perfectly. Not only is working out and eating healthy a constant, but upkeep like shaving, makeup, and all that jazz have to be top priorities too. With all the work adult entertainers put into their craft they deserve to be paid and acknowledged for it. This brings me to my next point…

NCXXX

For the most part professional athletes are paid very handsomely for their talents and the work that goes into them. Hell, some are paid way too much (Brock Osweiler, Kwame Brown, Andy Dalton) just because of the promise that they might be great, but when it comes to porn stars, they get the NCAA treatment regardless if they’re pro , semi-pro, or amateur playing in the d-league. The only thing missing is the outward appreciation college athletes get. Look at Rico Strong up there. He wasn’t born with those muscles, and even the fellas have to take a little time to appreciate the physique. Nobody wants to watch Fat Bastard (or Mike Myers for that matter) bang anything, no matter how hot she is, but do you think any of that turned into dollar signs for Rico? Despite all that bad ass ink I’m going to bet that answer is no, and that’s a shame. Male porn stars are pretty much only there to provide the dick in straight flicks, and on the surface that’s all they’re really good for. But there’s a lot that goes into the upkeep of that dick and the body it’s attached to.

Take the beloved Johnny Sins for example. To start his daily routine, Johnny stretches with a few kick backs and pushups before attacking those abs we all know and love with 12 reps of dead lifts, 24 reps of bicycles, and 12 reps of squat jump tuck. In fact, his routine and physique gained so much recognition that he started instructing in and selling workout videos (seriously, look at his YouTube page). And that’s on top of his whole grain diet in which he stays away from microwaves and eats every two to three hours to keep his metabolism going. That seems like a lot for someone who is essentially a prop on set who just needs to keep it hard for hours and then cum when he’s told. You’d think there would at least be some type of handshake or pat on the back when it’s all said and done since this is the guy who banged the hot babe while lifting her over his head, which just happens to be your favorite position to fantasize about and makes you cum every single time, but nope! The dude is responsible for maintaining a certain look, keeping his junk up for an insane amount of time (diet plays a factor here), busting a nut on cue, lifting chicks with big asses and even bigger titties (weight lifting, ugh), and nobody buys his jersey or shakes his hand. Plus his check is smaller than his female co-stars every single time, and if you’re a minority it’s even less! If it wasn’t for the sex I don’t think guys would even show up, and I can’t blame them.

Speaking of all the sex that makes it so worth it, James Deen talked to GQ back in 2013 and shed light on just how much of a workout it is. “In the film world, people don’t realize you’re not just having sex. Sex on camera can be anywhere from 20 minutes to four hours. It all depends on the production and type of scene. It’s also not just standard sex like, ‘let’s just make each other’s bodies feel good,’ its physical entertainment style sex.” That doesn’t sound as great as it looks especially the stop and go of it all, and it really makes you think about how much work goes in to sex for entertainment. The performer is responsible for making sure we have a good time, and while it falls on everyone in the scene, men in straight movies bear that burden, although they often go unappreciated (straight women who enjoy porn feel this pain too). I can’t imagine someone stopping me in the middle of a good time with Kira Noir to pose for the camera and after it’s all said and done I don’t even get a “great job Authentic Lezz!” I understand that these guys get to fuck some of the hottest, freakiest, downright irresistible women walking the face of the earth (at least that’s what we think), but employee recognition goes a long way and it’s not like the guys aren’t working hard for it. The way Ryan Madison fucks is nothing less than exhausting and to think he’s stopping and changing angles and actually working in the middle of it all literally is enough to blow my mind. That man puts the energizer bunny to shame!

A Means to an End

Athletics of any kind are encouraged in today’s society more than ever before. Not only does being athletic promote a healthy lifestyle, but team activities teach us how to depend on each other, work together, overcome adversity, and succeed as a unit. It helps in the workplace and in one’s social life, but today being athletic and playing a sport has taken on a new and bigger role. That shit pays for college! Higher education has become big business that most of us can’t afford, but we’re constantly told we need it (similar to what’s going on with home buying in today’s economy, but I digress). That piece of paper opens up a world of opportunities and if you can sing, dance, run, jump, or anything else that people are willing to pay to watch you do to get it then by all means GO… unless it’s porn. Enter Belle Knox. Intelligent enough to get accepted into Duke University, Knox began her adult actress career in 2013 to help pay for her $60,000/year tuition. Pornography allowed her to control her schedule so she wouldn’t miss classes but still make enough money to survive, a constant struggle for working college students, while ensuring she wouldn’t be trapped in debt upon graduation. On top of that she entered a profession where she could travel, meet and learn from all types of diverse people, explore her sexuality and body image, something all young women go through, and be subjected to medical testing to ensure her safety, something us non-porn star college kids didn’t do enough. What parent wouldn’t be proud of her as a daughter!?

Despite what, when laid out, many would consider major accomplishments and smart thinking on her part, Belle Knox faced a lot of criticism because of her career choice. Besides being ousted and harassed by the frat boys watching porn in the first place, she lost respect from some of her professors and peers, and had to explain her lifestyle and job to staff. Apparently providing adult entertainment to the masses is not an acceptable way to make a living, although watching it bears no ill judgments from society (that double standard kills me!). Sit back and imagine if the dean of your kid’s school called them into a meeting to explain why they work one place instead of another and then made judgments based on that one thing. I’m telling you now, I’d be happily in prison watching graduation on Twitter Live using a burner phone somebody snuck me because that dean’s face would no longer look the way God intended. For the life of me I will never understand many of the ridiculous stereotypes that follow sex workers, but the one that really grinds my gears is that somehow your preppy snot nosed kid is being negatively influenced or put in danger. Countless porn stars have studied at and walked college campuses before, during, and after their career, and not one of them (to my researched knowledge) has ever harmed anyone. In fact, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to have Brandi Love (Central Michigan), Bree Olsen (Indiana Purdue), Carter Cruise (East Carolina University), Lexington Steele (Syracuse), Stoya (Delaware College of Art & Design), and Joanna Angel (Rutgers) on campus. The experience they have across the board, life lessons they can share, and the immense success they’ve all enjoyed are priceless to anyone they stop and talk to.

It’s time we recognize adult entertainers as professional athletes and give them the credit they deserve. Hopefully you pay for porn, and that’s great because they worked hard to provide you with a quality product you can jizz all over, but it goes beyond that. The way we view and think about porn stars on a day-to-day basis needs to escalate to a level where we begin to consider workouts, diet, make-up, wardrobe, and the expectations we place on them that we wouldn’t be able to meet ourselves, because it really is a lifestyle that they must adhere to on and off camera. It’s bad enough there’s no union, health care, or HR departments stars can rally around on the same level as us office dwellers, so the least we can do is acknowledge everything that they do to make themselves great and us horny.

That’s all for now, but for more from the great mind of the Authentic Lesbian, follow me on Twitter @authenticlezz1 and remember, sex is positive, sex is your friend, and sex can pay the bills!

Comments From The Peanut Gallery – My Mom Is Hilarious

Last night around 8:15 pm, my phone started blowing up with texts from my mom who was watching the halftime show during the Super Bowl, or as I’ve heard it to be called, the football game at the Beyonce concert.  I wasn’t watching, but her basic gist was…

  

Yep, my mother said “Mama A says Fifty Shades of Beyonce.”  Hilarious!  And also, she does have a point…


And that’s not even the most risque picture I found!  Also, I think that my mother secretly loves having a daughter who writes about this stuff – she was so happy to give me blog fodder.

I love my mom.

xoxo
-JD

The Men of the Superbowl

I am a big sports fan, so I’m pretty psyched for the big game this Sunday. I have a lot of friends who aren’t really into it either, but are going to get dragged somewhere to watch the game regardless. Half the fun of these big sporting events is spending a few hours with family and friends drinking, eating and jumping up and down.

For those of you who don’t know jack about the sport, I thought I’d introduce you to a few of the stars. If you can’t understand what the hell is happening, at least you can visualize the some of these guys in less clothes.

First up we’ve got the Steeler’s Troy Polamalu – this year’s Defensive Player of the year. Polamalu is known for two things, his hair and being a complete freak of nature. This guy makes plays that seem impossible nearly every single game. Whether he’s jumping over a 6’3″ 300 pound offensive line man for a sack or somehow covering 20 yards in a flash to intercept the ball.

Plus he looks like this.

You also have to respect a guy who keeps his hair in order to honor his heritage even though it’s perfectly legal for another player to tackle him by it.

I’m rooting for the packers, but it’s hard not to be a fan.

It’s hard to talk about this game and Polamalu without talking about Clay Matthews. Just a second year player, he was the runner up for Defensive Player of the Year and also gets a lot of attention for his golden locks.

It’s a little surprising just how much sportscasters are talking about hair this week. I guess since they can’t fawn over how handsome Tom Brady is, they’ve settled for this discussion.

Matthews is a beast and the guy you’ll want to keep an eye out on when the Packers are playing defense.

Next up we’ve got Aaron Rodgers, the quarterback for Green Bay and the guy who has one of the best touchdown celebrations of all time – The Belt! No matter how bored you get during the game, he’ll grab your attention when he thrusts those hips forward to signify he’s the champ!

He’s super cute and watching him lead the Pack to the Superbowl while stupid Brett Farve fizzled out in Minnesota was one of my favorite parts of football this season.

Hopefully that gives those of you who don’t really care something to cheer about on Sunday. Worst case scenario, you could push to scrap the game and watch Football porn!

Top Five Tuesday – Ski Trip!

I don’t like cold weather, the snow or any activity that has me headed down a hill with thin pieces of wood attached to my feet and only two poles to help get me to the bottom safely.  Hell, I’ve only ever been ice skating once in my life – and that was in San Francisco, while wearing a t-shirt and looking up at palm trees.

So, basically this means that I’m not so into winter, BUT what I am into is sex (duh), and any sport that pretty much requires folks to be holed up in a lodge, sipping spiked hot chocolate and fucking by the fire is a-okay with me.  And isn’t that what skiing is all about?  So today, in honor of all those athletic people that like to hit the slopes – and those of us that prefer to chill out by the hearth – we are giving you the top five sexy skiing movies!

SOS – Sex On Snow: While having sex on the snow sounds like extreme torture to me, apparently there are people that love a little cold rush while getting hot and bothered.  I guess it is the ultimate temperature play.  Sex on the ski lift is a total bonus here too.
Shane’s World 36 – Snow Trip: More than just a romp in the snow, this Shane’s World flick features the entire ski trip – from drive up, to making breakfast, to fucking in the blistery cold.  Who doesn’t love it when their pornos give a complete picture?  It’s all about the context of the money shot, right?
Ski Bunnies: There’s no way I could write this list without including a movie called “Ski Bunnies.”  It just wouldn’t be right.  A little dated with ’90s flare, this winter delight brings us indoors and out with hot fucking, lots of sucking and a whole heap of big, crunchy hair (head hair, you pervs).  Well, I did say it was super ’90s.
Chalet Girl: This ski flick totally wins the prize for sexiest box cover, don’t you think?  I love me a little minimalism.  Sure, it could be a porno, or it could be or part of the promo materials from the ski lodge.  With the plethora of group sex scenes offered, I’m guessing it’s probably the former.  Well, you never know with marketing materials…
Raw Rescue: Alright, so nobody goes skiing in this movie, but who gives a crap when hot built euro dudes are cuming (hehe) to save the day?  The rescue their patients with a mix of TLC, expert blowjob and butt sexin’ skills.  And that, my friend, is what you really need to keep warm on those cold mountain nights.

Don’t forget to pack the poles or it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!

xoxo
-J.D.

Beach Volley Boys

In the summertime I end up watching a lot of movies that are shot outdoors. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that I’d rather be outside than cramped in an office, just like the rest of the world! Lucky for me, I at least get to watch hot people fuck on the beach, on boats and in open fields. It sucks to be working on these perfect days, but at least I’m looking at that instead of an invoice or spreadsheet!

The men of Euroboy Sport obviously have less responsibility that the rest of us, which is awesome because now we get to see them suck and fuck on the beach!

The best scene is obviously the second, because there’s a fake lifeguard saves the day scene that includes CPR and a new life saving technique referred to as a BJ for short. Actually, once you get past the attempted plot this one does get hot quickly. Fran Maldonado literally owes Harold Zen his life and rewards him by offering up his tight hole. Not a bad trade in my book…

I also really liked the opening scene between Michael Amerika and Santiago Masur. Both guys are fit and hungry for cock – a nice mix if you’re going to watch people screwing. Watching Masur drill Amerika’s ass from below was really fantastic and if you like that bottom boy I should tell you he gets it from the lifegaurd (Zen) in the last scene!

There’s just something about watching people get buck wild in the great outdoors that does it for me. I typically prefer my men a little more mature, but these twinks definitely have it going on!

The World Cup – A World of Hotness

I just realized this very moment that I haven’t written a single thing about the World Cup.  While I don’t have any real affinity towards soccer, I can’t deny that the sport yields some hot mens.  That said, I figured that maybe we’d take a minute to appreciate their athletic dedication.

And thankfully Interview Magazine has helped us a little with the visuals from Team USA.


Oguchi Onyewu, 28, defender from Olney, Maryland, playing in his second World Cup. Continue reading The World Cup – A World of Hotness

Top Five Tuesday – Sk8er Boys (and Gals)

It’s spring again! The flowers are blooming, the windows are open and the skaters are dusting off their boards and hitting the streets in search of ramps and rails to nail.  Good thing they are also interested in nailing each other, as well as themselves.

This week we are dedicating our Tuesday round up to the top five skateboarding porns – everything from straight dudes to gay sk8er boys, and even lady boarders too!

Grinding The Rod: Screw Gleaming The Cube, there is a new skateboarding flick in town!  Featuring more than an hour and a half of skater dudes beating their meat, this amateur JO movie shows just how horny you can get from landing all the big tricks, kicks and ollie flips! (’80s pop culture references are radical!)
Bareback Skate Mates: While I’ll admit that bareback porn isn’t really my thing, I do love that these skater guys get busy with each other in the great outdoors.  Well, “outdoors” where skateboarders hang out, like by ramps and abandon buildings – you get the point.  Two thumbs up for Czech sk8er homos!
Skateboard Kink Freak: You didn’t think I’d get through a list of skateboarding movies without mentioning this awesome lesbo romp, did you?  Starring my favorite kinkster, Michelle Aston, this Bleu Productions lady flick is brimming with rope bondage and all sorts of deliciously dirty treats, including a cameo of a skateboard being used as a sex swing of sorts.  Watch this movie!
Christening The Board: Experienced skaters know that the best way to really get their grind on is to make sure their board is nice and waxed.  Nuff said.
Born To Grind: Some guys are just born to grind.  God bless that natural talent, especially in real life couple Jeron and Trey (on the cover) as they bring their bareback lovin’ to the gay skater porno screen.  Thanks Boyride!

Gotta love the resurgence of springtime/summer sports!

xoxo
J.D. Bauchery

Link Love

Happy Humpday!  Welcome back to the mid-week stretch.   It’s Wednesday again and there is a lot going on in the sexy world, so let’s skip the pleasantries and get to it!

– The rumor that the Olympic village is pretty much one giant orgy is not quieted by some of the action we’ve seen on the ice this year – especially during Ice Dancing.  The Frisky rounded up some of the… “hottest” stuff we’ve seen on ice so far.  Including the U.K. brother/sister team of Kerr and Kerr pictured.    Yeah, you read that right… bother/sister team.  Woah, right?

– And if sex is the only sport – Olympic or otherwise – that you have any interest in, check out this link heavy look at Winter Olympic Sex by SUNfiltered. Continue reading Link Love