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spoofs
I would like to start by saying how disappointed I am that this movie did not spoof American Pie at all. I mean, it would be so easy! I could write that movie on my lunch break today and still have time to take a walk.
Anyways, initially I didn’t realize that this movie is a blowjob flick. I expected fucking, so two scenes in I did a little more research and figured out that my assumptions were false. Basically, each scene features a chick and a dude sucking off another (I suppose less gay) guy. It’s an interesting twist on the traditional oral movie and I can see why this is one of our most popular. First, there are really hot girls (Rebeca Lineres!), so it’s ok for straight guys to watch and enjoy this movie. I mean, it’s not really gay if there’s a girl, right? Secondly, it’s different. There are a billion blowjob movies and they’re all the freaking same. This one is a little different because they throw a guy in the mix and for that it earns my praise. Finally, every scene is pretty hot. The girls are true professionals and these guys can suck cock like nobody’s business. A lot of bj flicks are kind of amateurish, so the acting is either over the top or the girl looks like she dreads every second. Thankfully, this one is well done!
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I’m not going to lie. I picked this one because of the title. I loved White Man Can’t Jump, although I haven’t seen it in 15 years, and was hoping for some good basketball puns. After the sex, the best scenes are, without a doubt, the pick-up games. I mean, there’s nothing sweeter than watching a little white dude with a mullet in what appear to be leggings, hooping it up. Scene two features a young Sean Michaels claiming his prize – early 90’s pussy. Watching his partner arch her back once they switch to the reverse cowboy did it for me. Michaels has always been a great performer, but this little girl seals the deal with her enthusiastic performance. So, we’ve got really bad basketball, mullets, pleather, and hot pre-gonzo sex. The only thing missing is Wesley Snipes, but you’re better off looking for him here.
The Porn Librarian
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I had heard about Carolina Jones a few weeks ago and I was pretty excited about its release. I like reviewing spoofs; I think it takes a little bit more wit to do a parody than it does to do your average four hour gonzo porn. I’m not saying I don’t like gonzo, I just like a little more. Doesn’t every girl?
This movie was shot entirely on location in Hungary and Budapest which is unheard of in adult – but it sure paid off. The scenery is amazing and the storyline is pretty great too. Definitely a little over-the-top at times, but it keeps you enthralled.
I’d also like to take this moment to profess my undying love for Bree Olson. I love how she gets so into every scene. You can tell she thoroughly enjoys being there and she’s not leaving until she cums over and over again. I think that’s really important in a scene – I’d like to know that they’re enjoying themselves as much as I am.
Adam & Eve consistently puts out features that are both enjoyable to watch and turn you on time and time again. I can’t wait for the sequel!
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Often, us straight girls have a list of women we’d go lesbian for. Kim Kardashian is always my top choice. She’s fucking hot as hell. Her sex tape with Ray-J isn’t anything to write home about, but her body is amazing (and on that note – so is Ray-J’s). Naturally, I’m also a huge fan of the E! show Keeping Up With the Kardashians which is what this movie is based around. For those of you who don’t know, the show follows the whole Kardashian family through their lives and it’s just ridiculous. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I don’t think anyone in the family has actually done anything of merit (save for Bruce Jenner) and therefore I shouldn’t be wasting my time but I still love Kim’s ass.
Anyway, this is about Getting It Up With the Kardassians which, much like the show, was pretty hot. The female cast even resembled the Kardashian girls – slightly. The scenes were spoofs of things that happened on the show – the mom hired a too-sexy babysitter, the mom tried to come between her daughter and her daughter’s boyfriend, Kim hired a trainer to get in shape. However, unlike the show, the scenes turned into hot sex and turned me on.
The final scene is a girl-girl threeway between Kim and her friends Eva Angelina and Nikki Benz. Considering there’s truth to every joke (and spoof), maybe there’s hope for girls like me after all.
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I like porn parodies. Much like in my personal life, I think it’s important to be able to laugh at everything – even sexy stuff. I also really like celebrities, so I thought the character names in this movie would be above par, and they were, even for porn.
The scenes were amusing – Lindsay Blowhan can’t make it through the metal detector, Hairless Hilton and Cornhole Richie get some sex-ed on The Simple Life, Katherine Hymen and Sandra Ho get dirty on Grundel’s Anatomy, and Dumi Moore gives Gashton Coocher some head – but they weren’t really sexy. At the end of each scene, Gashton comes in to inform the “celeb” that they have been Spunk’d, and he blows a load all over their faces. Everyone laughs, and licks it all up.
That’s really it. Nick Manning makes a great Gashton – they both have a similarly irritating Midwestern accent. The movie is shot very well and there’s a great cast (Ron Jeremy, Hillary Scott, Evan Stone, Jada Fire, Steven St. Croix, Katie Morgan) and it’s definitely funny. I was just hoping for something a little sexier.
Oh well, maybe next season. Punk’d wasn’t that great at first either.
-M.
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Written by: J.D. on April 23rd, 2008
Before I even knew I could write about sex for a living, I was convinced that I wanted to be a forensic pathologist. I think it has something to do with the years of Law and Order I took in as an impressionable teen. Now that I work in porno, luckily there are crime thriller fuck flicks like these to satiate my need to hear all about the wrongs of society during my workday. And just like all the investigators in the shows that I hold so dearly, the Cock Scene Investigators (CSI) do everything it takes to get to the bottom of even the toughest of mysteries. Good thing that everything it takes involves lots of deep throat blow jobs and asshole rimming – or should we say “examining the crime scene.”
Out of the whole ten scene movie, I definitely have to say that scene three was the one for me. Not only do we get a threesome of tight-bodied detectives – one with the roundest bubble butts I’ve ever seen (you could seriously rest a platter on that ass), they get it on for the good of the cause as a reenactment of the crime scene! Hot! Plus, the hot cock sandwich with one lucky investigator pumping his partners ass while getting it up his own is nothing to sneeze at. And I can’t forget to mention that the crime gets solved as everyone’s dicks are being sucked clean. Good work fellas, on a job well done.
-J.D. Bauchery
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Written by: J.D. on March 31st, 2008
Boy, do I have a thing for girls in glasses. And January Darling does not disappoint as Joanna’s slutty secretary, all dolled up in a suit, pearls and super cute cat eye frames. She gets the ball rolling with an “innocent” offer to rub the weary Joanna Angel’s back in this, the third scene of Angel’s dirty movie spoof. Ooop – January! That’s not her back!
I love when Joanna makes it perfectly clear that this is a scene when she yells for people “clear set” to get all the crap off the table they want to fuck on. Brilliant! Even better when January gets on all fours and takes Joanna’s big pink jelly dildo up her cunt.
Would it make me such a girl if I also mentioned that I love Joanna’s shoes? Cause I totally do. Joanna, with your fuck me heels high in the air, you make me what to do just that.
-J.D. Bauchery
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Written by: J.D. on March 24th, 2008
Here we go again, checking out our girl Joanna Angel’s hilariously dead-on porno spoof. This week we’re up to scene two, an anal romp staring Pixie Pearl as the obnoxious porn star and James Deen as the cable guy who’s filling in for the perpetually late and charmingly dim Tommy Pistol. I literally laughed out loud as Pixie stares blankly into the camera, then to Joanna and mutters “what’s my next line?,” then after Joanna feeds her the simple phrase, gets it wrong anyway. Not that it matters, because the reverse cowgirl and doggie style butt-fucking and clit rubbing about to ensue makes up for all the purposely lame-o dialogue they could possibly dish out. I love how flushed Pixie P gets as she takes all James Deen has to offer up her ass. But the best by far is when Tommy comes in at the end, all hurried and babbling excuses and some guy randomly tasers him. I’m not even sure if it’s real or part of the script, but it pretty much made my experience – teenage boy Jackass style.
Scene two was pretty good, but I accidentally caught a few minutes of scene three as I was finishing up, and holy hot, you guys are in for a treat next week!
-J.D. Bauchery
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Written by: J.D. on March 19th, 2008
In Sodomy City, where sexual freedom flows, our hung heroes, Batdude and Throbin, must stop the evil Poker and his posse from their non-consensual sexual exploits. And stop them they do, with all the hardcore anal pounding and dick sucking you’d expect from a couple of hard bodied caped crusaders. I LOVE that they have the words written on the screen like the old tv show. SLURP! CUMMING! 69! The dialogue is a little eh, but really, who’s listening when you’ve got all these hot visuals to focus on? Scene three was definitely my fave, with little Throbin taking time out of his busy day of crime fighting to help out a fellow citizen with a quick suck and fuck – which highlights the awesome zipper crotch of his uniform. Truly a timesaver when you are on the go saving lives.
-J.D. Bauchery
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We had so much fun reviewing Erika Lust’s latest film scene by scene that we’re doing the same for Joanna Angel’s Not Another Porn Movie. The queen of alt-porn has taken it upon herself to spoof every ridiculous porno you’ve ever had the misfortune to watch. The first scene features Tommy Pistol as a pizza guy (of course) who’s ready to deliver. The opening is brilliant as Angel loses her shit over the protesters set up outside the shoot. The entire scene is hilarious, but you shouldn’t overlook this little gem in the dialogue: “It’s just porn. How can something so stupid be targeted for having such serious effects on the world?” Amen, sister! There are also a number of little things I really appreciated, like the boom mic being in the shot (I’ve seen that a million times) and I laughed out loud when the sex begins and the camera pans to a three piece band playing a typical porno beat. Of course, I should talk about the sex. It’s a great scene that features Pistol serving up the sausage to Pinky Lee. The sex is pretty straight forward, but definitely hot as Lee pays for her pizza the only way she can. Just for the record, I delivered pizza for two summers and got nothing but religious tracts and grief about how long it took.
-The Porn Librarian
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