Tag Archives: spoofs

The Time Hump Chronicles

“No, it’s not just sex. It’s love!

It’s two people connecting.

With four other people…

And aliens.”

Suzanne Warren, author of The Timehump Chronicles
And thus, the world was introduced to The Time Hump Chronicles, the epic eight part (nine if you count the fan fiction chapter) sci-fi erotic novel penned by Orange Is The New Black’s Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren. It tells the tale of Edwina, a time traveler with the ability to move backwards and forwards in time, who might also be a robot made of pee-proof metal. Edwina falls in love with both Space Admiral Rodcocker, a time humper from the future with two penises, and Gilly, a wuss from the past with the purest soul in the universe. The Time Hump Chronicles has pretty much anything that I have ever wanted from my XXX media: time travel, outer space, a trial by lovemaking, someone with more than two penises, someone who pees on everyone, open relationships, a guy made entirely out of Vaseline, and most importantly, a meaty storyline with characters that you can fall in love with.

There’s just one problem. The Time Hump Chronicles is a fictional piece of fiction written by a fictional character, and Netflix, distressingly, has not released any media tie-ins to sate the fans who are just clamoring for totally obscene wormhole sex between a robo-doll and a diphallic military man.

Fear not, my dear Time Humpers. I look the liberty of digging up the most batshit insane sci-fi/fantasy porn I could find, in the hope that it would be good enough to get our orgasmators off until the internet pulls through with the fan media that we need.

PornoMation trilogy

Pornomation 3 - Time Hump ChroniclesRobots! Aliens! Valkyries! Mermaids! Monsters! Monster cocks! Wood nymphs! A dozen dildos that come to life! A god damn auto-cunnilingus alien!!! Dudes, listen, the PornoMation trilogy is pretty much everything your weird little brain ever thought up as you teetered on the precipice of sleep as you lay in bed during your teen years. Part one of the series is chock full of short 1 – 4 minute computer animated vignettes in which the creatures of every nerd’s wet dreams fuck the crap out of each other. Some of the vignettes even manage to tell a little bit of a story with a beginning-middle-end set up. The second and third installments of PornoMation have their own feature-length plots! PornoMation 2 tells the tale of Zuma, a sexual gladiator from Earth, who must sexily battle her way across the planet Stratalyrie, while PornoMation 3 spins a yarn about a bored human couple who cheat on each other with fantastic creatures in their dreams. If there’s any porno that would be Crazy Eyes-approved, it would definitely be this.

Barbarella – An Axel Braun Parody

barbarella xxxIf you’re looking for a tale of a busty, space traveling heroine shot on a high budget (high by porn standards, at least) then Axel Braun’s parody of the 1968 sci-fi cult classic Barbarella should do the trick. Braun’s contract girl Riley Steele steps into Jane Fonda’s moon boots as the titular heroine, a hyper sexual astronaut traveling the universe in search of the doctor Durand-Durand. Along the way, Barbarella gets off with two cuddly aliens played by Evan Stone and Eric Masterson, Alec Knight in a wolf costume, the wonderful Asa Akira as The Great Tyrant, and the Excessive Machine. Axel Braun’s Barbarella parody not nearly as out there or inventive as The Time Hump Chronicles, but it does scratch the “hot lady in space” itch!


The Erotic Time Machine

the erotic time machineThe Erotic Time Machine is just the sort of low-budget late-nineties insanity that I was hoping to find. Kelli Summers stars as Miss Manners, a scientist from the 32nd century who has unlocked the secret to time travel. She narrates her story while tearing off her lab coat and rubbing her breasts at the viewer, explaining that a side effect of time travel is unbridled horniness. She discloses some gobbledey-gook about toxins in the cerebral cortex and identifies herself as a lust traveler, but fuck that, Miss Manners is totally a time humper. Miss Manners introduces us to a series of vignettes that detail the sexual adventures of the past and present, including some bikini-clad lesbian cave women who use volcanic mud as lube, some sexy aliens from the planet Quonatia, and a creepy suburban mom’s well-meaning birds-and-the-bees talk naturally resulting in lesbianism.

Spaceship Agga Ruter

Spaceship Agga ruter1998’s Spaceship Agga Ruter from Hentai studio Kitty Media is just the sort of childish free-for-all with just enough softcore eroticism that Crazy Eyes would love. Predictably, I had no idea what was going on, even with the subtitles. There’s a space pirate named Jannis, and she gets really excited about capturing a space ship, but it turns out there’s only two people on board: Kei, a sexy android, and Taiyo, the 18 year old boy that Kei raised and taught how to please ladies. It turns out that Taiyo, who’s really kind of a clueless, well-meaning doofus, is really good at sex, even though his technique is mostly just touching people’s boobs, but that’s really just par for the course for Japanese movies. Hentai usually just pisses me off, but Spaceship Agga Ruter manages to be fun without being totally degrading.

Killer Kleavage From Outer Space

killer kleavage from outer spaceI covered director Joanna Angel’s campy Killer Kleavage From Outer Space way back in March, but it’s definitely worth a second look for fans of The Time Hump Chronicles. Busty alien chicks? Check. Deadly body parts? Check. Goofy plot to save a planet from extinction? Check. Hardcore fucking? Check. A happy ending? Double check. This candy colored shout out to all things low-budget and sci-fi is perfect for fans who are dying to get something a little extra in their extraterrestrial. Join busty tattooed babe Jessie Lee on friends on their search for Earth’s perfect penis!



The Princess Has Come Of Age

the princess has come of ageIf you came here looking for sheer lunacy, look no further than 2005’s The Princess Has Come Of Age. With computer graphics that are significantly better than the PornoMation trilogy, this weird Italian shit delivers on all of the otherworldly fuckery that fans of The Time Hump Chronicles love. With minimal dialogue, it tells the story of a princess with a serious thigh gap in a galaxy far away who must choose a husband. The only criteria? The lucky groom must be able to satisfy all of her sexual desires. The suitors in question are David The Gnome’s well endowed  meth head cousin, a robot made out of body-safe materials, a daffodil with an ample bosom who really likes DP and bondage, a shiny mirror image of the princess who uses double ended dildos in zero gravity, and a suriname toad daddy who likes to watch while his phallic bat babies do all the work. I am absolutely showing The Princess Has Come Of Age to all of my friends, because this is the kind of fuckery than cannot be missed.

Will porn world release their own answer to The Time Hump Chronicles? God I hope so. I recommend bringing Faye Reagan out of retirement to play busty, freckled Edwina, alongside Christian XXX as Admiral Rodcocker, Tyler Nixon as the pure hearted Gilly. For the minor characters, I’d cast Dana DeArmond as Lilly Sprinkle, who pees on everyone, Carter Cruise as Sunflower, the mean one that you love to hate, and Dane Cross as the hot yet tragic Vaseline Man. But until porn land pulls through with The Time Hump Chronicles XXX, please enjoy my top picks!

XXX Parodies of Oscar Movies

The Academy Awards honor the greatest films of the past year. On Sunday night Alejandro González Iñárritu’s Birdman: Or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) beat out some stiff competition for the coveted Best Picture Oscar. Past winners have included some of the steamiest sex scenes ever captured on celluloid, like Natalie and Milas’ intense lesbian hook-up in Black Swan, Leo and Kate’s romantic Model-T consummation in Titanic, and Halle and Billy Bob’s orgasmic tryst in Monster’s Ball. But we’re often left frustrated after that tasteful fade to black, aching to see more of these sexy scenes in every graphic detail. Thankfully, porn studios are always ready to adapt our favorite Oscar nominated films for adult audiences! Here are some of our favorite porn parodies based on Oscar noms.

American Booty

American Booty – 2000

American Beauty, the story of a suburban father’s mid-life crisis, swept the major awards of the 2000 Academy Awards. It generated a national conversation around its sexually charged plot, so it was no surprise when the adult industry leapt at the chance to produce a porn parody. Despite being thin on plot, the racially diverse American Booty is still worth a look. Check out scene two, where Ian Daniels eats out Midori’s pussy for what seems like forever.






The Private Gladiator

The Private Gladiator2002

Ridley Scott’s sword and sandals epic Gladiator beat out Ang Lee’s Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon at the 2001 Oscars, and also inspired its own high budget porn parody from high end European studio Private. It’s surprisingly faithful to the original story, with a young Toni Ribas (aka Mr. Asa Akira) playing Maximus Decimus Meridius and Frank Gun as Commodus. If you can get past the goofy voice overs you’ll appreciate this for what it is; a fun and sexy romp that harkens back to the Golden Age of porn, with tons of hot Europeans getting freaky in their finest Forum wear. If you enjoy this one, check out the sequels: The Private Gladiator II – In The City Of Lust and The Private Gladiator III – Sexual Conquest.




Whore of the Rings

Whore of the Rings – 2001

Nerds all over the world collectively creamed themselves when Peter Jackson’s adaptation of Tolkein’s fantasy epic The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring hit theaters in 2001. It took two years and two sequels for the trilogy to get the recognition it deserved, when The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King swept the 76th Academy Awards for 11 statues. Naturally, the adult industry latched onto the fantasy franchise’s massive success by producing its own parody. Heatwave’s Whore of the Rings stars the gorgeous redhead Kylie Ireland as an evil warrior princess who seeks the ring of power on order to recapture her youth. It’s campy fun that reminds me of cheesy, low budget horror and fantasy movies from the 70’s and 80’s, but with lots more anal. If you’re into it, check out the sequel Whore of the Rings II.




The Art'X movie








The Art’X2013  and This Ain’t the Artist XXX2013

2011’s send up to silent cinema, The Artist, is the most awarded French film in history, the first French film to win Best Picture, and its star, Jean Dujardin, is the first Frenchman to nab the award for Best Actor. The adult industry saw fit to give us two parodies of this Oscar darling. Scrappy French studio JTC Video’s The Art’X tells the story of a lovable loser looking to get laid by directing his own pornos. It’s not totally silent, with plenty of moments of spoken dialogue, all in French. Hustler’s much sleeker This Ain’t the Artist XXX is actually a compilation of previously released and totally disparate scenes with the color and sound replaced with black and white and old timey piano music. These two parodies are distinctly different, with JTC’s offering mimicking the playful plot of the original and Hustler nearly nailing The Artist’s distinctive visual style. They’re both worth a look!


American Hustle XXX movieAmerican Hustle XXX 2013

David O. Russell’s American Hustle was nominated in ten categories at the 86th Academy Awards, just as Will Ryder’s American Hustle XXX was nominated in several categories at this year’s prestigious AVN Awards. Two con artists (Penny Pax and Tommy Gun) themselves get conned into helping the FBI take down the mayor of Camden. Ryder’s parody follows the plot of the original film with a charming faithfulness, and features some laugh out loud humor and an all star cast of some of the brightest porn stars working today, including AVN Best New Starlet Carter Cruise.






Edward Penishands

Alright, I’ll admit it – I’ve already reviewed this movie before.  But that was about a million years ago (back in 2008), and it recently came up again when I was hanging out with some friends, talking about fisting.  I know, fisting is a weird segue into Edward Penishands, but hey, truth is stranger than fiction, right?  Anyway, I was totally blown away the first time I watched this movie and was just as excited when I made my friends gather around my computer and watch a few clips.  Clearly I have a hard time leaving my work at work.  When I brought this masterpiece back to the front of my brain, I just knew I had to revisit it on the site and make sure that the most people possible have this hilarious/awesome porn in their lives.  What can I say – you can just call me Mother Theresa.

As you guessed it, Edward Penishands in a spoof on the amazing Tim Burton movie from 1990, and better yet, it was made only a year later in ’91, so the camp is dated as it should be.  I’m so serious when I say this is one of my favorite pornos.  Sure, I’m not gonna go jerk off to it, but for me, that’s not the point.  The fact that I want to watch it over and over again is what does it for me.  It’s like the extra dirty version of the obsession I had with Dirty Dancing when I was younger.  Anyway, back to the review…

Edward Penishands follows the same story as the original, featuring an inventor that creates a man, but dies before being able to finish him, leaving large penises where his hands should be.  And who should find him but a saleslady selling her wares door-to-door, who finds out that he is all alone, fucks his penis hands and his crotch penis and then brings him home.

Ok, let’s touch on a few things before we go any further.  First, yes, he does ejaculate out of his penis hands – a lot.  Second, yes, his penis hands go look like turkey drumsticks. And third, yes, his wrists look like wrinkled, vein-y ball sacks.  That all makes you want to watch it even more, right?  Thought so.

So, saleslady brings Edward home and he gets busy with all the neighborhood biddies, one on each dick arm, which is pretty impressive.  We even get a little hand-to-hand jerk off action where his hands spurt all over the place (this is my favorite part).  The saleslady’s daughter is totally creeped out by him, but eventually has a change of heart and lets him shower her with his come.   All’s well that ends well.

The whole thing is surreal and ridiculous and totally amazing.  I give it two big penis thumbs up!

Watch “Edward Penishands” Now!


This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX

This year, the AVN Awards are all about the parodies – even going as far as to have parody porns get their own category.  And because we are reviewing a few of this year’s nominees (the actual awards are this coming weekend), what better to review than one of the many parodies nominated.  Then, of course, it took a while to figure out which one to review, because there are way more than a few – and we’ve already reviewed a bunch as well.  Finally I decided on This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX.  I mean, honestly, how could I not?  In fact, I was pretty blown away that we hadn’t actually reviewed it yet.

Snapping up six 2012 AVN nominations  (Best Parody – Comedy, Best Screenplay – Parody, Best Actor – Evan Stone, Best Special Effects,  Best Art Direction, and Best Cinematography), this ‘80s movie pornofied features a bevy of household names like Evan Stone, James Deen, Ron Jeremy, Alexis Texas and more.  When you pair that with direction by renowned parody maker Axel Braun, you know you are going to get something good.

Now, it’s been a minute since I watched the original Ghostbusters, but from what I can tell, this dirty version does an excellent job of mixing the authentic awesomeness with lots of naughty action.  And Evan Stone really is fucking hilarious as Bill Murray’s Dr. Peter Venkman.  I guess since Ghostbusters is a pretty famous flick, they really didn’t need to bother with too much back story before starting in on the sexin’.  Within 5 minutes Stone has his giant cock all the way down Lily LaBeau’s creamy throat.  And about 5 minutes after that scene is finished, Alec Knight has his pants around his ankles and is screwing the very dead Alexis Texas, who is a ghostly maiden inhabiting the public library.  I guess that’s one way to catch a ghost, right?

Soon after, we meet Dana Barrett (Raven Alexis) who’s having some trouble with her apartment  being haunted.  Oh, you know, the same old ghostly activity of slinging hot dogs all willy-nilly at Dana and inhabiting a refrigerator and turning it into a tear in space/time/universe.  So, who does Dana call?  That’s right, the Ghostbusters!  *Cue theme music here* And while that’s awesome and all, the one I’ve really been excited to meet shows himself in scene 3 – Slimer!  That’s right, the green guy appears and slimes all over Evan Stone, and then jerks his slimy cock as they zap him into their little ghostly vault.  Very impressive special effects as well (definitely deserving of the nomination).

Ok, back to Dana, who is now Zuul.  “There is no Dana, only Zuul.” (Man, I forgot how much I love that line – hilarious.)  Peter Venkman is super into Dana and finds himself fucking Zuul now. Yum.  Alright, It seems that I’ve veered off into nostalgia and am going all over the place with this review.  You basically need to know three things about this flick to really sum it up:

  1. It’s pretty fucking hilarious and if you like the original Ghostbusters and you like porn, you’ll like this.
  2. The sex is really seriously hot.  Everyone who fucks is really hot too.
  3. This movie basically deserves all the nominations it got.

That’s it.  Now go watch, because it’s amazing and you should definitely see for yourself.

Watch “This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX” Now!

Bridesmaids – XXX Porn Parody

I’m going to be totally honest with you guys here – I don’t love a porno parody.  Whenever I choose to review a parody, I sit down and steel myself for what I am expecting to be a less than stellar adult experience.  Yes, I am generalizing here, but when you think about it, I have watched my fair share of spoof porns, and I’d say that I’m a pretty good judge.

Anyway, we aren’t talking about porno parodies in general here; we are talking about Bridesmaids – XXX Porn Parody.  And just as with all the other parodies, I readied myself to be disappointed.  But surprisingly, I wasn’t.

Alright, I’ll admit that the sex was just as random and uneventful as every other porno parody I’ve watched, but the spoofing part was really fucking funny.  Smash Pictures totally got my favorite character (Megan, of course) right.  I mean, take a look at this clip and tell me it’s not seriously hilarious!

Brilliant!  Now, as for the sex… well, it was sex.  Who watches porno parodies for the sex, really?  I mean, let’s be honest here – porn parodies are for checking out to see your favorite shows and movies remade with worse acting.  It’s just true.  After taking a few minutes to watch that part of it, most folks probably stick around for the sex.  But really, I can’t imagine too many people reaching for a parody to just get in and get off.  I may be dead wrong, but I doubt that I am.

I will say that when it came to the fucking, I was excited to watch Katie St. Ives get her freak on.  Damn is that girl hot!  She gets busy in scene one with Anthony Rosano, who I could take or leave – but Katie, take take take!  Those blue eyes and pouty lips – yum.  Wait, where was I?  Oh right, I was talking about how boring the sex in parody porn is… well, I mean other than this scene, or any other featuring Kate St. Ives.

So, if you liked the real Bridesmaids movie (I did) and are interested in seeing a pretty funny, sexi-fied version, it looks like you’ve found it!

Watch “Bridesmaids: XXX Porn Parody” Now!

Top Five Tuesday – Movies I Can’t Wait To Watch!

Every once in a while all I want to do is talk about the movies that I haven’t had the chance to watch yet.  With such a big catalog of movies to choose from and new ones that come in daily, I don’t always have time to check out flicks that catch my eye.  Wisely, I do keep a list of titles that I know I need to return to, but sometimes it takes a little longer than expected to get there.  So today, I wanted to hold myself accountable and share some of the videos that top my must-see list!

Twisted Getaway: Not only is this awesome queer fuckfest a 2011 Feminist Porn Awards Honorable Mention, it’s also directed by the amazing Sophia St. James AND is chock full of a whole cast of super hot folks that I’ve never watched fuck.  If I don’t watch this movie soon, I will need to turn in my queer porn connoisseur card!

Sex World:  Back a few weeks ago when I reviewed the remake of this 1978 movie, I had no idea there even was an original.  It was only when someone commented on the old one did I get that I was watching a second version.  And after really enjoying the new one, I decided that I obviously need to watch the original.  I just haven’t had time!
Queer Porn TV: James Darling + Wolf Hudson Part 1: Ever since Courtney Trouble brought her latest project TROUBLE FILMS to HotMoviesForHer, this particular porn reviewer has been in a constant state of arousal.  It is DEFINITELY time to give these flicks more than a few minutes of my attention. STAT.

Official Silence of the Lambs Parody:  All of the issues I have with parody/spoof movies aside, I have a total soft spot for Silence of the Lambs, my own personal favorite scary movie.  And the fact that they made a porno version is both extra horrifying and completely awesome.  So creepy/wonderful.
Hot For Teacher: Alt princess Joanna Angel is a sex ed teacher ready to give a few hands on lessons.  I want to watch ASAP – clearly because I just love sex ed so much that I will concentrate on that… not Joanna Angel getting screwed six ways til Sunday, I swear!

I need to find for time for porn!!


Top Five Tuesday – Staycation, All I Ever Wanted

This week my co-blogger Ginger Leigh is out on vacation.  Not only do I miss her (she sits within arm’s reach of my desk and puts up with my chatter), I am more than a little envious of her out of the office chill out time.  Yes, I’ve been out of the office as well recently, but nothing about that was relaxing – all work work work.  Hell, I don’t even need to go anywhere! I am totally fine with holing up in the house and having myself a much needed staycation!  While that’s not on the horizon, I still wanted to get my dreams going, so I’ve decided to grace y’all with my top five smutty picks for when I will lock the doors, turn off the phone and spend a few days staycationing and enjoying popsicles and porno!

Twisted Getaway: I seriously cannot BELIEVE that I haven’t watched this queer orgy extravaganza yet!  A 2011 Feminist Porn Awards Honorable Mention, this delicious fuckfest features a whole host of hotties that I’ve never seen naked before, including the film’s director Sophia St. James. Are you surprised this topped the list??
Official Revenge Of The Nerds Parody: Oh parodies, sometimes I love you, sometimes I loathe you.  This staycation, I’ve decided you are cool, especially when you are created by Philly guys Brian Bangs and Spock Buckton, who make hilarious movies.  Plus, how the hell could I pass up a Revenge Of The Nerds spoof?!?  I am only human, after all.
Eden: Sure, I might get a little jealous of those beautiful beaches and sparkling ocean (though not the getting fucked on them – I am anti sand sex), but at least I know that I won’t get  eaten by a dinosaur while laying in my bed!  You heard me, there is a DINO at the every end of the movie!!  Sorry for the spoiler, but you had to know to make sure you watch it!
Lesbian Love Vol. 1: Don’t think for one second that I’ve forgotten about my hardcore crush on Michelle Aston.  She is the insanely hot smart cookie that rules my porno dreams and it just so happens that this is my favorite scene featuring her.  Of course I am bringing it into the bed with me!
Artcore: Sometimes when you staycation, you want to keep your friends close, so why not just bring them along in super hot porno form?!? I love me some April Flores, Courtney Trouble and Drew Deveaux, both on screen and in the real world (sorry, I don’t know Kelly, Damali or Hoodman personally, though I do enjoy their screentime), and I think it’s super exciting that they are all fucking in one extra hot flick!  Woohoo! 

Here’s to wishing and hoping I get my relaxing day off to hide away and get my porno on!

Happy Vacationing, both here and far away!