Sex Toy Reviews – Fetish

Today is Friday and we know that no one is interested in reading a whole bunch of words all the way through, especially since it is beautiful outside, but because today is Friday the 13^th, we knew we had to rock out a little themed porno.  Instead of writing up our regular review, we thought it might be a little fun to try a bullet list with reasons why you should watch this movie.  Here goes nothin’!

- The whole movie is in Czech, so we have no idea what it is about or what is happening.  Let’s call that “cross cultural exploration,” shall we?

- The music is some weird mix between a Dracula ballad and elevator music, which is nothing if not totally depressing and bizarre.  And it’s playing while two women are stripping out of school uniforms, which I associate with joy and happiness.

-  The storyteller is in some random room with lots of animal heads on the walls.  You don’t see many animal heads in porn these days.  And there is some sort of animal horn chair.

- Dueling enemas.  That is all.

- Czech is a beautiful language that’s warmth and caring is conveyed almost as well as the German language is.

- The uniforms they are in are weird, but cute, in a sailor-ish kind of way.

- The more I watch, the more I wish for subtitles.  It seems like a interesting story.

- If you are going to spank someone while sitting in a chair, try to get a chair that’s sturdy, and not one that looks like it’s going to break into little bits as you swat.

-  Making someone hold a cane between their butt cheeks is a totally sadistic (and awesomely kinky) punishment.

- Canes leave the most intense welts on an ass and thighs. Woah.

- I have no idea what those ladies have up their butts in the end.  Possibly bananas??

- Those Czechs are crazy pornographers.

Happy Friday the 13th, y’all!

Watch “Friday The 13th” now!

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I don’t know if you know this, but different impact play toys offer up different sensations.  Crazy idea, I know, but it’s true.  And, depending on how you play with them also results in a variety of experiences as well.  While I’ve enjoyed my share of thumpy and thuddy toys, I’ve yet to really get down and dirty with something stingy – until now.  And when I say stingy, I don’t mean a light stinging sensation like a slap… I mean a heavy duty whack that leaves a stinging red mark, even when it barely touches you.  I mean the Rubber Paddle from Babeland.

So, what makes this paddle so freaking stingy?  Probably because it’s made from 1/2 inch thick, super heavy rubber.  You know, like the same rubber that tires are made from – complete with the same smell that you encounter at the local Pep Boys.  And man, that smell is sexy!  Measuring in a 11 inches long total (with a 5 inch handle) and 3 inches wide, this isn’t a particularly big paddle, but the material gives it an extra weightiness that packs the wallop!

Another aspect that increases its intense stinging is that the whole thing is downright flexible, with the handle being especially (for lack of a better word) rubbery.  Because of that pliable nature, the paddle gets a little more velocity when it’s thrown, and when it makes contact with the skin, it actually curves toward the skin to cover more area.  Yeah, this is one mean mother f-er.  And no, I’m not talking about Shaft.

Though it is vaguely tire-esque, mostly in smell, don’t think that this toy is rough around the edges.  It’s coated with a velvety finish that feels amazing when it’s run along your skin.  Plus the paddle also offers up a hole on the handle that makes it easy to hang on a small hook or add a string to hang on.

I was quite impressed with this paddle and even more excited when I saw that it goes for a modest price.  Kink toys are usually pretty expensive (well, the quality ones anyway), especially when you get into harder core ones, but this well-made paddle is priced quite fairly.

Just to be super clear, I do NOT recommend this toy for BDSM beginners – doms or subs.  It is way too intense of a toy to start with and takes little effort to produce a powerful sensation.  Start with something a little less hardcore and move up as you progress.  This paddle is perfect for practiced pros that know how to throw an impact toy properly and are looking to sting the crap out of someone.

Babeland’s Rubber Paddle get my two thumbs up!   Just be careful sitting the next day…

ps. Those are my hands in the pictures.  Nice manicure, huh?

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It’s not all that often that you come home from work and tell your honey to take off their pants, because it’s time for a little electrocution.  Well, not unless you live in the home of dirty perverts, and that, my friend, is exactly what we are.  At this point, my partner is pretty used to having me come home baring special sex toy treats in my tote bag, and he quite patiently obliges as I “bring my work home” and give each one a test, be it with him or not.

Now, I’ll admit that this review has been a long time coming.  Like I said, it’s not every day that you bring home electro-stim toys to play with, and this KinkLab’s Neon Wand Electrosex Kit is the very first one I’ve ever experienced!  That’s right, your confident neighborhood sex toy reviewer was a electro-stim VIRGIN before this toy.  That said, I wanted to make 100% sure that I gave it the time and dedication that it deserves before writing it up.

Before we get into all the shocking action (ha!), I want to stress that you NEED to read the user guide prior to plugging this bad boy in.  Not only does it have a ton of useful info to make playing more fun, but it gives you all the important safety information you should know – like not to use the Wand on one spot for more than 10 seconds, and not to use on folks with heart conditions.  This is electricity we are dealing with, people, give it the respect it deserves.

Alright, now that we’ve got that out of the way, what exactly IS the Neon Wand?  Well, the Neon Wand is an Electro-Erotic toy that creates an electrical charge across the surface of the skin, wherever you touch with one of the four glass electrode attachments.  The sensations depend on how high the current is turned up, ranging from a light tingling to a sharp shock.  You definitely want to start out at the lowest setting and turn it up from there, especially if you are on sensitive parts of the body.

Like I said above, the Neon Wand comes with four different glass electrode attachments that fit into the white wand (which is about 10 inches long) that plugs into the wall.  There is an electro comb that looks like a comb with 9 one-inch-long nubs.  The second is a mushroom shaped electrode, with a flatter, wider head, which touches a wider surface volume.  The third is a tiny bulb at the end of a longer, curved stalk called the 90 degree probe.  The tip offers the smallest surface area, meaning the charge is more concentrated.  Then there is the tongue tube, which is a rounded diamond shape at the end of the tube.  This electrode is flat and kind of looks like a flat spoon.  Each attachment feels a little different and definitely made for a fun testing exploration.

When you bring the electrode (attached to the wand) close to your skin, a small colored beam/spark comes out and connects to the skin.  I know it sounds weird when I explain it, but really, it’s just what the charge looks like.  There are two color options to choose from – purple or red, though you only get one or the other when you buy your wand.  Unfortunately you can’t change it on a whim.  Mine is red, for all you visual folks out there.

There are other electro-stim wands out there, so what makes the Neon Wand different?  This toy is a solid-state device with no moving parts, which means it’s more durable and you can move it around when playing without worrying that the charge is going to vary.  I don’t know about you, but I want to know that if I turn it whatever way that it’s not going to lose its power, or shock the crap out of me.  Another plus of having a solid-state device is that it is super portable.  Who doesn’t love the kinkiest hotel sex?  And it comes in its own perfectly packed case!  Woohoo!

When we plugged the Neon Wand in ourselves, we were very careful not to spend too much time anywhere near the heart.  Something about electricity anywhere near my heart freaks me deeply.  I also wasn’t too keen on waving it on my vulva at all, preferring to keep it to extremities.  Even my inner thighs were too sensitive for the lowest setting.  We used it as more of a tease and in power play situations than as a toy to engage with our genitals.  It wasn’t something we used to get off – it was something to get us aroused and offer up a little bit of pain.  I know we will definitely use it for some good old fashion mean play in the future.

If you are into erotic electric experiences worth every penny, get yourself a KinkLab Neon Wand from Stockroom!

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I don’t know if you remember, but a little while back I blogged about Project TransAction, an awesome queer San Francisco-based company that makes amazing silk-screened leather goods  and has Jiz Lee as a model on their Etsy store.  After writing about it and pouring over their online shop, I knew I needed to check out something from their “Leather for Lovers” section, so I got a hold of shop owner Jacob Vaughn and got on knees (over email) and begged for some item to review.  Seriously, he’s probably lucky I wasn’t there in person, because I probably came off demented enough on email.  But seriously, take a look at the site and you will see why.  After going back and forth on specifics, Vaughn sent out a pair of black leather restraint cuffs with… wait for it… the PERIODIC TABLE silk-screened on them.  Holy kinky nerd nirvana!

While I am usually super excited when we get packages of toys to review, I think this may have been one of the few times when I actually squealed when I opened the mailer.  Seriously.  Of course I had to try then on right away.  I had given them my wrist measurement, so it was a perfect fit.  And of course I wore them for the rest of the day too.  How could I not?

Handmade with beautiful, supple leather and sturdy metal fasteners and rings, these gorgeous cuffs are super high quality.  It is so obvious that they folks that made them take great pride in their work. And because Project TransAction is an independent leatherworking and screenprinting company, they are really easy to get a hold of to talk about custom designs and configurations.

It was lucky that I made the smart move to let my partner know that I received them earlier in the day, so he would be ready for go time when I got home from work.  I didn’t want any distraction from playing with my new best friends.  It’s also really nice that they are discreetly kinky enough to wear on the bus going home and people thing they are just leather cuffs.  Ok… maybe that’s not true. I told myself that no one knew I was wearing restraints on the bus, but honestly, the metal rings probably gave it away.  Oh well, it was still an exciting bus ride, with what I thought was my special dirty secret.

The only down side to these cuffs is that it was only when I was home and ready to play did I realize that I didn’t have anything to connect them.  That doesn’t have anything to do with the actual, as much as my poor planning.  But, being the craft queer that I am, I just stripped my carabineer of its keys and my partner snapped my cuffed wrists together.  Yum.  I’ll have to remember to get a double ended clip thing from the hardware store for later, but for now, the carabineer does its job.

In actual play, these leather cuffs are seriously a dream.  They don’t pinch or chafe in any way, and once they are broken in, the leather basically molds perfectly to your wrists for an amazing custom-feeling fit, but honestly, they feel great from the beginning.  They stay in place and keep your wrists totally restrained and feeling good.  And you don’t even know how important that is until you are playing with a pair of cheap ass restraints or handcuffs that annoy your wrists so much that you can’t even concentrate on the hot action.  These restraints are hands down (or tied to the bed frame…) awesome!  And I forgot – they smell so amazingly leathery delicious!

As of right now I don’t actually see the periodic table leather wrist restraints on Project TransAction Etsy store, but I’m sure you can email them and ask.  But don’t miss the amazing sailor anchor restraints and the vintage circus acrobat ones.  Or the SO FUCKING HOT harnesses that they make.  Alright, this review needs to be over before I pass out from all the blood leaving my brain and traveling to my pants.  Just know that you need to check them out.

Oh, and just so you know, they make belts and cuffs and other stuff too.

ps. I know these aren’t the best pictures, but we took them ourselves, so sorry!

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As someone who considers themselves pretty kinky, I was actually surprised when I realized that my toy box was lacking a blindfold.  Sure, bandanas have been known to do the trick, but sometimes you are looking for a more polished, sexy look – which is where a basic black blindfold comes in.  And the latest addition to my collection, Kinklab Blindfold, is just that.

Made of Polyurethane fabric and elastic, this bare bones blindfold does the trick without added bells and whistles.  The only real extra is the padding around the nose area that keeps the outside out while you are enjoying the sweet sensory deprivation provided.  Shaped sort of like a pair of cat-eye glasses, this blindfold is attached to a piece of elastic (13”-22” head circumference) that is soft on the inside and satiny on the outside, which offers comfort and style at the same time.  Not bad for a fetish toy that costs less than $15.  Plus the materials make for an easily wiped down product.  Gotta love an easy clean up!

Though Kinklab Blindfold may not have the same pitch black affect that other, higher end blindfolds might, it still gets the job done without letting it too much light and activity.  To be honest, I think I would prefer a blindfold that ties, as I felt that the elastic wasn’t giving me the hold I wished it would.  If I pulled the elastic around the back of my head all the way up and positioned it near the crown of my head, it felt a little tighter, but I can’t imagine wanting to go through that all while trying to get busy.

All in all, this is a reasonably priced product that is perfect for folks who are ready to dip their toes into kink without dropping their whole wallet.  Nicely done, Kinklab.

(Available in Pink and Black.)

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Some folks say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  I guess if I needed to draw a map, I would say that they way to my clit is through my nipples.  They are the perfect amount of sensitive, with this amazing ability to near get me off when touched – without ever having my junk stimulated.  Basically, I love my nipples.  So when I saw that Kinklab Mandible Body Clamps were on the list of Babeland toys to review, I totally jumped at the chance to get those suckers on my own excitable parts.

While I’ve reviewed nipple clamps in the past, as well as played with them on my own, I have yet to find a pair that really works for me – and I was hoping that these beautiful clamps would be the ones.  Unfortunately, it just didn’t happen.  Not only did I have a hard time getting the clamps open and closed (even when I did the instructed squeezing) with the dial, the chain part that joins the individual clamps kept getting loose and falling off.

I also really was not a fan of the dial once they were on my nipples because when I wanted them off, it took too long to get the dial to take them off.  Because my nips are so damn sensitive, when something hurts, it REALLY HURTS and I need it to stop RIGHT NOW.  Having to wait to have the clamps squeezed a little (extra ouch!) and the dial turned felt like an eternity.  And that’s when I actually got them to stay on, which wasn’t very often.  Because the actual tip that clamps onto your nipple is quite small (and thankfully rubber covered), there isn’t a ton of surface to grip the nipple, so the whole thing falls off easily, especially with the chain attached.  Very frustrating, but then again, it could be something to do with my nipples.  The package says you can use them on other parts too, but alas, I was too annoyed to even bother trying to mess with that dial and my bits. No thank you. Read the rest of this entry »

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One is fun and two will do, but three is where the real action is, especially when you’re talking about Kinklab’s Triple Leather Slapper!  This high quality leather slapper features three various length leather strips that work together to create the ultimate impact experience. Lightweight and easy to handle, the foot-long black leather stud is a quick study for the novice top, yet still intense enough for advance folks to enjoy it as well.

And that’s not it! This slapper is designed as two toys in one, meaning you can use either side to experience very different sensations.  The three slappers together elicit the most beautiful of “thwacking” sounds and leave your ass feeling delightfully stingy, while the back side of the slapper offers up a little big gentler of a sensation.  As well, the studded handle works perfectly to keep your handhold tight and your swats seamless.

I had never used a slapper before, so this was an extra exciting venture for me.  While floggers and other bigger toys are nice, they are heavier and a little harder to wield, especially for a newbie impact player – which is exactly why the slapper is so great.  It’s easy to use and compact, but still sends the same stingy shocks to my bottom that larger toys offer up.  Good times were had by all!  Plus it’s made from awesome materials, so I don’t need to worry about it falling apart after two weeks.

And for the really quite decent price (under $40), this is a total impact play staple that needs to find a home in any kinkster’s toy box.

Triple up on the fun for yourself at Stockroom.com

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Hmm, ball gags – so many potential jokes, so very little skill at humor to make them. I thought I’d give them a try for so many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that I am a very loud lover and thought this might be a new sexier way of keeping the neighbors from calling the cops or scaring the blue bejesus out of my cat.

In practice it was a whole different story. Having a ball gag in means a lot more than volume control, it also means you can’t lick, bite or swallow anything but gag which leaves a huge amount of play in your lovers hands alone. It’s a remarkably humbling experience not being able to give back half as much as you get, you also have to trust your partner to know what you like and that they’ll go that extra mile without you asking them to verbally or you’re going to have a pretty terrible time unless the gag alone happens to be your fetish.

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(photo via Tiny Nibbles*)

Only in San Francisco. A coffee shop that doubles as a kink boutique is scheduled to open early next week.  Wicked Grounds (what a great name), the first shop of it’s kind in the U.S., will be opening in the SOMA section of the city – the same part of SF that hosts the annual kink-tastic Folsom Street Fair.  Planning to offer the finest coffees and teas, along with sandwiches, sweets, Wicked Grounds will also sell artisan fetish items, such as toys, jewlery and art.

What a freaking awesome idea.  Seriously.  I love bringing “taboo” culture into the light of day and creating safe, public spaces for people to live as they choose.  While there was the topless coffee shop in Maine a few months back (it was burned down not too long ago), San Francisco really is the only place in the U.S. that would accept and embrace such a risque idea.  They’ve even taken care of the only issue I found myself questioning – yes, Wicked Grounds will be an 18+ establishment. 

Take a look at Violet Blue’s interview with Wicked Grounds co-owner, Rose White to get all the juicy details about lattes served in pet bowls for your human pet, as well as keeping the space totally geek friendly with free wifi and tons of outlets.   

 (via  Tiny Nibbles)

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery

(*This is not actually Wicked Grounds.  It is Coffee, Cake & Kink in the U.K.)

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Mutil-volume porno collections get a bad rap.  Sure, you may not need to watch “Granny’s Fanny” volumes 1 through 36 to “get” what’s happening in number 37, but they are far from the cheesey reputation they’ve been given.  Porn series are there to let us know that somehow these two totally different movies are connected, even if we can clearly see that they are both called “Butt Sluts.”  To give these series the respect they deserve, I’ve decided to dedicate this week to the top five fifth volumes of these awesome multi-part movie series!
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