Some sex toys are quiet and demure, fluttering perky little vibrations all over your nether regions. Others are powerful beasts that plug into the wall and shoot out a growling buzz that shocks your clit into submission (cough cough Hitachi cough cough). And then there are the toys that are totally different; like fucking machines. Basically a dildo attached to a motor that moves it back and forth or up and down, these adult joy riders add a whole new level of excitement to self love action; and I am all about giving them some face time.
Since we are still rocking Masturbation May for a couple more weeks, I decided to venture even farther into our solo girl category and found myself in a pile of sex machine flicks. I clicked around until I found the perfect one that I wanted to watch, which turned out to be this movie, My Jetaime.
French for “I love you,” Jetaime is a crafted work of mechanical art with a dildo that thrusts up to 120 “fucks per minute” and a ‘ride-em-cowboy’ attitude that requires the user to hop on it enjoy. And that’s just what our star Marie Madison does, testing out this “bucking bronco” for her first time ever.
Where I might have been momentarily shocked by the size of the dildo and hesitated, Madison just hopped on and got to riding! Though there were a bunch of shots focusing on the dick going in and out of her pussy, I was more into watching the sheer pleasure on her face as she slowly turned the speed up. There was nothing fake about those orgasms!
As much as I liked watching Madison on the machine by herself, it was especially thrilling when they stuck two Jetaimes together and a friend joined her. My favorite was scene 6, with Presley Scott hopping on alongside Madison. They both go to town facing each other – making out and playing with each other’s tits. The real fun starts when Madison adds some hand action to Scott’s pussy and makes her ejaculate all over the machine. Watch out for flying sparks!
I might not know a ton about fucking machines, but I do know that, Jetaime, I love you.
Back December, Craigslist posted an ad in NYC looking for someone to buy a lightly used sex machine from a sex toy reviewer who had no room for it.
Sex machine for sale (not a person, an actual machine) – w4mw – 27
Date: 2007-12-03, 9:37PM EST
So I’m a sex toy reviewer, and a little over a year ago I acquired a fucking machine to review (Topco brand, it retails at $395). It’s kinda big, and I really want it out of my apartment. It has all but one attachment (the one I used, which I will throw away), and technically it is lightly used.
Yes, it’s true, I’m trying to sell my lightly used sex machine on CL. I’m asking $100 for it, you come pick it and get it out of my life. It’s manageable to get it on the subway (probably easier with two people), but I recommend wrapping the box in brown paper or something, since it has pictures and words that will make your package very obvious.
CL doesn’t allow me to post the link to the review, but go to fleshbot[dot]com and search “Marital Aid Test Kitchen: The Fucking Love Machine,” and scroll down to the bottom of the page – the review was posted on October 20, 2006.
Turns out the mystery reviewer looking to ditch the dong machine was none other than HotMoviesForHer’s contributing writer and all around sexpert Audacia Ray. Sure we found this out only days after the inital post, so why are we talking about it nine months later, you ask?
Well, a good project, just like a baby, takes a while to come together and make something with legs. Or a running motor and attachments that thrust, in this case. Anyway, it turns out the ad was way more than an ad… more like fodder for Audacia’s latest film project. I present to you:
In the five minute clip (embedded below) it’s easy to see why you’d want to shell out the $2.99 to check out the whole 25 min short. It’s awesome! Unfortunately for us, Audacia is having issues with her online checkout provider as we speak and has no way to accept payment right now. But she is working hard to fix the sitch and should hopefully be back online soon!
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