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Ron Jeremy
 I’ve come to suck your… cock? Ejacula is a fierce blond with icy eyes, a long black cape and a tight body… not to forget about her huge set of… fangs. And while this lady of the night is hungry for blood, she’s really(not) dying for a taste of fresh cum. I would never think that fangs and blowjobs really go together, but this vampy gal goes to town on all the men sees, not once drawing a drop of blood – from their dicks. Originally choosing this video for its horror theme, I was surprised by not only the Beautiful real European sets and awesome video quality, it turned out to be a pretty hot flick. I really enjoyed the whole movie, but scene four was definitely my favorite. The castle’s master and mistress shed their capes for an erotic romp inside a coffin. Beat that Bram Stoker! Aww man, now I wish they would have made a Bram Stroker joke! I guess we can’t all love a good pun. Plus, I wonder if it’s weird that I think Ron Jeremy looks better here as a hunchback than he does in most of his other movies?
-J.D. Bauchery
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When you think of scary movies, you don’t usually think about comedy. I think it’s pretty safe to say this applies to porno movies as well. But what about horror porn with comedy? Do two non-comedy genres equal something hilarious? Well, in the case of Hung Wankenstein, the answer is yes. A spoof of a spoof of a scary movie (confusing, I know), this flat-out funny fuck flick follows Dr. William Wankenstein (Randy Spears), a failing veterinarian to his ancestral home, the Frankenstein castle. Turns out Willy has not only inherited the place, but the castle’s hired hands as well, including a certain homemade monster. But instead of needing life or brains, or whatever monsters are looking for these days, this particular monster (Evan Stone) is looking for Willy to, well, enhance his willy.
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Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday! Happy mid-weeking to all!! I don’t know why I am so giddy for this hump day, but I seem to be! Let’s get to the linkage!
- Summer smash hit about cuddly robots might be more fun than originally thought. Gender warrior Kate Bornstein queers up WALL * E while we high five in the background for infultrating Pixar with our agenda! (via Daily Bedpost)
- Possibly the most pointless piece of apparel this side if the International Male catalog (a caftan, really?). I’m clearly ordering both colors… and back ups for each just in case. (via Fleshbot)
- Risque interwebbing strikes again! A Philly magazine accidently went adult when they gave the wrong web address for a store in their Best Of issue. Instead of directing people to Home Grown (www.homegrownpa.com), a home furnishing store in the Philly suburbs, the mag offers www.homegrown.com, the website for Homegrown Video, an amateur porn studio. Hahaha. Ouch. I’d laugh more, but I used to be a fact checker at a Philly magazine, so really, I feel their pain. Anyone else looking for a fact checking job, I think Main Line Today has a new opening. (via AVN)
- Classy accessory or perfect way to keep your vibe close by?
_ Speaking of classy, check out Ron Jeremy’s profile in Time Magazine! The Hedgehog is movin’ on up! (via AVN)
- Back to infultrating Pixar - the real story behind Toy Story. (Via HotMovies The Blog)
- Learn something new every day. Things I didn’t know: Napolean’s dick was cut off posthumously. Ok, rumoured to be cut off and mummified. I guess they really didn’t want no short short man… The Frisky rounds up famous weiners in history. (via The Frisky)
Enjoy your hump day!
xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery
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 - J.D and R.J. photo courtesy of drivenbyboredom.com
I got my picture taken with Ron Jeremy. Well, that about sums up my Saturday night.
Haha, yeah right!
While the Porn Librarian and I both breifly mentioned last week that we were having a party, I don’t think either of us gave it justice. Our big brother site HotMovies.com reached it’s 100,000 movie (which inlcudes all of the movies on HMFH) which is a big damn deal, so we had a huge blowout to celebrate our accomplishments. We rented out a massive, three-floor club in Philly (where we are based) and partied hard with an open bar, performances by Peek-A-Boo Revue and America’s most dangerous game show Strip For Pain and rubbed elbows with some of the biggest names in the porno world, including the aforementioned Ron Jeremy, Flower Tucci and Joanna Angel. And yes, I know that this reads like a press release, because I just got it off of the press release.
But not to worry, I planned this party - yeah, that’s why I haven’t been blogging as often the last few months… sorry - so I know everything there is to know about the happenings of this debaucherous affair - both in front of and behind the stage. Now, I can’t tell it all, I wouldn’t want to incriminate anyone (just joking…), but here is a list of my favorite moments of the evening.
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Since I started working in porn, most of my friends has at some point asked what kind of impact my job has on my sex life. Some of them are subtle about it, some accuse me of being some sexual superhero, and others just want to know if I can still somehow manage to enjoy porn.
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Holy Crap! The dialogue in this movie is so perfectly porn! I can’t even describe it how amazing it is. It’s like watching a movie where they’re mocking porn, but with hardcore sex. I thought that the sex was spectacular in this movie, but Tommy Gunn is one of my favorite male performers, so I might be biased. Scene one starts the action off with an amazing scene. I’m not sure who the woman is, but she didn’t shut up and I loved it. Gunn pounds her after she deep throats his rock hard cock – and let me tell you, that doesn’t look like an easy feat! There’s also a pretty hot all-girl threesome that closes out the film and did I mention that Ron Jeremy plays the bad guy? If that’s not reason to check this one out, I’m not sure what would convince you.
The Porn Librarian
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I like porn parodies. Much like in my personal life, I think it’s important to be able to laugh at everything - even sexy stuff. I also really like celebrities, so I thought the character names in this movie would be above par, and they were, even for porn.
The scenes were amusing - Lindsay Blowhan can’t make it through the metal detector, Hairless Hilton and Cornhole Richie get some sex-ed on The Simple Life, Katherine Hymen and Sandra Ho get dirty on Grundel’s Anatomy, and Dumi Moore gives Gashton Coocher some head - but they weren’t really sexy. At the end of each scene, Gashton comes in to inform the “celeb” that they have been Spunk’d, and he blows a load all over their faces. Everyone laughs, and licks it all up.
That’s really it. Nick Manning makes a great Gashton - they both have a similarly irritating Midwestern accent. The movie is shot very well and there’s a great cast (Ron Jeremy, Hillary Scott, Evan Stone, Jada Fire, Steven St. Croix, Katie Morgan) and it’s definitely funny. I was just hoping for something a little sexier.
Oh well, maybe next season. Punk’d wasn’t that great at first either.
-M.
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Earth Day was yesterday. I celebrated by moving two times my body weight in mulch while a bunch of Home Depot dudes looked on. Anyways, I plan on being environmentally friendly for at least a week or so before dedicating my life (or a couple of weeks) to the next worthy cause.
Here’s today’s Save the Earth Sex Tip:
And if you’re interested in some green porn check out Garden of Earthly Delight! OK, so it’s not really going to save the earth, but it’s a great classic movie. It stars a young & slender Ron Jeremy - save the earth for Hedgehogs everywhere.
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Blackmail, money and corporate greed - not the usual ingredients of a hot porno flick, but they work surprisingly well alongside the fucking in this vintage feature. Heavy on the classic adult stars, including vixen Veronica Hart, a young Ron Jeremy and Sharon Mitchell, who later went on to co-found the Adult Industry Medical Health Care Foundation (AIM), this 1981 release turns the tables on the male dominated work places of the time. Kind of like a porno “9 to 5.” And you know Dolly Parton would totally agree. 2008 AVN Award Nominee for Best Classic DVD.
-J.D. Bauchery
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