Alright, so it’s true, I have a total hard on for embarrassing T.V. programming.  While I don’t watch it as much anymore, for a while there I was a bit of a Wife Swap junkie.  There isn’t much I’d rather do on a lazy Sunday afternoon than go through a DVR full of wives switching places and learning life lessons from other families. It’s totally heartwarming, obviously.  Of course the one thing they never mention is what happens when those swapped wives get hot for their new husbands.  I mean, it must happen sometimes.  Good thing Zero Tolerance Entertainment decided to take a further look into that exact scenario and offers us a hilariously hot parody of what happens when wives swap and pants come off!

Before I even get into the sex, I just need to comment that these swapping scenarios are, in fact, super true to the actual show.  Of course all the stereotypes and whatnot are magnified and all, but honestly, that’s pretty much how the real show does it as well.  I was actually surprised by how accurate this spoof got the weirdo interactions and bizarreness of swapping wives in general.  Really all they did was add in a whole bunch of fucking and turned a reality freak show into a pretty good porno.

Speaking of all the fucking, let’s get to talking about it.  First up the Hughes (Bobbi Starr and Mark Wood) and the Jones (Nyomi Banxxx and Prince Yashua) families swap, paring Starr with Yashua and Banxxx with Wood.  I don’t know how the original couples would have been together, but holy hell are the newly swapped spouses super hot!  Bobbi Starr is especially awesome in this role, playing an extra nerdy researcher with a wet spot between her legs for “jungle fever.”  Yashua is having none of those stereotypes she is throwing around and fucks the racism right out of her tight little body.

Next on the swap schedule is the Framptons (Julia Ann and Anthony Rosano) and the Spallones (Sara Slone, the guy she is married to, and his stepson, James Deen).  In both scenarios, the Spallones, a loud mouth couple from Long Island, steamroll over the more timid Framptons, yet once the clothes come off, they are all on even footing.  Mrs. Frampton gets lucky and fucks her fake husband’s stepson instead of having to screw him (what an asshole!).  And yes, James Deen really is in every parody movie, it’s true.

Last to swap are the Whitakers (Kagney Linn Karter and Dane Cross), a sweet, corn-fed couple from Nebraska , and the Banderas’ (Rebeca Linares and Marco Banderas), a passionate Latin duo who fuck all the time.  While Edie Whitaker and Enrique Banderas get busy cooking, dancing and fucking, Gloria spends the whole time demeaning Steve and spitting on him.  Finally at the end he ‘proves that he is a man’ (I hate that phrase, by the way) by fucking her silly.  Like I said before, when the pants come off, they are again on even footing.

As far as parodies go, I give this reality spoof two thumbs up!

Studio: Vivid Premium Category: Hipsters

For some pornographers there is little difference between art and porn. The results don’t always come out as smoothly as you’d like them too, but this Vena Virago directed movie totally nails the art/porn merger on the head. Mixing interviews and gonzo-style filming (aka. the filming is part of the action), Virago takes the focus of the scenes away from porno and plays up the reality that these two stars are having sex. It’s like watching actors that play friends on a tv show hang out in real life. It’s really fun and engaging to watch. Plus she picked some of my all time faves, including Michelle Aston and Roxy Deville.

I was so looking forward to scene four with Michelle Aston and Page Morgan. It’s common knowledge that I have a crush on the lovely Ms. Aston and am always super excited to see what she has to offer. Unfortunately things didn’t go as sexy as I had planned. I loved that during her interview, Aston talked all about her time as a neuro-scientist (so hot!), but when she started in with the whole “I love making love to a woman because that’s the ultimate form of goddess worship,” I totally lost my boner. I’m not saying that isn’t poetic or whatever, but that kinda talk just doesn’t do it for me when I wanna get hot and bothered. The actual sex was a little on the “eh” side too. Anything with a Hitachi Magic Wand is pretty awesome, but Page Morgan seemed a bit uninterested, or maybe scared (well, it was her first real lesbian experience, so I’ll cut her a little slack).

The rest of the movie was pretty amazing though. I loved the pre-sex interview piece that came with each scene. It was really cool to hear each of performers talk about their time in the industry and how they started. My favorite one was definitely scene five’s Rebeca Linares and Tyler Knight. Both performers did their interviews in Spanish, which was fun, and I really liked how personal they got about their interests. The sex was pretty fucking mind blowing as well. Can’t forget that! This whole movie reminded me of Tristan Taormino’s Chemistry series, which I loved, and I can’t help but give it two thumbs up. I’m excited to watch disc 2!

-J.D. Bauchery

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Studio: Triangle Films Category: Lesbian

Our friends at Triangle Films were just nominated for two 2009 AVN Awards, and it reminded me that I’ve been meaning to watch Erotic Blends since it went live on the site.

Director Kathyrn Annelle has done something I was beginning to think was impossible in adult – captured the beauty of an eclectic group of women without stereotyping or exploiting them. If I am to believe the idea Annelle has presented here, it turns out not all non-white actresses are big booty hoes, spicy sluts, or good dancers. Something to think about… Anyways, this movie has three hot scenes with lots of sexy lesbian lovin’, if you’re into that. I happen to be all about it and have to say this is a really great porno.

This first scene stars one of my favorite ladies, Rebeca Linares, and Marlie Moore, who is apparently 100 feet tall! Moore is a real estate agent, which means we get lots of shots of her bending over to measure things, and that she eventually needs to see the bedroom. It’s pretty apparent what Linares has in mind as she sprawls across the bed and since no one can resist an artist with an accent, Moore joins her soon after. What follows is 30 plus minutes of extreme awesomeness, as these two breathtaking women kiss, finger and fuck. I thought it was pretty sweet when my realtor bought me lunch, but apparently I didn’t take full advantage of that relationship.

The other two scenes are also really good, but Linares and Moore had great chemistry that captured my attention from the first instance. This is definitely a movie made with women in mind.

-The Porn Librarian

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Studio: Pulse Pictures Category: Fantasy & Supernatural

I would like to start by saying how disappointed I am that this movie did not spoof American Pie at all. I mean, it would be so easy! I could write that movie on my lunch break today and still have time to take a walk.

Anyways, initially I didn’t realize that this movie is a blowjob flick. I expected fucking, so two scenes in I did a little more research and figured out that my assumptions were false. Basically, each scene features a chick and a dude sucking off another (I suppose less gay) guy. It’s an interesting twist on the traditional oral movie and I can see why this is one of our most popular. First, there are really hot girls (Rebeca Lineres!), so it’s ok for straight guys to watch and enjoy this movie. I mean, it’s not really gay if there’s a girl, right? Secondly, it’s different. There are a billion blowjob movies and they’re all the freaking same. This one is a little different because they throw a guy in the mix and for that it earns my praise. Finally, every scene is pretty hot. The girls are true professionals and these guys can suck cock like nobody’s business. A lot of bj flicks are kind of amateurish, so the acting is either over the top or the girl looks like she dreads every second. Thankfully, this one is well done!

My favorite was scene two, because I want to cuddle Rebeca Lineres’ face off, but I think the first scene is worth mentioning too. I loved that the muscle head (Jean Van Jal) thinks he’s going to get to bang two chicks, but Jayna Oso actually invited over another dude. Of course, he’s surprised, but seems to be ok when his cock disappears down Lee Walters’ throat. I mean, I know it’s porn and not real, but I enjoyed this attempt at a plot twist and hope you do too!
The Porn Librarian