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Penthouse
Let’s get one thing straight: this sure isn’t Oprah’s Book Club. The women of the Bad Wives Book Club barely have time to get through a chapter of their selected reads (Lady Chatterley’s Lover perhaps?) - but they always have time for the big O. The movie features five hot scenes - one for each member of the book club and one Bad Husband - that detail the reasons why they can’t get through a book. One woman is planning a party (and fucks the caterer), one spent a long night at the bar (and has a threesome with two pool sharks), and another invited her neighbor’s nephew over for a quick dip in the pool (which soon became a quick dip in his pants). My favorite member of the book club didn’t even show up because she was too busy fucking the package delivery girl! I just ordered some new books online, here’s to hoping my delivery comes in a nice big package.
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Often, I like to discuss this magical power I have where I imagine things happening and then they actually happen. It’s never anything good - for instance, once I was in my bathroom thinking about what would happen if my toilet just stopped working and when I went to flush, the bathroom suddenly flooded with what I refer to as poo water. Very unsexy - thank God I live alone.
Imagining things happening is the entire basis of this Penthouse feature. Jeremy Holmes has the power to make any woman want him - and frequently invokes it, especially when the women are wearing beautiful shoes. He meets with Nicole Sheridan and upon gazing at her beautifully clad feet, they go at it in one of the hottest scenes I’ve watched in a while. The rest of the movie proceeds in a similar manner - hot shoes, hot sex. Story of my life!
Unfortunately, his power is all in his imagination - but real or fake, I’ll take it. This movie was hot, hot, hot. Even my usual afternoon daydreaming sessions at the office suddenly became more interesting!
After watching this movie, I can only hope to someday turn my wet bathroom floor into wet panties.
-M.
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 I’m reviewing this movie for one reason, and one reason only – Max Mikita. If you don’t know who she is, let me tell you. Max is an insanely beautiful Asian chick with a shaved head and absolutely gorgeous natural body. In scene five you get to watch her squirt herself with oil, before getting down and dirty with Voodoo. It’s an image I hope never leaves my head. Now, regarding the rest of this movie, it’s pretty good. If you like wrestling, you’ll love it. I would never go searching out wrestling movies, but have no problem watching girls wrestle around in between the fucking. Besides watching my girl Max in all of her glory, I also really enjoyed the hot lesbo action in scene four between Vanessa Lane and Regan Reese. Reese is totally bad-ass and covered in ink – I loved watching her fuck Lane on a lockerroom bench. Overall, this is a pretty hot movie. There’s a lot of good sex (including a scene with Tommy Gunn, one of my favorite straight boys) and a plot that is ridiculous, but amusing in that cheesy porn plot sort of way.
The Porn Librarian
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This movie has an identity crisis. It’s not sure if it wants be to punky, avant garde or whatever, and I’m pretty sure none of the stars or the director could clue us in to what the plot is. But, from what I garner, there is supposed to be one – about a band, I believe. Whatever about the plot, the sex in this flick is pretty right on, and that’s what really counts. With six scenes featuring a variety of hetero humping, girl on girl action and group sex shots, this movie has a little something for almost everyone. Scene 2 has the most patriotic set I’ve even seen – and though it only plays backdrop to hot hardcore fucking, the red, white and blue décor is a little (ok, way) distracting. God Bless America and doggystyle, I suppose. My favorite scene was definitely the last, where a little brunette spitfire orders two hulking guys twice her size to pound into her, yelling “You, get your cock out!” and slapping them around. She ends up taking them at the same time, double penetration style and fills her pint-size body with two giant cocks. It’s always nice to see someone get what they want.
-J.D. Bauchery
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