Before last week I never bothered to check out a Mr. Skin flick. I wrote them off as being a waste of time and money for anyone not still stuck in their adolescence, getting boners from side boob action in a Hollywood flick. Besides Janet Jackson’s great titty escape (also known as Nipplegate) of Super Bowl XXXVIII, I never really got excited about naked celebrities. Sure, it was cool to finally see Halle Barry’s goods in Monster’s Ball, and I would have given my favorite pair of Jordans at the time to get a glimpse of J. Lo’s perfect naked body in Enough, but celebrity nudity for the most part has always seemed a little too gimmicky for my taste. I don’t want to be teased, I want to get off, and for me that separates porn from movies where a celeb might show some bush or a nipple. While that separation still exists for me even after watching Assless Chaps, I did grow to appreciate the idea and concept of what Mr. Skin movies bring to the pornography table. I can now see where it might be appealing, especially for collectors, to bring together nudity in mainstream movies in one space and further theme it from there. It provides insight into the times and culture of American cinema and it can be pretty damn fun! More than anything else I found myself pausing the movie to jot down titles that I want to check out or remembering old movies and music videos from my teen years.
First, we have Wendy Hamilton and Julie K. Smith shaking their assless chaps all over a smoky stage in a flick I’ve never seen, which was pretty cool because it lasted for a full minute, followed by Annette Haven in a 1979 film titled 10 that I really want to see just based off this cool ass assless chaps/tits out pool party that’s going on!
I’ve never seen Stripper Academy (too busy chasing college girls around), but this group, including Jenae Altschwager in her low rider chaps, looks like something I want to be a part of. I saw beer, cigarettes, hay, cowboy hats, and a half naked excited woman jumping around all in about 30 seconds. Call me intrigued!
Everyone knows chaps, assless or not, directly relate to cowboys and girls, but Even Cowgirls Get the Blues caught me by pleasant surprise. I never heard of it before, but it looks spectacular, especially where we pick up, with a line of cowgirls pulling their pants down in front of what appears to be party of snobby high society types. This one was immediately placed at the top of the watch-this-later list.
When Jessica Alba popped on the screen doing her bar top assless chap dance in the classic Sin City I was instantly hyped up. I completely forgot about that shit! I remember watching that as a freshman in college with my gay girls crew about 2 times a week. We were completely obsessed with that movie. When Christina Aguilera dancing around in the Dirrty video popped on the screen I instantly downloaded the song and added it to my back-in-the-day playlist which turned into me clicking on one Youtube suggestion after the other until I was satisfied that I relived most of my fondest childhood memories through music. For that, I can never thank Mr. Skin enough. Kendra Wilkinson in The Girls Next Door made me pull out my old Playboy and Playgirl collection remembering our first encounter in my older brother’s room, and then it all took a turn for the worst as the clip of Omarosa strutting her stuff on a stripper stage in The Surreal Life made me realize all the evil that reality television has brought into the world, which was only enhanced when Jwoww and Snooky hit the screen in that scene from Jersey Shore when Jwoww was giving her boyfriend something to remember before some time apart. Don’t act like you don’t remember!
Lucy Liu starts kicking ass in Payback, another movie I’ve never seen but now want to, and we get a glimpse of Halle Barry in The Last Boy Scout, but what really grabbed my attention came as a special treat at the very end. In what promises to be time spent I won’t regret, Uta Erickson in 1966’s Unholy Matrimony stands in smoke with her breasts exposed, in assless chaps naturally, and holding a rope that happens to have a man tied to it (because why else would one have a rope while wearing that outfit) cracking the fuck up. That is definitely a movie I need to know more about!
There’s no way in hell I could ever get off to this movie and I’m not into naked celebrities or assless chaps enough to spend money on a compilation of the pair, but I had a lot of fun watching Assless Chaps and it inspired a browse of our Mr. Skin flicks here on the site to see what else is out there. I can see myself using this type of content as conversation starters (because I’m normal) or showing one to my friends after a dinner party (again, because I’m normal) and that puts Mr. Skin in a special class of its own. Check it out for yourself and let me know what you think in the comments section. Until next time, follow me on Twitter @authenticlezz1 for all things lesbo!