Tag Archives: morning links

Morning Quickie – GRRM Iron Throne, Remy Declines ET XXX, Should Men Stop Wanking to Online Porn

An exquisitely beautiful song about fish sex and a “Hot Dog in My Buns”

Remy LaCroix straight up declined the offer to star in the “ET XXX” parody, claiming “I just don’t think children’s movies should be made into porn parodies,” and also because she “has taste.”


Because a man watched so much porn that couldn’t get off with regular sex, he decided to take the no-fap challenge to see if it would help the plumbing issue.


Lohan * Deen + July 29th = lucky bitchz in nyc


Prepare yourself. This is what the Iron Throne looks like in the HBO series.

wait for iiiiiiiit…

All these apps are out that can help you “get closer to your lover” via technology, so they claim. Screw that, let’s use it to cheat and be baddies, instead!



Yo, Kanye’s new video for “Black Skinhead” (wtf x infinity) was leaked, and obvs he’s pissed, but we’re just scared shitless.


The worst way to wake someone up is to put them through this. Jerk. (But mad props)

Are you now prepared for the throne that George RR Martin envisions?

HBO plays with toys

Paula Deen Offered Porn Gig, Edward Snowden is Invisible, Sex of Encouragement – Morning Quickie

Looking over the list of all the companies that have dropped Paula Deen as of late, it seems that America’s Central Corporation Network is just determined to wipe her face from common knowledge. Walmart, QVC, the Food Network, Home Depot, Target…and a whole buncha others have dropped her name from their brand. But it’s okay, because a porn company wants to offer her a job. Paula Deen, the new Queen of Pork?


I’m sure we all have the problem of a partner telling you “your method is simply spot on and perfect” while you’re banging or licking away at them, right? That’s normal? God, I hope this is not a thing for anyone out there, but Prudie, the second-best sex advice columnist (after this guy) had some dude write in describing the above problem. I could almost hear her laughing and guffawing in her answer of how to Stop the Encouragement During Fuck Time.


From the latest in George, Washington — the Paradiso Festival is a big weekend-long techno rave party held in the patriotically-dubbed state. So, honestly, we know that drugs will make an appearance, let’s not lie. A few ODs here and there are reported in situations like this, but a single case of over 100 people suffering after taking MDMA (Molly)? Apparently it was a “bad batch”.


Ugh, it’s bad enough that porn has been banned in the military for over a decade-and-a-half, but now a group called Morality in Media is tattling on bases that carry Playboy and such. In an effort to rid the material because they maintain that having porn available increases sexual abuse, they’ve written a statement urging the Military Honor and Decency Act to be enforced. For the record, most studies have proven that smut mags have no link to sexual abuse whatsoever.


I find that it’s super responsible to be kept up-to-date on current events, so here’s your update on the thrilling Where in the World is Edward Snowden? So, the group WikiLeaks is Snowden’s current BFF. They have submitted asylum requests to 15 countries on his behalf, since he’s totally not allowed to stay in Russia, or even enter it, really. Russian President Putin is all “I’m not handing over this dude to the U.S. but he can’t chill here either if he’s going to be all tattling on his own government and dishing out all their digits”. So, naturally, Snowden withdrew his request to stay in Russia. Where is he right this second? He’s in a freaking Russian airport, and no one can find him. He isn’t technically on Russian soil yet because he hasn’t passed through customs — the U.S. made an AHA! move by withdrawing his passport legality. So, he’s just creepin’ somewhere in the transit zone of the airport. Somewhere. Even CNN people can’t get a picture of him. Is he hiding in the walls?!?!! Anyway, out of these 15 countries, we’re awaiting word on a good many of them, but Ecuador is getting its 15 minutes of fame. President Rafael Correa is really throwing the ball into Putin’s palace, because without a passport, how is Snowden going to fly to Ecuador? He needs a safe conduct document from Russia. Iceland is out, because you have to be IN Icelandic territory to declare asylum. Same deal with Spain and Austria. Bolivia is all “sure, why not”, buuuuuttttt claims they haven’t seen the request yet. My dawgs over in Ireland haven’t responded, and neither has Brazil, Italy, Cuba, the Netherlands, Nicaragua, and some others. Basically, Snowden is hiding in the airport’s other dimension and countries are just staring at each other, eyeing up poker moves.

read more, but i just about covered it all

There’s a Game of Thrones beer based on the Night’s Watch! Coming this fall…make your own Winter joke here.


Sovereign Syre’s New Project, Fourth of July Weather – Morning Quickie

On May 20, Moore, OK suffered too much loss and too much damage due to one of the worst EF-5 tornadoes ever recorded. And horrifically, days later, they were struck again. So when businesses like The Kerr Foundation, who formed a group called “XO” or “Hugs and Kisses” to rally support for those affected, we should get behind it. Baci Lingerie heard the word and just donated more than $15,000 in bras for women in the grief-stricken zones. XO plans to take that and other donated women’s wear and open up a pop-up boutique free of charge to the ladies, as well as offer hair and makeup styling, food, drink, and just a lot of smiles and support.

you can help here

There will be no Bridesmaids sequel! True, this isn’t exactly breaking news, but it still kind of hurts. Can’t knock Kristen Wiig’s perseverance though, in keeping with her gut instinct on creative vision always wins over money.


Well J.Lo fucked up. Having nothing to do with the creeptastic relationship she’s in, nor sidestepping some dancer into the floor or something dance-related, she just plum fucked up. She sang at a dictator’s birthday. SHE SANG AND PERFORMED FOR A DICTATOR. On Saturday night, in Avaza, a tourist zone in Turkmenistan, Miss Jennifer led a rabble-rousing few versus of “Happy Birthday, Dear Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov!!!” This dude has a ridiculous amount of human rights violations against him, which most people seem to know, since, as Slate reports, “Lopez may be the first major American celebrity to visit Turkmenistan, an isolated former republic of the Soviet Union.”

symfh here

Sovereign Syre is hyping up her next movie, called Girls In Heat, which will feature “lots of shimmering bodies, bikinis, water, sweat, smiles and sex”. That description is just so summer I already need an EnduraCool.


The latest in the game of “Fair or Fucked Up?!” is the story of a University of Virginia sorority sister who had to spend the night in jail because some Alcohol Beverage Control officers attacked her car with their plainclothes and screaming. She had some bottled water, they thought she had some berrrrr. They went monkey on her car hood and she took off, thinking they were scary civilians trying to attack her. Then got arrested.


On the east coast, Fourth of July means no fireworks (probably) due to rain (probably). Be prepared, dammit! Did you see if you’ll be stuck inside with fake sparklers and oven-cooked cheeseburgers?

find out here

or if you’re lazy and a day-of person,

go here

Google is Killing Porn, Sex Caught by 25 Cops, More in Morning Quickie

In HMFORHER’s wonderful home city, breaking news struck yesterday when a couple was arrested for having sex in a park — by twenty-five cops on bicycles. During a done-only-once-a-year bicycle training exercise, the mass of po po were just riding along when they came upon the two bent over a park bench in a baseball diamond. Good Lord there is just too much to say…just have a look at the image that will now be all the cops see when they sleep.


A daaannnngerous thing might be coming from Google. Though they are known for supporting gay rights and generally being awesome, could the company be advocating anti-porn for all and secretly planning to blow up the industry with Google Doodle lasers? Their blog platform Blogger announced that it will no longer allow monetization of adult content. In simple form, if you have a Blogger page and have ads featuring porn-related stuff, take it down right now, otherwise they are killing it.


 See now, back in the years of hell I, too, was a virgin, but absolutely had discovered how to get off. So it’s not that strange that Rebecca, a 22-year-old virgin won a spot for designing sex toys, right? Oh, well, there’s the whole thing that she had never even used them before and presented a bottle of Beyonce’s perfume when asked by Ann Summers executives what makes her feel sexy. Besides all that, she’s winning at the job, and therefore at life. It’s helping her deal with her untreated rheumatoid arthritis, and yes, she has now used the toys and loves the effect.


Don’t try Chinese methods to increase your sex drive until you read this article by Nerve editor Jeremy Glass. And after reading it, I just…wouldn’t really like to try them anyway.


In other news, it’s summer. And don’t hate me for pointing out the obvious because the next time you blink you’ll need a sweater. Season is short. Summer means the best thing ever in the world – acceptable NEON. And one of my favorite sex toy distributors, Pipedream, has some NEON STUFF I WANT. Grab one, and get thee to a beach towel for some action in the sun. Just not at a public park…


Gotta get a current event in here (bar trivia always has a current events question). Hong Kong is telling people of the world that they didn’t arrest Edward Snowden because the U.S. “didn’t know his middle name”. This may sound a bit “oh come on, wtf” to you, but remember that during a filibuster you can’t eat, lean, sit, or change topics, and you’re basically allowed to run out the voting clock, so, ya know. Politics.


SB#5 Has Died, Get Your Mile High Card in Ohio, Drawing a Penis is Now Automatic – Morning Quickie

Here’s a lady that I’m sure you’ll be seeing a lot of this year — Dayna Vendetta. I’m sure as shit you’ve heard of her already, seen her, jerked off to her, but have you watched the lady after her redux? She’s a redhead bombshell now, and hell yes does it make a difference. She’s just signed up to work with the stellar team over at The Rub PR, and OC Modeling. She’ll be launching her new site soon, DaynaVendettaXXX.com, and expect some anal action coming shortly.

Hopefully, at this point in the day you’ve been alerted to the awesome news. That damned Senate Bill #5 bullshit that tried to say Texas ladies were all but banned from getting abortions is dead, dead, the wicked shit is dead. But since you should already know that, Jezebel’s Celebrity Gif Party dedicated to the news, features comments that are stealing the stage. My fave is a picture of the Honorable Wendy Davis with a dragon on her shoulder, à la Dany T.


In so much less but totally still-fun news, Miss Lola Byrd has shown me the ways of the Penis Drawing Machine. It draws a shoddy penis. It spells out PENIS. And that’s it. IT’S AWESOME. Thanks to her for entertaining my morning with this fine piece of craftsmanship.

I want to be one of the first to tell you; a Tupac musical is in the works, and it’s hitting Broadway next year. If you are not excited about this, go put yourself in a corner until you’ve thought long and hard about your shame.


If you live anywhere near Ohio…no, forget that. If you ever wanted to fuck in an airplane than I have good news. Flamingo Air, in Cinci-nat-nat, promises to deliver to you a discreet pilot to fly you and your fuck-buddy partner around the area, complete with curtains, a bed-seat, champagne and…chocolates (too cliche, I prefer Jameson). You have a flat rate of $425 to pay and then you get your hour of initiation into the Mile High Club.


Oh, and speaking of miles high, the tightwalker dude totally cheated, and FunnyOrDie has uncovered his secret.

“Daredevil Nik Wallenda completed a high-wire walk across the Grand Canyon without a safety harness, repeatedly saying ‘Thank you, Jesus”‘along the way. It was all a little suspicious.”

How To Be A Homemade Dominatrix, The Worst “Waterfalls” Remake Ever, More Morning Quickie

A first-grader in Colorado has won the rights to use the girls’ bathroom in school. The trans-gender Coy Mathis has identified as a girl for quite some time, and since, no problems have arisen. But when her school put the kibosh on using any bathrooms besides the boy’s or gender-neutral ones, her family fought back.


Back in ’95, I mastered, mastered the Left Eye rap in TLC’s “Waterfalls”. Now, over a decade later, they redid it, with a Japanese pop star. And it is THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.

There’s a new toy on the market, and it doesn’t vibrate! But it does claim to pulse you into finishing yourself clean. German distributor Fun Factory is releasing the Stronic Zwei, which is both unisex and pulsating.


My tiny little iPhone camera, unfortunately, can’t capture pure #nofilter magic unless I get crafty with some Instagram voodoo. Luckily, there are some dedicated photogs out there who know precisely how to capture nature in all its virgin glory. Did you see yesterday’s Supermoon? Do you want to?


Finally, if you want to be a dominatrix without Spanking 101 or waiting for the release of the much-awaited 50 Shades movie, Ms. Nina Payne has some tips for you below, or you can pick up her book.


“Fifty Shades of Grey” Closer to Production, Sovereign Syre in Playboy and more Morning Quickie

So Courtney Stodden got a boob job. My first question: Who the fff is Courtney Stodden? After doing a little research, I still don’t know. But I do know she’s 18 and looks older than me. Anyway, my second question: Why would anybody do this to their own body?

I’m a bit behind when it comes to this magnificent interview of Sovereign Syre by Playboy, but I honestly just got around to reading the Friday piece. If all you’ve seen is her work and you haven’t really had a chance to “meet” her, soak all of this right up. She explains everything from her intro into porn, “My first step into it wasn’t because I was interested in doing lesbian erotica; it was just the first step you take when you start doing porn,” to stepping around to the other side of the camera.


This map is COOL. And whether you admit it or not, you know that all maps are cool. But this one, this one, is just on another level. It shows you, in an antique-y spread, the literal meanings of the United States. I just can’t help but spoil this one, Chicago means Stink Onions. Tee hee!

magnetize and explore here

AHA! And we have movement toward the Fifty Shades of Grey movie! The director has been announced, and the award goes to Nowhere Boy alum, Sam Taylor-Johnson. This will be only her second full-length film, which could be good thing. 


I just can’t get enough of this Courtney Doll today, so here are nine ladies that were so totally rejected from Playboy. And I mean rejected, not just not considered. Courtney Stodden takes the first place, of course.


Sasha Grey’s NSA Commercial, Porn Stars Should Teach Sex Ed, Your Morning Quickie

So much going on this morning…

First, if you’re anywhere NEAR New York City this Friday (June 21st, first day of summer, people) you should be taking your fine ass to only one establishment — Headquarter’s Gentleman’s Club. As long as you’re over 21, show up after 7pm and bring a $20 donation. The occasion is marking the Oklahoma Disaster Relief fundraiser thrown by our friends at Fleshbot. Git it. And seriously, help those that would much rather be celebrating a Friday rather than trying to figure out how to rebuild their homes. That sexy lil’ thang at the bar you’re eyeing can pay for their own drinks for one Friday, seriously. Lexi Love, Sinnamon Love, Lux Suicide and more will be offering their hand in a date auction.

here’s your personally-made invitation

On a lighter, less-pressing, drunken note, the solid kids over at Jezebel were up to some fun when writer Lindy West got “drunk on celebrity booze so you don’t have to.” But after watching this video, that’s all I want to do, or at least have my own version. After five shots of some vodka and tequila poison created by some famous people (all the brands she could find), Lindy and crew were tipsy and had a well-prepared report card. It’s hilarious, though if I do attempt my own rendition, I’mma need to switch out so much tequila for some Ron de Jeremy rum and Willie Nelson’s Old Whiskey River.

watch it here

 There’s no real complicated way to put this — a principal in the U.K. is saying that it would be best if his students were taught sex ed by a porn star. Dude is retiring in December, so maybe this is just the final “hee haw” of his career, but seriously, he says the kids could benefit from such introspect. You may recall a scene like this in “Girl Next Door” where porn stars were filmed making a sex ed video for high school students. But really? Porn is just another form of entertainment, and isn’t real, everyday sex. James Deen agrees, and he’s a pretty big star.

read more here

The following video should come with a warning: Severe Levels of Creepazoid. This stepfather got his stepdaughter into porn, now waxes her, and thought she was hot at age seven. But that’s really not all…

In my circle of friends, I’m definitely the most tech-savvy, which could be due to my social networking focus in my job. I have to keep up with the latest platforms, software, and industry trends. So I’m stoked for what is to come from iOS 7. The unveiling brought us the visuals, and they are immensely different. Think Fisher-Price for adults, to start. So what exactly is so wrong with them? A ton.

read the specifics here

Sasha Grey took on the sexy current events of our nation, and starred in one of the latest videos from Funny Or Die. She goes on as if she’s working for a sex phone service, except, creepy. Because it deals with the NSA listening to everyone.

watch the creepy spice here

Spanking App Unveiled, Kayden Kross on Breaking Bad, and More on the Afternoon Quickie

I can’t even wait to attack this one. A Google Play app for Android (not sorry, iPhone users) claims to measure the intensity of spanking. But what sounds like a good idea is just dripping in “wtf-worthy” issues. The description reads, “Spanking Meter is a very great app for the parties,” and other really awful ESL-type stuff. As Dee Viant put it, “Something makes me think that this inventor wants to smell his phone after he spanks with it…and then spank his wang.”

read the grossness here…and then go make a better app

Oh hey, surprise, Rihanna went Super Slut on stage and grabbed an audience member for a – albeit well-performed – lap dance. It definitely looks as though he knew what was coming. Why did they just disappear?!

Another girl supplying some erotic dancing at least knows how to be classy about it. Kayden Kross can now add Actress on AMC’s Breaking Bad to her resume, and word is she owned her role. She appears as an exotic dancer, and friend to one of the main characters, Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul). Definitely a reason to pick up the Season 5 DVD!

read about the spot here

If only because it’s Friday, and because I loved the Screaming Goat video so much, here’s a clip of a dog screaming like a human. But fair warning, it’s actually creepy.

Condoms are amazing, and useful (duh), and I always promote them. So when I saw that Durex made an infographic on Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex Toys, I was actually excited to share it here. It even looks so pretty. And it’s accurate.

Where You Should Never Have Sex And More In The Morning Quickie

After yesterday’s viral round of the whole “Michael Douglas got cancer from giving oral sex” story, Funny or Die decided that that was prime material for it’s latest “leaked interview”. In the recorded confession, the “voice” of Michael Douglas reviews how the films of his past influenced the way he, um, got cancer.

listen to it here

Since my YOUR day is never complete without some Game of Thrones action or nudity or death or what have you, our friends over at Fleshbot and Peeperz are offering you the scoop on Shae and Ros, respectively.

see nakie Shae here

see nakie Ros here

When I first heard of the Heeldo I was super confused. Do you strap the thing to your foot and repeatedly kick your partner’s vag or butt? Or do you literally “go fuck yourself”? So when I heard that foot fetish queen Ashley Sinclair became the official spokesperson for the product, I knew my questions would be answered without an extensive Google search.

find out how to use it while ogling Ashley Sinclair here

Teen girl lifestyle site Gurl (clever), likes to run articles about “How to Dress Like Your Fave Cinderella Characters (!)” and “Tips for Finding the Perfect Summer Fling” and “How to Mix Up Your Own Detox Water”. Welp, they recently just ran an article called “8 Places NOT to Have Sex”, and it’s going to kill that rebellious bug that bit you when you fantasized over…kitchen sex.

read it and weep here

Here’s an awkward, “ehhhhhh” story for you. A Washington teen recently went to her prom and was denied entry because of her large breasts. That’s one way of looking at it. Another way is that she went to her prom, was asked to cover her cleavage with a shawl because she broke the dress code, and left after an hour because she felt humiliated. Either way it’s getting attention.

decide who’s right here