Tag Archives: Misty Stone

The Authentic Lesbian Review: Porn Stars Are Athletes Too

In the early 2000s, or what I like to refer to as the Bring It On era, I found myself engaged in a debate over whether cheerleaders were athletes or not. Before then I had never given much thought to questioning if they were or weren’t, I thought it was obvious they were, and now I’m faced with the same question in regards to porn stars. With all the madness that comes along with March and our annual PornTourn competition, we decided to attack the question head on.

What Is an Athlete?

Webster defines the word athlete as “a person who is trained or skilled in exercises, sports, or games requiring physical strength, agility, or stamina.” The key words in that definition are “trained” and “skilled.” Anyone can go out and shoot hoops, but the training and skill levels are what separate athletes from everybody else.  This is where I think we forget about porn stars. On any given night, you can see a video clip of Stephen Curry or James Harden working on their handles in a gym for hours. Turn on NFL Network and you’ll get a glimpse of the next big college prospect bench pressing two times their body weight and talking about the off-field work that we viewers rarely get to see. What we aren’t privy to is all the work porn stars put in behind the scene. Think about it, we never get to see Prince Yahshua’s push up routine before flipping chicks over with his dick still inside, or watch the beautifully buff women of Iron Belles during a regular gym workout that doesn’t involve face smothering some skinny chump (I say that with all the love in my heart). Some might argue that with porn stars nobody wants to witness the unsexy hard work that they put into their bodies, but I live for behind the scenes footage so that reasoning doesn’t work. Others might admit to a similarity here or there but deny that porn stars are on the same athletic level as semi-pro and pro athletes. I’d argue they’re wrong.

High Level Consistency

Nobody wants to be the guy that only wins the championship once. That’s like only serving one term as President. I mean, yay, accomplishment, but winning and being great is about consistency and what goes into maintaining it. You can’t mention the word consistent in porn circles without then mentioning Nina Hartley. Look at that figure! You don’t get a body like that just having great sex, although I’m sure it helps. But diet and routine (along with genetics) get the credit per Nina, and that alone is more than some of us can handle. Trying not to eat bacon three times a day is struggle enough for me. But believe it or not, Nina Hartley isn’t the type to hit the gym regularly for vigorous cardio and she isn’t the only one. In a recent interview with Misty Stone I learned she doesn’t go out of her way to maintain her beautiful figure either. A balanced diet, amazing hygiene before and after shoots, and a little luck gets the credit per Misty.

Just like in sports, the same routine, or lack of one, can’t be applied across the board to obtain success. Because something works for one doesn’t mean it will work for others, and what comes easy for some won’t come easy for others. Tasha Reign gave OC Weekly the inside scoop on her pre-porn rituals and after letting the guys know it’s not as sexy as the fantasy she ultimately produces, she goes straight into how she cares for her body. It’s no secret that sex is one of the best (and usually free) workouts around, but some of the positions porn stars put themselves into goes way above what us amateurs try nightly. To keep up with the demand, Tasha keeps a group Pilates or yoga class on her schedule, maintains a vegetarian diet, and makes sure to get at least eight hours of sleep at night (sounds like the Tom Brady way of life). In 2010 Asa Akira admitted to Cosmopolitan that if she could, she’d work out every day of the week, but since scheduling would never allow that, she settles for a few days a week of boot camp training (which is insanely intense!) supplemented with yoga, and lots of dressing-free salads. Similarly, Jesse Andrews participates in boot camp training and hiking while throwing in fun physical activities like bowling and dodgeball and keeping a healthy diet free of bread, milk, and my personal favorite, McDonald’s. She juices a lot, and tries to eat kale at least once a day all in the name of adult entertainment. I thought I was doing something by making everything in my Starbucks order “skinny,” but these stars blow me out of the water.

I noticed that almost every performer I came across participated in some form of a physical stretching exercise like Pilates, yoga, or tai chi. When I was little my father put me in ballet classes, which was torture because I was not a girly girl and hated everything pink. When I begged and cried for him to take me out he explained his reasoning. Ballet would provide a foundation of footwork that I could take and build from to further better my overall basketball game. Once I heard and understood that, you couldn’t get me to skip a ballet class. I wanted to be the greatest basketball player to ever play for Pat Summit down in Tennessee and if ballet was going to help get me there I’d sleep in my tutu (ballet, you totally dropped the ball here). Because of the rigorous activity porn stars’ bodies must go through daily I think the boot camp, yoga, and Pilates become extremely important and necessary for some. Think about the positions they put themselves into and it’ll all make sense.

While Dana DeArmond doesn’t have to do much to keep herself looking fit, she did admit that foot worship scenes are very close to a core workout for her because while giving a footjob you must keep your middle balanced while stroking with your legs. Chanel Preston, who stays away from too much cardio for fear of being too skinny, talks about how much of a workout wearing a strap-on is, and I for one appreciate the hell out of that. Pelvic thrusting is one of my absolute favorite things to do, but squatting is one of my least favorite things to do, and fucking a chick with a strap is nothing if not squat class 101 (102 for us overachievers). And just about every female porn star ever asked about working out talked about posing, modeling, and lugging around a lot of shit, which got my wheels spinning…

Porn stars, like cheerleaders and gymnasts fall into the category of having to look good while putting their athleticism on display. The most I worried about when it came to appearance was if my sneakers and head band matched, and I bet Sam Cassell and Tyrone Hill can say the same thing. Appearing attractive while performing isn’t something many athletes have to think about. Adult performers, however, have it at the top of their morning list and are responsible for bringing their own wardrobe to set, which can consist of everything from 3 different outfits and 2 pair of heels to match, to that plus a suitcase filled with whips, chains, and a strap-on, which are heavier than they look. In pro sports, you don’t have to bring your own equipment and in college sports a lot of that is taken away, especially for stars. You’ll never see coach K showing up to a tourney game with a bag of balls for shoot around just like you’ll never see Usain Bolt cleaning up the track after a hard rain. Porn stars are expected to travel with most of their own shit though (if you’ve ever traveled with a woman you know the horror this could be), twist and conform their bodies into positions we’re too scared to do more than fantasize about, appear attractive to a wide audience, and look like they’re enjoying it. Imagine that was in the work contract you signed! I would be screwed. Sure Tina Thompson, the 1st overall pick in WNBA history, took it upon herself to wear red MAC Diva lipstick during every game, but that was more about luck and later in her career making a statement about women who play professional sports. For porn stars, something as simple as red lipstick, and looking good wearing it while sucking dick, is often a job requirement, and after viewing a million photos of yourself naked, keeping a positive body image and attitude can’t be the easiest thing in the world.

Siouxsie Q, who performs in a lot of hardcore BDSM titles, wrote an article for SF Weekly this year in which she talks about getting back into the adult industry and preparing for a shoot with everyone’s favorite queer, Andre Shakti. “Although I’ve missed getting paid to have sex with hot people, the epic hair and makeup, and the silly costumes and dialogue, the main thing I’ve missed about the adult film is the athletic lifestyle. When I was performing full time, I devoted much of my week to yoga, weight training, cardio, and a strict diet, but now that my life is more about policy papers and political action committees, there’s not much time for crafting my porn star bod. To get ready to be naked in front of the camera again, I’ve had to convince myself that I’m living in a training sequence from an inspirational sports movie from the 80s. This involves a great deal of hard-boiled eggs and running around my neighborhood at 7 a.m. in a waist-training corset. It’s not easy or glamorous, but neither is being a porn star.” Can you imagine that shit!? Siouxsie was only out of the game for about a year, and even though she’s heavy into BDSM, 7am runs in a waist corset!? That’s serious dedication right there, but I think my favorite part is that she actually missed the athletic lifestyle. The game is won in practice and conditioning, and athletes expected to perform with high consistency know this. Porn stars are no exception and Siouxsie Q’s example of commitment to preparation illustrates this perfectly. Not only is working out and eating healthy a constant, but upkeep like shaving, makeup, and all that jazz have to be top priorities too. With all the work adult entertainers put into their craft they deserve to be paid and acknowledged for it. This brings me to my next point…

NCXXX

For the most part professional athletes are paid very handsomely for their talents and the work that goes into them. Hell, some are paid way too much (Brock Osweiler, Kwame Brown, Andy Dalton) just because of the promise that they might be great, but when it comes to porn stars, they get the NCAA treatment regardless if they’re pro , semi-pro, or amateur playing in the d-league. The only thing missing is the outward appreciation college athletes get. Look at Rico Strong up there. He wasn’t born with those muscles, and even the fellas have to take a little time to appreciate the physique. Nobody wants to watch Fat Bastard (or Mike Myers for that matter) bang anything, no matter how hot she is, but do you think any of that turned into dollar signs for Rico? Despite all that bad ass ink I’m going to bet that answer is no, and that’s a shame. Male porn stars are pretty much only there to provide the dick in straight flicks, and on the surface that’s all they’re really good for. But there’s a lot that goes into the upkeep of that dick and the body it’s attached to.

Take the beloved Johnny Sins for example. To start his daily routine, Johnny stretches with a few kick backs and pushups before attacking those abs we all know and love with 12 reps of dead lifts, 24 reps of bicycles, and 12 reps of squat jump tuck. In fact, his routine and physique gained so much recognition that he started instructing in and selling workout videos (seriously, look at his YouTube page). And that’s on top of his whole grain diet in which he stays away from microwaves and eats every two to three hours to keep his metabolism going. That seems like a lot for someone who is essentially a prop on set who just needs to keep it hard for hours and then cum when he’s told. You’d think there would at least be some type of handshake or pat on the back when it’s all said and done since this is the guy who banged the hot babe while lifting her over his head, which just happens to be your favorite position to fantasize about and makes you cum every single time, but nope! The dude is responsible for maintaining a certain look, keeping his junk up for an insane amount of time (diet plays a factor here), busting a nut on cue, lifting chicks with big asses and even bigger titties (weight lifting, ugh), and nobody buys his jersey or shakes his hand. Plus his check is smaller than his female co-stars every single time, and if you’re a minority it’s even less! If it wasn’t for the sex I don’t think guys would even show up, and I can’t blame them.

Speaking of all the sex that makes it so worth it, James Deen talked to GQ back in 2013 and shed light on just how much of a workout it is. “In the film world, people don’t realize you’re not just having sex. Sex on camera can be anywhere from 20 minutes to four hours. It all depends on the production and type of scene. It’s also not just standard sex like, ‘let’s just make each other’s bodies feel good,’ its physical entertainment style sex.” That doesn’t sound as great as it looks especially the stop and go of it all, and it really makes you think about how much work goes in to sex for entertainment. The performer is responsible for making sure we have a good time, and while it falls on everyone in the scene, men in straight movies bear that burden, although they often go unappreciated (straight women who enjoy porn feel this pain too). I can’t imagine someone stopping me in the middle of a good time with Kira Noir to pose for the camera and after it’s all said and done I don’t even get a “great job Authentic Lezz!” I understand that these guys get to fuck some of the hottest, freakiest, downright irresistible women walking the face of the earth (at least that’s what we think), but employee recognition goes a long way and it’s not like the guys aren’t working hard for it. The way Ryan Madison fucks is nothing less than exhausting and to think he’s stopping and changing angles and actually working in the middle of it all literally is enough to blow my mind. That man puts the energizer bunny to shame!

A Means to an End

Athletics of any kind are encouraged in today’s society more than ever before. Not only does being athletic promote a healthy lifestyle, but team activities teach us how to depend on each other, work together, overcome adversity, and succeed as a unit. It helps in the workplace and in one’s social life, but today being athletic and playing a sport has taken on a new and bigger role. That shit pays for college! Higher education has become big business that most of us can’t afford, but we’re constantly told we need it (similar to what’s going on with home buying in today’s economy, but I digress). That piece of paper opens up a world of opportunities and if you can sing, dance, run, jump, or anything else that people are willing to pay to watch you do to get it then by all means GO… unless it’s porn. Enter Belle Knox. Intelligent enough to get accepted into Duke University, Knox began her adult actress career in 2013 to help pay for her $60,000/year tuition. Pornography allowed her to control her schedule so she wouldn’t miss classes but still make enough money to survive, a constant struggle for working college students, while ensuring she wouldn’t be trapped in debt upon graduation. On top of that she entered a profession where she could travel, meet and learn from all types of diverse people, explore her sexuality and body image, something all young women go through, and be subjected to medical testing to ensure her safety, something us non-porn star college kids didn’t do enough. What parent wouldn’t be proud of her as a daughter!?

Despite what, when laid out, many would consider major accomplishments and smart thinking on her part, Belle Knox faced a lot of criticism because of her career choice. Besides being ousted and harassed by the frat boys watching porn in the first place, she lost respect from some of her professors and peers, and had to explain her lifestyle and job to staff. Apparently providing adult entertainment to the masses is not an acceptable way to make a living, although watching it bears no ill judgments from society (that double standard kills me!). Sit back and imagine if the dean of your kid’s school called them into a meeting to explain why they work one place instead of another and then made judgments based on that one thing. I’m telling you now, I’d be happily in prison watching graduation on Twitter Live using a burner phone somebody snuck me because that dean’s face would no longer look the way God intended. For the life of me I will never understand many of the ridiculous stereotypes that follow sex workers, but the one that really grinds my gears is that somehow your preppy snot nosed kid is being negatively influenced or put in danger. Countless porn stars have studied at and walked college campuses before, during, and after their career, and not one of them (to my researched knowledge) has ever harmed anyone. In fact, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to have Brandi Love (Central Michigan), Bree Olsen (Indiana Purdue), Carter Cruise (East Carolina University), Lexington Steele (Syracuse), Stoya (Delaware College of Art & Design), and Joanna Angel (Rutgers) on campus. The experience they have across the board, life lessons they can share, and the immense success they’ve all enjoyed are priceless to anyone they stop and talk to.

It’s time we recognize adult entertainers as professional athletes and give them the credit they deserve. Hopefully you pay for porn, and that’s great because they worked hard to provide you with a quality product you can jizz all over, but it goes beyond that. The way we view and think about porn stars on a day-to-day basis needs to escalate to a level where we begin to consider workouts, diet, make-up, wardrobe, and the expectations we place on them that we wouldn’t be able to meet ourselves, because it really is a lifestyle that they must adhere to on and off camera. It’s bad enough there’s no union, health care, or HR departments stars can rally around on the same level as us office dwellers, so the least we can do is acknowledge everything that they do to make themselves great and us horny.

That’s all for now, but for more from the great mind of the Authentic Lesbian, follow me on Twitter @authenticlezz1 and remember, sex is positive, sex is your friend, and sex can pay the bills!

17 Porn Stars With Acting Chops

It’s no secret that most people don’t watch porn for the plot, let alone the thespian capabilities of its stars. As long as you look good fucking on camera, it’s not a big deal if you can’t deliver a line convincingly or construct a believable persona for your character. But every now and then there comes a porn star who makes us actually want to watch the plot from beginning to end. Here’s my picks for the top porn stars with serious acting chops.

Carter Cruise

It was no surprise to me when this year’s Best New Starlet also nabbed the Best Actress trophy at this year’s AVN Awards, making Carter Cruise only the second star to do so since Jenna Jameson in 1996. Last year’s Second Chances, about a college senior unexpectedly finding love after a humiliating freshman year, was the perfect showcase for Cruise, who has previous theater experience. The rest of the cast also shines under the direction of Jackie St. James and Eddie Powell, including best friend Jessa Rhodes,  the adorably hapless Logan Pierce, and scheming sorority sister Allie Haze.

Steven St. Croix

Everyone’s favorite daddy has been AVN’s Best Actor more times than I care to count, starting with 1995’s Chinatown and continuing with last year’s Wetwork. He nails just about everything that he does, from the deadly seriousness of Fluid 3, to his hilarious turn as a mob boss in Nothin’ But Trouble.

Asa Akira

Wicked contract girl Asa Akira is always charming when given a chance to act. She has a fantastic sense of humor about it, playing her parts with a smirking glee. Definitely check out last year’s hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold vehicle Holly… Would.

Dawayne Dane

This guy hasn’t been in many pornos, but his turn as Carlton Banks in the Official Fresh Prince of Bel Air Parody is so dead on that it amazes me that we don’t see him more often. If you can get past the non-existent production values, it’s really worth your time.

Magdalene St. Michaels

This MILF is a mainstay at Girlfriends Films, and for good reason. She has an extensive acting background, and has even appeared in mainstream films. And it shows! She first caught my attention in Mother Exchange 2, where she completely wins over Giovanni Francesco.

Skin Diamond

The lovely and kinky Skin Diamond is an expert at toeing the line between pure camp and serious artistry. For the former, check out her tribute to Michonne in The Walking Dead – A Hardcore Parody. If the latter is more your game, Skin is excellent in last year’s twisted drama Control.

Evan Stone

A legend in the industry, Evan Stone is known for not taking himself too seriously and setting a hilarious goofball tone in modern classics like Pirates and Pirates 2 – Stagnetti’s Revenge. He also knows when to hold back, like his heartbreaking turn as a sick, both spiritually and physically, father in Daddy’s Girls.

Dana Vespoli

Dana Vespoli is my favorite pornstar, not least of all because of her convincing, and oftentimes creepy, acting roles. Even when she’s not fucking on camera, she still often appears on screen in non-sex roles, helping to flesh out the other characters and the plot. Check her out in the recently released The Turning, as well as in A Thing of Beauty, Vespoli’s own adaptation of Faust.

Mickey Mod

It really says something about your chops when you can carry a porno whole movie without taking your dick out! Mickey Mod is a mainstay of the fetish world, and I absolutely adored him in the kinky softcore feature The Punished Coed.

India Summer

As one of the most popular (and all natural!) MILFs working today, India Summer consistently wins over audiences with both her acting and sex scenes. Her delivery has an effortless grace that draws us in, even when she’s playing wicked stepmothers and other unlikable broads. Audiences raved about the popular Marriage 2.0, and I loved Summer alongside Maddy O’Reilly and Steven St. Croix in The Sexual Liberation of Anna Lee.

Tommy Pistol

He’s usually cracking us up in screwball comedies like Killer Kleavage From Outer Space, but sometimes Tommy Pistol manages to scare the shit out of us and show some real menace, like in last year’s trippy Bubble Gum Girls.

Mercedes Carrera

Mercedes Carrera is another star of The Turning, but she’s also weird and hilarious in B. Skow’s In The Flesh, not to mention the way that she amps up her fear and shame in the wonderfully creepy My Evil Stepson 2.

Misty Stone

The stunning Misty Stone gives Vivica A. Fox a serious run for her money in Digital Playground’s Kill Bill – A XXX Parody. She also kills it in this year’s Magic Mike XXXL: A Hardcore Parody as the dancers’ new boss. Misty has an undeniable power and forcefulness to her performances, as well as an ease to the delivery of her lines.

Nat Turnher

Nat Turnher is a star who doesn’t get nearly enough acting or romantic roles. He’s super handsome and wonderfully plays suave sweethearts. He steals the show from Sean Michaels in Family Secrets – Tales Of Victorian Lust and livens up the old plumber trope alongside Jodi Taylor in Belladonna’s Butthole Whores 4.

Amber Rayne

Amber Rayne was touring with a musical theater troupe when her contract ran out, leaving her stranded in LA. Sick of the typical Hollywood hustle, but still wanting to perform, she took the plunge into the adult industry. She gets to show off her thespian history in the campy romp The Pornographer from Wicked, and she rocks in in Wanted,  a Western feature from director Stormy Daniels.

Xander Corvus

Xander is great at playing lovable (and not so lovable) bad boys, and has a great, naturalistic acting style. Everyone in multiple award winner Wasteland deserves a spot on this list, including Lily LaBeau, but my shoutout is going to Xander for this one.

Jesse Jane

She might have the stereotypical blonde bimbo pornstar look, but there’s a good reason why Jesse Jane got lead roles in so many Digital Playgrounds blockbuster features. You can’t help but love the bubbly joy with which she tackles her roles, especially in the Pirates series and Code Of Honor.

Did I forget any of your favorites? Yell at me in the comments and let me know!

Judy Hologram forgot one of her lines in the third grade play. You can follow her on Twitter @JudyHologram and the rest of us @HotMoviesForHer.

ZOLA XXX – Lost In The Game

If you’ve been anywhere near the internet in the past 24 hours, you’ve surely heard the tale of how Zola and Jess’s blossoming friendship hit the skids. This absolutely insane story of hoeism, trapping, murder, love, and loss was told entirely on Twitter and spread around HotMovies HQ like wildfire. Zola captured our porno hearts with her gripping adventure saga, beautiful turns of phrase, and entrepreneurial spirit. We want the porno adaptation A$AP, so to make that happen I’m just going to cast it and give y’all an outline of the screenplay right here.

*Editor’s Note: We at HotMoviesforHer did not change nor censor Zola’s tweets although we she uses language that we do not use on our blog. We do not mean to offend, but rather to leave the tweets as they were originally written.

CAST

Daisy Ducati

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zola – Daisy Ducati

Madelyn Monroe

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jess – MadeLyn Monroe

Deviant Kade

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jarrett – Deviant Kade

Shane Diesel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Z – Shane Diesel

Misty Stone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Z’s Fiance – Misty Stone

Nathan Threat

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dreads – Nathan Threat

Wolf Hudson

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zola’s Man – Wolf Hudson

Film Treatment

Scene 1

zola 1

 

 

 

Zola meets fellow ho Jess at a Hooters and they bond over their shared hoeism. We’re excising Jess’s sugar daddy because this is porn and we’re being as cheap as possible. Zola is invited on a hoe trip to Florida with Jess. Zola’s boyfriend/sugardaddy/??? is super butthurt and panicking that Zola is leaving him alone all weekend, so she refills his water bowl and fucks him calm, romantically, with a strap on.

Zola 2

 

 

 

END SCENE.

Scene 2

Zola 3

 

 

 

Zola is picked up for the hoe trip by Jess, Jarrett, and Z. Things get awkward when Zola texts Jess, only to find that Z has the phone, and even more so when the ladies are brought a shitty hotel, but that’s ok, because only Jarrett’s lame ass is going to be staying there. The action moves to the strip club, where Zola has to wear pasties and boyshorts despite being a full nude kind of bitch. Zola and Jess aren’t making much money, so to get things moving, they get gay and have lesbian sex on stage through their bootyshorts because this club has all kinds of rules and shit. END SCENE.

Scene 3

Zola 4

 

 

Z picks up the girls from the club and Jess spills the beans about not making any money, so Z decides that it’s time to trap. But when he turns out to be a terrible pimp, Zola takes the reigns. Fade to an artsy slow mo montage directed by Courtney Trouble of Jess banging like twenty different guys while Zola dances in a snow storm of $$$.

Zola 5

 

 

 

END SCENE.

Scene 4

Zola 6

 

 

 

Zola, Jess, and Z return to the motel to find Jarrett crying to Dreads. Now that the cat’s out of the bag, the squad moves to a nicer hotel and Z tells Zola to keep an eye on Jarrett and leaves. Jarrett acts like a total scrote about Jess trapping and starts punching himself. Zola and Jess tie him up, put a chastity cage on him, and tag team him with strap ons until he quits whining.

Zola 7

 

 

Zola 8

 

 

 

 

 

END SCENE.

Scene 5

Zola 9

 

 

This is where shit gets weird so maybe Dana Vespoli or B. Skow should direct this scene. Z and his fiancé enter just as Jarrett breaks loose and shares Jess’s trap ad on Facebook. OH SHIT. Instead of murdering Jarrett, Z is all benevolent and instead just cuckolds him. Jarrett and everyone else watch Jess suck Z’s dick and get banged from behind. Once that’s over, it’s time for everyone to get cleaned up and get to trapping. END SCENE.

Scene 6

Zola 10

 

 

 

 

 

Z hands a gun and the trap phone off to Zola and tells her to use it if shit goes south. Zola, Jess, and a bewildered, sobbing Jarrett leave to go trap, and Z and his fiancé have a great fuck on the hotel bed on top of piles of money. END SCENE

Scene 7

Zola 11

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We rejoin Zola, Jess, and Jarrett in their car after a night of trapping all over town. One last call comes into the trap phone, and a familiar voice requests two girls for four guys in exchange for $5k. After some negotiation, it’s decided that Jess will join them solo for  $2k. They get to the place and OH SHIT IT’S THE GUY WITH THE DREADS AND HE JUST SNATCHED JESS!!!! While Zola and Jarrett and Z running around to trying to do a rescue mission or something, Jess and Dreads have 100% consensual sex because this is porn and this is how things work. Z comes back to save Jess and OH SHIT HE SHOT DREADS IN THE FACE. END FUCKING SCENE!!!

Scene 8

Zola 12

 

 

 

 

 

The squad returns to Z’s condo where the fiancé is counting stacks. Jarrett cries and tries to jump out the window before Z gets Jarrett and Zola on a plane and they get pick up by Zola’s boo. Weeks later, Jess calls Zola from jail. There’s no more sex because we ran out of production money.

THE END

There you go, Porn World, I just did like half the pre-production for you. Axel Braun, please contact HotMovies for info on how to pay me, because like Zola, I’m in this for the $$$.

Judy Hologram would like to thank the Academy when she wins her Oscar for best casting. You can follow her on Twitter @JudyHologram and the rest of us @HotMoviesForHer.

2 Out Of 2 Porn Bloggers Agree…

While I know that it’s a total shock that people can look markedly different when they put makeup on, let me go a step further and blow your mind by telling you that the same principle applies to porn stars.  I know, I can’t believe it either.  Check out this awesome video to see some of the biggest names in the biz (like Dana DeArmondKristina Rose and Misty Stone) sans cosmetics.

Seriously, I would never recognize most of these ladies walking down the street without their makeup on, but I also think they are all super pretty with naked faces.

(via Gawker)

xoxo
-JD and Janie

Free Porn Friday – Merry Christmas Edition!

Each week we make free clip galleries of three movies for our affiliates to use… so why not share some of those clips here?

Welcome to Free Porn Friday!  This week we are, of course, offering up super sexy Christmas movies!  Happy Ho Ho Holidays!

First up is Zero Tolerance Entertainment’s new holiday classic, .

Check out the FREE GALLERY of clips from A Christmas Orgy!

 

Second is On The Mark Productions’ , scene three, featuring  and . Ho Ho Hot!

Check out the FREE GALLERY of clips from Stuffing My XXX Stocking 1!

 

And lastly, Third Degree’s , scene five, featuring  and .

Check out the FREE GALLERY of clips from Holiday Office Party!

Hope you enjoyed. Have a very merry Christmas weekend!!

xoxo
-JD and Ginger

Awakening To Love

There are many things I think of when I hear the word “porn,” but traumatic brain injury isn’t one of them.  Though when it comes to plot-driven dirty movies, anything is possible, so really having your main character in a coma isn’t too far a stretch.  Sure, that’s more “soap opera” than “porno,” but really the only different between the two is the sex, right?

Studio New Sensations comes at us with something, well, new – a super sexy romance series that offers up steamy storylines and tender passion to set our bits aflame.  The first New Sensations Romance that HM4Her received is , a sweet story featuring Samantha Ryan and Danny Mountain.  The basic premise of this flick opens with Theresa () and her boyfriend Stuart () on the eve of their engagement, fucking their brains out.  The next morning Stuart proposes and gives Theresa an engagement right.  After squealing on the phone with her best friend, Theresa makes her way to work, when all of a sudden she is hit by a car and is rushed to the hospital where she lays in a coma.

While Theresa is suddenly comatose, her new fiancé promises to stay by her side, which he does, while her best friend Julie () puts on a brave face at the hospital, but needs some warmth and support at home -aka. sex with her hot boyfriend Matthew (Tony Desergio).  While my first response to my best friend being in a coma may not be to go bone my boyfriend, I suppose that everyone deals with grief differently.  And it’s also true that we should be very thankful that they deal with it this way, because the sex is super hot.  Seriously, Misty Stone is such a babe!

Slowly over the months that Theresa is in a coma, her man Stuart comes around less and less.  It is too hard for him to see her like this and finally he takes his ring back, begs her comatose body to forgive him and leaves for good.  So much for that forever promise, huh?  The next frame opens with Theresa coming out of her coma eight months after her accident.  She is scared and alone, with only the comfort of her nurse , (appearing in a non-sex role).  Soon she meets her roommate Nate () and they form a strong bond.  So strong, in fact, that Theresa is devastated when they are about to release him from the hospital.

So, what does Nate do as Theresa is weeping?  Confess his love for her, of course, which leads the pair into one year later, when they are having a deliciously sexy tryst on their wedding night (assumed by the tossed aside veil).  The sex is loving and chemistry runs through the whole thing as if Ryan and Mountain are actually in love and consummating their marriage.  The last piece of the movie (before the behind the scenes) has Theresa talking about how life is sometimes unfair, but how it usually knows best.  Ain’t that the truth!  The only thing that would have made this movie better would have been Nurse Kane getting it on with the doctor ()!

Watch “” Now!

Intimate Invitations #10

This morning I was greeted with an open box of chocolates waving in front of my face.  The lovely ladies over at Triangle Films sent J.D. some delicious candy for the holidays.  Today’s review is dedicated to Triangle Films… and to eating chocolate for breakfast.

I was pretty excited about the Misty Stone and Marie Luv match-up in scene 1.  Both are small with a powerhouse presence and a joy for sex that is recognized in every performance.  In this particular porno tale, Marie seeks the services of lawyer Misty in the midst of a nasty divorce.   Naturally, the complicated matters mean that they must meet in private at Misty’s house.  Oh, porno plots.  You’re so good at giving people reasons to bang.  One thing leads to another and the fucking begins.  Misty drives Marie crazy with her tongue and the favor is returned 10 fold.  This is a great match up!

Scene 2 stars Kim Kane and Cassie Courtland.  Before Cassie moves away, Kim wants to give her the lesbian love affair send-off.  It’s Cassie’s first time, although you’d never know by the way she gives Kim’s pussy a serious tongue lashing.  Hot!

Thank you, Triangle Films, for the chocolate, but mostly for the awesome lesbian porno.

Watch Intimate Invitations #10 now!

Love,

Ginger

Not The Cosbys XXX – Disc One

I’ve been looking over my impossibly long list of movies to review the last couple of days and have decided to tackle a couple that I really should have watched by now including Not the Cosbys XXX.

Because it’s my job to watch porn, I feel like there are certain movies that I MUST watch and this is one of them. There are a billion spoofs out there, but it seems like this is one that got a lot of buzz and I’m really interested to see Thomas Ward as Bill Cosby because I think it’s really interesting that the cast a comedian as a major character and he doesn’t get naked! Ward was brilliant and added so much to this porno without taking his pants off.

This one plays out like a single episode – basically Denise, played by the lovely Misty Stone, is ready to trade in her V card but wants it to be “special.” Didn’t we all… Anyways, we quickly learn that she’s in touch with her sexuality from a smokin’ hot solo scene that starts off the movie. It’s a good chance to really appreciate Stone as she gets herself off with a textured purple vibe.

Next up is an orgy, which while pretty hot, didn’t really fit in for me. Denise storms out before things get started and then it’s just a bunch of white people getting it on. Jenny Hendrix stood out for me, but I really want this to be more about the Cosbys…

Scene three is one of my favorites. I love Tyler Knight and Tori Black and they definitely are into each other. Plus, who didn’t fantasize about getting it on with Theo back in the day? Once Theo peels off his amazing 80s shirt, Black goes down on him and we get some nice POV shots. By the time she sits on his fat dick, I had totally forgotten about the second scene not fitting into my idea of what this movie should be!

The rest of the movie is pretty good, but I really want to talk about the last scene where Denise finally gives it up! Scott Lyons is the lucky dude and, after seeing that awesome stone washed jean jacket, I’m not surprised she picked him. I don’t know much about Lyons, but all of my focus was on Stone anyways, so I’ve got no complaints about him. Denise really shines, but for some reason I doubt that was really her first time!

Overall, this is a really great movie even though I think it’s kind of weird that almost every scene was interracial. That’s probably an unfortunate sign of what sells in this business. Regardless, the sex was hot, the plot was well acted and funny and the outfits were amazing. This is one of the best spoofs I’ve seen this year!

TRU – A XXX Parody

I just finished watching the first season of Tru Blood, so I had to check out this parody from New Sensations. I have to say I wasn’t sure that the porno version could compete with the sex scenes in the real show, which are super hot, but full blown sex scenes win out over thirty seconds of hardcore cable approved fucking without a doubt.


We open up a hot scene starring Maryann (played by Vanessa Naughty) and Johnny Castle. This is my first exposure to Naughty, but she’s someone I’ll keep an eye out after seeing her handle Castle’s cock like a champ. He drills her from below, behind and every which way until he explodes on her chest. That’s when things get interesting because this is a porno with a plot! After they’re done, Maryann starts asking about Sookie but Castle doesn’t know anything. She’s not happy and before you know it Castle is lying on the floor with a bloody mess where his cock used to be.

One of the highlights for me was finally watching Tara get served by Jason Stackhouse. If there’s one thing that girl needs, it’s a grade A fucking and who better to serve it up than the boy she’s crushed on for years! Tara is played by Misty Stone, who is fantastic and I imagine Tru Blood fans are going to love seeing this played out in porno land.

The final scene between Sookie and Bill (Ashlynn Brooke & James Deen) really puts the exclamation point on a great spoof and ends with a bang – or at least a load to the face! The only thing that would be better is an Anna Paquin/Stephen Moyer sex tape scandal…

Overall, this is a must see for fans of the show and one I think just about anyone would enjoy. It’s fun, sexy and a little gory – what more could a fang banger ask for?

BTW – James Deen is in every single parody ever. I mean, he’s awesome, so it’s fantastic, but he must be a busy dude.