Tugging on her special little outfit before she entered the stage, which needed no alterations, Chantel took a deep breath and put on her brightest smile. She walked out and greeted her audience with an elated “Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays” to appease any type of celebrator in the crowd. Everyone was happy to see her because she was Santa’s little helper and that Santa would soon follow her and they could get on with the show. Dressed in a short, red, velvet, two piece little number, reminiscent of Santa’s suit, she felt ultra femme.
“Get in line before Santa comes! He’ll be out in just a minute.”
She slipped behind the gingerbread house and informed Santa that they were ready. He told her thanks and brushed against her as he was walking to the stage. She felt a tingle deep inside of her sending sensual thoughts of Santa into full speed in her mind. Chantel loved to flirt and Santa wasn’t half bad looking. Not the classic fat, white guy in a suit, just a little thick around the waist. No one would knew because his suit offered padding for what his body lacked. She loved a tall man with dark brown complexion.
Merry Almost Christmas! By now you probably already know I am a big Jew, but I happen to have a major soft spot for all the commercial bits of old JC’s b-day. What can I say, I think I have Christmas tree envy. A Hanukkah bush just doesn’t do it for me, though I think I just found my lesbo root… Anyway, back to the colorful lights and candy canes. Yeah, I freaking love this holiday.
While the presents and holiday spirit are great, I think my absolute favorite part of X-Mas is the decorations. Houses covered in lights, the tree in the window – what more could a Jew ask for? This is the time of year for giving, so from me to you, a deliciously decorative Top Five Tuesday!
Sparkly Lights: Seeing all the houses done up in lights truly puts me in the holiday spirit. In my neighborhood, the rowhomes string lights across from each other and make the whole street ablaze with X-Mas cheer. Even when it’s snowy and gross outside, I can’t help but feel super warm and fluffy inside!
Star Tree Topper: Some people go for an angel atop their Christmas tree, but for me, I’ve always been partial to a shining star at the tippy top. Sure, it probably has something to do with the star of Bethlehem, or some other heavily religious symbolism, but I’m just gonna stick with it looking oh so pretty.
Balls/Ornaments: No matter what color, size or shape, ornaments on the tree totally add to the magic of the holiday. My favorite are the brightly colored balls that hang off the branches and bring a certain whimsy to even the smallest of Charlie Brown trees.
Stockings: Hanging your stockings on the mantle and waiting for jolly old St. Nick to come stuff them during the night is one of the most exciting parts of the holiday. Three cheers for getting your stocking stuffed!
The Tree!: And last, but most definitely not least – The Tree! Big or small, real or fake, traditional or off-the-wall, the X-Mas tree really is the cornerstone of the Christmas celebration. Gotta love a giant cut down tree, decorated and propped up in a living room… wait, there is that envy again…
So it’s nearly Christmas and all through the studio, comes a demand for reviews of the holiday pornos. Santa was naked, almost everywhere but not a single Solstice debauchery was there. So it was left to the Grinchiest to find the Bitchiest, holiday nakedness…
Yeah I’m not the greatest poetess who’s ever lived – maybe I should have stuck with the dirty limericks – but I bring you “The Bitch That Stole Christmas.”
Things start off with a little girl on girl action which is a relief for a second there I thought that it might end up being a threesome that included a midget (they save that for last instead).The highlight of the scene was definitely when Bunny got to shake Santa’s magic snow globe – it seemed perfectly tailored for the bouncing boob lovers. After that the sex scene’s got a little random theme wise (something about catching a duck and winning a fuck) and Santa is uniformly drunk and crass throughout. Apparently Santa’s mission this holiday season is to find dirty little girls with his magic snow globe.
I thought I’d kick off our week long celebration of Christmas porn with this Euro import from All Worlds Video. It may be a decade old now, but hot XXX never goes out of style – a lot like a good Christmas Sweater!
I think that Merry XXX-Max does a great job of capturing the Christmas mood without sacrificing any of the awesome ass pounding I expect from All Worlds movies. I’ve seen enough scenes where a dude just bangs a chick while wearing a Santa hat to know I need a little more holiday hotness to be satisfied.
Scene two is a great example, especially if you like JO scenes. Richard, who has a fantastic body for the record, takes some time to decorate the tree before being overwhelmed by the need to jerk off. If you like twinky guys with big uncut cocks, you’re going to enjoy watching this dude wank in the season.
The highlight for me was the big orgy at the end. The guys get together to exchange pervy gifts and, big surprise, everyone ends up fucking. Apparently these dudes agree that it is the season of giving! I will admit that it starts off a little slowly, but it definitely ends with a bang.
Before letting you get to the porn, I have two complaints. First, I’m an American, so I assume everyone in the world speaks English. The dudes in this film do not, so I feel like I probably missed a lot of good jokes about stuffing stockings and big packages. That makes me a little sad.
Secondly, while 99 percent of the action in this movie is great, it starts off with some sort of weird wrestling/wiener fight that immediately killed my girl boner. I have no issues with a little rolling around before a good fuck, especially if it’s between two manly men and things get a little rough, but this just seemed silly.
Overall, this one really captures the reason for the season – assuming you’re a perv like me! -The Porn Librarian
So, today marks the 8th night of Hanukkah and the last Friday before Christmas, so I thought it would be appropriate for today’s Mixtape Rewind to celebrate both holidays in some bizarro way. While the obvious answer would be to post two videos, one for each holiday, I thought this wackadoo song by Bob Dylan might just do the trick.
In what is definitely the most catchy (or annoying) song of the season, Dylan – a jew who converted to Christianity in the 70s only to find his way back to the fold in the 90s – thoughtfully helps people who aren’t familiar with Santa to identify him. He also, most appropriately, provides the listener with a refresher course on the presidents of the United States since the mid-fifties. Nothing gets me in the Christmas mood like revisiting the Eisenhower administration.
Happy Holidays from your pervy friends at HotMoviesForHer.com!
We’re living in the age of the undead. From Zombies to Vampires various types of undead beasties are all the rage right now which as a horror lover has sadly begun to bore me. However when I came across this tantalizing glimpse at where Santa’s really come from (I went for the NSFW full frontal glimpses but stayed for the carnage) I was immediately hooked. So take a look at where the extremely rare Finnish Father Christmas’ come from and have a happy holiday season!
I was asked “are you sure you want to post that?” But really, rabid Santa hunts along with full frontal male nudity and an absolutely awesome seasonal plot – how could I not share that with the world? I’m sure I’ll pay for the sharing with nightmares of mall Santa’s chasing me through empty mall corridors well up to New Years but it’s totally worth it! They’re making a full length movie based on this that’s supposed to hit theaters in 2010 and I can hardly wait.
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