Hustler

I’ll take BALLS for $100, Alex.  Yep, Hustler went there.  Balls get their own category in This Ain’t Jeopardy XXX.

The XXX part of this porno is quality.  It isn’t super hardcore, but Hustler’s brand of hotness – busty babes with well defined eye brows and beautiful smiles – fills the screen.  But, I have to say, I was a little disappointed in the parody part of the deal.  Perhaps I spent a little too much time watching Jeopardy growing up, but I was looking for a few nuances that just weren’t there.  I know, it’s porn and it’s about the fucking, but if you’re going to poke fun at Jeopardy, give me a “This Ain’t Jeopardyyyyyyy” intro, damnit!

There are sex scenes throughout this game show porno, but I especially liked the use of their “Caught in the Act” video category which utilizes quickie-type sex scenes.  My favorite was the glory hole scene.  I am always intrigued by the notion of a penis poking through a hole in the wall. It’s just so… dirty.  This particular scene turns into an actual face to face bathroom stall fuck.  Is it still considered a “glory hole”, Alex?

Finally, we get to see two of the contestants fuck in the second to last sex scene.  Mr. Pete and Codi Carmichael (the losing contestants) do it in front of the contestants’ podiums, just like you know you want to.  Well, anyone who has ever watched Jeopardy wants to!  The movie concludes when Alex Trebek (Dale DaBone) nails MILF hottie and Jeopardy XXX winner, Diamond Foxxx.  I always imagined that F’ing Alex would be part of the prize!

On a slightly related note, how awesome is Alex Trebek for chasing down that burglar?

Watch “This Ain’t Jeopardy XXX” now!

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Happy Humpday!  Welcome to the midweek stretch!  I’ve been off the last five days, so not only does it not seem quite as long as a week for me, I am also so excited to be talking about porno again – especially on Humpday!  What a treat!  So, let’s get to celebrating the middle of the week with a little Link Lovin’!

- Heat Stroke warning, or Heat Stroke warning??  Look at that grip, would ya?!

- Bree Olson tells all about her time winning with Charlie Sheen.

- Oral and anal sex are finally legal in Louisiana!  Oh, the south, you are so funny sometimes.

- How do you negotiate porn watching within your relationship?  Is it a dealbreaker?

- Yes, this house of hammocks is awesome, but is no one talking about the giant boob thing going on next to it??  What IS that?

- Levi Johnston’s sister will appear in Playboy.  What is this, a family affair?  Hello 15 minutes, it was over long ago.

- And lastly, as much as some porn parodies drive me nuts, I am kind of excited about the Lady Gaga Hustler parody after watching the trailer.

Hope this gets you through til the weekend!

xoxo
-JD

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Happy 4th of July!

In case you’re wondering where the Independence Day themed porno is, I’ll start by saying, too F’ing bad.  Look, I dug through piles (metaphorically speaking) of dirty movies and there just wasn’t one out there.  Well, at least there wasn’t one of any interest.  I still decided to go with something as American as the day we use as an excuse to make things explode in the sky, This Ain’t Happy Days XXX.  If that doesn’t scream wholesome patriotic fun, I don’t know what does.

This Hustler porn parody does a great job of capturing the feel of the original show, complete with canned laughter.  The cast looks great in their 1950’s attire and hair.  Even when they’re fucking, they keep a piece of clothing on to remind us that they are indeed portraying characters.  Anyone out there who fantasized about doing the Fonz, Joanie or any other loveable Happy Days character, this is your chance to indulge.

Beyond the quality of production value, the sex is fantastic in this flick.  The first and last scenes really stood out for me.  In the opening scene the guys are discussing their dating issues and ask Fonzie (appropriately played by Tommy Gunn) for a little guidance.  They go into the boys’ bathroom and The Fonz beckons two smoking hot babes, Riley Evans and Tori Black.  As the threesome unfolds, the guys are still watching and learning in the background and the ladies team up for a quality double blow job to get the party started.  From there, they get fucked from the professional that is Mr. Gunn, most notably in an uncomfortable yet impressive pile driver position.  The girls tend to each other as they enjoy the deep dicking and all involved are happy campers.  Fonze wraps it up by coming on their open mouths, which is followed by a teensy bit of come swapping, which may or may not be your thing.  The scene is punctuated with an “AYYY”.

The last scene in This Ain’t Happy Days XXX also stars Fonzie.  This time he gets to fuck one MILF-tastic Marion Cunningham, played by Racquel Devine.  The sex is hot and Raquel’s big tits look amazing billowing out of her white mom bra as she bounces up and down on Tommy Gunn’s cock.  After getting fucked like never before (sorry, Howard) Marion drops to her knees and takes Fonzie’s jizz in her mouth and on her chin.  Shortly thereafter, everyone walks in on them.  Another “AYYY” and cut.

I can honestly say that I enjoyed this XXX parody for both the production value and the sex.  I often find myself board with these types of pornos, so it was nice to get a few laughs as well as save this one for later viewing.

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I fell in lust with Tori Black over the course of the last year and she’s become one of my go-to performers when I’m looking for inspired fucking. She’s definitely not bad on the eyes, but it’s the energy she puts forth time after time that has me seeking out her scenes.

In this Hustler collection, Black takes on an all-star cast of XXX performers that includes Sean Michaels, Evan Stone and Bobbi Star.

First up, let’s talk about the threesome that opens the film. Mick Blue and Erik Everhard are hanging out in tuxes and doing their best to ignore Black, who looks as good as ever in thigh highs. The scene is a pornographer’s attempt at art and I really enjoyed something a little different. It’s nice to take away all distraction and focus solely on the sex.

A couple of minutes in, she’s on all fours kissing Blue while Everhard eats her out – it was awesome. For the rest of the action, the guys pass her back and forth taking turns drilling one of the most popular women in XXX. In the end, they unload on her face and we’re on to the next Black scene.

Now I need to talk about Black, Bobbi Starr and a motorcycle. For some reason, I never get sick of watching people fuck on bikes. The women take turns going down on each other before breaking out the toys and going to town. Both women know exactly what they’re doing and really play well to the camera. Good girl/girl stuff!

This is another great collection of Black’s work – there are a lot of them. I’m starting to think someone could release “Tori Black’s Worst Scenes” and the masses would love it!

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Well, the stars have aligned and it is officially 90210 day!  And of course we need to celebrate – porno style.  So sit back and relax with your old friends at the Peach Pit!

At least this time Donna isn’t drunk at the prom… Donna Martin Graduates!

xoxo
J.D.

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While we here on the East Coast were digging out of a snowstorm the other night, over in L.A., the porn stars were shining as the 8th Annual XBIZ Awards took the stage to honor some of the biggest names in the industry- including a few folks near and dear to us… HotMovies.com!

That’s right!  Our big brother, HotMovies.com won VOD Company of the Year!  Woohoo!  Congrats HotMovies!  We are super excited for them and can’t wait to celebrate their victory… if the snow ever lets them fly back into the East Coast…

While the list is too long to name all of this year’s winners, there were a ton of HM4Her favorites snagging awards, including all of these sexy stars and studios! Read the rest of this entry »

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Happy Humpday!  Welcome back to the mid-week stretch.  It’s been a busy week so far, with no signs of letting up (it is gonna be a crazy spring around here), so sorry this Link Lovin’ is coming a little late in the day.  I’ve been a busy beaver all day and finally I get to celebrate the awesomeness that is Humpday!  Let’s get to it!

- Our favorite mini octogenarian sex educator, the fabulous Dr. Ruth Westheimer has been named Washington D.C.’s Honorary Secretary of the Department of Love and Relationships!  Alright, fine, it’s just a marketing ploy to stimulate tourism in the capitol city.  Still, it would be pretty freaking awesome if it was real.  This country could seriously us it.

-  Real Dolls are getting a makeover!  The high-end love dolls are partnering up with Wicked Pictures to produce a line of realistic, fully articulated versions of Wicked’s contract stars, including Alektra  Blue and Jessica Drake.  I wonder if the dolls will start doing porn as well…  (via The Frisky) Read the rest of this entry »

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Studio: Hustler Category: Spoofs/Parodies

I’ll be the first to admit that I am a shameless celebrity gossip junkie. I was raised in a house that had a People Magazine subscription and one look at the weekly dirt, I was totally hooked. These days I am still an avid People lover, but now I tend to turn to the internet to get my daily dish fix. With all this instant gratification and at my fingers info, I am always up-to-date on all the juicy stories and illicit affairs of the rich and famous… especially the tragic drama cases. I know, I know, it’s awful to be so nosey into someone else’s downward spiral, but I can’t help but be totally sucked in. So of course I would be totally into checking out the scandalous life of celebrity wild girl Lindsay Lohan, pornofied! What can I say – gossip and porn together – I’m totally sold! I guess I should note that this flick doesn’t feature an actual Lindsay Lohan or true to life sex stories. Just all those fantasies we’ve been dreaming of, now in porno reality!

To be perfectly honest, I was really into watching this movie for one particular reason, which is actually the reason I started looking for Lohan gossip in the first place – Samantha Ronson… or, for our purposes, the fabulous Dylan Ryan. It’s probably no shocker that I have a special place in my heart for butch girls and Sam Ronson fits the bill to a T. While I was a little surprised that fierce femme Dylan Ryan took on Ronson’s androgyny, the likeness (and Dylan’s total hotness) completely makes sense. No one else could play the part like Dylan! While Scarlett Fey’s LiLo (Linsday Lohan to those not in the know) was pretty dead on, it was Ryan that totally had me fast forwarding to scene six not long after I started watching the movie.

So, yes the rest of the movie is pretty hot, it’s Lindsay and Sam’s scene that I want to focus on. Reenacting what was supposed to be their first experience together (and Lindsay’s first girl fuck), Scarlett Fey plays a perfect petrified LiLo that goes from nervous to super into it with the first few licks from Dylan Ryan’s Sam. Ryan is all swagger and smooth moves in this scene, relaxing her girl, all the while getting us all hot and bothered. Her love of ladies and their pussies is obvious as she spends half the scene with her tongue on Fey’s clit.

My favorite part of the scene is when Lindsay goes to town on Sam’s pussy, as Sam praises her often and encourages her to relax and enjoy herself, as well as gives her tips on how to touch a lady. It’s really the kind of sex that I wish porn would show more often – exciting sex that incorporates communication and fun as much as moaning and getting off. All and all, this scene was the delicious icing to an already awesome cake! Thanks Hustler!

-J.D. Bauchery

Watch “Hustlers Untrue Hollywood Stories Lindsay Lohan” Now!

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Studio: Hustler Category: Holidays

So it’s nearly Christmas and all through the studio, comes a demand for reviews of the holiday pornos. Santa was naked, almost everywhere but not a single Solstice debauchery was there. So it was left to the Grinchiest to find the Bitchiest, holiday nakedness…

Yeah I’m not the greatest poetess who’s ever lived – maybe I should have stuck with the dirty limericks – but I bring you “The Bitch That Stole Christmas.”

Things start off with a little girl on girl action which is a relief for a second there I thought that it might end up being a threesome that included a midget (they save that for last instead).The highlight of the scene was definitely when Bunny got to shake Santa’s magic snow globe – it seemed perfectly tailored for the bouncing boob lovers. After that the sex scene’s got a little random theme wise (something about catching a duck and winning a fuck) and Santa is uniformly drunk and crass throughout. Apparently Santa’s mission this holiday season is to find dirty little girls with his magic snow globe.

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We all laughed when Larry Flynt of Hustler and Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild appealed to congress for a slice of the bailout pie in January. It was a brilliant joke or toilet humor just a little too soon, depending on who you talked to. No one really paid any attention to Larry and Joe at least partly because it’s hard to take porn guys seriously, especially the ‘big’ porn moguls when they’re asking for a handout. But lately Larry is taking a different stand to make his point and he’s being taken a good deal more seriously this time around.

In a recent op-ed on the award winning news website, Huffington Post, Larry Flynt calmly and intelligently urged the country to strike:

“…I’m calling for a national strike, one designed to close the country down for a day. The intent? Real campaign-finance reform and strong restrictions on lobbying. Because nothing will change until we take corporate money out of politics. Nothing will improve until our politicians are once again answerable to their constituents, not the rich and powerful.

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