Backing up Hollander in this flick are the super hot Nikki Benz and Eva Angelina.  The three of them make up the Sampson sisters, a trio who are believed to be witches who gain their powers from having hot lesbian sex. And they must, because at only one minute into the movie, we are already thrown into a delicious brew of lady sexin’.  It’s supposed to be 1692, and while the apparel (what I am choosing to call the strings and scraps of fabric they are wearing) is not quite year appropriate; they at least try with classic-looking furniture and candles.  Apparently after this the sisters were killed for being suspected witches.

Skip to present day when Amia Miley and McKenzee Miles are working at the Sampson sisters’ house, which is now a museum that is said to be haunted.  Not only does the house haunt visitors into doing crazy sex acts, legend says if you have Halloween sex on the bed in the room that the sisters died in, they will come back to life.  And of course, while setting up for the annual Halloween party, Amia, McKenzee and Michael Pacino end up doing just that!

Now that the Sampson sisters are back, they must find a virgin to fuck to come back for good.  While each of them find a hot young thing to screw, it’s actually the museum’s creator (Krissy Lynn) that gets to fuck a virgin and help the sisters come back for good.  Thank goodness for the ones that wait, right?  All in all, a decent parody full of hot fucking and a few of the original movie’s shining moment. Nice work Cezar Capone. Happy Halloweeeeeeen!

Watch “Hocus Pocus XXX” Now!

For this special Monday Mixtape Rewind, we’re happy to present you with Pan’s People and their little dance ditty to the Monster Mash. It isn’t Halloween without a little Monster Mash in your life! The ballerina bat and tango mummy make this more awesome than you ever could have imagined! Thanks, Dangerous Minds.

Have a fantastic Halloween!

Love,

Ginger and J.D

Measuring in at a whopping 10.5 inches (8.75” insertable), this ghastly green monster dick is the epitome of everything I would want in Frankenstein’s cock.  First, it is all stitched together looking and features two bolts coming out of the sides.  There are even a few screw heads molded in to make it look extra pieced together.  And even though it is all thrown together looking (like Frankenstein himself), it still looks very much like a cock, with a defined glans, shaft and big balls.  All in all, this thing is seriously beautiful, and I plan to keep it out on a shelf to admire.  You know, when it’s not stuffed inside me, or my loved ones.

And when I say stuffed, I mean STUFFED.  This big guy is huge.  Long, yes, but also fairly girthy (shaft is 6.75”!!), so Frank fills you up!  I certainly couldn’t take it more than halfway into my vag, even fully aroused – and I can usually take a good amount.  I will say that I love the way the staple sutures and other decorative touches did a second duty of stimulating the walls of my pussy.  Nice work with the functional touches, Fleshlight.

Logistically speaking, this toy is fantastic.  Frank is made of the highest quality, platinum cured silicone, which means it is super body safe, sturdy and easy to both clean and sterilize (which means you can share this giant fucker with friends!).   You just don’t want to use silicone lube with him, since it will melt his silicone and turn the whole thing into the bad mind of vileness.

Be it Halloween or any other time of year, Frankenstein most definitely has a place in my heart and my pussy.  Thanks for giving us something exciting, new and wholly disgusting, Fleshlight!

Definitely check out all the freaks, especially Frankenstein!

Behold, my Dylan Ryan and April Flores smooching pumpkin!

It was my very first attempt at making a real pumpkin carving that wasn’t just a lopsided jack-o-lantern face.  Not too shabby, huh?  Take a look at our other pictures, including the image that this pumpkin was carved from, which is from Reel Queer Production”s Roulette Toronto.  And pictures of us playing with Fleshlight Freak’s Zombie cock.

Happy Halloween!!

xoxo
-JD and Ginger Leigh

Basic premise here is the zombie king sends his zombie minions out into the world to pick up hot young ladies to bring over to his dark side.  I don’t know why this particular woman was jerking off then napping at the local laundromat, but she was and that’s how she got captured and had her labia and nipples nibbled off by the undead.  Just a word of warning to you laundromat nappers.  Soon she herself has changed over to the dark side and starts getting her zombie fuck on with chicks she finds for herself. Yum.

Yes, this movie is totally amateur and fill to the hilt with the most fake ass blood I’ve ever seen (not really ass blood… maybe that was the wrong choice of wording…).  Seriously, these zombies have mouthfuls of corn syrup and red food coloring, which isn’t doing anything for the realistic aspect, but it does get everywhere and make a huge fucking mess – and really, that’s what we are watching horror porn for, aren’t we?  And at only 47 minutes long, this is the perfect amount of blood, guts and sexin!

Watch “Night Of The Groping Dead” Now!

- Those winter months are a-comin’ quick (it’s supposed to fucking SNOW in Philly this weekend!!), so it’s best to be prepared with your warmest wooly underpants.  Pattern?  Anyone?

- Want to mix being in bed, fucking and twister all together?  Finally there is a way – Karmasheetra.  Done and done!  Though, I’m wondering why they don’t just make it a fitted sheet so it won’t move around…

- Awesome pro-condom cartoon sent to me by a co-worker.  No idea where it’s from, but I love it.

-  It’s not that uncommon for the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) to go through your luggage while you travel, and while many of us are used to seeing those notices of inspection, attorney Jill Filipovic got an extra special treat.  Apparently the agents found her vibrator and left a handwritten personal note on the notice saying “Get Your Freak On Girl.”  Sigh.  Really?

- In other sigh-worthy news, are you ready for White Ribbon Against Porn Week?  Really?  Aren’t there other, more important things (oh, I don’t know, like cancer, AIDS, starving people) to fight?  Sigh.

- In awesome news, a new study is uncovering that more and more women are watching porn, especially younger women (over 18!).  Very exciting!

- Interesting answer to a question posed about why cis-gendered men (meaning the bodies they were born into matches their gender identity) are attracted to trans women in porn.

- Looks like porn star Bibi Jones was hanging out with Patriot Rob Gronkowski.  That would probably be a bigger deal to me if I knew anything about football, but I guess it scandalized some people cause it came out that she fucked a few folks on the team.

- James Deen recently received a visit from the Department of Homeland Security… but not why you might think.

- Who doesn’t love Disney characters doing dirty things?  I know I do!

And lastly, my only Halloween contribution to this link love.  How amazing is this Gay Dracula from the ’80s?  Totally fucked up and full of awful stereotypes, yes, but also amazing.

Hope this gets you through til the weekend!

xoxo
-JD

At this point in my horror movie interest, I am convinced that the woods bring nothing but death and destruction, and this flick’s description isn’t helping dispel those fears!  The description gives us a group of guys heading out to a cabin in the woods for a relaxing vacation, which is anything but. It doesn’t take long for the sexing to begin, but as for the horror, I was deeply disappointed.

Listen closely, porn makers – if you want to make horror porn, then make horror porn.  Don’t just make a movie with people fucking and slap a scary description and a few post production spooky touches and expect me to not know the difference.  Maybe it’s because I’ve been watching porn for so long and have high expectations, but it’s such a turn off to not get the awesomeness that a description promises me.  I start going off to my co-workers about false advertising and it’s no good.

Alright, enough complaining, let’s get to the stuff I did like.  While weird blue lighting doesn’t equal scary vampire porno in my mind, but it does do something to give it an off-kilter vibe, especially during the sexes.  There was a ton of dick/ass/mouth action going on that I very much appreciated and lots of different combinations of people, including a “vampire.”  Another thing I really appreciated was the fucked up, scary cover.  The dude with the blood-covered mouth is in there at the very last minute, which is the only thing that saves this as a Halloween pick.

Hot sex, yes – scary horror porn, no.  I guess sometimes we can’t have it all.

Re-Penetrator: When it comes to the gross, ghoulish and totally depraved, look no further than Burning Angel.  These alt pervs are the do all and say all of nasty meeting naughty and we’d been lucky enough to enjoy this Re-Animator spoof over and over again.  If blood, gore and blowjobs put that tingle in your bottom, this flick, as well as Burning Angel’s The XXXorcist, are the ones for you!

Zombie Nation: There is nothing quite as disappointing as watching a zombie porn that just has a few blood-covered performers banging each other like any other porn.  I need my zombie smut to feature quality make up AND stars fucking and moving like real undead perverts.  Zombie Nation gets an A+.  Definitely check out the review.

Flesh For The Beast – Unrated: Warning – there is very little sex in this porno and no cock shots at all, but if you are looking for something full of gore and a little ripping off of faces, you’ve come to the right place.  While I’m not usually that into softcore, this is one nasty, demon-filled flick and I am willing to deal with the lack of fucking to get that good, gross fun.

Cult 70s Porno Director: Harry Hopper: Alright, so this may not exactly be a horror porn, or Halloween-themed at all, but a lady gets fucked while wearing a pumpkin, so really, who are we to say it’s not spot on for this list.  And seriously, how can you read this and not want to watch? ” I mean, what better way to celebrate Halloween than to wear the great pumpkin as underpants and get finger banged?”  Yep, I’m sold.

Ladies Of The Night – Les Vampyres: Maria Beatty can do no wrong and this black and white lesbian vampire tryst is so testament to why her work is so amazing.  This whole flick is delightfully sensual and erotic, while being totally kinky and hardcore at the same time.  If you watch one vampire porno, this is the one to see.

Happy Haunting!

xoxo
-JD

Now that sexy costumes have really become the norm for Halloween, there are an abundance of skimpy character frocks in the shops – definitely way bigger of a selection than your average naughty lingerie or sex toy store’s year-round picks.  Here are a few great tips to send you on your way into the costume shop with confidence and sex on the brain!

- Don’t forget the accessories.  Even if the full costumes are a little too heavy on the wallet, you can always pick up a few identifying details and use what you already have for the rest.  Have a police woman fantasy?  Grab a pair of handcuffs and a hat at the store, then just toss on some blue clothes you have at home. Done and done.

- Speaking of handcuffs, be very careful using the accessories you get at the Halloween store as  sex toys.  Sure, the handcuffs will keep your partner’s hands in one place, but they are not really intended for play and may cut or scrape their wrists or be uncomfortable.  Same thing goes for those “Indiana Jones” bull whips that the costume shop sells.  They are not the same thing as the whips sold at sex toy shops, and using them can result in injury and all sorts of other bad things.  If you are interested in playing with these toys for real, definitely check in with a reputable sex toy store (online or locally) and get the goods that are intended to get rough with!

- Think outside the box!  You and your partner may have a whole host of fantasies that are already flushed out and known to be winners when it comes to getting turned on, but when you actually get to the store, there will be costumes for characters you never even knew existed (sexy Ghostbuster?  Slimer fantasies!).  Maybe step away from your comfort zone and established fantasies and try a whole bunch of different identities (and costumes) on.  Just remember that the nothing will feel quite as sexy during the middle of the day in florescent-lit dressing rooms.  Expect that.

- Don’t worry that it’s late in the season.  I purposely wait until it’s nearly Halloween to send out this post because, while the costume shop is fully stocked in August, the deep discounts come out on November 1st.  I am a big fan of shopping the sales directly after a holiday and reaping the benefits.  Sure, you won’t have that sexy pirate costume for the big party, but that’s not what it was really for anyway, was it?

- And remember to have fun!  This is sex, after all, and it’s supposed to be exciting and hot!  Bring your partner to the store and have them pick out things for you to try on, or surprise them later with all the great finds you picked up.  Either way, have a very, very Happy Halloween… and all 364 other days of the year enjoying your new toys!

xoxo
- JD

Creature Feature gives a few vignettes of your tried and true generic horror flicks.  Coming in at first place is definitely Bride of Fuckenstein.  They definitely had fun with it and put everything they had into the scene.  It was totally silly, but I loved it, all of it – the Halloween décor, bride’s store bought costume, but I mostly loved Evan Stone’s commitment to the Dr. Stein character.  His opening monologue is fantastic.  As he beholds bride’s brain, he is going on about sloppy blow jobs and ball sucking in his own brand of Evan Stone-ness. If you only watch a small portion of this movie, watch the first 5 minutes.  The ball sucking dialogue and the look on Evan’s face when he says “it’s alive” is totally worth it.  He is a guy that enjoys his job and it shows.  I love when porn stars get into their characters, it makes me that much more interested in watching them fuck.

Okay, while this movie was entertaining and the sexin’ was decent, I have to say that the mummy scene was not a win for me.  There was just something a little unsettling.  I didn’t like the perfect hole that was cut out of the mummy’s pants that was just big enough to fit his cock through.  Actually, I’m not sure if it was the hole or the khaki rubber pants that bothered me.  Why not just wrap him in gauze?  Why the pants?  Either way, I just couldn’t get into it.

Regardless of pant choices, Creature Feature is a fun porno to watch to get you in the spirit of Halloween.  While most people carve pumpkins and make candy apples, we peddle smut and think it’s the best way to get into the spirit!  It’s not going to change your life, but this movie will give you a chuckle while simultaneously getting you all (chocolate covered) antsy in the pantsy.