BDSM

In BDSM (which stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism), a Dominance and Submission (D/s) relationship (I’m using the word relationship because all interactions are relationships in some way – I don’t necessarily mean an actual partnered relationship) is a consensual power exchange that includes one (or more) people to take on a dominating role and one (or more) people to take on a submitting role.

A submissive, or sub, in a D/s sex act or relationship submits by choice to the will of their dominant partner – all consensually. The role of a dominant (dom) is the opposite – to willingly dominate their partner. Ways of dominating and submitting can include bondage, all kinds of pain and impact play, humiliation and so much more.

[I really can’t stress enough that BDSM is all consensual and a willing act on both sides. If it is not consensual, then it is problematic and not part of BDSM culture.]

While it might seem that the dom would have all the power in this set up, it’s actually the sub who should be holding the reigns.  How does that work, you ask?  Well, here are four tips that keep a sub empowered and safe, and generally help create a safe and consensual BDSM environment.

1)      Communication is KEY.  Before you even pull out the flogger, all the people that are in the scene should negotiate what ways they would like to play, what they do not want to do, any limitations they have, what kinds of sensations they enjoy/do not enjoy, and more.  There needs to be a clear boundary of what can and cannot happen, and each person’s limits.

2)       Safe Word.  Before getting into it, be sure that everyone in the scene agrees upon a specific word that anyone can say to stop the action.  Pick a word that you wouldn’t normally hear in a sexy situation, like “Alaska,” or “Pineapple.”  So when that word is spoken, everyone knows to stop.  You can also use traffic signal colors as a code – green for go, yellow for slow down/check in, red for stop now.  Whatever you choose, it’s best not to pick a word like “Stop” or “No” because they could easily be said as part of the playing. As well, if you are playing in a way that can become non-verbal, make sure to have signs or sounds to signal “stop.”

3)      Never hesitate to stop the scene if you think that anything that is happening may be dangerous to you.  An example would be if you were enjoying some impact play and your top started hitting you in no-hit zones, like the joints and kidney area.  You can’t always assume that a top will know how to play safely (though before playing, they really should know how to safely use the instruments they are wielding), and it’s everybody’s responsibility to speak up.  This is supposed to be fun and hot, after all, not something that lands you in the hospital with critical injuries.

4)      Make sure you trust who you are playing with.  Sure, it may seem like a “duh” tip, but really, a sub is totally vulnerable in a D/s situation, and it’s important to know and trust who is on the dominating end.  One good measure that you can use to get a sense of your trust for someone else (taking the sexual tension part out of it all) is, would you give that person a key to your car or your house?  Do you feel safe with them out of a scene?  Just something to think about.

Remember, these are only four tips our of tons and tons of them, so be sure to do your own research prior to playing!

xoxo
-JD

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There would be some amount of ironic humor (or something) if the sex positive porn site ladies wrote their blog posts from this chair. Sure, we’d sit on it at the same time. Did you think we had separate desks and chairs? The fine piece of furniture was designed in 1969 by Allen Jones. Via The Frisky

I have to confess that J.D. is out of town and I’m just assuming she wants this chair.

Love,

Ginger

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Nominated for Best BDSM Release in the 2012 AVN Awards is Anastasia Pierce‘s Masquerade.  It is a montage of BDSM and fetish scenes filled with vibrant masks and, intended or not, their own color themes.  I usually prefer my kink attire to be pretty straight forward.  While I can totally appreciate a well designed, drop dead gorgeous latex piece, when it comes to being a dirty perv I like my kink in a dirty warehouse in plain or no clothes.  I’m not exactly sure why and you’re not hear to help me analyze my various sexual preferences so we’ll skip over that.  What I’m getting at here is that there are a lot more costume pieces in here than I’m normally into for this type of porno.  I guess I spend enough time in costumes on stage.  I like to look at white t-shirts and khakis in my fetish porn.  I know.  Who am I?

ANYWAY, I wasn’t exactly intrigued by this movie before I watched.  My goal was to add some variety to the current HotMovies4Her porno review roster.  Sometimes you have to throw in some whips, ropes, gags and the like.  I definitely ended up liking it more than I thought I would, especially scenes 3 and 4.  I shouldn’t be surprised.  Anastasia Pierce’s reputation precedes her.

In scene 3 we see a “noisy slave” restrained and ball gagged.  She is squirming and squealing a little too much for her mistress so she gets disciplined.  Mistress goes at her pussy and tits with a flogger.  I know it feels much softer than it looks, but there were a few strokes that made me flinch.  Nice!  Eventually the ball gag comes out and a beaded mask is placed on the slave’s face.  The hanging beads make using her mouth “challenging”, so instead if licking Mistresses’s nipple, she is commanded to lick a giant red dildo.  Giant, I say.  Giant!  I guess she shouldn’t have complained!  or perhaps it was for the best that she did.  Especially if she likes monstrous cocks!

Scene 4 unexpectedly rocked my world.  I was thinking about skipping over it until I saw the Hitachi Magic Wand with the  g-spot attachment on it.  Wow.  She makes herself come again and again.  There is no surprise there, but what makes it really hot is the rope around her neck that she tightens to help her get off.  What?  That and the lady juices running down the backs of her legs and ass.  Yes, that really happens.

Go watch Masquerade.  Right now.

Love,

Ginger

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One of the perks of being a total perv is that I have the honor of being friends with people that are just as dirty.  My friends are seriously hilarious as well, and this weekend, I received a text from my friends Jake and Anna saying that I needed to check out their adventures in BDSM haiku poetry.

Obviously I jumped on that opportunity right quick and was rewarded with some of the funniest, spot-on kinky poems I’ve ever read (ok, maybe some of the only kinky poems, but still, they are awesome)!  I knew I needed to bring them to the hm4her dirty masses!  So without further intro, I give you Jake and Anna’s hardcore haiku!

I know, right? Witty and so true.  I’m so lucky to be a part of my community!

I’ll just sit back and wait for their book deals to start rolling in…

xoxo
J.D.

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The Pink Medium Rubber Whip is classic kink with a softer twist – the perfect pink pal for the impact play novice. Though more intimidating in form than function, it packs a potent (but not overpowering) punch when you take if for a whirl.

At only 14” long and pretty lightweight, this rubber whip is easy to use and surprisingly ergonomic. I’m not doctor, but I’d say it was probably safe for extensive use during sexin’ with minimal strain on the arm and joints. I’d give it the thumbs up for folks who have issues holding heavy toys for a long period of time as well.

The handle is firm, but flexible, and allows for an assertive grip without becoming annoying uncomfortable in your hand. Its long rubber tendrils (that word is so hot!) work great for both rough and sensual stimulation. The stinginess of the rubber really depends on the intensity of the spanking – with light smacks evoking a tickling and harder ones resulting in a powerful sting, especially if you hit the same place repeatedly. *Grin* Read the rest of this entry »

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Time for a little fun exploration and bondage play – there’s no better place to start than Babeland Bondage Tape. Really, please put the fuzzy leopard print handcuffs down and back away slowly, it’s for your own good, I swear.

For your buck, imagination, curiosity and freedom, novelty handcuff don’t pack half the punch of bondage tape. The tape doesn’t catch on hair, skin or clothing, so it’s perfect for blindfolds, gags and full head wraps – opening up your potential experimental range considerably, breath play anyone?

Feeling like tying your partner up but want an easy out in case things get to tight? Ever tried locating that tiny handcuff key while someone’s screaming their safe word?

Only rope and bondage tape will give you the quick release of scissors, but tape has the added bonus of being cheap enough that you won’t hesitate to go in for the cut (not that you’re cheapskates like I am, I’m just saying, just in case.)

It is still a bit of bondage gear I’d class as beginner and light play only; a particularly large, struggling bottom could easily pinch off a nerve or break free from badly looped tape, while rope offers the top a bit more control in both the process and their bound bottom. Still, while you’re exploring, tape has the advantage of sticking to itself, being reusable and cheap enough to toss to keep your playing conditions sanitary if you’re playing in the groin regions, etc.

The biggest godsend about this tape, besides the price, is definitely the way it didn’t cling to my hair at all. Unfortunately the tape might not cling to your hair but that doesn’t mean your partner won’t pinch off, pull out or outright cut off a chunk, so the tape still doesn’t save you from novice errors, but otherwise it’s the first must have I’d recommend for anyone interested in some bondage play, whether you’re just planning to stay a dabbler or thinking of getting more in depth later on. Think of it like duct tape: you really just gotta have it.

Get some Babeland Bondage Tape of your own!

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We love us some Joanna Angel here at HotMoviesForHer.com, so when we had the chance to review some of the Burning Angel sex toys, we jumped at the chance. I was lucky enough to get a roll of Punk Ass Pink Alternative Bondage Tape and I have to say that it’s pretty badass.

Let me start by saying that this stuff is nothing like I imagined. That’s not a bad thing, but I was expecting something more along the line of medical tape for some reason. While I’m not one hundred percent positive because I can’t find actual information anywhere, I’m pretty sure this stuff is made out of PVC, which is both shiny and super convenient. The great thing about it is that it doesn’t stick to anything but itself, so you’re not going to rip off your arm hair or skin. This tape sticks to itself and is super strong, so it’s easy to use and really secure.

While I have a few different bondage items, this tape definitely provides for a different experience because it’s perfect for spontaneous kink. I don’t need to pull out my UTB restraints or worry about intricate knots. All I need is a roll of this stuff and we’re ready to go. You can even tear it with your teeth while restraining your partner’s hands.

There are also a lot of options with it. If you’re heading out to a kinky party, you can incorporate this stuff into your outfit. They also suggest making gags, blindfolds, skirts or tube tops. While I’m not one to make a tube top out of anything, I do like the look of thin strips of this tape wrapped around my wrists. Of course, if you’re a crafty kind of girl, you could pull off your tube top and secure your subs hands with the reusable tape! Really, what’s more convenient than wearing your bondage gear?

Finally, I’ll give you the details quickly. This roll of tape is 2 inches wide and 50 feet long. It’s also waterproof, which means you should NEVER bind someone’s hands behind there back and push them into a pool. You can reuse the tape since it’s magic and doesn’t end up in a huge unmanageable mess like most tape. It’s also a really rad pink color, although you can get it in black too.

This is really great stuff if you’re looking to get a little kinky without a huge investment. For just six measly dollars, you can remind your lover just who’s in charge!

Get your own badass bondage tape!

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After a weekend away in Toronto and two days out of the office, I’ve been a busy, busy pervy pants, trying to fit in all my porn watchin’ and recap writin’ into what seems like the fastest 8 hour days I’ve ever experienced.  While fast days are usually a good thing, these ones are flying by to the point that I look at the clock once, then the next time I glance that way, it’s 4 hours later!  That said, I wanted to make sure all you slowwwww day people were getting love too.  And is there a more perfect day to celebrate that love than Humpday!?  I think not!  So, for all you trucking through a slow ass Wednesday, this link love is for you.

Let’s get to it!

- What does a sex worker look like?  Audacia Ray and a bunch of people at the “Speak Up! Media Skills for the Empowered Sex Worker” seminar (including Dylan Ryan!) created this awesome PSA to show everyone how sex workers are just like you and I.

- Bondage wear and kinky toys are being manufactured in Karachi, Pakistan… in a small facility next to a mosque and the offices of a radical Islamic organization.  While that may seem totally suprising to us, it is, in reality, a very lucrative and thriving business choice in the region.  As well, many women that are piecing together the corsets and backless spanking skirts have no idea what they are making.  For me this raises questions of informed consent, even though it’s just manufacturing… but I thought it was definitely something to post.  (via Jezebel)

- Though writing porn reviews can be a totally fun and interesting job, it too can have it’s down sides just like anything else.  Who wants to watch more porn when they get home from watching 8 hours of it?  Not me, and can I just say that it’s nice to hear someone else’s first person account.  (via The Frisky)

- The NYC Museum of Sex is giving out blow job balloons (pictured) to promote their oral sex exhibit.  Best marketing idea ever! (via The Frisky)
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Bringing bondage into your relationship advances it to a whole new level. I was skeptical at first trying this Bondage Tape because I couldn’t figure out how it would not stick to body hair. I equated it with a band-aid. It is great for the moment, but once you need to remove it, oh holy hell…

Surprisingly, this does not stick to hair, skin or anything. It only sticks to itself. And once it sticks, it truly sticks. This is similar to plumbing tape. The 2” width worked great for me in bounding my friend’s hands together at the wrist. As hard as he tried, he could not get it off. I’ll have to admit that it was entertaining and erotic to watch him struggle.

The tape can be reused several times if you’d like, however with 65’ of tape, you start with quite a bit. There is enough tape to adhere it to each ankle, and drag it to a bedpost corner. And since there is no sticky glue, it will not do damage to your furniture.

Another use for the tape – clothing! Yep, you can tape yourself a tube top, or a mini-skirt. Imagine the fun you’ll have taking your clothes off now. I’m sure if you’re very creative, you can get a bikini bottom out of it too. The tape is pliable so it is not uncomfortable while it’s being worn.

Babeland sells the Bondage Tape in red or black. Fortunately, I got the red. Since this was my first experience with Bondage Tape, the red color gave me more of a sensual desire, as opposed to the black, which to me seems harsher. My bondage experience was playful, whereas with black, I think it would have been much more dominatrix style.

For those who have an interest in bondage, yet are not quite ready to buy the handcuffs, this is the perfect fix for you. It is lightweight, convenient and if accidently left out on the dresser, no big deal.

Stick to hot sex and convenient kink with Bondage Tape!

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Yay for simple bondage gear! I’m not the type of girl who likes any sort of pain in my bondage play. At least I don’t think I am… That’s why I’m totally digging my new ankle cuffs, although I have to admit that I use them around my wrists. I guess the distinguishing difference between ankle and handcuffs would be size – but I could be totally wrong there since I’m kind of on the vanilla side.
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