Did I open a porno, or is it MTV Spring Break 1988?  Because I’m pretty sure it could be either/or.  And really, I’m ok with that.  There is something extra salacious about partial nudity and bikini cut panties riding high on the hip.  What can I say, I spent my formative years watching late ‘80s, early ‘90s television.  I’ve most definitely been ‘Saved By The Bell’ a few times, if you know what I mean!

The basic premise of this movie is two med students make a bet during a wet t-shirt contest party (what ever happened to those?!) that they will both bed two other students – one that’s a lesbian and one that is “frigid” (aka. she has feminist leanings).  While one gets his fuck on, the other tells his conquest the whole story in attempts to get her to lie for him.  Confused yet?  Don’t worry, you aren’t the only one.  So, the one woman tells the other, along with a third, who gang up on the dudes and have them strip to their boxers and join in the wet t-shirt contest.  Which they win, of course.

And then a woman in a whipped cream bikini* dances.  And one of the dudes dresses up as a woman and woos the lesbian, who finds out and goes all dominatrix on him.  And if you think that’s random, I didn’t even mention the black and white medical stock footage interspersed along the movie – and the voice paging all sorts of dirty doctor names.  I don’t actually get the whole med school thing.  It probably would have made more sense to just have it be a frat party, though I guess that’s played out, huh?

I really do like these ’80s softcore porno.  They are both totally random and full of fun plots at the same time – something I really appreciate in my porno.  Yes, I do like a little fucking when it comes to dirty movies, but every once in a while I am okay with sacrificing sex for plot.  Just don’t let it happen too often.

*It’s probably shaving cream, since it’s not melting.  Sorry I’m so analytical, but I can’t help it, even in porno reviewing.

Watch “Bikini Med School” Now!

Happy Hanukkah!  We’ve been chatting up the festival of lights all week and talking about all the great Jews in porn, but what about the real point to the holiday?  The presents, of course!  I kid, I kid, but it’s true, we haven’t talked too much about the gifts.  In my family, like many Hanukkah celebrating families, we give  one present an evening, for each of the eight nights of the holiday.*

That said, we are on the fifth night of Hanukkah and today is the Top Five Tuesday.  Coincidence?  I think not!  So, today is my Hanukkah gift to you – five just-added movies that I can’t wait to share with you!  I haven’t seen them yet myself, so tonight, I’ll be having a one lady Hanukkah party of my very own.

Fluid: Women Redefining Sexuality: This latest addition by Reel Queer Porn totally has me chomping at the bit for a little late night porno downtime.  Part documentary/part porno, this Madison Young movie focuses on looking at gender and sexuality spectrums, breaking down labels and exploring fantasies, all through some deliciously hot fucking.  Swoooon!

Hustlers Untrue Hollywood Stories Lindsay Lohan: I might have done a good job concealing this, but deep down, I am a total celebrity gossip junkie.  Whether it’s an affair (except Tiger Woods, then I don’t care) a baby or a breakdown, I’m interested in all the juicy bits.  So of course I am totally into this parody porno version of the ratfuck that is Lindsay Lohan’s life.  AND Dylan Ryan plays Samantha Ronson, which is some seriously perfect casting.

Dr. F: A mad scientist tests one of his chemical concoctions, which turns him into a sexy stripper who finally gets to bag his smokin’ ass-istant.  Basically it’s The Nutty Professor – with less Jada and way more fucking.  Plus, I have a total soft spot for super ’80s porno.  Excited!

Crash Pad Series – Episode 30: Dylan & Trucker: Dylan and Trucker are back… and hotter than ever!  This real life duo does such amazing things on the screen, bringing an intense chemistry that refuses to quit.  Their first romp was so awesome, I can’t even imagine how round two will go!

A Man With A Maid – Tales Of Victorian Lust: FrzKey reviewed this Sweet Sinner release a few weeks back, with a recommendation to check out the steamy Victorian trysts.  Not only am I so in, I just noticed the super sexy line up of James Deen, Elexis Monroe, Stephanie Swift and Ben English.  So ready to luxuriate in a little period piece erotica!

Happy Hanukkah to us!!  And from the looks of this list, I’ll be spending the rest of my holiday getting caught up with all the latest Dylan Ryan movies!  Hard life, right?  Anyway, have a very happy holidays, whatever you celebrate!

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery

* And no, it’s not way better to be Jewish because you get 8 days of gifts.  It’s just the same as Christmas… just spaced out a little bit more.  Now, stop worrying about gifts and watch the porn already!

Studio: Cal Vista Classics Category: Classics

I loved the book “Coffee, Tea or Me? The Uninhibited Memoirs of Two Airline Stewardesses“. It was published in the late 1960s and was very risque for its time… Of course, not thinking of this consideration, I am expecting raunchy stories of the stylish 60s stewardesses (I loooove mod uniforms). But, on the risque end of the stories, I was left a little disappointed and wanting more (as for the rest, I enjoyed the book).

So then I come into the office today, browsing through the new movies on the site, and holy crap! This movie just went up this morning… Cal Vista Classics “Coffee, Tea or Me” starring some of my favorites, Juliet Anderson, Herschel Savage, Jamie Gillis, and a ton more… So naturally, I begin watching immediately.

I forgot my headphones so I’m just watching kind of muted in the background while I checked my email and did my normal work. This movie is AWESOME! It’s from 1983, but the style’s aren’t offensive in anyway and the sex is HOT. Like, real hot, and everyone looks like they’re having fun. There’s a plot revolving around airline pilots and stewardesses, but since I’m watching on mute I don’t know what they’re talking about… all I know is that they’re wearing uniforms and that is enough for me right now.

The production quality is really good and the plot seems fairly interesting so I’m putting this on “my watch-again-with-sound-later list”. But either way, I give it 48 thumbs up!

-Venus

Watch “Coffee, Tea or Me” Now!

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Studio: Caballero Video Category: Classic Porn Stars

This compilation is a great example of why I love Seka! Back in the day there was no bigger star than the Platinum Princess, whose beauty and appetite for sex are legendary. Swedish Erotica 78 has compiled scenes from classic films that are really hard to find like Summer Heat and Seka’s Tale, which makes this girl very happy because I’ll watch any Seka scene I can find.

The clip from Piece of Cake (scene five) is great as Seka teaches a young stewardess how to pick up men – talk about learning from the master! I don’t want to divulge her secrets, but one of them does include roller skates. After the quick educational session, we get to see just how the scene played out as Seka strips and sucks off one very lucky guy. It may be only eight minutes long, but they managed to pack plenty of action in, including standing sex and anal.

The final scene is really what did it for me as Seka gets double teamed by John Holmes and some dude named Jamie. First, she looks absolutely gorgeous! Secondly, I love the banter between the group – Holmes sits back and watches and talks dirty while she sits on Jamie’s dick. When you’ve got two of the biggest stars ever, you know the sex is going to be good, but I really loved how laid back and fun this scene was.

If you’re a fan of Seka or classic porno, you should take a look at this rad comp video.

The Porn Librarian

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Studio: Metro Interactive Category: Classics

Remember when porno had involved plots and excess dialogue? I sure do. If you’re longing for the days of porno yore, this classic flick does the trick. Sherrie is a newlywed who is determined to not let her marriage become another divorce statistic and is doing everything she can to keep things hot in the bedroom. Turns out, her husband is just hungry so Sherrie hires a chef named Magda who teaches them to add spice to everything – including whatever they’re cooking up in the bedroom. Magda has a secret ingredient of her own however…she’s a tranny!

At one point, Magda tells Sherrie to get someone outside to teach her a thing or two. Soon we’re introduced to her new dark lover who has the body of an Olympic athlete and a cock that every woman dreams of. The scene is very mysterious; Sherrie practically tears his clothes off when he enters the room like she’s been waiting forever for this moment.  When the act is over, he demands payment and we learn he’s a “working man” – how scandalous! But why would a happily married woman pay for sex? She didn’t want to cheat on her husband, why she was just doing this for him!

This movie has it all – sex, scandals, a plot, soap opera dialogue and even a rare shaved pussy in the era of a full bush. It’s even comical at times! The Black Mystique is timeless, sexy, mysterious and entertaining. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – in porn, as in life, you can never go wrong with a classic.