I thought I’d change it up a little, and write a bit on something that people don’t really seem to talk about – “dirty talk.”
“Come to me, you large and strong man, let me place my blossoming lips around your manly sword sheathed in velvet.” Ugh. Gag me (and I’m not talking about with a spoon). I’ve read more than my fair share of romance novels, and I’m here to tell you that I do not have flowering petals of womanhood, anywhere. I should know – I’ve checked. And as my best friend once said, “I don’t really want my nipples to be turgid.”
For some reason, our society has decided that women should talk about sex in synonyms and flowery terms and men should use what some would call crude language when talking in a sexual sense. See, the funny thing is, I know straight guys that hate the word “pussy” and straight women that love to say “cock!” Moreover, I feel that lately there has been a reclamation of sexual words. Growing up, I HATED the word “pussy” and no one I knew would ever use it – we all thought it was degrading. But now, everyone and their mother seems to be using the term “pussy” – many feminists included. I had never even heard of the word “cunt” until I was in the “Vagina Monologues,” and I reclaimed that word before it ever was un-claimed in my vocabulary. I LOVE that word. To me, it has a wonderful history (before it was pejorative), and it feels like it has a lot of power behind it. However, many people (including some of my male partners) have DESPISED that word and have been upset when I have used it.
So, once we hop into bed (or wherever we’re having sex), how are we supposed to talk? Many porn films have women screaming about being fucked – is that the right thing to say? For many women, it’s like being between a rock and a hard place; we’re “supposed” to be sweet and innocent, using romance novel language, but at the same time, we’re “supposed” to be tigers in the sack, telling our partners how horny we are and how much we want their cock/fingers/dildo in our dripping wet pussy. How are we supposed to do both?
Time for my favorite word: COMMUNCATION. Talk to your partner(s). Ask them how they like to talk and what they like to hear. Discuss what each of you like to call your own genitals and other people’s genitals. Personally, I’d rather hear “cunt” or “pussy” than “cooter” or “vag” any day. But I know there are lots of people who don’t like that. Talk to each other – figure out what will make sex good for both of you.
As far as “talking dirty,” I’ve found it to be a very experimental thing as to what works best. I’ve had some partners that start going on about soft petals and manhoods or about sticking various things and various orifices, and I have a sudden urge to giggle, or I bored and begin to wonder if the time on my parking meter is up. Other partners have whispered sweet nothings, and I’ve melted, heroine-style, right into their arms. Still others have inspired me to implore them to give it to me now, to fuck me harder, to make me come. It all depends on the person (or people), the situation, and even the mood of everyone involved. Either way, it sounds like it should involve a lot of communication, in my own humble opinion.
But don’t just take my word for it. Straight guys are “supposed” to LOVE dirty talk, right? I figured I’d ask my friend (and token “straight guy”) the “the Token Straight Guy”, what he thought about the concept of “talking dirty.” He’s got an interesting point of view.
“Fuck my cunt! Jam It In Me! Harder! Faster!” Working in porn, I hear this kind of thing all day long, over and over. And I know, I’m a guy, I’m “supposed” to like dirty talk – all guys like dirty talk, right? And to some extent, I guess that’s true. When I’m sitting there at the computer looking to get off, sure, some bleached blonde moaning and screaming definitely helps. Then there’s the other side of it…dirty talk in the bedroom. In porn, it’s expected, commonplace even. But the second my girlfriend starts screaming about how she wants my hot cock jammed deeper in her pussy, I’m getting the hell out and never looking back. You have to understand, it’s not because I’m a prude or offended by the language, it’s just that to me that shit is just not attractive coming from someone I respect and care about. I don’t know, though.Maybe there’s something to be said for dirty talk after all. I can totally see how, to some guys, hearing a girl moan and scream about how fucking sexy his rock hard cock is could really add to the experience for him. A sort of confidence boost. But to me, I’d much rather hear the natural moans and sighs, and I think that’s a much better indicator that she’s enjoying herself. And in the end, that’s really what it’s all about not how many different words you can come up with for vagina. Token Straight Guy
As you can see, there are many different opinions on the idea of “talking dirty” with your sexual partner. Some people are all about and do it at every chance, some people try it out once and a while to spice things up, and for others (like above), it’s just not their cup of tea. It’s important to stress that “dirty talk” should be respectful to all parties. This is not telling you to alter yourself or your language, but just to know yourself and your partner. I can ask someone to lick my cunt, and still be respected by my partner (and be respecting them). I cannot stress (as always), how important good communication is. It may take a little trial and error to find out what works for you, but hopefully it will be a rewarding journey. Wishing you pussy/vulva/vagina/cunt/ coochie/down there power,