Happy Holidays! Ah, the holidays. It’s that magical time when the world folds in for one giant hug and all there is peace, joy and happiness. And eggnog… can’t forget that. While holiday time means snuggling under the Christmas tree with your significant other for some people, other folks equate this time of year with waiting in long airport lines and forced family togetherness. It’s not that we don’t love our families, but let’s be real, family time and getting busy shouldn’t even be in the same sentence. And who wants to forgo getting off the entirety of the holiday vacation?!? To help you get through the holiday season unscathed and as little sexually frustrated as possible, I’m taking this opportunity to offer up some tips to keep your sane, sexy and satisfied this year. Really, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.
- Air travel is the bane of the holiday season. So many crowds and delayed flights… do you really want to make the experience any harder for yourself? Your best bet for traveling with sex toys is to stow them in your checked luggage. Especially large or phallic shaped toys. The last thing you need is some cranky security guard emptying out your bag to find the “suspiciously shaped item” (read: dildo) in your carry-on. Sure, they might open your checked bag just to double check that your rabbit is actually a vibrator, but at least it’s not in front of a line of wayward passengers.
- If you are traveling with vibrators, make sure to remove the batteries before packing your toys. Not only can the batteries get rattled around and leak, ruining your toy, but your vibe can accidentally turn on in your bag! Along with potentially creating an embarrassing situation, you don’t want anyone mistaking that noise as a bomb or something.
- Treat your lube like any other toiletry and pack it in a waterproof bag, like a sandwich baggie. A suitcase full of lubed up clothes is not the way you want to start the holiday.
- While it may be too late for this year, be sure to take a look at all the latest disguised vibrators. Is that a tube of red lipstick, or a red hot buzzing machine? Vibes come hidden as pens, compacts, cell phones and even rubber duckies! So, even if your nosy little sister goes snooping for her present in your luggage, you are covered. An awesome pick is LELO’s Mia, a lip stick-shaped, USB charging vibe. Holy Amazingness!
- Think about your sleeping situation when you are deciding what toys to pack. Will you be on the couch, or in a room far away from everyone else? If you will be close to others, think about taking your quieter vibes. Even if you brave the airport security with your Hitachi, are you really gonna wanna plug and play at Auntie Jane’s house? The 90 year old neighbor down the block can hear that thing from her house! Stealthy vibes like a mini pocket rocket are perfect for crowded houses and close quarters.
- Don’t have any super quiet toys? Bring along your favorite vibes and just flip on the radio to muffle the sounds before you go to town. Or try getting busy under blankets or put a pillow over your vibrating bits to dampen the buzz. A great alone trick in a busy house is to run a bath and get off while the water is rising. Or better yet, bring a waterproof vibe and get down right in tub!
- And don’t forget – your hand is the quietest, easy to pack and travel with toy in your arsenal! Plus it leaves you room to pack one more pair of shoes. Score!
- If you are traveling with the significant other and looking to get your stocking stuffed, remember that getting it on in a packed house means keeping those moans to a minimum. While that can be frustrating, try to think of it as a sexy new challenge that will make your taboo tryst even hotter.
- If family time is getting to be too much, take your partner on a walk and have a little temperature play fun in the snowy weather. Tease them with dripping stalactites on exposed skin, or hot kisses in the frosty cold.
No matter how you roll this holiday season, be sure to keep it sexy, smoking and secret… and make sure Santa’s not the only one coming (to town)!
Happy Holidays
-J.D. Bauchery
