My partner wants to have anal sex but I’m nervous about it. Doesn’t it hurt? Is it safe?-Ginny, HA
Good question! Anal sex can be amazingly awesome at best, and at worse, yes it can hurt and pose the same STD risks as vaginal sex. However proper preparation – physical and mental – can bring out the best of your ass.
One of the most important factors in enjoying anal sex is to actually have the want and desire to receive it (and vice versa, just because you may want it your partner must also share this desire to give it). Many people are afraid of anal sex for various reasons: the feeling of vulnerability, the idea that it is bad or wrong, fear of discomfort, or worse – a big old poopy mess! The best way to overcome these fears is to explore and experiment and take things slowly.
To some, the idea of giving their butt up to someone else, one of the most sensitive areas of the body, is very unsettling. You must trust that your partner has only the desire to please you and does not want to cause you harm in any way. Without this trust, most likely you won’t be able to enjoy anal penetration. Relaxation of the anal muscles is key, and any tension or stress will prevent this, causing discomfort and even pain. Sometimes just knowing that you can trust your partner enough to share such an intimate act can be as pleasurable as the physical stimulation.
There are actually 2 rings of muscles, or sphincters, that make up the anal opening: an internal and external, and they are not quite a quarter inch apart. The external sphincter is voluntarily controlled – you can relax and tense these muscles at will. The internal sphincter is controlled involuntarily – this is also what reacts to your anxieties during sex, tensing up automatically despite efforts to relax. A good way to learn to relax these muscles is by practice – that’s right, regularly sticking your finger up there. These muscles respond to behavior, so if you introduce stimulation to the area while you are aroused – either with a partner or while you’re masturbating – you’ll be able to train it (so to speak) and control it to not only to relax in sexual situations, but also to enjoy the pleasure of its stimulation.
Penetration is not the only way to enjoy anal satisfaction. While some people love being deeply penetrated and the feeling of fullness, some prefer only pressure on the anus, or even just stimulation around the area. Experiment with your partner (or just yourself!) to see what you like the best.
Before you begin your anal adventure, here are few more important things to keep in mind. Lube, lube, lube! Unlike your female friend down below, the anus is not self-lubricating, so always have some extra lube on hand. Another tip to keep the pleasure at its peak – maintain good hygiene and a good diet. While some people get turned on by the dirtiness of anal sex, anal douching prior to your play will help keep things clean and fresh. A good, high fiber diet of fresh fruits, veggies and whole will not only keep you healthy, but will help keep you good and regular allowing little force or effort to make a bowel movement. Constipation adds to muscular stress and discomfort by irritating your anal tissues, so eat healthy and your little heiny will thank you! (Sorry, not the sexiest note to end on, but hey – still important!)
Go forth in anal fun – and enjoy! If you haven’t enjoyed it in the past or don’t enjoy it now, it doesn’t mean that you may not enjoy it in the future. However, it is up to you – if you do not want your butt in the mix, then don’t do it. It’s your body, and yours to enjoy however you please!