“How can I introduce a little kink to my bedroom?” – Kylie, Ohio: Part 2
Welcome to part two of my three-part explanation of BDSM, and how to add a little something special to your sex life.
Last week we discussed bondage, from the Japanese style of Shibari to using light restraints in your own bedroom. Continuing through the letters of BDSM, we arrive at D for Discipline. In this practice, discipline is usually administered by a Dominant (references are always capitalized) and a submissive (references are always lowercase). These names speak for themselves, as a submissive’s “sole purpose” is to obey and serve their Mistress or Master.
Despite the projected image, domination and submission still involves mutual willingness, respect and trust, and should never cross the line of disregard for the sub. A submissive may appear to cower at the feet of a leering Dominatrix, but chances are you can bet he’s got a giant hard-on down there. While the Dominant enjoys having power and control over another, the interesting part is that the submissive is the one who primarily calls the shots and sets the limits. It is about their fantasies and desires of what they’ll be told to do, how they’ll be treated and even what they should wear, and the Mistress or Master is there to fulfill this fantasy. Although much of the arousal brought about from extreme domination and discipline can have deep psychological roots, I will stay on the lesser side of the extreme.
Discipline doesn’t need to bring fear of harsh punishment (unless you’d like it too!). A fun and easy way to incorporate this psychologically stimulating element is through role-play. Have you been a naughty schoolgirl? Has your bad boy or girl displeased his Mistress (that’s you!)? Use your imagination – and have fun! “Punishments” don’t necessarily have to be painful, you can always punish with lots of pleasure (if it takes multiple orgasms to make sure a “lesson is learned”, then I will gladly break some rules!). It’s natural to feel silly acting during sex. Get yourself into character by dressing for the role (this is my favorite part!). Buy some risqué costumes – it’s amazing what a short plaid skirt or a black leather corset with spike-heeled boots can do to your sexual personality… and your partner’s.
Before you begin playing these roles on your own, especially in acts where “no” and “stop” may lose their meaning, it is very important that you and your partner decide on a “safe word”. If at any point either of you are in pain, uncomfortable, or just want to stop, this is the word that should be understood as game over (it can be anything – orange juice, football, yellow – something you know will not be confused with anything you might say in throes of pleasure or excitement).
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Adult film legend Nina Hartley’s groundbreaking guide is a must have introduction to the domination of a male lover by a trusted partner. Through erotic demonstrations and explanations of “sex play”, power exchange fantasies and terms such as B/D and S/M, Nina shows and tells like never before!
Nina Hartley has done it again! With part 2 of her groundbreaking domination series, adult superstar Nina Hartley explores both the pleasures and challenges of sensually dominating a female partner. Includes erotic explanations and no-holds-barred demonstrations to bring the techniques of domination to your bedroom.