HotMoviesForHer.com welcomes guest blogger Maxxters to the fray, offering up a look at slut shaming.
While women’s rights and sexual freedom have come a long way over the years, there’s absolutely no doubt that women are still being judged for their sexual choices. It’s frustrating and upsetting to see that the word “slut” is still commonly used in a negative way and that women are too terrified of being judged to admit to their sexual fantasies, let alone actually engage in the acts they fantasize about. However, it’s really important to discuss how both women and men are to blame for slut shaming; men aren’t the only ones engaging in it. Women can be absolutely brutal towards one another and may actually be more to blame for the persistence of slut shaming than men. All too often they gossip with each other about other girls being sluts or laugh about it with their male friends and agree with their judgments.
One explanation for why women do this is based on evolution theory. Women are competition. Period. We see a man we want and feel like we need to step over other women to get him. So when we’re threatened by one, we attack. A woman who is sexually open and discusses her enjoyment of sex is a huge threat, as women with lower libidos or who aren’t as comfortable with their sexuality know they can’t compete. Society teaches us that men want sex. So a woman who loves sex is probably good at sex and is willing to “give” it to him all the time. Thus women feel the need to make that woman appear to be of a low caliber in men’s eyes so that she isn’t as much competition.
Sexual script theory also helps explain why so many women don’t stand up for women who are being slut shamed. The theory posits that “scripts” are learned from cultural messages that tell us what behavior is appropriate to engage in. These scripts form the blueprints that specify what sex is, who we should have sex with, when, where and why we should have sex, and what sexual acts we should allow ourselves to participate in.
Society still depicts women as being the gatekeepers of sex and there is a social discomfort around overt female sexuality. All you have to do is watch any TV show like the Jersey Shore and it’s impossible not to see the double standard of how women are judged. Yes, this is me admitting that I occasionally watch that garbage. I end up promptly shutting it off though when I see the male characters making comments about how sexually promiscuous a girl has been yet they’re out there trying to fuck a new girl every night. I worry that with the popularity of that show, more and more people will be led to believe that this is okay. That it’s normal and totally cool for guys to pick up like that, but that girls are sluts and moral garbage if they do the same.
There is also the issue where women with a more conservative sexual script end up being incredibly ashamed and embarrassed for having the sexual fantasies they have. So when she’s with her friends, she’s terrified of them learning about her true desires. When a woman comes up in conversation, they’re more likely to push their own personal shame and disgust onto that girl.
Then you also have the conflicting messages where it’s clear that the media shows that women are really hot when they dress in tight, revealing clothing. Many women then dress like this in order to attract a guy (since society has taught them that this is what guys want) and then end up being judged for it. Many men will have sex with them but then claim that they don’t want to actually date a slut. Gotta love how the guy is completely ignoring his own behavior when he says shit like that. And sometimes a woman just wants to feel sexy and this is how she does it. A woman dressing this way is not necessarily doing it for attention or because she needs validation from men. Either way, it is a woman’s choice as to how she wants to dress and we should be encouraging in her being confident in the body she has. It’s about being supportive and not passing judgement. If you’re a woman, so what if you yourself wouldn’t wear that? And if you’re a man, so what if that’s not the look you’re into?
So what can we do about this? When we hear people talking about how slutty a girl is, we need to actually stand up for the girl and challenge people’s ways of thinking. What’s so wrong with enjoying sex (in whatever context they’re gossiping about)? Why do they feel the need to bully her? What is so bad about being sexually open minded and free? Call them out on any ridiculous double standards or “social norms” that they try to use as an explanation. Either way, this has got to stop. Whether a woman doesn’t want to have sex before marriage, or if she wants to engage in orgies with new people every day and night, that is her decision. As long as she’s being safe (physically and mentally) and isn’t harming anyone in the process, there is nothing wrong with what she is doing.
Maxxters is a female in her late 20s and a former high school teacher. She taught Science and Sex Ed to 12-18 year olds. She’s currently working on her Master’s degree in Human Sexuality. She is also an aerobics instructor and personal trainer, working with those who suffer from eating disorders and body image issues.
