Monogamy can be a tricky thing. I’m in a monogamous relationship and for me it’s really easy. I feel pretty lucky about that because for my girlfriend, it’s not an option. I bugged her about it for years, not because I had an overwhelming desire to sleep with other people, but because I wanted her to admit that maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean, I think about sex more than a teenage boy thanks to my job. I suppose because of that, I just don’t take it that seriously.
For those of you who are considering an open relationship, you may want to pick up Tristan Taormino’s latest book, “Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships.” Although I haven’t had a chance to read it yet, I trust it will be fantastic based on the author’s merits. Violet Blue recently interviewed Taormino her new book:
Violet Blue: What’s the biggest myth about open relationships?
Tristan Taormino: There are so many myths about open relationships. I think one of the most popular is that people in open relationships have intimacy issues and trouble with commitment. The assumption underlying this myth is that true intimacy can only be achieved between two people in a monogamous relationship. In other words, if you are emotionally and physically intimate with more than one person, it somehow dilutes the intimacy of each relationship. This is based on the notion that love is a quantifiable thing, like, if you have 100 pounds of love, you can give 100 pounds to your partner. But if you have multiple partners, you have to split the 100 pounds between them. Intimacy is about being willing to be open, honest and vulnerable with your partner and bonding on a deep level. Monogamy does not automatically equal intimacy and non-monogamy does not automatically equal lack of intimacy.
I’m no expert, but I’m guessing navigating an open relationship successfully depends on the same magic element that drives great sex – communication. P.S. I love the whole 100 pounds thing. I’ve been trying to express that thought for a while. Great analogy.
Read the rest of the interview here.
