As far as things go, I take life in stride. I rarely get stressed out or worked up, and I try not to take anything too seriously. However, I loathe April Fools’ Day. I don’t understand or appreciate my friends (and enemies, and national media outlets, and coworkers…) tricking me into believing some completely plausible scenario just for the sheer benefit of yelling “GOTCHA! APRIL FOOLS!” in my face. How is that enjoyable? Maybe these people aren’t having enough orgasms. I don’t get it, I just don’t. And every year I swear I’m prepared, I swear that I will not be duped…well cross 2008 off that list.

Here in the Northeast, it’s grossly humid for April 1^st. I guess we’re starting with those April showers right away! For me, humidity ranks up there with evils such as cramps and my partner falling asleep before I get off. Upon arriving into work, I thought someone might share my feelings and have the air conditioner on a little early this year. Nope!

I came into this:

“Have you recently started a new job? Have you noticed that your sex drive has diminished and that your appetite has increased? It may not be as far-fetched as it sounds. A new Brazilian study has found that people who work in air conditioning pick up an average of 2 kg per year, and have only half the libido they had when they were unemployed or worked outdoors.”

Libido is as important to my career as my fingers are to type this blog. I quickly skimmed over the story and could not believe these findings. I couldn’t believe I’d have to sweat out an entire summer for the good of my career. And not just one summer – how many summers to come? I could feel the sweat start forming on my brow.

I read over the article again and I saw it: “Three air conditioning companies contacted by Health 24, declined to comment. And so they should, because it is, after all, April Fool’s [sic] Day.”

Goddamn you, April 1^st. Is it midnight yet?

-M.

April Fools’ Defense Kit

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