Whether you like the senual erotic massage movies or kinkiest fetish flicks, one thing is a constant – most porno plots suck.  There, I said it.  It’s just a fact of life that in most instances, when a porn movie tries to get all wordy and plot heavy, they usually just get embarassing.  How many times can a pizza guy deliver an “extra-large sausage” to a horny woman, laying around all alone in her skimpiest nightie before it gets old?  Really, it was old before it began.  But sometimes - just sometimes, smut peddlers get it right and a washed up plot ends up being the best scene of the movie.  The cheese factor that was once so high diminishes right in front of your very eyes and the plot actually works to do it’s job - getting you hot.  This week’s Top Five Tuesday  brings you the best of the best of porn plots gone right.  Because hey, sometimes that pizza man is hot!

The Pizza Man: It’s true, sometimes the pizza man is too hot to pass up. This scene, directed by the award winning Erika Lust, gives us a peek into what happens when this plot skips the embarrassing dialogue and goes straight for the jugular of super hotness. Be warned that it’s in Spanish with no subtitles – you might not understand the words, but you’ll definitely get what’s going on. One of the best porn scenes I’ve ever watched, this pizza delivery is not to be missed! Watch It Now

The Mechanic: Looks like you’re engine is shot. Guess you’ll need a big tool to probe around in there, huh? Don’t expect any of that banter in this dirty dyke auto body fuck flick. Mechanic Shawn helps grease up Lorelei Lee’s engine and gets her up and running in no time… without all those pesky double entendres. Watch It Now

Sexy Secretary: While this whole Joanna Angel movie spoofs all of these cheesy plots, they actually get the secretary scene right, with the super sexy January Darling, in her pencil skirt and tight bun, fucking Joanna up and down the screen. I know it’s a stretch since the scene is actually spoofing the real deal, but hot is hot, so get over it and enjoy! Watch It Now

Blind Date: Letting your friends set you up on a date can be a total bust, but when it comes to porno, the date always goes right. While that tiresome plot shows up in this awesome April Flores/Varla Vex scene, it is anything but the same old. Zaftig porno goddess Flores shows Vex the benefits of blind dating with lots of beers, bar top sexin’ and general mischief making. Where do I sign up? Watch It Now

Repair Man: I don’t know what I like best about this scene – the fact that the TV repair man is a chick, or that the repair chick is my super hot dykey porno crush, Michelle Aston. This is the scene that started my love affair with her, so how could I not include it? The ultimate mix between the pizza guy and the mechanic, the repair man plot takes the best of those stories and brings them together to make movie magic – and the perfect porno set up. Aston comes around to help out poor Gia Paloma with her busted TV, but gets so much more, including foot fucking, toy play and explosive orgasms. Googling the best way to break my TV now… Watch It Now

The list is heavy on the lezzies, but look who’s writing it, so can you really say you’re surprised?

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery

Be Sociable, Share!

•