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Written by: J.D. on March 2nd, 2009
It’s a good thing I read The Onion, or else I’d miss out on all the breaking headlines!
AOMORI, JAPAN—At first glance, 17-year-old Misaki Nakajima seems like any other shy and submissive Japanese schoolgirl. She loves shopping, text messaging, and the color pink. But beneath her wholesome exterior lies a wicked secret: Misaki Nakajima is consumed by sexual fantasies involving sweaty, middle-aged American men.
“I like it when they dress up like middle managers,” said Nakajima, twirling her girlish pigtails with one alabaster finger. “You know, with the sweat-stained dress shirts, and the office clipboards, and the khaki pants that are 2 inches too short.”
How freaking hilarous! Seriously people, The Onion is the hardest hitting journalism I know!
xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery
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Main Theater
Hetero TheaterLesbian Theater Queer Theater Gay Male Theater
Isn’t that hilarious? I love how “Uncle Buck” was her sexual awakening