AskMen.com and Yahoo! Shine recently compiled The Great Male & Female Survey. Participants were asked a series of questions on dating, sexuality, work, and pop culture (the women were only asked about dating and sexuality). While browsing through the answers the men gave, my eye caught this question:

“Would you date a woman with a lot of male friends?”

I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. Surely this isn’t a real obstacle in the dating world. Well, I couldn’t be more wrong. 42% of men answered, “Yes, but I would have concerns about her relationship with them.” 42% with concerns? That’s an alarmingly high number. 14% of men said “male friends are a recipe for disaster” and 8% flat out said it’s abnormal for a woman to have male friends. A recipe for disaster? Abnormal? Is this the 1800s?

I’m a permanent fixture in an all-male world. Not only is the adult industry male dominated, but I went to school for sports writing – not exactly female-friendly. Growing up, I was an only child who spent summer vacations with my older male cousins and Sunday afternoons watching sports with my grandfather. In high school, I sang in choir and filled out the stat books at our baseball games. My best friends have always been male – which makes all the “well what does he mean when he says this” inquiries so much easier to figure out.

I love my boys. I wouldn’t be who I am without them. However, I left for college with an extensive knowledge of the history of the designated hitter – and my hymen intact. You see, in all my years of solid male friendships, I never once crossed that line. I was always too afraid to ruin something so sacred. I couldn’t imagine losing Thursday nights on my friend Erik’s couch watching softcore porn and laughing just to attempt our own fumbles in the bedroom. Granted, I’ve ruined a few mediocre friendships since then with sex, but never while in a relationship with someone else.

I never knew that my friendships with men could be what was holding me back in the eyes of potential suitors. I also never realize when I’m bypassing the potential for a relationship and running headfirst into the friend zone. My most recent realization of this came during a lunch date with one of my few girlfriends who brought me back down to dating realities.

So maybe I get a lot of attention in the bar or at a party, but it’s not always the attention I want. Maybe it’s more focused on how nice it is for a man to be able to talk to a woman about the game and not have to feel sexual pressure – but why can’t there be both?

Marilyn Monroe once said, “I don’t mind it being a man’s world – as long as I can be a woman in it.” Being a woman, for me, does mean complete freedom – I can wear what I want, say what I want, and befriend whomever I choose. I may experience the occasional bout of loneliness, but if that means giving up my evening chats with my friend in the picture to be in a relationship, I’ll take the pint of ice cream and romantic comedy alone. I feel sorry for any man I encounter who may not be secure enough with themselves to deal with my friends – your loss!

As for the picture above, we actually did end up in my bed that night: I was vomiting and he was laughing.

I love my friends, I really do.

-M.

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