Every other day I read a press release about the latest television show being spoofed by the adult industry. A lot of these movies are freaking hilarious, so I’m not knocking the genre, but I do suspect that the entire adult industry has climbed on the back of the Fonz’s motorcycle and we’re ready to jump the shark.
I think it’s time to make a preemptive strike in hopes of saving us all from horrible spoofs in the future. You may not know this, but I’m basically the voice of reason in the adult industry, and today I’ve compiled a list of television shows I suggest no one ever spoof.
1. The Golden Girls – Old people do it. I know this and support it one hundred percent. However, no one needs to see a Sophia/Blanche lesbian scene and this show is too amazing to turn into GILF porn.
2. ALF – I love a good alien fuck and I’m guessing the furry guy’s cat cravings could be turned into a few good pussy jokes, but I’m just not comfortable with it. Leave me one untainted childhood memory.
3. Roseanne – This one could probably be really funny, but I suspect that Tom Arnold would end up in it, so I have to campaign against it.
4. Newhart – I don’t think I have to explain this one.
5. Seinfeld – Sadly, this one is in the works. I pity the porn star who has to wear Seinfeld’s high wasted levi’s and a pirate shirt. Perhaps we can organize a boycott?
6. Gilmore Girls – I love the Gilmore Girls and there’s no way anyone would ever make this without implied incest. Perverts.
7. 24 – Sure, I’ve never seen this stupid show, but I’m annoyed by the fact that Jack Bauer has saved the world in a day once a year for the past seven or so years. Let it die Fox and this porn purveyor promises to leave it alone.
8. Frasier – Gross.
9. The Nanny – There is no bigger boner killer than Fran Drescher’s laugh.
10. Full House – While I’m one of the millions of people anticipating the day the Olson twins do porn, I do not want to see this happen. If i want to see mullets in porn, I’ll watch classic 80s flicks. Plus the cut. it. out. thing would be done to death…
Like I said before, there are a lot of super awesome spoofs out there. Let’s just not get carried away.