Studio: Devil’s Films Category: Spoofs
It took me a while, but I finally broke down and did it. I read “Twilight.” And I loved it. No shame in my game. Yes, I am a 27 year old woman that thoroughly enjoyed a teen novel. That’s just how I roll. Obviously I saw the movie too. How could I not? That said, it’s pretty self explanatory why I would jump at the chance to watch the porno parody. I am officially a fan. No, I’m not giggly and swooning over sparkle vampires and all that jazz, but taking a fun story to another, more perverse level – well, that makes me swoon.
Before anything else, you need to know that this porn-ified version will give you no insight into the story if you don’t know it already. To “get” any of the plot, you need to have read the book or at least have seen the movie trailer. Ok, so you don’t give a crap about that and are here for the fucking? Wonderful, cause there is lots of hot vamp action going on in this fantasy fuck fest – no reading required.
Devil’s Films takes Edward and Bella to a naughty, naughty place right away, and has them getting busy before the five minute mark (most of which was opening and credits). Even though Edward does not have a bed in his room, the pair makes it work on a perfectly placed zebra-print chaise lounge. Nope, no coffin fucking for this civilized vampire clan. Bella (the fabulous Jenna Haze) is not afraid of her bloodsucking boyfriend Edward (Chris Johnson) even as he takes in the sweet scent of her pussy, licking it up and down the computer screen. Being that high on pleasure, I doubt I’d notice either.
While I definitely got into Edward and Bella goin’ to town, my favorite scene of the bunch was the third, with Audrey Hollander. What can I say – freckles make me weak at the knees. And this fiery redhead is covered! Taking on two guys at the same time, Hollander shows just how thirsty she is… for cock! Sure, blood is great, but she wasn’t about to pass up those big dicks! And it’s a good thing that the fucking was so damn hot, because this threesome’s presence in the porno is barely explained. Who needs background stories when there is cock to be sucked? Fair enough.
This movie surprisingly had me arguing with myself about details versus hot sex. Which would I rather? After watching the whole porn, I’d have to agree with both sides and say that I appreciate that there are both movies out there… though, it would be fun to really mix them together, wouldn’t it? Either way, I’m sure lots of ladies wouldn’t mind watching Robert Pattinson take his pants off and get busy.
-J.D. Bauchery
