I decided that I wanted to try a little something different today.  In yesterday’s link love, I posted a link to  what a woman is really thinking when she watches porn, which is pretty much exactly what the reviewer was thinking when she watched The Office – A XXX Parody.  I thought that was an awesome idea and realized that I do the exact same thing when I review movies for us.  While I’m watching, I write notes about the porn in a total stream of consciousness way, then go back and read through my thoughts to write the review. 

Well, a lot of funny stuff gets left on the cutting room floor, so I decided to go with it and review a scene and post what first came to my pervy little mind.  Here we go!

The movie:

The Scene:

Scene One, with Wendy Devine and Vincent Vega

Basic Idea (so you know what’s going on):
Tawny Roberts is a real estate agent that’s showing a house to a bunch of people who like to have sex, apparently.

Review:

- Ug. That house is ugggly! I hate when they square off shrubbery like that. What’s the appeal?

- Do real estate agents really wear that much make up?

- Evan Stone, I’m so glad you cut that hair!  It’s still Fabio long here, but at least it makes me feel better to know it’s gone now.

- Um, she isn’t really showing him anything.  Oh wait, they are going to check out the master bedroom.

- Oops, she almost forgot her shirt! How embarrassing! 

- Is her jacket unbuttoned while she’s showing them the house?

- She’s leaving them alone to talk about the house… hmm, wonder how much talking they’ll do.

- This is someone else’s house, and people are fucking all over it? I’d be PISSED if it was mine.

- Does slapping his dick on her tongue actually feel good for him?  or her?

- She’s blowing him to get him to agree that they should buy the house? Hmmm, maybe they should tour it first, then decide…

- It was smart of him to sit in the corner of the couch, better support for his legs.

- What is this music? Is it supposed to be sexy?  Well, it’s not.

- What are they saying? Why do I feel hard of hearing? Is the music to loud? I can’t hear them talking! Wait a sec, this is a BJ scene, why are they talking at all?

- Nice roots, Wendy.

- Time for a ponytail holder maybe.

- I hope his shoes and socks are off, even though this probably should be a little more discreet than it is now.

- His penis is such a different color than his body and she loves licking that frenulum!

- I’m confused, I thought we were gonna see Evan Stone and Tawny Roberts get busy. I mean I’m not complaining, but…

- Holy puffy nipples! They are the same color as her boobs! And her boobs don’t move.  Boob job trifecta?

- Girl must have some crazy thigh muscles to be riding him so fast. He’s not even moving at all.

- and he’s got pretty small balls. His scrotum is so compact!

- Ok, the music is still not helping. It’s like slow jams wannabe porno music… in a porn. Not enough to be ironic though.

- ooh, it’s pretty hot when she gyrates her hips while riding him.

- Weird position transition edit. Then the music just cuts off?? Is that his shirt behind her head?

- Opps, the condom is coming off! It’s nice to see it’s there though.

- Again with the weird edits and the music is back. Why did it turn off in the first place?

- Close up! They are both so tan.

-Hmm, I think that condom might be a little big.

- That’s right, smack her with your dick. That’s doing anything.

- Guess they took the condom off, cause he is cumming all over the place. That’s some pretty good distance! Hope it doesn’t get in her hair… sticky!

- Yay. He says she can have the house. Because you should totally use sex to manipulate your way. FAIL.

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery

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