I got another porno request and this one looked kind of gross so I decided to indulge in “Scary Sex Movie” The cover art is definitely living up to the title but I wonder if the sex does too? Only one way to find out.
Hmm, ok the “Phantasm” background music in the opener, I’m in love. But wait, it’s not in English! Ok, maybe I give my heart away a little too easily. Liberal use of my favorite horror movie theme song just can’t make up for the fact that I can’t follow the plot. And I think this one has a plot, something involving priests and demons and the Vatican! I think. I only understand one word in twenty and the second sex scene involves a completely non priestly or even mildly demonic couple in the woods. A much hotter scene overall with none of the gross face paint and much hotter models overall. Then something horrible comes from the woods!
I’ve seen this horrible thing naked on the cover; things don’t look great for the hot brunette who seems to be alone inside all or a sudden. The look on her face when he cums all over her chest should definitely have been there throughout the oral scene, that was a disgusting mask. Luckily her significant other returns to save her from the single menace (at one point there were three monsters terrorizing her but they disappeared) and the final monster simply allows himself to be kicked out of the house (after trying to eat her brain) and walks away.
Ok, its right about there that I realize this movie probably has more to do with those horrible “Scary Movies” I never watch. Which means it’s a collage of a collage and definitely unlikely to make any sense. Good to know. It’s also destined to leave me cold as I hate “Scary Movie.” Then suddenly there’s a raggedy Andy doll humping a Barbie and I’m confused again and dry as a bone. I no longer have any idea what’s going on, I’m horribly nonplussed with their choice of models and masks and kind of creeped out overall. Basically this movie made little to no sense and the hotness of the sex depended greatly on the hotness of the performers and how obviously fake their performances were in any particular scene.
I’d say if you’re going to have a sexy adult themed Halloween party and wanted something vaguely horror themed and sexy but not terribly good so it won’t be distracting, to play in the background, this is probably the film for you. Otherwise skip it, unless you can speak Spanish and possibly eek out more from the plot than I did.