I’ve been circling around “Nightmare Museum” ever since I saw it come on the site a few months ago. It just looked too awesomely weird for me to pass up and I knew that I’d get around to reviewing it eventually. Today is hereby dubbed “eventually” for the time being!
Right off the bat “Nightmare Museum” didn’t disappoint, within the first few minutes of film as the background story is hastily scrolling on the screen in written text format, I have a complete wtf moment. There is a lot of violence in this movie as what I assume are the “good” guys like to pummel the crap out of their opponents before they hump them nearly to death, there’s also random food smooshing. Oh and let’s not forget the dismembering robot that makes off with the bagel tree (yea I told you it was weird) and I think one woman nocks a guy out by lactating all over him.
The sex scenes, well let’s just say I’ve got to give them lots of credit for trying so hard with dolls that are anatomically lacking. I loved the disembodied legs used to help simulate missionary position. After a few minutes of watching the neutered dolls vibrate epileptically against each other though, I was feeling a little dizzy. But the creators of this film were very thorough and made sure that there were a variety of positions and fantasies simulated. Unfortunately the “lesbian” scene was dismally boring especially after all that frantic gyrating.
In the end I was left asking the screen “seriously?” Somehow watching all those dolls bump plastic uglies for an hour and then seeing most of them die amazingly gruesome deaths (oddly the best part of the movie) left me feeling rather dirty. That’s about as far away from turned on as you can possibly get. Still, if I’d cut out the ‘sex’ and skipped to the death scenes it kind of reminds me of a hundred classic monster and scifi movies. With that in mind I don’t even know if I can recommend it – it was weird, really weird at the best of times, mind-bogglingly bizarre at the worst. So all I can really say, is – what the fuck!?!