The Authentic Lesbian Review: The Candidate

Dana Vespoli is a fucking genius! The last flick I watched from Dana also happened to be a Sweethearts Video title called Lefty that I completely went ape shit over (review here), and following up with The Candidate was exactly what I needed. The plot is beyond captivating, nothing new for my fellow Dana fanatics, the acting is so spot on you once again forget you’re watching a porno, something I really value, and, of course, the sex is great. The Candidate is situated in today’s hostile and terrifyingly politically charged good ole U S of A. Sounds incredibly sexy right!?

Scene 1 – Penny Pax & Casey Calvert

When we open, Democratic Senator Jen Hanlon is in position to be the first woman president of the United States of America, and her ad is playing on TV. From the very beginning you’re going to get this parody because Dana wastes no time setting up parallels. Senator Hanlon can’t help but remind one of Hillary Clinton with the sexy swag that only Brandi Love can bring, but before you even see her the message is going to sound very familiar. “The usual liberal bullshit”, which we’re reminded of by Republican Senator Trip Mathis (played by the convincing Alec Knight), as he so gently puts it before rambling about some clip of him shaking an oriental’s hand missing from his own ad. Right away he’s annoying as fuck (his name is Trip for crying out loud!). Well done Mr. Knight!

Also right away, we get a sort of stick-it-to-the-douche-homophobe-Republican-know-it-all-white-dude moment when it becomes obvious that Senator Mathis’ daughter, Penny Pax (yes, her beautiful breasts are also here!) is a lesbian fucking her best friend, Casey Calvert, right under his nose in his own house (reminds me of some fun times). Casey mentions Senator Hanlon’s new and highly effective campaign ad and the two briefly discuss Penny’s pop before clearing their heads and doing the nasty. I haven’t seen Pax’s big bouncy boobs in a while, so when the pair began taking their clothes off I couldn’t wait. I was so anxious that I seriously think my favorite part of the entire scene was when Casey put both of Penny’s tits in her mouth, a challenge I more than welcome, and gave a quick motor boat. I flipped! I really, really like Penny’s boobs…

Anyway, the sex throughout the scene was pretty basic as far as positions go. Casey started off by fondling Penny for a while before eating her asshole out and fingering her to god knows how many orgasms. It’s Penny’s turn, and she flips Casey over returning the favor with a really sloppy head job that is sure to turn on, and a little dirty talk. They 69 which briefly turns into Penny sitting on Casey’s face because the tongue game is that strong, and at one point I thought she was going to have to jump down, but she rode Casey’s face all the way to the bank and cashed in with a huge thank you in the form of fingers and lips. It was crazy hot for a first scene.

Scene 2 – Brandi Love & Julia Ann

Finally we get to meet Senator Hanlon. She’s being interviewed by Dana Vespoli about her recent heroic act where she ran into a burning school building and saved a bunch of kids from horrible fire death. Turns out her instincts just kicked in and her years of volunteer fire work under her fire chief dad more than paid off. Not only did she save lives, but the publicity she’s getting is right on time and to top things off she gets to go home and sleep with Julia Ann…Julia fucking Ann! Have you ever seen Brandi Love and Julia Ann in the same room together, let alone kissing and touching all over each other!? It’s better than paradise and it’s happening! I mean, look at them up there. You can’t tell me that isn’t a sexy overload. The only thing that threw me slightly off was Julia literally rolling into the room in a wheelchair. Dana, the subtleties are not lost on me! Mostly though I wanted to see if Julia would be able to stay in character with Brandi undressing and sucking on every inch of her body. Getting her on the bed was the toughest challenge I saw in the near future, and my dreams of watching it go down were cut short by editing. I get it though…

What I didn’t expect was the level of sensitivity the wheelchair introduced into the scene. Senator Hanlon loves and respects her partner and it’s obvious in the extra care she demonstrates while undressing and caressing her. It’s also apparent through their words. In-between kissing we learn that the two gorgeous women have been together for quite some time and the passion is still incredibly strong in their relationship. There are millions of ways to introduce sensitivity into a movie scene, especially a lesbian plot-based scene, but the wheelchair was different, creative, and effective. As Brandi gently kisses down Julia’s body it’s easy to get lost in this fake-relationship (see what I did there) and forget this isn’t just a love scene in a made-for-TV flick. I always appreciate when a porno takes me out of the normal porno element and makes me forget where I am, and Dana is great at it. The chemistry really makes this scene and watching it was just as fun.

Both of these experienced women know their way around the female body and they’re comfortable in theirs so the sex is going to be exactly what you’ve come to expect from a Sweethearts title. Brandi is super focused on pleasing Julia, paying attention to every little detail, ensuring she hit all the right spots at just the right moment. Since Julia’s legs don’t work, it kind of forces the pair into moments of scissoring that will force you over the edge. The position is pretty sexy itself, throw these two moaning, making sexy time faces, bumping clits with juices running down every which way into the mix and yeah, it’s a good time! There was a slightly awkward mostly chuckle-worthy part where Julia wants to taste the Senator so Brandi kind of rolls her over and she flaps on her stomach. It made me smile.

After all the lovemaking is over shit gets real, typical for a Dana Vespoli flick, with Julia letting the Senator know she thinks it’s time to come out of the closet and there’s no better place to do it than the LGBTQ rally she’s due to speak at. Possible future prez brings up a good point though. Yeah, while it does seem disingenuous to speak at the rally and not come out as a lesbian, she’s been in the public eye for a really long time without revealing that part of her identity and it could be seen as an attention grab. Plus, she’s a woman running for president! We already know how hard that is and that people will still rather see a crazy too-damn-tan-for-his-own-good man with no political background over an experienced and qualified woman, but hey, I just write about porn…

Scene 3 – Brandi Love & Bree Daniels & Uma Jolie

Meanwhile back at the rich boys club, Senator Mathis sends his campaign manager on a hunt for dirt on his competition, and man is it good dirt! Senator Hanlon made a sex tape back in college with two of her sorority sisters and the shit is out! After locating and securely hiding my college tape fun times (I plan to run as Kanye’s VP next go round – anyone can win right?) I was back to being glued to the screen. Senator tight-ass is stressed all the way out while Trip, who I’m waiting on to trip over something at some point in this movie, loves every minute of watching it. It’s a damn good threesome to say the least! Bree Daniels and Uma Jolie are hot as fuck and make the perfect DTF sorority sisters for a young freaky Senator Hanlon.

I love how the sex starts instantly in this scene. Before you know it Bree Daniels’ sexy redhead ass is sitting on Brandi’s face while Uma sucks her off. I always preach of balance is key in threesomes (and life) and without it the experience doesn’t come across as fun and exciting. You don’t have to worry about that this time around. Every woman in this scene is sucked, fucked, fingered, fondled, kissed, and licked to the point of no return and back again. I think Uma got it the best while in the pile-driver position with Bree fingering her pussy non-stop and Brandi working steadily on her clit. By the end of it all I think I was more exhausted than they were…

Scene 4 – Karlie Montana

Senator Hanlon neither confirms nor denies she’s on the sex tape (we all know what that means) but stands firm on her stance about slut shaming and attempts to divert everyone away from consensual adults fucking on tape to matters of poverty and the education system, you know, shit that matters. She even gives the press a “good day” at the end of her speech. Senator Mathis is still eating this up while giving his take on the sex tape, while Hanlon is explaining things to her wifey boo and trying to figure out how to clean up her image.

In what I’m considering a celebratory move, Senator Mathis calls over a friend who I’d put at least 50 bucks on as an escort (rich man’s prostitute) and has himself a nice glass of liquor while watching her masturbate. Solo scenes fascinate me for a variety of reasons but I found myself more than the usual turned on during this one. The music is sexy, Karlie Montana is hot as fuck, the lingerie is even spot on; this scene just sets the perfect mood. Watching Karlie strip-tease and grind her body up against the bed could have lasted for hours as far as I’m concerned. The heels were a little dangerous in my opinion, but still, great scene and great scene placement. That Vespoli is really something man.

Scene 5 – Kira Noir & Lyra Louvel

Holy shit! I haven’t even dried my fingers when in walks Senator Mathis’ daughter to see Senator Hanlon and my jaw hit the floor. I don’t trust it. Either her pop put her up to something or he’s about to get fucked over major by his blood. Turns out Penny agrees that what her father is up to as far as dragging Hanlon through the mud is wrong, and wanted to come to apologize for his actions. She also reveals she’s a lesbian, a Democrat, and voting for the opposition. Trip is in world war 3 and doesn’t even know it! I almost feel bad for the guy. That conversation ends rather pleasantly and I feel pretty confident Penny will figure out the right time and place to talk to her father, if she ever gets home safely. Just as I thought shit seemed to be getting sketchy, Penny is snatched up and turns up dead the next morning. Dana always know how to keep that mood going…

Now Trip is all fucked up, and I’m all fucked up, and the mood is all fucked up. Plus Penny Pax fake-dead is not a fun thing to see. Dana brings it back to focus by letting this story take us into our 5th and final scene featuring my favorite at the moment, Kira Noir, and the lovely Lyra Louvel. Poor Senator Trip is trying to drown his sorrows in alcohol and lady juices, so he invites these two sex divas over to get it on while he watches (does Dana think Trump can’t get it up and that’s why he’s obsessed with beauty and what can be seen, or is that just me?). Again, we’re right into the sex of it all, but not long before the action starts, Senator Mathis gets up and leaves. I get it. I know I’m watching a porno and sex is the main objective here but something about this scene just felt too soon. I know nobody really died, but you get pulled into the story so deeply that help but feel the plot.

Being the professional I am, I pushed through the hard times and found myself incredibly turned on by Kira and Lyra as well as the dark contrasted theme of the scene. Lyra goes down on Kira first, making her squirm and moan, then the favor is returned and Lyra’s bush was cool to see. Everybody is always so manicured these days. Anyway, they trade clit-jobs for a while before scissoring to multiple orgasms (I swear Kira was fucking Lyra no strap necessary at one point!), but my favorite part was (and usually always is) when the hitachi was pulled out. That thing is powerful, and watching women having orgasm after orgasm with their bodies shaking completely out of control is beyond intoxicating, especially when the women are this hot. Even their moans were enough to push me over the edge. The sex was light and playful in this scene and I’m happy I stuck around for it. At one point Lyra is teasing Kira and Kira responds with a huge laugh “you fucking bitch…” Now that’s when you know you’re having a good time and doing it the right way. I wonder if they even noticed Trip bounced way earlier…

So dig this crazy ass drama going on… Senator Mathis’ own campaign manager killed his daughter. He knew the Senator’s daughter was gay and followed her to Senator Hanlon’s hotel room. He probably thought they fucked and wanted to talk to her in an attempt to protect the Senator. Seeing him behind bars was gratifying but I wish somebody punched him in the face before all was said and done. To keep things moving, Hanlon won the election, Mathis congratulated her on inauguration day, and they even had a heart-to-heart about her last conversation with his daughter. My only beef was the way Hanlon came out during her acceptance speech. Something about it felt sneaky to me, like she couldn’t do it unless she was already elected and they couldn’t take it back. That’s more like a personal problem than an actual critique, but it stuck with me during her final words. Don’t you love with a porno makes you think!?

The Candidate is another classic Dana Vespoli and Sweetheart Video can add to their vault of hits. The story is rooted in real life and completely captivating, and the acting drives the whole thing. I was so intrigued by the acting in fact that I reached out to Brandi Love for a quote on what it was like playing a Democrat when she’s so openly and publicly conservative, to which she replied via Twitter “I LOVED the part! Reminded me that there are a number of issues where I’m comfortably left of center.” And it left me with a feeling of hope people. That’s right, porn gave me hope! At the end of the day, it’s up to us regular everyday citizens to let the government know how we feel, and Brandi Love’s acting and role in this movie reminded me that the only responsible way to do that is issue by issue. Alright, I’ll stop preaching, but real shit, check out The Candidate, follow me on Twitter @authenticlezz1, and let me know what you think of porn, politics and Penny’s precious boobs! You stay classy, horny people.

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