Last week I decided to switch things up a bit and review a porn scene a little differently - in a total stream of consciousness way.  So much of the notes I write when I review movies gets dopped to the cutting room floor… or repurposed into full sentences for the review you see.  So I figured it was those thoughts’ turn to shine. I ended up really liking the results of my experiment and I’m thinking of making it a weekly post. 

Comment and let me know what you think. 

Ok, let’s get to it!

This week’s movie:

The Scene:

Scene 2 with Nikki Rhodes and Louisa Lanewood

Basic Idea (so you know what’s going on):
No Plot.  Just two girls fucking out of the blue.

The Review:

- This looks like it’s gonna be a hot scene!

- Whoa green eye shadow! Nikki Rhodes thinks she’s trying to be sexy making that pouty face, but really it looks like something is wrong with her eye.

- Oooh, I like her tattoo though! Reminds me a little of that girl that is suing the artist that tattooed 56 stars on her face, saying that she only wanted three stars and she fell asleep. Whatever lady, you don’t sleep through a cheekbone tattoo. I just don’t think that’s possible. Anyway, back to the movie…

- Mmm, that is a pretty hot ass. I’d totally wanna grab it too!

- Oooh, do some of her star tattoos have blue in them? Love it!

-I don’t know how I feel about soft focus transitions… seems a little cheesy

- Painted fingernails + pussy = hot!

- Fire crotch!

- Oh Louisa Lanewood… garters are super sexy. Pairing with a denim “situation” does not work. Especially not a jumper of sorts.

- I do kind of like her fake eyelashes though.

- Sucking your finger is so ‘80s hair metal video. I actually wish Warrant was playing in the background… “She’s my cherry pie…”

- Both their lipstick shades are so ugly. It’s pretty distracting. I start cringing at that and I forgot that they naked. That’s a sad state of affairs. Really sad.

- I’m not feeling this weird over exposure and color thing. And the fuzzy transitions are still annoying me.

- Mmm, I like that the music stopped and you can hear them kissing. And I LOVE that you can hear the buttons on her dress snap open. So hot!

- Flicking her nipple with your tongue is always a good idea.

- I love that they both have real boobs.  I’m not so impressed by fake tits.

- Their hands overlapping on her boobs is pretty awesome and definitely accentuated by their contrasting polished fingernails – black on Nikki and white on Louisa. Weird that I am mentioning nail polish twice in this review already. How high femme of me!

- And I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned Rhodes’ choker yet. Dear 1992, please keep your stupid accessory and never let it resurface. That goes for the scrunchie too. Thank god I haven’t seen one here yet. Ew.

- I do love a good butt grab.

- Is it wrong that I’m watching Louisa suck on Nikki’s tits and all I can think about is now much I like Nikki’s hair? It’s so pretty!

- 10 minutes into the scene and we are just getting to the pussy!

-Wow, Lanewood’s pubic hair is a perfect triangle! You need a protractor to get precision like that. Well done!

- Finger bang! I always forget how much I like the phrase “finger bang” until a bust it out. I hope it will show up in more of my reviews…

- Nikki is showing Louisa’s vag so much love. She’s really going to town on it!

- That is one nice round ass, Louisa!

- Switch!

- Nikki’s bright red pubic hair is such a difference from the dark or totally missing hair that I usually see. What a nice change of pace! I like that her tattoo trails into it.

- Louisa, once you start licking her clit, don’t stop to start sucking at her thigh! Don’t stop at all!

- The high pitched little “porno moan” is super distracting to me. She sounds like a squeaky mouse. That could be just her though…

- There is just something about this that just doesn’t ring true to me. Like Louisa isn’t licking enough, or hard enough, to elicit this reaction. Maybe I’m wrong, but it doesn’t seem like she’s even doing that much.

- At least all the kissing and pussy licking has smeared off that terrible lipstick! Win-Win!

- Ooohh, Nikki’s using both hands… “now use both hands…oh, no don’t close your eyes” Alright, I’ll stop with the lyrics. And Ani DiFranco, jeez! What an über lez moment right there for me. Back to the fucking!

- Haha, she sure is giving her the finger! Fuck you Louisa… literally! Hmm, is that where that came from?

- Those purple heels are hot! I wish we saw more of them for sure!

- And it’s over. Not as hot as I thought it would be, but still pretty decent. Thanks for the memories, ladies.

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery

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