For the last few weeks I’ve been doing stream of consciousness movie reviews that include all the weird comments I usually write down when I review and drop by the time the post is ready to publish for all to see. Last Thursday I asked you guys if it was something you thought should be a weekly addition to the site, and while I only got a few answers back, they were positive and excited about the quirky review style. So welcome to our new “Inside the Brain of a Porn Reviewer” Thursday post!
Let the fun begin!
This week’s movie:
Marilyn Chambers’ Naughty Fairy Tales
The Scene:
Scene 4
Basic Idea (so you know what’s going on):
Naughty fairy tales! This scene is Cinderella, which is awesome because it’s a great story – plus I don’t have to go into all the details of the plot, because you porobably already know it! Woohoo!
- Marilyn Chambers hosts – sigh, it’s sad she’s dead. Love that fancy night gown though.
- Ok, so it’s a modified Cinderella – Cindy and her bitchy roommates.
- Ew, why are they throwing food all around the kitchen? Gross.
- Oh, they get ‘away with murder’ because they are so hot and sexy? Ha, right. I love the one’s super ‘90s hair and dark lipstick.
- I love that making a mess means dumping snack foods all over the kitchen island. Ha!
- Ha, the narrator (Chambers) asks what makes them so special! My question exactly.
- Cindy’s hair actually looks really cute in that bandana. She’s got cute curls.
- Cue up the “sexy” Kenny G tunes. Yikes.
- Haha “They say the right clothes make the man. And the right clothes can make a man… cum.” Love it!
- Holy stripper heels and seriously small daisy dukes!
- Damn, that sweatshirt hid those huge boobs!
- Maybe it’s just the camera, but her nipples are the same color as her boobs. And it looks like she has a way faded arm band tattoo… which reminds me to buy sunscreen to protect my own tattoos from that fate.
- That pair of sting panties seems like a lot of work to put on. And a matchy matchy bra! Wait a sec… that looks more like a bikini than any underwear I’ve ever seen…
- And it’s way too small for her big boobs. They are spilling out everywhere… ummm, why am I complaining? Continue your exploration Cindy!
- Wow, that dress is burgundy velvet. So, so ‘90s! Ug, pairing it with bright red stripper heels does neither help, nor match.
- Oh. My. God. The transformation sequence is awesome! Flickering green smoke and camera effects galore! That magic of sexy high heels really came through for old Cindy!
- Oooh, that transformation worked! Girl looks hot! I really like her hair – all those loose curls.
- Ok, so now she’s the roommate’s mistress? She even has a flogger! Make that bed ladies… or else!
- Nice, she makes Kelly and Krissy (the roomies) get busy with each other! Thongs off, ladies!
- “Amazing what the right pair of high heels can do for a women. They helped turn a pair of heels into a pair of lovers.” Ha, I love a good pun! Thanks Marilyn!
- That girl has a really long tongue! Damn!
- Ooh, I wish that girl was strapped into a harness and dildo – It would be so hot as she is grinding against the other’s ass.
- Nice, Cindy joins in! Three blondes… it’s more Goldilocks than Cinderella!
- Keyboard medleys and porn just don’t go together. Sorry guys.
- Ew, there is nothing sanitary about licking a beat up stripper heel.
- Their threeway kissing is pretty hot, I will admit.
- What’s with the smoke though? Oh, wait, it’s because they are taking off her magic heels. Transformation time. Oh… I guess not.
- Waiiiit… that’s it? All we got was a little boob action and a few kisses? Disappointing! Oh well. At least it was pretty hot.
xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery
