Today is Friday and we know that no one is interested in reading a whole bunch of words all the way through, especially since it is beautiful outside, but because today is Friday the 13th, we knew we had to rock out a little themed porno. Instead of writing up our regular review, we thought it might be a little fun to try a bullet list with reasons why you should watch this movie. Here goes nothin’!
- The music is some weird mix between a Dracula ballad and elevator music, which is nothing if not totally depressing and bizarre. And it’s playing while two women are stripping out of school uniforms, which I associate with joy and happiness.
- The storyteller is in some random room with lots of animal heads on the walls. You don’t see many animal heads in porn these days. And there is some sort of animal horn chair.
- Dueling enemas. That is all.
- Czech is a beautiful language that’s warmth and caring is conveyed almost as well as the German language is.
- The uniforms they are in are weird, but cute, in a sailor-ish kind of way.
- The more I watch, the more I wish for subtitles. It seems like a interesting story.
- If you are going to spank someone while sitting in a chair, try to get a chair that’s sturdy, and not one that looks like it’s going to break into little bits as you swat.
- Making someone hold a cane between their butt cheeks is a totally sadistic (and awesomely kinky) punishment.
- Canes leave the most intense welts on an ass and thighs. Woah.
- I have no idea what those ladies have up their butts in the end. Possibly bananas??
- Those Czechs are crazy pornographers.
Happy Friday the 13th, y’all!
Watch “Friday The 13th” now!