Hi everyone Gina Liquor here, you’re newest columnist. Let’s start this off on a safe note! Spicing it up keeping it Safe.
Been in a relationship for a while? Trust your partner but want to try something a little more exciting than your usual routine? Everyone likes to spice things up once in a while, a key factor to exploring new boundaries while staying comfortable is communicating a safe word! I know, I know, you aren’t into all that hardcore tie me up and smack me around stuff, but any couple delving into unfamiliar sexual territory for the first time should have one. I believe every couple should have a safe word in general, regardless of their sexual preferences, a safe word guarantees that there is NO confusion and that neither party takes things to far.
Sexual experimentation with your partner should always feel fun and secure. Say you are roll playing for the first time and your partner starts acting like your annoying coworker, that is a quick way to kill the mood, but a safe word lets your partner know that you don’t like the direction things are heading and they should stop immediately so you can fix the problem.
Another great reason to have a safe word is that you and your partner both will feel more comfortable opening up and trying new things without the worry of having to finish an act you are uncomfortable with. Discussing your safe word will also help you both open up to talk about other desires by providing the opportunity to express personal fantasies or new positions you would like to try but may have been hesitant to mention.
When choosing your safe word you should take both of your typical bedroom language into consideration, also any situation in which you are role playing, the dialog you would typically use. Something like “YES!” or “Ouch” would for example not be the wisest choices. You should also be careful of words that can be misunderstood in the moment like organism or coral, they may hear orgasm and oral. I would also suggest staying away from words with a lot of syllables like antidisestablishmentarianism or supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, while they may sound cute or definately not something I normally whisper in my lovers ear, when you are out of breath and your partner is caught up in the moment that’s a lot to get out when you need an immediate stop.
I suggest coming up with something you both don’t enjoy like brussel sprouts, opera, or commercials, something that definitely wouldn’t normally come up during sex and would instantly register as a negative in both of your minds. Personally I use the color system. Red- stop right now, Yellow – you don’t have to stop everything but no more of that, and Green- would be for those moments where they get that sweet questioning look in their eyes wondering if you are OK but not asking to avoid ruining the moment.
Picking out a safe word is a great way to open up lines of communication between you and get those kinky juices flowing! For a great movie to give you some inspiration on ways to try out your new safe word you should defiantly check out Shades of Kink with Evan Stone! Just remember a safe word is to make things more comfortable, and enjoyable don’t over think it and have fun!